A Good-for-nothing Son-in-law Builds the Li Family

1: Chapter 1: The Ancient StomachThe afternoon in Jicai Village was so scorching that the sun could bake an old yellow dog’s tongue into beef jerky.

The weathered outhouse at the east end of the village tenaciously exuded its unique ”charm” under the blazing sun—a complex odor mixed with the fragrance of soil, rotting straw, and aged feces, so rich it could make a person stagger.

Li Guidai was squatting in the innermost stall.

Twenty-five years had passed in this cultivation world known as the ”Mei Star,” and he had successfully transformed from a transmigrator into the universally acknowledged loser of Jicai Village.

At this moment, his brows were tightly furrowed with a solemn expression; those unaware might think he was contemplating some profound truth of the universe, but in reality, he was merely engaged in an arduous ”intestinal tug-of-war” after eating overnight beans given by Auntie Wang next door two days ago.

”Sigh...” A long, drawn-out sigh drifted out of the outhouse, startling a sparrow that had been dozing on the wall.

Twenty-five years ago, he was just an ordinary office worker on Earth.

His family was comfortably off, his parents were healthy, and he had a gentle, considerate, and pregnant wife.

If not for the day he had been possessed by some strange impulse and spent five thousand yuan to buy a life-sized silicone doll...

Recalling that day, Li Guidai wished he could slap himself twice.

When the delivery arrived, he was as excited as a cat stealing fish; upon opening the packaging, a lifelike doll suddenly appeared before his eyes.

He couldn’t wait to bend down and hug it, but who knew the thing would be unexpectedly heavy? His foot slipped violently, and his face smashed straight into the doll’s cold chest, his lips landing precisely on that hard plastic.

Even more coincidentally, at this moment of embarrassment so intense it could make one dig out a three-bedroom apartment with their toes, the door creaked open, and his parents, who had returned from shopping, poked their heads in, their faces still wearing happy smiles from buying clothes for their future grandson.

Six eyes met, and time froze.

Li Guidai still remembered the sound of the bag of baby clothes falling from his father’s hand, and his mother’s face, which had instantly shifted from springtime warmth to a frozen tundra.

Shame, panic, and utter humiliation crawled on his heart like thousands of ants.

He opened his mouth but couldn’t make a sound; he only felt all the blood rushing to his head, everything went black before his eyes, and he had actually choked himself into passing out.

When he opened his eyes again, he had become this Li Guidai in the cultivation world.

Fortunately, his parents in this life were still around.

His father, Li Jiantou, was the village chief of Jicai Village with a cultivation base at the fourth level of Qi Refining; he could be considered a figure in this backwater, but his personality was as soft as overcooked noodles.

His mother, Yang Xiaoqiao, was even more of a character; she was the madam of the ”Mengchun Brothel,” a famous entertainment venue in Ganlu Town a hundred miles away, with a cultivation base at the ninth level of Qi Refining. Somehow, when she was young, she had taken a fancy to his father, this ”soft noodle,” and married into this godforsaken place.

Although she was married, his mother still held her post, living in town year-round and rarely returning home more than a few times a year.

Logically speaking, with these connections, Li Guidai should have lived a decent life.

However, it just so happened that his body’s aptitude for cultivation was outrageously poor; at twenty-five, he was still stuck at the first level of Qi Refining, without any progress.

Among his peers in the village, even Er Gouzi next door, who still wet the bed at three years old, was now at the second level of Qi Refining.

”Splash—”

A crisp splash came from the pit below, interrupting Li Guidai’s melancholy thoughts.

He looked down and shook his head helplessly: ”Even you are going against me.”

Just as he was preparing to end this protracted battle and pull up his pants to leave, the outhouse door, barely cobbled together from a few broken wooden planks, was violently jerked open from the outside with a ”bang!”

Blinding sunlight flooded in instantly, making Li Guidai instinctively squint his eyes.

Standing at the doorway was a woman wearing coarse cloth clothes, her hair styled in a standard matron’s bun; her face still vaguely retained some of its former delicate beauty, though the traces of life’s hardships were etched between her brows.

Hua Lulu. His former childhood sweetheart.

The two locked eyes, and the air seemed to freeze.

Hua Lulu clearly hadn’t expected someone to be inside, much less that it would be Li Guidai.

She froze at first, then her cheeks turned red at a speed visible to the naked eye, her eyes filled with the embarrassment of ”Why is it you?” and ”How could I run into you here?”

A few years ago, she had married a hunter from a neighboring village; it was said that the hunter had a violent temper, and her life was not very happy.

Startled, her foot slipped, and she stepped precisely onto a watermelon rind left behind by some jerk. She let out a cry of surprise and lunged forward, flailing her arms and legs!

”Hey! Careful!” Li Guidai shouted instinctively.

Unfortunately, it was too late.

”Splash—!!!”

A ”buzz” sounded in Li Guidai’s brain, and he was completely stunned.

Fear poured down from his head like ice water, instantly paralyzing every limb in his body.

Falling into the pit? And while he was using it, because she was startled by him? And she fell in headfirst?!

If this got out... he dared not think about it.

”Help... save... save her...” His throat tightened; he wanted to shout, but could only produce a hoarse, breathy sound.

He scrambled to stand up, but having squatted for too long, his legs were already numb; in his panic, his footing was even more unsteady.

”Crack!”

The wooden plank he was stepping on, already somewhat rotten, snapped in response!

”Ahhh—!”

The sensation of weightlessness struck suddenly; Li Guidai only had time to let out a scream comparable to a cat having its tail stepped on, and he tumbled down after her.

”Splash—!”

Entering the water for the second time, the splash was slightly less impressive than the first.

Filthy, viscous slurry instantly surged from all directions, enthusiastically enveloping him; it was cold, slimy, and carried a stench that shot straight to his crown, forcing its way into his mouth, nose, and ears without a word.

He struggled desperately, using both hands and feet, but it was as if he were just stirring a pot of thick soup, causing himself to sink deeper and choke on more.

Sweet? Fishy? Spicy? Stinky? Various indescribable flavors mixed with undigested food residue filled his mouth all at once.

He felt a wave of churning nausea, and the pathetic contents of his stomach were eager to erupt.

The sensation of suffocation, like a cold viper, coiled around his neck, tightening ever more.

His lungs burned with fiery pain, and his consciousness began to blur.

Before his eyes, it was no longer filth, but flashes of his parents’ faces from his past life, twisted in final shock; flashes of his wife’s gentle yet disappointed gaze; flashes of his father’s helpless sighs in this life; the unspoken worries of his mother when she occasionally returned; and Hua Lulu, following behind him in their youth, calling out ”Big Brother Dice” in a crisp, clear voice...

What a sin!

Was he going to die so miserably again?

And in such a place, in such an unprecedented way? ”Dying for love” in a pit with his former childhood sweetheart?

Immense absurdity and despair engulfed him, suffocating him more than the sewage beneath him.

He gave up struggling, and his consciousness sank into the boundless darkness...

Just as his last shred of clarity was about to be swallowed—[Ding! Detected host’s strong desire to survive along with complex emotions of extreme embarrassment, humiliation, and unwillingness; energy threshold met! Binding conditions fulfilled!]

[Ancient X Strongest System activating... 1%... 50%... 100%! Activation successful!]

[Binding host: Li Guidai.]

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