Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”To explain to you I’ve tried,

When Agency is denied,

Homicide is Justified.”

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Justified Homicide

Hah! Made one of them rhyme! Yeah, in case it’s not abundantly clear, that Fae shit is still not out of my system. Really glad there’s gonna be like, an editorial review of this thing before it goes to the presses. I mean, I really hope there is. I think I remember Saffron saying something about that. Or me saying something about that. Or Future Me? Except I wouldn’t remember anything she said. Then again, I could be hallucinating. This Fae Field shit is the good shit.

I mean, I think it’s not as bad as it was yesterday? Like, when I tried to pull those tentacles back, I wound up feeling like I’d taken All The Mollies. Which is weird, because right now it’s not so much Ecstasy as it is just some really, really potent weed.

Wait, one of the sections I’m supposed to be writing is literally called Ecstasy. I’m pretty sure Future Me isn’t the Goddess of Mollies. Or any other kinds of drugs. Seriously, I was a lot of things back in the day, but I wasn’t a druggie. I mean, yeah, I smoked weed, but everybody does that. Everybody I knew did that. I drank when I could get my hands on something potable, but that wasn’t all that frequent. Oh, I did edibles. Shit, I made edibles. Took ’em in to school once, gave ’em out to everybody even the teachers. Who doesn’t like brownies?

Oh, shit. Oh, God. I might actually be the Goddess of Drugs.

Daughter, you are not, in fact, a Goddess of Drugs. Sex, violence, and debauchery of various flavors, but not drugs specifically.

Oh, fuck. Thanks, Dad. You’re...

That would be one of your earliest allies. Dionysus, God of Revels, Intoxication, and Divine Madness.

Oh... shit.

If it makes you feel any better, why did you partake of intoxicants in your past life?

Oh, that’s easy. Life was shit. Fancy word is self-medication for depression, PTSD, ADHD, and a shit ton of trauma.

And the people in this world...

Oh. Yeah. I guess I see your point. Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.

I know.

So yesterday Karen escaped with her virtue nominally intact. I mean, I wouldn’t have done anything she didn’t want to do, but I’ve got Saffron and Siobhan and Marie all into me, so I’m guessing I’ve got some kind of mad isekai rizz skillz here. That’s the only thing that explains it, because now that I’m not seeing whatever illusions the curse puts over my senses, I can see that my body has got to be like ninety percent scar tissue. Then again, Keanu said, ’chicks dig scars’. Shit, I’ve been with a couple dudes back in the day who were scarred up pretty bad and it didn’t stop them from scoring. I mean, acne scars, not fighting scars. Okay, there’s the guy with the through and through in his calf, which he let me stick my finger in for services in kind. There’s also the guy who thought you moved the razor sideways after watching too many razor commercials. Looked like he’d tried to give himself a chin strap beard, only by slicing part of his face away.

What? He was funny as shit. Clothing and laughter are mutually incompatible. That’s just science.

Anyway, like I said, still high. Spent all night with Saffron holding my metaphoric leash and keeping my less obedient, stoner minded tentacles from sneaking back across the border to Fae Tijuana. Night seemed kinda short, only not. Like, all at the same time seemed like it went by in an eyeblink, but took forever. Hell, I think I’d be perfectly fine with lying on that field of tentacles leaning against Saffron’s calves forever. By morning I had a couple gripes though. In no particular order, I kinda wanted an ocean view for some reason. Maybe Murder Mitten’s magical ocean smell? Because she stuck with us as well. Pretty much had to or Siobhan would have taken a flying leap off the edge of the tentacle plateau to get herself a face full of wacky Fae weed.

Sitting there in the weird cloudless sky, with the sun shining down on us just enough to warm us from the wind, but not enough to get us sweaty or burn, I had a sudden epiphany. ”Wait, wait, wait.” I stared at Marie and Siobhan in their skimpy wedding dresses. White on white on white on white. Something rang a bell in my brain, an image flashing before my eyes, pale skin, pale hair and overwhelmed Saffron. ”You like blondes. Like, super pale platinum blondes.”

She just smiled indulgently. ”I always wondered if you’d noticed.”

”You mean I, I mean Future Me, never twigged to that before?”

She shrugged. ”Oh, we discussed how I grew up in a society where ’fair’ meant ’beautiful’ and ’good’.”

”It...” Her eyes rolled and I shut up.

”It literally means ’light in coloration’, Goof.” She shook her head and laughed quietly. Trying not to get the other pair’s attention, I guessed. ”As I told you last time I mentioned this, when we spoke about Hilde.”

”Hilde?”

She sighed. ”A young woman you rescued from Norfolk before you conquered the City. I asked that you not adopt her because... I am not that strong.”

”You? You’re the strongest woman I know.” I reached up to touch her face, and she leaned into the caress.

”When I know what is right, and what is wrong, and when my heart and my head agree. But this... this was a case where all that I learned growing up told me it was my just reward to take something.”

”So why didn’t you?” I whispered.

She beamed down at me. ”You. You, love. You showed me that even my own preconceptions had been tainted by the evil that permeates our world. You showed me a better way. And when I wasn’t strong enough to walk it by myself, you were there to carry me.”

I leaned my head against her knee, and she stroked my hair. ”Kinda need you to carry me this time.”

She snickered. ”Oh, I think all you need is a shoulder to lean on.”

”No, Kitten, I mean the whole memory thing.”

She ruffled my hair, then ran her nails across my scalp. I leaned in harder. ”Oh, love. We lean on each other, whenever we need to. And sometimes that means all of us are leaning on the others, and we stagger forward rather than striding.”

”But you still like platinum blondes.”

She grinned down at me. ”I do.”

”Did you point me at those two?”

She shook her head, still grinning. ”No, love. In this I am as innocent as a babe.”

I thought about some of the stuff we’d done since they scooped me up off the shore of Calverton and took me to the Black Dragon. ”Yeah. You and innocent are not exactly things that juxtapose.”

”Unlike you and Siobhan?” I looked up at her. ”Or you and Marie?” I spluttered a little. ”Or, and yes this is my favorite, you and me?”

”More like you and platinum blondes.”

She just smiled serenely down on me. ”I meant what I said, love. Oh, I do love our partners. They bring me joy, and bring me joy yet again when they bring you joy. But you, love. Always you. Heart of my heart, you sing to my Soul. I love you, Tabitha Diaz.”

”I love you, Saffron Aetos.”

She pulled me up to lay across her lap. ”That’s Saffron Aetos-Diaz, love.”

I don’t know why, but that just opened up the floodgates. I wept there in her lap. In her arms. I wept for a moment, for a day, for an eternity. When my eyes cleared, Marie and Siobhan had snuggled up with us as we sat watching the sun dip low behind the Rockies.

Right about then Karen showed up, still wearing her Academy Uniform. ”Imperator?”

”Yes, Senior Cadet Smith?”

”We have an audience with Tallulah Crow, Overlord of Rich Man’s Port, one week from tomorrow, at moonrise.”