Data-Driven Daoist

The grey-haired man was between them in an instant.

“Junior Feral Spot, look at what has happened to you!” He crouched down and held the hissing worm up with a clothe-covered palm. “Time and time again, you’ve been warned not to steal from the medicine fields!”

He looked middle-aged, maybe late forties, with brown eyes under thin brows that squinted at the earthworm’s maw. His sleeves were ripped off, revealing arms rippling with muscle, much like Duan Xiaolong’s.

A slight pressure extended from the man, and Yu Han held his breath. The worm wiggled, as if trying to escape the man’s grasp, but he held it tight. After a while, he dropped the worm.

“You nearly died, Junior Feral Spot. Your insides are filled with Blue-vein Underspore roots. You’re lucky you could escape above ground when it sprouted within you. Otherwise, you’d just be fertiliser now.”

The worm hissed once. The man looked confused, then angry again. “Whatever you’re trying to say, this time, we at the Alchemy Hall won’t listen to any excuses! We’ll have a word with your patriarch, and then let’s see how you can be so wilful.”

The man stood up. He scanned all those present, including the donkey.

The worm hissed, then pointed at the bag with the fruiting bodies using its tail.

The man reached out, and the hemp bag floated to him.

He’s at least in the same realm as Duan Xiaolong and Qiao Jinhai. Yu Han had already guessed the man was higher up, judging by the way Senior Wen and Huang Niuniu were acting. The man opened the bag, then whistled. He pulled out five fruiting bodies.

“Five Lanterns of the Blue-Veined Underspores. Junior Feral Spot, you’ve really blessed the Sect this time.”

The worm hissed and wiggled.

“But if you think you can pay back the debt of a Profound-grade Lantern with five Elite-grade ones, you’re sorely mistaken!” the man barked.

The worm hissed back. It was slapped twice by the man and collapsed on the floor. He opened the other hemp bag containing the fungal webs and nodded.

“Disciple Wen.”

“Yes, Elder Chang?” the disciple said.

“Did you know about this beforehand?”

Wen Liujie looked wronged as he said, “How can that be? I was with you when Junior Huang showed up.”

“You’ve consorted with Junior Feral Spot before in your little gambles. How can I know you didn’t plan this with the stupid worm?”

“Elder Chang, you may question Worm Daoist Feral Spot’s integrity, but not mine. My body and soul belong to the Night Alchemists, while the Worm Daoist isn’t even an employee. How can we compare?”

Elder Chang tugged at his goatee. “You speak sense.”

So the worm is a Daoist? It had been referred to as ”Junior” by Elder Chang too. What the heck was its identity?

Yu Han snapped out of his musings when Elder Chang turned his gaze on him. His eyes passed over Li Yao and Fang Zhao.

“You two aren’t part of the Night Alchemists.”

“I’m Li Yao, respected Elder. I work at the butchery,” the boy said. His words were eloquent, but the intonation was that of a slumrat.

“This one is Fang Zhao. I worked as a porter.” Fang Zhao bowed.

Elder Chang questioned Yu Han next. “You’re Yu Han? The new hire alongside this Huang girl?”

Yu Han nodded. Before he could reply, Elder Chang said, “Explain what happened. Don’t miss anything.”

“This Yu Han will follow Elder Chang’s orders. Today, Niu’er and I planned to recruit fellow disciples for a Hidden Realm excursion—”

“Ho, and Wen allowed it?”

Wen Liujie looked mighty pissed off as he glared at Yu Han and Huang Niuniu.

“We hadn’t consulted him.” Yu Han ignored the seething Senior Disciple. “We were still in the planning phase. We asked Li Yao and Fang Zhao to join us and hoped to test their skills against Filth Eating Ghouls. After all, the papers said nothing about allowing fellow disciples to help out with the duty.”

The author’s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“Certainly, that’s true. Most would rather not, as Pure Qi is a valuable resource—not to mention the cores. Continue,” Elder Chang urged.

Yu Han narrated the events up to descending into the cesspool faithfully. After that, he continued with the story the five of them—including Worm Daoist Feral Spot—had agreed on along the way.

Five fruits, instead of more than a hundred. Definitely no mention of Fang Zhao’s storage ring, either.

“—and then Niu’er went to call Senior Wen,” Yu Han finished.

“The ghouls must have eaten a number of lanterns. What a supreme waste of treasure!” Elder Chang squeezed the worm’s head underfoot as it kept hissing. “If you’re going to use your body as nutrients for the herb, then at least protect the harvest, you incompetent fool!”

The worm hissed.

“Disciple Wen.”

“Take Junior Feral Spot to the spirit compost pit. No medicine. Let him purge the Blue-veined Underspores by himself. His clan seniors will pick him up to hand out punishment.”

Senior Wen cupped his hands. He coiled the weakened worm like a pile of robes, then lifted it like a sack. The worm hissed, making threatening tail gestures at Elder Chang.

