1000x Random Returns: Investing in My Crippled Demon Wives!

Chapter 17: Chapter 17: Kissed, Armed, and Ready to Penetrate!

Lucien plated breakfast to the sound of an actual functioning household.

Evelisse shuffled in half-asleep, nose twitching toward the smell like a bloodhound. Seraphina was already brewing tea, humming quietly to herself.

Aurelia walked in fresh from her morning stretches, not even winded.

’Three days ago this place was a tomb,’ Lucien thought, setting plates down.

’Now it’s got tea, stretching, and a woman actively sniffing the air for eggs.’

’Feels like an actual home, a weird but good home.’

They ate.

The system chime rang on cue.

[Investment Detected: Breakfast (Uncommon)]

[Ding!]

[Aurelia — ×10 — Reward: 2x Blood-Vein Roots (Uncommon)]

[Seraphina — ×8 — Reward: 1×Moon Dew Flower (Uncommon)]

[Evelisse — ×11 — Reward: Basic Hand-to-Hand Combat Manual (Common)]

Lucien blinked at the last one.

’Sword yesterday and punching today.’

’The system’s really building her from the ground up.’

He pocketed everything and set his fork down.

”I’m entering my first dungeon today,” he said.

The table went quiet for exactly one beat.

Aurelia’s expression sharpened instantly.

”Don’t get greedy,” she said.

”Take what’s safe to take, leave the rest. Check your surroundings constantly. Monsters don’t fight fair, and neither should you.”

”Got it,” Lucien said.

”Clearly.”

Seraphina said nothing at first, already rising to gather things — healing potions, bandages, a small pouch of herbs, laid out with quiet efficiency.

Worry lived in the set of her shoulders, but she didn’t ask him to stay.

Evelisse examined her nails with elaborate disinterest.

”Whatever,” she said.

Then, a beat later, far too casually.

”...What dungeon?”

”Goblin Mine,” Lucien said.

”E-rank, it should be simple.”

Something in her shoulders eased, just slightly.

She didn’t say anything else.

’Got that too,’ Lucien thought, hiding a smile.

’Clearly, as always. Such a tsundere.’

---

He went to change, layering on something more practical than his usual clothes, and came back downstairs ready to leave.

He paused at the door, grinning.

”So,” he said.

”No goodbye kisses?”

Silence.

Then Aurelia crossed the room in three long strides, grabbed the sides of his head with both hands, and kissed him firm, direct, no hesitation, the way she did most things.

It lasted only a few seconds, but it left no ambiguity about her intent.

”Return safely,” she said, pulling back.

”Do you have a weapon?”

”...Was planning to buy one.”

She reached into a bag by the door and pulled out a sheathed sword, offering it to him without ceremony.

”From the dowry,” she said.

”It’s wasted sitting in storage.”

Lucien took it, weight settling into his palm, and something in him went quiet.

’This might be the sword she actually trained with, before everything got taken from her.’

’That’s not nothing.’

”Get light armor,” Aurelia added, already moving on.

”Just in case.”

Seraphina stepped up next, cheeks pink, hesitating for half a second before rising onto her toes and pressing a soft, brief kiss to his lips, gentler than Aurelia’s, lingering just a moment longer than necessary.

”Please don’t get hurt,” she said quietly, pressing a small pouch into his hands.

”Healing potions, bandages. Things I made from the dowry stock.”

”Thank you,” Lucien said, meaning it.

She smiled, still faintly pink, and stepped back.

Evelisse crossed her arms, looking pointedly at the wall.

”Tch,” she said.

”Don’t misunderstand. I don’t care if you go get eaten by goblins.”

”Comforting.”

”...I’d just prefer,” she continued, still not looking at him.

”if you came back in one piece. That’s all, purely for dinner.”

”Purely logistical,” Lucien agreed solemnly.

She huffed, rose onto her tiptoes, and gave him the quickest, most defensive peck imaginable — barely contact at all.

Lucien caught her before she could retreat, one hand curling behind her head, and kissed her properly this time.

Slow, thorough, until her knees actually wobbled and she made a small, strangled sound against his mouth.

He let her go.

She stood there a second, breathless, eyes wide, face burning bright red.

”You—” she started.

Then she spun on her heel and fled upstairs at a speed Lucien hadn’t seen since the streaker incident.

Aurelia’s mouth twitched.

