Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Is part of Adulting like, not being super greedy about stuff? Like, wanting to turn things down even though you want them? I really hope so, because otherwise my self-destructive poor self issue images are just way out of hand. ’Tell Saffron about it and follow her instructions from now on’ out of hand.

So anyway, part of me is super stoked about having one of Phileo’s Hero slots set aside special just for me. Like, I have no idea how long it’s going to take me to get there, and I don’t think anybody else does either, but it’s like they’re saying ’we’d rather have you ASAP than have somebody else in the meanwhile and wait even one day extra for you’. As I stood there on the stage, after a few moments of ’did not expect that’, my very next thought was, ’holy shit! I’m made of awesomesauce!’. Followed not too long after by, ’oh, shit, did they just snub like two hundred fifty Senior Cadets just to make me feel better?’ Before I even managed to take control of my mouth to say, ’thank you’? I’d already hit the point of ’I should really turn this down, shouldn’t I?’

Fortunately for everyone involved, Saffron’s brain is not only bigger and better than mine, it’s faster when it comes to anything other than fucking shit up. She stepped forward and said, ”on behalf of myself and my wife, who is still recovering from her actions on the Spring Equinox, we are deeply grateful and will in all ways attempt to live up to the trust you’ve placed in us.” I just leaned on my cane, nodded my head, and hoped like hell the Headmaster and Marshall hadn’t pissed off too many Senior Cadets on our behalf. I mean, most of them were in the crowd right now, and cheering just as loud as anybody else, but still, with only five slots open that meant the rest of them all had to be asking ’which of us got held back so those two could get an extra dose of smoke blown up their asses?’

After the applause died down, we moved off to the side of the stage next to the newly promoted Cadets. While we all stood there, the Cadets ramrod straight, me barely remaining upright by leaning on Saffron and my cane, the Headmaster called up a half dozen Cadets to announce their promotion to Senior Cadet.

Wait, weren’t the Cadets all up in Newark?

No, love. Just the Heroes. Other than yourself, the rest of the Expeditionary Force is still in Lancaster though. Which means Laurence Lancaster is missing his Moving Up ceremony.

Well. Shit. I should... yeah, no, probably not. Could you?

Will you be okay without me?

I have this handy new cane our son made for me. Go, I’ll be fine.

She shifted out from under my arm, making sure I’d shifted my weight to my cane before disappearing. Less than a minute later, she showed up in the front row with Larry and Bonnie in tow, then stepped back to stand beside me again. Okay, she slipped back under my arm a second later. My aching back appreciated the support almost as much as my lady bits appreciated her tucked under my arm like that.

When I finally got my eyes back front again, Headmaster Miles and Marshall duBois both shot Saffron looks. The Headmaster’s clockwork soul showed its annoyance at having to re-order things, but not enough to comment. The Marshall, on the other hand, smiled and gave her a subtle thumbs up. Then they called Larry up to officially promote him to Cadet. While he strode across the stage like he owned it, he accepted the promotion with good grace, then moved over to stand next to the other newly minted Cadets. Bonnie may have hollered just a bit louder than any of the rest of the crowd, but fuck it, Larry deserved somebody getting worked up over him.

After that, the Marshall called up five Senior Cadets, officially promoting each of them to full Hero status. I’d seen a couple of them around the Academy now and then, but honestly? I knew them more by their uniform than actually recognizing their faces. They lined up next to Saffron and I after being officially promoted. I didn’t even really register their names; my cane and Saffron both helped, but the bits of me that kept the rest off the floor had started aching when Saffron ran to fetch Larry, and while her return slowed it down a little, it didn’t quite stop my slow descent into a world of hurt.

Finally, Headmaster Miles called out, ”Heroes, Cadets, Candidates, Honored Guests, thank you for witnessing the promotion of our new Cadets, Senior Cadets, and Heroes. If any of you would care to remain and socialize, our Maids will have Dinner and drinks ready shortly. Also, our Cadets have set up consecrated shrines in the Practice Yard for those who wish to visit them.”

As the gathering broke up to the sounds of one final round of cheers and applause, the Headmaster and Marshall turned to face us. Before they or I could even open our mouths, Saffron said, ”apologies, gentlemen, but I believe Tabitha needs to rest.”

Wonder of wonders, both of them just nodded. Okay, the Headmaster said, ”of course,” as the Marshall asked, ”is she recovering well?”