“Stupid, spineless creature. It’s going to cause a calamity one of these days,” Elder Chang said. “I’ll be taking these lanterns and the Blue-Veined Underspore roots. Saving a Foundation Establishment Realm Spirit Beast is no light matter, even if by accident, so you all would normally receive a hefty some of contribution points. But the Gorge-Crawling Earthworm Tribe will want to keep Junior Feral Spot’s mess-up a secret. They will reward you for your contributions separately. Worry not, for I’ll make sure that the rewards you receive are greater than what the contribution points would have offered. Am I clear?”

They all nodded.

Yu Han blinked, and suddenly, Elder Chang was two steps away from him.

“You don’t understand,” Elder Chang said. “The Lanterns of the Blue-Veined Underspores are potent healing treasures. They can be made into pills and elixirs to train Vitality, and even potions to regenerate Lifeforce fast. If the Law Enforcement Hall judges that I have coerced you into handing something so valuable over, that will be bad for both of us. You will hand this over willingly. Am. I. Clear?”

This time, Yu Han nodded with gusto.

“Good.” The Elder’s gaze softened. “I’ll send over an elixir and a potion for each of you after refining these. Moreover, a Hidden Realm excursion, was it? Not bad to have ambition, but be careful that you don’t end up dead in a ruin. The Sect Master’s reforms are a long way from being finished, and rot still stains the Sect underbellies even now. I’ll tell Wen to only approve level-appropriate missions for you, but in return, you’ll have higher clearance at the Night Alchemists’ internal resources. Such as borrowing equipment for the excursion. If the others are dissatisfied, tell them that it’s the reward for covering up Junior Feral Spot’s mischief. They’ll understand. But do you?”

“Understood loud and clear!” Yu Han said. He had the urge to salute.

“For now, clean up. Rest. Wen will give you appropriate medicine. Especially you, Fang Boy, otherwise that infection is going to claim your life. Finally, you, Huang Girl—” the Elder pointed at Huang Niuniu.

She jumped to her feet and stood as straight as a pole. “Y-Yes.”

“Next time, plan your relief stops better, lest you answer nature’s call in another Elder’s presence so abruptly. I may be understanding, but others won’t take such blatant disregard for prestige lightly.”

She did what?

“This one understands. Thank you for your teaching.” The girl repeatedly bowed.

Elder Chang gave some words of encouragement to Yu Han and the other two, then left.

“You peed in public?” Yu Han felt light-headed.

“It’s not my fault!” Huang Niuniu protested. “I’d been holding it in for so long. When I went into the main hall, Elder Chang suddenly released this overwhelming aura like he was going to punch me. I just had a little accident.”

“Did you knock before entering?” Yu Han asked.

“We were in a hurry!” Huang Niuniu was still defensive.

“Jesus,” Yu Han cried. His legs were too weak, and he sat down.

“Let’s go to the hot springs.” Huang Niuniu tried to pull him up. “I-I have to clean up quickly.”

“Give me five minutes.” Yu Han fell flat on his back. He wanted to sleep.

***

They took antibiotics that glowed—or that was the most apt comparison Yu Han could make. Wen Liujie tried to convince both Fang Zhao and Li Yao to quit their current jobs and join the Night Alchemists. Apparently, they had a natural talent for shovelling poop.

“Trust me, I have an eye for this.”

Fang Zhao looked uncertain, but Li Yao flatly refused. They all washed up first with well water and then spent an hour in the hot springs. There were five monkeys tonight. Each species enjoyed the spring without bothering the others.

They discussed how to distribute the loot again, just to hammer out the details. Yu Han was insistent that such allocations must be written in ink or blood to stop future discord.

Finally, Fang Zhao and Li Yao left, clutching an assortment of healing salves and antibiotic-like pills. Li Yao would walk Fang Zhao to his hut, making sure he didn’t collapse from fever halfway. They’d meet again the next morning.

Huang Niuniu went to see Feral Spot at the spiritual compost pit, and Yu Han was left alone with a pacing Wen Liujie.

“It’s utter foolishness to go there with only a month of training. Do you think the Hidden Realm is a joke? Every year, dozens of disciples lose their lives there! Monstrous and Primal Beasts aside, the ruins are full of traps, and the environment is hostile enough to kill on its own. Yet you want to leave the cosy job of being a Night Alchemist to gamble on chancing upon treasure?”

How the hell is shovelling poop cosy, you corporate slave? Yu Han coughed. “We merely wish to explore the safest areas and see if we can hunt some monsters for extra cores and Pure Qi. We have no wish to explore ruins.”

“That has to be a lie. If it is, I’ll fire you.”

“Nice!”

“This isn’t the time for jokes, Junior Brother Yu,” Wen Liujie said. “Are you still Initial Step Mastery Level 1 in your Martial Arts?”

Yu Han nodded.

“Do you have a lightness skill, at least?”

“Does it look like I have one?” Yu Han said, displeased.

“Lightness skills are Martial Arts too. They don’t only depend on your physical capabilities, but how the Dao enhances them,” Wen Liujie said. “You don’t even know this, but want to go hunting monsters! How foolish can you be?”

Yu Han didn’t mind the nagging. He took the chance to ask a question. “Senior Wen, what exactly are Martial Arts?”