What Do You Mean I'm The Captain Of A Yandere Mercenary Company?

”Amber… Don’t get yourself dead drunk again,” I warned as she ordered her fifth beer.

She giggled, ”It’s fiiiiiine~ Don’t you think their beer tastshhhee good?”

While she wasn’t completely smashed yet, she was most definitely getting there.

But I do have to agree with her on one thing though, the beer they are serving here actually tastes pretty good.

Looking at how packed the place was, I’d say that most people around here also agree.

Heck, I didn’t notice this before but there’s actually two bar counters with the other one more packed with patrons and staff than the one we were at.

When I asked the owner why, he told me that the counter we were at was reserved for Mercenaries registered with the Guild while the rest of the bar was open to the public.

Seems like he at least thought about the Mercs at least.

I turned to the bar owner cum guild staff and raised my mug of beer, ”How did you even make something like this?”

He shrugged, ”Hey, when you’re sent to a Guild branch where there’s barely any people coming in, you start looking for things to pass the time. Mine just so happened to be figuring out how to brew better tasting beer.”

That caught my attention, ”Don’t suppose you have some food to go along with this drink?”

”Sure, take your pick.”

A holographic screen appeared in front of me and I perused the list.

And…

”It’s all just synthfood?” I asked.

He raised an eyebrow, ”What were you expecting? I’m not some high class restaurant that can afford to serve organic food much less attract the clientele that can also afford that.”

”Well… Are they tasty at least?”

”Hmph! Of course they are! I prepare them myself! They’re definitely better than some slop you can find at a roadside bar!”

Hmm… Maybe he actually makes it differently?

Whatever, let’s just try some.

”I’ll take some synthfries and some synthchicken bites then.”

”Coming right up.”

He tapped a few buttons below the counter and I went back to enjoying my drink with my companions.

But when I turned back to Amber, she was giving me a complicated face like she had witnessed someone making a rather bad mistake.

I didn’t get to ask her what she was making that face for because she turned to the bar owner before I could.

”Hey… Could you give us an empty bucket?”

The guy raised an eyebrow at her, ”You feeling sick? Sick room’s over there. Make sure you aim well or you’ll be cleaning up after yourself.”

”No, not for me. Just… Give us an empty bucket will you? Unless you want your floor to be dirtied.”

…

Ok, I know exactly why Amber was asking him for a bucket but come on… It can’t be that bad right?

I mean… The guy managed to make beer that tastes this good so his synthfood should at least be passable, right?

He said so himself that he had a lot of free time to practise so maybe he managed to make his synthfood taste good too?

Look, Lea’s also giving you the same confused look too! She.. Oh wait, she never saw how I reacted upon eating that synthfood did she? So she doesn’t know…

Oh well… I’m still willing to try at least.

The bar owner still had a look of doubt on his face but reached below to place a n empty metal bucket on the counter as per her request. Amber did not move to touch it and left it at where it was.

I was wondering whether she meant for me to take it when a drone flew towards us with two plates and deposited them in between us.

I looked at the plates that were filled with the food I ordered.

Ok… They look like what I ordered and… Err… Smell roughly the same I guess?

Let’s see what they taste like.

I picked up one of the fries with my hand and brought it to my lips, tossing the entire thing into my mouth before biting down on it.

The taste of the food flooded my mouth and…

I grabbed the bucket that had been left on the counter and hurled the contents of my mouth into it.

I gagged and I felt my innards grumble in protest of almost having needed to digest something as foul as what I placed in my mouth and bile quickly rose up to fill my mouth as if wanting to wash the taste of such a vile thing out.

I vomited into the bucket but the taste of that disgusting thing was still present and I gagged again.

”Bleeeuuurrghhhh!” I vomited elegantly, dumping the contents of my vomit into the bucket.

Amber stroked my back slowly while I tried my best to keep the disgusting taste of that thing out of my mind lest I vomited again.

”There, there. Wash it down with this, Tera.”

She handed me my beer and I quickly took a swig of it, the taste of the alcohol overpowering the filth in my mouth for a moment and granting me some reprieve.

Unfortunately, that was not enough as I could still taste it the moment I swallowed the alcohol, prompting me to vomit the alcohol I just swallowed into the bucket as well.

At least that helped by washing away the taste a second time and dulling it.

”Ugghhh… This sucks…” I groaned, feeling absolute regret at even putting that thing in my mouth.

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While I was hunched over the bucket, I saw Lea reach over and took one of the fries in her hands as well.

I didn’t really trust myself to speak without throwing up again so I couldn’t warn her before she placed it into her mouth.

She seemed to be bracing herself for something when she chewed it but aside from furrowed brows, she did not react much to it.

The bar owner frowned, ”Now that’s just rude, don’t you think? There’s easier ways to get free drinks, you know?”

I turned and shot him a look, ”Does it look like I intentionally wanted to throw up half of my stomach just to get some free drinks to you-- Bleeeuuurrghhh…”

Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have talked…

Lea turned to me, ”I understand why Captain might react like this if the food she has always eaten was of the quality that she makes. I have eaten synthfood myself before and never found it to be terrible. But after tasting Captain’s food, I find my own taste buds rejecting this as well, albeit not to the same level as Captain’s.”

The bar owner then turned to Lea, ”What do you mean by that? Is your Captain some noble from the inner colonies or something?”

The Alv shook her head, ”It’s not that… It’s just that the food that she is able to make is light years ahead in terms of taste. Something that food prepared like this could never match.”

Amber giggled, ”Did you know? We went to an actual organic restaurant before and her thoughts on the food was that they were meh? Ahahaha!”

The bar owner scowled, ”Ok, now you’re just pulling my leg. Even I have tasted some organic food before and while I agree that synthfood definitely can’t compare to it, it doesn’t warrant this kind of reaction.”

I grabbed the mug of beer and rinsed my mouth with it again to wash away the taste before turning to him.

”Do you… Ughh… Could you allow me to use your kitchen… For a little while?”

He raised an eyebrow, ”Why? What are you planning to-- No way… You actually intend to cook or something? I don’t have any organic ingredients for you to use though. And you’re just going to toss them into the food processor anyway right? Are you telling me that the way you put them in would change the taste?”

I blinked at him, ”You… Don’t have a stove?”

”What the hell is a stove?”

I turned to Amber and she shrugged, ”I did tell you. Your equipment is something that is pretty specialised that you most likely wouldn’t find in most places. Food’s usually prepared using machines like that around. It’s your place that is the weird one.”

That doesn’t sound comforting… Right now I’m in quite desperate need of something to get rid of the taste that seemed to be caked in my mouth.

Also… I remember that mining station was serving some kind of slop that actually tasted ok.

It was certainly not as delicious as what I’ve been making but it definitely did not result in me throwing up like that.

Heck, I was even fine eating the packaged synthfood, I only found them a little tasteless.

So if I had to guess… It’s these food processors that was the problem that is leading me to throwing up like that…

Whatever, just show me your kitchens! I’ll think of something before I start throwing up again!