The Overlord of Puluo

Li Banfeng said that he would help Qiu Luoye pass the three trials.

Wifey hurried to stop him. ”Husband dear, you mustn’t. I am afraid he isn’t ready for either the first trial or the third.”

”Then we’ll prepare for both at once,” Li Banfeng said. He leaned close to the left horn of the Gramophone and lowered his voice, whispering a lot of things.

The Gramophone trembled. ”Husband dear, don’t talk so fast. My ear is terribly ticklish.”

Li Banfeng slowed down, but that only made it tickle even more, and the Gramophone was giggling helplessly.

”Husband dear, how did you come up with this solution?”

”Ever since I learned the Skill of Fleshbuilding, I have been thinking about it. I have spent days working it over in my head. I just don’t know whether it will actually work.”

Wifey considered the idea for a moment. ”In principle, it should. But the Inner Provinced already have their eyes on the deed. If they notice anything changing, they might try something else. And if you want to put yourself in danger, I absolutely won’t allow it.”

Li Banfeng had already thought of that. ”I know someone who doesn’t have to fear whatever tricks the Inner Provinces might use.”

”I don’t believe you. How could there possibly be someone in this world who isn’t afraid of dying? And where would you even find such a person? If they aren’t doing this willingly and you tricked them into it, they might change their mind at the crucial moment. By then, it will be far too late for regrets.”

”This person will never change his mind! The only thing I am worried about is whether the deed will react and connect with him,” Li Banfeng said. He pressed close to the horn again and whispered the name of that person.

Wifey listened, then laughed softly. ”Husband dear, only you can come up with something like that. Since they are related by blood, there should be a connection. The only question is whether that nickname will work.”

Li Banfeng was very confident. ”This will work even better than when we used the name Li Furong.”

The Gramophone was still a little worried. ”What if Qiu Luoye accepts it too completely? If he really acknowledges the connection, we might end up tying the two of them together for real.”

Li Banfeng was not worried. ”Don’t worry. He would never admit it himself, but the name definitely works.”

The Gramophone wrapped Li Banfeng in a warm cloud of steam. ”Since Husband dear has come up with such a clever scheme, then tonight, you and I shall do it together as husband and wife.”

Li Banfeng gave the back of her cabinet a playful pat. ”Why wait until tonight? How about we do it[1]now?”

Whoosh!

The Gramophone shoved him away with a burst of steam and scolded, ”Husband dear! With something this important right in front of us, you still can’t act properly. I thought about it and realized that the timing is extremely tight. If even one step takes too long, something could go wrong.”

The Gramophone was right. Timing was the key to the whole plan. Li Banfeng called Dream Virtue over and went through the process with her step by step, working out exactly when each stage had to begin. Once every detail was settled, he turned Dream Virtue into a pocket watch and slipped her into his pocket.

The Gramophone warned him, ”The moment you dig up the deeds, put Qiu Luoye into hot water. His flesh will fall off quickly, and he won’t feel any pain. That way, the first trial won’t take too long.”

Li Banfeng pictured how Qiu Luoye would be soaking in hot water and waiting for his skin and flesh to fall off and thought that this wouldn’t work. How could anyone not feel afraid if they were watching their own flesh fall off?

The Gramophone instructed, ”That’s our best chance to act. The moment the soul leaves the flesh, it won’t be able to see anything. So the quicker his flesh falls off, the better!”

He wouldn’t be able to see it! This makes things a lot easier!

After leaving the Pocket Dwelling, Li Banfeng asked Ma Wu to find a large tub for Qiu Luoye, one big enough to fit two men his size.

A tub that large was not easy to find. Ma Wu searched for a while but eventually gave up and rented out an entire bathhouse instead. ”This is the only suitable place I could find.”

Li Banfeng looked around. ”It will work, but it’s a little far from the mountain.”

Ma Wu sighed. ”Then I will keep looking.”

”No need. This place will do,” Li Banfeng said. In fact, getting Qiu Luoye to come to a bathhouse for a soak would be far more natural than asking him to climb into some enormous wooden tub.

Li Banfeng walked over to the bathing pool, looked around, then scooped up a handful of grime from the bottom.

It was grime that had been scrubbed off countless people’s bodies.

Ma Wu hurried to explain, ”We only just rented the place, so they haven’t changed the water yet. Someone will be coming to clean it soon.”

