Esper Harem in the Apocalypse

Chapter 1159: Mopping Up the Competition

Safalius wiped a bead of golden sweat from his dirt-streaked forehead. He took a deep breath of the fresh, sun-warmed air and smiled with genuine pride. The sweeping stone driveway leading up to the castle was absolutely immaculate.

He had meticulously scrubbed away every last drop of purple monster blood, polished the obsidian tiles until they shined like mirrors, and perfectly wrung out his soapy bucket.

”Sanitation Officer Safalius,” Lu Bela’s crisp, mechanical voice suddenly chimed from a nearby intercom speaker. ”Your exterior cleaning parameters are currently rated as acceptable. The Overlord demands perfection. Maintain your vigilance. A single smudge or speck of unauthorized dirt on these tiles will result in your immediate demotion to scrubbing the kitchen grease traps.”

Safalius shuddered violently. The mere thought of the greasy, foul-smelling castle plumbing made his angelic stomach churn.

”Understood,” Safalius replied, his voice tight with newfound paranoia. ”The driveway is secure. Nothing is getting past me.”

Just as he made his solemn vow, the ground beneath his armored boots began to vibrate.

Safalius frowned and narrowed his eyes. A low, rhythmic thundering echoed from the southern horizon, accompanied by the screech of heavy metal and the roar of massive combustion engines. A massive cloud of thick, brown dust plumed into the bright sky.

Utilizing his enhanced celestial vision, Safalius zoomed in on the approaching disturbance. His jaw dropped.

A colossal army of towering metal behemoths and heavily armored tanks was marching directly toward the magical blue dome. The sheer scale of the military force was genuinely intimidating, but Safalius was not looking at their plasma cannons or their missile pods.

His glowing eyes locked entirely onto the massive, metal treads of the advancing Titan Mechs.

They were absolutely caked in thick, wet, disgusting mud.

Safalius felt a highly irrational, janitorial rage boil up from the very depths of his soul. He had just spent three agonizing hours making those tiles shine. The human army was tracking tons of filthy, ruined dirt straight toward his pristine masterpiece.

”I just cleaned those,” Safalius muttered, his eyes twitching erratically.

Safalius tightened his grip on the wooden mop with both hands.

”There is absolutely no way,” Safalius whispered, his voice trembling with sheer, manic determination, ”that I am going back to the grease traps.”

”Fire!” the human commander roared.

Hundreds of devastating plasma blasts erupted from the mechanical army, converging into a blinding wave of superheated death aimed directly at the castle gates.

Safalius let out a furious, angelic battle cry. He stepped forward and swung his soapy wooden mop in a massive, horizontal arc.

The god-tier crimson spatial magic infused within the cheap cleaning tool activated instantly. The wave of apocalyptic plasma simply hit an invisible wall of reality and vanished, transformed instantly into millions of harmless, rainbow-colored soap bubbles that drifted lazily across the battlefield.

The human army froze. General Vance choked on his coffee back in the command center. They had just fired enough plasma to vaporize a small country, and a single man with a mop had turned it into a bubble bath.

”You are tracking mud on my driveway!” Safalius screamed, his voice booming with residual divine authority.

The disgraced herald of the cosmos charged directly out of the magical dome and closed the distance to the front line in a fraction of a second. He vaulted high into the air and brought the wet bristles of his mop crashing down onto the armored head of the lead Titan Mech.

Safalius did not only destroy the machine, he wiped it clean from existence.

The crimson magic violently separated the ’dirt’ from the area. In this specific case, Safalius’s enraged mind categorized the military vehicles, the weapons, and the armor as the ’dirt’ ruining his perfect landscape.

A massive dome of pink energy expanded outward from the mop’s impact. As the wave washed over the trillion-dollar human army, the fifty-foot Titan Mechs, the heavy tanks, and the armored transports completely ceased to exist.

The spatial magic flawlessly scrubbed the weapons of mass destruction from reality without leaving a single drop of oil or shrapnel behind.

Thousands of elite human soldiers suddenly found themselves sitting cross-legged on the immaculate stone driveway, wearing absolutely nothing but their standard-issue white underwear.

Absolute, stunned silence fell over the perimeter. The soldiers blinked in utter confusion, holding empty air where their heavy rifles had been just a second prior.

Safalius landed gracefully on his feet. He dipped his mop back into his plastic bucket, wrung it out, and gave the tiles a final, satisfying wipe. He looked down at the shivering, half-naked human army with profound disgust.

”Shoes off,” Safalius commanded, his glowing eyes flaring menacingly. ”If a single one of you tracks dirt onto my tiles, I will use you as a sponge.”

Back inside the castle courtyard, Rudy watched the entire ridiculous display on a holographic screen projected by Lu Bela. He laughed out loud and handed Alice her final strawberry pastry.

”Your janitor is very dedicated,” Alice giggled, taking a bite of the sweet treat.

”He is definitely getting employee of the month,” Rudy smiled, resting his arm around her waist. He tapped his earpiece. ”Lu Bela, patch me through to whatever command center is watching this.”

Lu Bela bypassed the human military encryption instantly. Rudy’s calm, authoritative voice echoed directly inside General Vance’s underground bunker.

”General,” Rudy stated casually. ”My Head of Sanitation just confiscated your toys. If you ever point a weapon at my home again, I will have him mop up your entire command center. Am I understood?”

”Y-yes, Overlord,” General Vance stammered to the empty room, his face completely drained of color as he officially surrendered the planet’s remaining dignity.

”Good. Now forward what I am about to say to all the world leaders.I don’t want to deal with the likes of you again.”

”I will forward it. W-what do you want me to s-say?”

”For this instance, I rule over this planet. But honestly, it’s such a pain in the ass I want to waste my time running it. So be good and do good, and good will come your way. Be evil and do evil, and I will come your way.”

Vance swallowed hard. ”Amen.”