Saffron nodded for me. ”Better than I’d feared, but not as well as I’d hoped. It will take time.” When the Marshall nodded again, she stepped us both back to our rooms. The moment I saw our curtains in front of me, I just collapsed backwards. Our new bed wasn’t just bigger than our old one, it had something resembling an actual mattress and pillows now, and I really couldn’t tell whether I liked it or our bed from Lancaster House better. Okay, I liked this one better, but mostly because it was ours, and we’d already made some outstanding memories in it. On it. With it as a centerpiece. You know what I mean.

Saffron got my boots and pants off before she even started on my jacket. ”I’d say something like ’aren’t you gonna take advantage of my lack of pants’, but my body is threatening to sue for emancipation from my libido if I do.”

”Oh, darling Goof.” The Grin made an appearance, followed by a seven syllable singsong of, ”we can’t have it do that now.”

Weirdest thing, realizing that definitely made the pain spike for an endless moment, but dropped it way down from ’actively debilitating’ to ’warning and annoyance’ as the endorphins rushed through my body doing God’s work.

Speaking of, be sure your lovely wife brings you here on Monday, because you need seeing to.

Will do, Boss.

”Boss says you’re supposed to take me to him on Monday,” I groaned. ”Not sure why not sooner.”

As Saffron divested me of my jacket and blouse, she said, ”likely because he wants you to rest another few days before coming to see him, and we’ve still got to sign up for classes tomorrow.”

”Ah, shit. Part of me wants to whine at you to take care of it, but... can we do it sitting down?”

”Absolutely, love. Now, did you want to celebrate our sudden delayed elevation, or did you want to sleep?”

I shook my head without lifting it off of the bed. ”Why us? I mean, isn’t that gonna piss some people off?”

She shrugged. ”In this case, it wasn’t a question of doing so or not. It was a question of who they chose to anger.”

I wanted to shoot her a ’dafuq?’ look, but my abs rebelled, so my expert expression was wasted on the ceiling. ”How so?”

”Well, as you’ve already guessed, some of the Senior Cadets may be put out by us not only bypassing them, but doing so in a delayed fashion.”

She waited until I waggled my head the tiniest bit in lieu of a nod, then said, ”yeah, okay, I got that much.”

I heard fabric swishing that muffled her voice a little when she said, ”their Patrons, relatives, and those supporting them might also be displeased.”

”Fuck. Hadn’t even thought of them. So why the fuck’d they do it?”

She sighed, the sound backed by more fabric noises as I stared at the ceiling. ”In my case, I believe they primarily want the Imperator to have full Hero status as soon as possible.” A pause, then she continued with, ”which is likely to be shortly after the next Moving Up ceremony.”

”Huh?”

”I’m Bag, love. We age faster. We mature faster, too. Unless something goes horridly wrong, I’ll be an Adult as of my next birthday.”

I chuckled a little at that. ”Cradle robber. What about the classes?”

She leaned over from the far side of the bed, giving me an upside down view of her face and, right at the edge of my vision, her cleavage. I’d have arched my back to get a better look at the tits that could produce cleavage when hanging free, but my back told me on no uncertain terms that if I tried, I would be screaming in pain shortly thereafter, so I just enjoyed what I could see. Especially when she came in for the upside-down kiss thing. Weird, but not bad, I guess. Kinda like fried clams; not something I’d want every time, but an interesting occasional diversion. ”I’ll remind you that by the calendar, you are older than I. Well, according to your Status, at any rate.” She frowned. ”According to the old version of Status.”

”How’s the new version coming along, anyway?”

She opened her mouth, then asked, ”are you really in any condition to spend the next few hours listening to me grouse about prior Archmagi in general and our daughter in specific?”

”What’s the Menace done now?”

”I’m sure you remember the very non-numeric information provided where numbers ought have resided last time we Inspected her?”

I chuckled; my body didn’t like that much, but fuck it. ”Oh, shit, yeah. You figured out how she pulled that off yet?”

”Yes and no.”

”Huh?”

She sighed. ”I figured out how she did it that time, and corrected the next version of my Inspect Spell. Which showed me that she had found another way to spoof the data I should be getting.”

”Did you tell her to stop that?”

She shook her head, her hair falling to form a curtain around our faces where she still hovered above me. ”If she can defeat it, then enemies might be able to as well. The new Assess seems to work on her, so at this point having her provide an ever more difficult target to test my Identify on is, despite being frustrating, also incredibly useful. Helpful even.”

I rocked my head back and forth just a little, because my neck strongly protested the idea of shaking it. ”Only our Menace.”

”Indeed.”

”So, uh, I get the idea that having the Imperator be a Hero is probably a Good Plan, what with them being superior human beans and all, and you being all Adult and Educated before my next birthday, but... uh... why me?”