Li Banfeng stared at the gray grime, then grinned. ”This stuff is perfect! I was planning to use lime, but this is much better.”

Ma Wu looked at the muck in Li Banfeng’s hand and cautiously asked, ”Old Qi, you are joking, right? You actually think that stuff is good?”

”Good? It’s excellent! Brother, get me a whole sack of it.”

”A whole sack?” Ma Wu stared at him for a long moment. ”Where am I supposed to get that much?”

”From bathhouses! And if that’s still not enough, call all our brothers over. Anyone who hasn’t had a bath can get scrubbed down together!”

Ma Wu had no idea what to say to that. He called Little Chuan over and told him to gather some men and start collecting the grime. But what on earth did Li Banfeng want with it?

Little Chuan did not understand what the grime was for, but he knew better than to ask too many questions. He took a group of men around town and cleaned out several bathhouses, yet even after all that, they had only managed to collect half a sack.

There was no other choice for the rest. Just as Li Banfeng had suggested, they rounded up a group of people who had not bathed in a while and had them scrub themselves clean on the spot.

Even after they finally filled the sack, there was still more to do. Ma Wu sent Little Chuan and the others to set up a checkpoint between Qiu Luoye’s territory and Kinless Township. No one would be allowed through after eight o’clock that night.

Meanwhile, Li Banfeng went to the market and bought every spinning top, slingshot, bamboo dragonfly, glass marble, and shuttlecock he could find. He hauled the whole lot back to the Pocket Dwelling.

He bought these things to please the Pocket Dwelling, so that the ability Peaceful Home and Prosperous Work would take effect.

Li Banfeng said, ”Old Master, I’m doing something important today. I could use a little good luck.”

The Pocket Dwelling snorted. ”And you think a few toys are enough to buy my favor? Where’s your sincerity?”

”I have got plenty of sincerity!”

So Li Banfeng spent the entire afternoon playing with spinning tops with the old master. By the end of it, the Pocket Dwelling was thoroughly pleased.

When night fell, Li Banfeng and Ma Wu brought Qiu Luoye to the bathhouse.

Qiu Luoye was clearly not used to places like this. He stepped carefully across the wet floor and grumbled, ”This floor is even slipperier than the rocks in a river. Even back when I was still at the Terranean Layer, I never liked bathhouses. Bathing in a river is much better!”

Li Banfeng smiled. ”Big Bro, let’s soak for a while and have a few drinks. Once we are done, we will get down to serious business. We have already talked this through. Tonight, we are digging up your deeds. If you have changed your mind, there’s still time.”

Qiu Luoye burst out laughing. ”Brother, you don’t need to ask me that. When have I ever hesitated on things that have already been decided?”

”Good!” Ma Wu said. He had already prepared food and liquor, and the three of them sat down to eat and drink.

Qiu Luoye was a courageous man, but now that the moment had finally arrived, it was impossible not to feel nervous. He was unusually quiet throughout the meal, drinking far more than he talked.

After eating his fill, Qiu Luoye climbed into the pool and kept drinking. Before long, he had emptied more than a dozen jars of liquor. The heat of the alcohol rose through him as steam billowed from the water around him.

Li Banfeng said to Qiu Luoye, ”Big Bro, I need a little of your blood.”

”Take it!” Qiu Luoye cut his palm and squeezed out some blood while Li Banfeng caught it in a small bottle.

One Li Banfeng had taken blood, he said to Qiu Luoye, ”I am going to dig up the deeds in a moment! I am doing it for real!”

”Do it!” Qiu Luoye grabbed another jar of liquor and drained it in one go.

Clearly, he was still a little nervous.

Ma Wu quickly ordered people to deliver more liquor.

Li Banfeng left Ma Wu to keep drinking with Qiu Luoye. Before he went, he made a point of reminding Ma Wu that the bathhouse scrubber would arrive in another two hours.

Ma Wu checked his pocket watch, nodded, then instructed his men, ”Clean up the scrubbing room. I don’t want to see so much as a speck of mud in there!”

His men immediately understood. They hurried off and hid the sackful of grime they had prepared in the scrubbing room.

Li Banfeng left the bathhouse and found a quiet place. He poured half the blood from the vial over some muskmelon seeds, then sealed the rest back inside.

