I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

Translator: Henyee Translations Editor: Henyee Translations

“Lan Yue is here.” A voice reported.

Creak!

The door opened and a woman with an exquisite figure walked in.

She wore a blue dress and exuded a graceful air. Her head of black hair rippled lightly in the breeze like a silky waterfall and her eyes slowly glanced around the room before setting on An Lin. She bowed slightly and spoke with a light voice, “Greetings, young sir. I’m Lan Yue.”

An Lin took a look at Lan Yue before turning to glare at Da Bai. “Did you call for her to come here?”

Da Bai shook its head but its eyes lit up immediately. “I didn’t call for her but she’s HOT! Can we keep her!”

An Lin slapped his forehead in resignation. He felt like Da Bai was already beyond saving. Da Bai simply could not help itself when the sight of a beauty presented itself. What would happen to Qing Hua now?

The procuress behind An Lin spoke at this moment, “Lan Yue is the Top Girl of our Spring River House, and her singing voice and instrumental skills are the best in the whole of the Shihua Prefecture. Would you like to have a listen?”

“Best in the Shihua Prefecture, eh?” An Lin nodded at the procuress’ introduction.

He was quite partial to the songs of the Kingdom of the Nine States. If Lan Yue could sing, then there was no harm in listening.

“Then I won’t be of any more nuisance to you, young sir.” The procuress exited the room with a smile on her face.

Lan Yue smiled daintily as she sat on a chair with an ancient wooden lute in her lap. “Young sir, what standard of performance would you like to hear?”

An Lin was a bit perplexed by her words. “How many standards are there?”

“Casual performance, one hundred spirit stones per song; normal performance, two hundred spirit stones per song; earnest performance, three hundred spirit stones per song; sensual performance, five hundred spirit stones per song.” Lan Yue’s eyes rippled like water as she introduced in an extremely pleasing voice.

An Lin’s lips twitched at her introduction. What the hell was a casual performance supposed to be? Could she not be a little more dedicated to her work as the Top Girl?

Da Bai’s eyes began to shine brightly again. “Woof! Do you offer sensual strip performance?”

Bam!

An Lin directed a punch at Da Bai’s head, immediately causing a bump to appear on its forehead. “Why can’t you just be a good dog? Why do you want to be a man?”

In contrast to Da Bai’s tearful expression, Lan Yue covered her mouth with her hand as she chuckled lightly. “I’ll have to disappoint Big Brother Bai, I only sell my talents but not my body.”

“Then let’s go for sensual performance.” An Lin was certainly not lacking in money anyway. If he was to listen to a performance, of course it had to be the best.

Lan Yue nodded as her slim fingers began to flutter over the lute. The mesmerizing tune coupled with her gentle voice made both An Lin and Da Bai involuntarily relax.

The woman in the red undergarments and the woman in the green garments were meanwhile responsible for filling An Lin and Da Bai’s cups with wine when required.

With the beautiful music as accompaniment, An Lin felt like it was time to get down to business.

An Lin: “Da Bai, be honest, are you transformed from a man?”

Da Bai was sipping wine and joyfully listening to the performance but his expression immediately soured at An Lin’s question. “Big Brother An, I most definitely am a male dog that came out of my mother’s stomach! As for why I like human women, I don’t know the reason for that myself.”

An Lin asked with a serious expression. “Then… if you had to choose between Lan Yue and Qing Hua to be your wife, who would you pick?”

A conflicted expression appeared on his Da Bai’s face as its brows furrowed, seemingly in the face of a dilemma.

An Lin breathed a sigh of relief. The fact that Da Bai was hesitating at all meant that all was not lost, he could still save Da Bai!

Da Bai sighed in resignation. “This is such a hard choice, Lan Yue is so beautiful but she can’t give birth to puppies. Qing Hua, on the other hand, can give birth to puppies, but her looks are far too mundane. She doesn’t even have any curves!”

An Lin almost blacked out at Da Bai’s response.

F*ck! Female dogs aren’t humans, where the hell would they get curves from?