Instead of answering, my beloved Kitten froze, her eyes going just a little wide before she snerked, snorted, and then collapsed onto the bed face first, narrowly missing a mutual headbutt. While still laughing, she thought, I’m... I’m sorry, love. I’m... oh, Goddess, forgive me, but... before stuttering to a stop as she rolled back and forth laughing. Right before I started bitching about it, she rolled over me, proving that she knew exactly how to manage my perpetually horny and easily distractible ass by kissing me on the chin, which plonked her bodacious tatas right down across my eyes.

”Absolutely forgiven if you jiggle around a little without, y’know, moving.”

She did so, all traces of laughter expertly hidden as she intoned, ”as my merciful Goddess commands.” After she spent a heavenly minute doing that while giggling quietly, which I tolerated because it enhanced Saffron’s already impressive jiggle physics, she said, ”do you really not know?”

Part of me really wanted to demand motor-boating, perhaps mutual, as a final requirement to complete my High Priestess’ absolution, but my neck told me that unless I could somehow get the endorphins first it would fuck off on the eight o’clock train to Miami if I did so. ”C’mon, Kitten. What’s the over-under on me not knowing anything, really. Half the time I’ve got to look at my left tit to remember my own fuckin’ name.”

That got her giggling again, which had the exact effect I’d hoped it would on her continued jiggling. ”Love, you first destroyed New Amsterdam’s Armies, inclusive of their Heroes, on the field of battle, all by yourself. Then you singlehandedly saved Phileo from a plague...”

”Ah, that wasn’t...” she silenced my interruption by sliding forward about four inches, because she knows I’m way too classy to talk with my mouth full.

”All of Phileo and the Yards saw you, and you alone, standing there, night and day, saying without words that if Sengann and Apollo wanted them, they would have to go through you.” She lowered her mouth to kiss the hollow of my throat. Kinda covered my mouth and nose with unleashed sweater puppies while doing so, but fuck it, breathing’s overrated. We both know how that conflict ended.

She pushed herself back up. ”Then you singlehandedly Cured the remaining populace of Calverton, as well as the remainder of their Army and Heroes. Finally, you and you alone stood between New Amsterdam, Newark, and those foolish enough to threaten those under your protection.” She leaned down to kiss the hollow of my neck again. I have yet to reward you to my satisfaction for treating Sengann with exactly the appropriate amount of gentle care. When she came up for air, she giggled again. ”Love, if they hadn’t declared you a Hero in all but the niggling details of education and age? Not only would the populace of five Cities likely risen in revolution? The Armies and Heroes of three of those Cities would have done so as well. In the case of Calverton, they owe you as much as their citizenry.” Her giggles overcame her for a bit after that. I persevered, because I’m not stupid enough to complain about those damn giggle jiggles. ”In the case of New Amsterdam and Newark? Their Army and Heroes would have revolted from the shame of being bested by a Freshman Cadet.”

I snerked a little, because when she put it that way, it really was kinda funny. Like everybody except the Academy either saying, ’if she’s not a Hero, who is?’, or ’please tell us she’s a Hero, because otherwise we die of shame’. Which was way more sobering if I thought about it literally, but right now I was fully prepared to embrace the giggles. As my arms proved, when they signed off on wrapping themselves around Saffron and glomping her down onto me.

Are you comfortable like this, love? Saffron thought at me, worry clear in her mental voice.

Dunno. I’ll tell you when I wake up. I took it as agreement when she turned her head and used my tits as a pillow.

Mimic dreamt of skygazing again.

Signing up for classes was way fuckin’ easier than I thought it would be. Our weird status as ’not Senior Cadets, not exactly Heroes, but almost’ let us sign up for pretty much whatever fuckin’ classes we wanted, and after some pointed hints from the Marshall and the Headmaster, not to mention really surprising passing grades in Remedial Celtic, and both Basic and Intermediate Mana Shaping, we wound up signing up for the same roster of classes together. ’Strategy and Logistics’ on Tuesdays, ’Advanced Mana Shaping’ on Wednesdays, ’Advanced Combat Training’ on Thursdays, ’Independent Physical Training’ on Fridays, ’Law and Custom’ on Saturdays, and our one ’Elective’, ’Advanced Healing Studies’ on Sundays.

Which meant our first day back to class? Would be ’Advanced Healing Studies’ with Sister Siobhan, Doc DeLeon, and some visiting professors from the University of Healing.

I kinda assume that I’m gonna wind up a Case Study or some shit, really. Fuck it, Saffron ladled on the soporific bribery with wild abandon every time we got back to our room, which left me pretty much willing to sign off on whatever classes she wanted us to take.

Is it wrong that I like that reward way more than, y’know, the whole ’being a sort-of-official Hero’ thing?