It took nearly two hours for two muskmelon versions of Qiu Luoye to grow.

Muskmelon people took much longer to form than cabbage people, but they also came out far more lifelike. Li Banfeng brought both of them into the Pocket Dwelling. He had the Pendulum do a little make up on one of them, then asked the Gramophone to fill both with steam so they could manage a few simple responses on their own.

Li Banfeng left one of the muskmelon Qiu Luoyes inside the Pocket Dwelling for his wife to use. Then he took the other one back to the bathhouse and gave a cough.

Ma Wu heard the signal. His side was just about ready as well, so he quickly turned to Qiu Luoye. ”Big Bro Qiu, let’s go get scrubbed down!”

Qiu Luoye waved him off. ”No thanks. I never liked bathhouse scrubs even when I was young. Those scrubbers never used enough strength, and I always came away feeling uncomfortable.”

Ma Wu said, ”This scrubber’s got plenty of strength. Come on, let’s at least take a look.”

The two of them went into the scrubbing room, where the scrubber was already waiting with a cheerful smile.

Qiu Luoye studied him for a moment. The man was tall and powerfully built, with thick eyebrows and striking features. Qiu Luoye could not help admiring him. ”Well, aren’t you a handsome fellow!”

The scrubber was actually the muskmelon Qiu Luoye, who had his make up done by the Pendulum.

Qiu Luoye lay down on the scrubbing table, and the muskmelon version of him picked up a towel and got to work.

After the very first scrub, Qiu Luoye nodded enthusiastically. ”Now that’s the kind of strength I am talking about!”

Once Qiu Luoye’s scrubbing had begun, Li Banfeng raced up the mountain. Tiger was waiting at the house and immediately led him to the spot where the deed had been buried.

It was buried halfway up the mountainside. Li Banfeng dug it up, sent Tiger away, then brought the deed straight back into the Pocket Dwelling.

His wife took the deed and first enveloped it in a veil of watery mist. She was creating an illusion.

”Husband dear, the Inner Provinces must be watching Qiu Luoye’s deed too. Now that it’s been dug up, they should be able to tell something has happened. I will keep them fooled for as long as I can. All we can do now is hope Qiu Luoye’s soul leaves his body soon.”

Once a land deity’s deed was dug up, his cultivation would begin to drop and his soul would eventually separate from his body, effectively causing him to die all over again.

However, there was no telling how long that would take. Some land deities lost their souls in less than two hours, while others could hold on for three to five days.

The Gramophone warned him, ”Husband dear, how quickly his soul leaves depends on the bond between the land deity and his territory. The deeper that bond, the sooner his soul will separate from his body. Watch him carefully. Once his soul leaves, that’s when the crucial part begins.”

Li Banfeng immediately hurried back to the bathhouse.

Qiu Luoye did not have much attachment to Kinless Township, but his bond with his own territory ran deep. Li Banfeng estimated that his soul should leave his body within an hour or two at most.

Of course, there was always a chance it might take a day or two. Even so, Li Banfeng had no choice but to prepare for the fastest possibility, because once Qiu Luoye’s soul left his body, they could not afford to waste a single moment.

When Li Banfeng arrived back at the bathhouse, Qiu Luoye was still lying comfortably on the scrubbing table, enjoying himself.

The muskmelon Qiu Luoye was scrubbing away just as diligently. As he worked on Qiu Luoye’s back, there was a sudden scrape, and a chunk of flesh came off under the towel.

Qiu Luoye was startled. ”What just fell off me?”

Ma Wu forced himself to stay calm and said with a cheerful smile, ”Just scrubbed off a chunk of grime.”

”A chunk that big?” Qiu Luoye was not convinced and tried to get a closer look.

Li Banfeng stepped into the scrubbing room and quickly distracted him. ”Big Bro Qiu, how long has it been since you last had a proper scrub? Is it really that strange to have some grime built up? Scrubber, put some more strength into it and get all that dirt off him.”

Li Banfeng’s expression never changed, but he felt his heart hanging in his throat. He knew that Qiu Luoye’s soul would separate from the body, but he just didn’t expect the body to fall off that quickly.

The muskmelon man did not care what came off under his towel. He simply kept scrubbing with all his strength, and chunks of flesh began coming away from Qiu Luoye one after another.