Seraphina giggled softly into her hand.

”Renovation crew’s coming today,” Lucien called after her, unbothered while also informing the other two.

”Should be here within the next hour.”

No response came.

Just the distant sound of a door slamming.

’Worth it,’ Lucien thought, stepping outside, sword in hand and grin firmly in place.

---

The market buzzed with morning traffic as he made his way toward the armor district.

He found a shop tucked between a weapons forge and a potion dispensary, heat radiating faintly from the doorway before he even stepped inside.

The owner turned out to be an ifrit — magma-toned skin, hair like shifting flame frozen mid-motion, obsidian horns curling back from his temples.

He looked up from a half-finished breastplate, sweat glistening despite the shop’s oppressive warmth.

”Budget?” the ifrit asked, cutting straight to business.

”50 to 100 gold.” Lucien told him.

The ifrit laughed, not unkindly.

”Its modest but manageable though.”

He gestured toward three racks.

”Heavy, medium, light. What’s your style?”

”Fast,” Lucien said.

”I’m not tanking hits, I’d rather not get hit at all.”

The ifrit nodded approvingly, pulling a set of dark leather armor reinforced with thin metal plating along vital points — light, flexible, built for someone who valued mobility over brute durability.

”Smart,” the ifrit said.

”Most beginners overbuy heavy gear and then can’t move fast enough to dodge anything. You’ll do fine with this.”

Lucien paid, changed into it on the spot, and left feeling considerably more prepared than he had five minutes earlier.

---

The bus ride across the city gave him time to think.

Demons of every shape filled the seats around him.

A pair of tieflings arguing over a game on someone’s phone, an ifrit dozing against the window, a succubus scrolling through job postings with visible boredom.

A news screen flickered near the front of the bus, headlines scrolling past.

”House Astrax succession dispute intensifies ahead of Noble Assembly—”

Lucien looked away before he could read further.

’Not my problem anymore. Luckily’

He pulled out his phone instead, double-checking the dungeon listing one more time.

Goblin Mine — E Rank

Average Completion: 2 Hours

Recommended Party Size: 1–3

Known Monsters: Goblin, Goblin Archer, Goblin Scout, Goblin Brute, Goblin Chief, Goblin Mage, Goblin King

Resources: Iron Ore, Mana Crystals, Healing Mushrooms, Goblin Weapons, Goblin Parts, Mana cores

Boss Loot: Varies

’Simple enough. Small, weak, ugly and disorganized green things, should be an easy first run.’

’Should be, he says, right before something goes horribly wrong.’

’Classic mistake, let’s not raise a flag here.’

---

The dungeon entrance turned out to be an entire fortified building, banners bearing the guild’s crossed-sword emblem hanging from every visible support beam.

Five guild guards stood at the entrance, all D-Rank by the feel of their auras, checking booking slips and guild IDs with brisk efficiency.

Adventurers streamed in and out, some fresh and eager, others limping slightly, hauling sacks of loot toward a counter where guild staff appraised items and paid out above market rate.

Healers moved along one wall.

A stretcher sat folded near a first-aid station, thankfully unused at the moment.

’Feels less like a dungeon entrance,’ Lucien thought.

’And more like an airport that occasionally eats people.’

He remembered, with mild alarm, that he had absolutely nowhere to store any loot he might actually acquire.

’...Where exactly was I planning to put dead goblins. Genius plan, truly.’

He found the guild shop nearby and bought their cheapest storage pouch — a modest five-by-five meter interior space, nothing fancy, definitely not a ring, but well within budget.

’Perfect starter equipment,’ he thought, clipping it to his belt.

’Very glamorous and very ”just started this job yesterday.”’

---

At the entrance proper, a guard checked his ID and booking slip, glancing between the two with practiced efficiency.

”First dungeon?” the guard asked.

”That obvious?”

”New gear tags still on your armor and your storage pouch is still clean.”

Lucien glanced down.

’...Ah.’

The guard smiled, stepping aside.

”Good luck in there.”

”Thanks.”

Lucien walked forward, toward the massive stone archway where mana swirled in a slow, endless blue vortex, symbols carved deep into the surrounding stone pulsing faintly with each rotation.

He stopped just short of the threshold, sword at his hip, borrowed courage steadying his spine.

’Here goes nothing.’

He stepped through.

The world twisted.

The first dungeon welcomed him.

***************

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