For f*ck’s sake! If this is what Da Bai was hesitating about, then there is no cure!

Suddenly, An Lin thought of another possibility. “Da Bai, could it be that your father was into human beauties like you?”

He had to explore the possibility of genetic inheritance. If this was a part of Da Bai’s genetics, then he could not do anything.

Da Bai smiled slyly with a proud expression on its face. “Of course, back in the day, my father often took me to brothels. We even had a nickname called the Perverted White Duo!”

An Lin was shocked into complete silence.

Holy f*ck! This is even worse than just genetic inheritance! To think that Bai Xian would take Da Bai to brothels!!!

An Lin did not know what to say anymore. It was completely Bai Xian’s fault that Da Bai became like this.

Yes… an uncouth son was a product of the father’s wrongdoing.

In any case, if Da Bai brought a human wife back to the Mythological Beast Clan, that was a headache for Bai Xian to deal with.

An Lin refused to take the blame no matter what!

An Lin heaved a sigh of relief as he pondered the situation. So what if Da Bai liked women, it was not his fault anyway. At any rate, women with curves were definitely more pleasing on the eye than female dogs!

An Lin completely let himself go.

He drank happily with Da Bai as well the two women in red undergarments and green garments respectively, while Lan Yue’s performance acted as the perfect accompaniment in the background.

Atop a mountain in the Ten Thousand Spirits Immortal Sect.

Xiao Chou sat at the entrance of a house, eagerly awaiting the return of An Lin and Da Bai.

An Lin said he would be back in no time, and they would then go to the Green Wood Imperial Palace, so Xiao Chou had already prepared himself to set off.

And just like that, noon struck, but there was still no sight of An Lin.

Xiao Chou was still waiting.

Slowly, the afternoon came and went, but An Lin still had not returned.

Could it be that something happened when Big Brother An went to retrieve Da Bai?

Xiao Chou beginning to feel a little uneasy, but he still waited by the entrance of the house.

The sun gradually descended past the horizon, and the moon appeared in the night sky along with a myriad of stars.

Boom!

The ground suddenly tremored violently, instantly startling Xiao Chou awake.

He looked toward the source of the commotion to find that Da Bai’s head was planted firmly into a hole in the ground.

All four of Da Bai’s feet were in the air as it howled in pain. An Lin also rolled off its back and walked away unsteadily.

“Big Brother An… my head hurts so much. How did you drive? You caused me… caused me to faceplant,” Da Bai stammered.

An Lin threw a punch at Da Bai’s head and laughed. “Dumb… dumb dog! I told you to descend here, but you… you went into a 360-degree corkscrew spiral descent, and you even went f*cking head-first, what do you think you are? A f*cking jackhammer!?”

Da Bai pondered over An Lin’s words for a moment and felt that he truly was a bit dumb, so he began to roar with laughter as well.

An Lin thought the whole situation was hilarious and chortled heartily.

Both of them reeked of alcohol as they walked toward the house with their arms around each other’s shoulders.

An Lin then caught sight of Xiao Chou who was standing by the door in a daze. He patted Xiao Chou’s shoulder with an apologetic expression. “Oh, Xiao Chou, I… I’m really sorry, the girls of Spring River House are so talented! To think that I didn’t get you to come with me, what a pity…”

Xiao Chou grimaced at his words. “Big Brother An, weren’t you supposed to drag Da Bai back from the brothel? How did you two end up going to the brothel together?”

An Lin’s brows furrowed slightly. “We didn’t do anything over the line, so you can’t even consider this to be a trip to the brothel. It’s more like… enjoying yourself in the company of beautiful women!”

Da Bai’s eyes lit up and a sly smile appeared on his face. “As expected of Big Brother An, you’re so cultured. We should get Big Brother Chou to tag along next time so we can all enjoy ourselves in the company of beautiful women!”

“That’s a fantastic idea!” An Lin laughed heartily as he slung an arm across Xiao Chou’s shoulder and walked into the house with him in tow.

And that was the end to a magnificent day.