Li Banfeng kept chatting with Qiu Luoye while Ma Wu quietly got the sack of prepared grime ready.

Still lying facedown on the scrubbing table, Qiu Luoye could not shake the feeling that something about his body was wrong.

”Old Qi, isn’t this bath scrubber using a bit too much strength?”

As he spoke, the melon man scrubbed off another large patch of flesh.

Qiu Luoye started to feel that there was something wrong with his face. He scratched for a bit and almost pulled off a piece of flesh.

Li Banfeng looked over. ”Big Bro Qiu, is he scrubbing too hard?”

Then he shoved the bath scrubber. ”Can’t you be a little gentler?”

The melonmusk man stumbled and fell straight on Qiu Luoye.

Clang!

It was already a miracle that the scrubbing bed could hold Qiu Luoye alone. With another man his size crashing down on top of him, it never stood a chance.

The bed collapsed!

Qiu Luoye hit the floor with a wet thud, and the impact knocked the remaining flesh from his body. His eyeballs even popped free and his vision went back at once.

His soul had separated from his body.

When that happened, Li Banfeng very quickly used the Skill of Fleshbuilding and stuck the muskmelon man’s body on Qiu Luoye’s soul. At the same time, Ma Wu opened the sack and began scattering the gray grime.

Qiu Luoye shouted, ”Old Qi, what’s going on? Why can’t I see anything?”

Li Banfeng answered, ”I can’t see either! Someone released poison gas. Old Wu, where are you?”

Ma Wu was still busy dumping grime everywhere. Hearing Li Banfeng call for him, he quickly shouted back, ”I have got the bath scrubber! He’s an assassin! I am fighting him!”

Thud!

Ma Wu accidentally stepped on a piece of Qiu Luoye’s fallen flesh. His foot slipped out from under him, and he crashed hard to the floor. The fall hurt badly enough that Ma Wu gritted his teeth and let out a couple of groans.

Qiu Luoye immediately grew anxious. ”Old Wu, don’t fight him head-on! Hide somewhere first. I will fight him!”

Qiu Luoye really wanted to fight, but he couldn’t move. His soul had only just been attached to the muskmelon body, and he had not gotten used to it yet.

He thought he had been poisoned. It had been many years since any poison had managed to affect him, and he could not help wondering what kind of poison could possibly be this powerful.

Then a thought occurred to him. Something did not add up. If Ma Wu could still move, why couldn’t he?

Li Banfeng shouted, ”Old Wu, hold him down! Wait for me!”

Bang!

Li Banfeng used Treading Through Ten Thousand Rivers to stomp Qiu Luoye’s discarded flesh into pulp. Then he picked up the sack from the floor and scattered the gray sludge over the mangled mess.

Hearing the sounds of fighting around him, Qiu Luoye grew frantic. ”You two get out of here! Don’t worry about me. I will take him on!”

The moment he finished speaking, he stood up in the body of the muskmelon man. Li Banfeng was startled. Qiu Luoye had adjusted so much faster than he had expected.

Qiu Luoye stood perfectly still and slowly opened his eyes. At first, the world was nothing but a blur. Then the shapes sharpened, the colors returned, and suddenly he could see again. He looked around. The floor was covered in lumps of flesh, all mashed together with gray grime until there was no telling what any of it had once belonged to.

Li Banfeng and Ma Wu had prepared plenty more for their little performance, but now that Qiu Luoye could see again, there was no point continuing with the rest of it.

Qiu Luoye asked, ”Where did that bath scrubber go?”

”I blew him apart with Passing Flowers on Horseback.,” Li Banfeng said. He pointed at the mess on the floor.

The evidence was right there.

Qiu Luoye looked down at it. ”That’s his corpse?”

Ma Wu nodded. ”That’s right. That’s what’s left of him.”

And there was the eyewitness testimony.

Qiu Luoye flexed his arms and legs, but something still felt strange. ”Why does my body feel...so stiff?”

Li Banfeng answered, ”It’s the poison. My body’s stiff too!”

Ma Wu said, ”We were all poisoned just now.”

Qiu Luoye blinked. ”What kind of poison was that? How come I was the only one who couldn’t move?”

”You are already badly injured,” Li Banfeng said. ”The fact that you have recovered this much is impressive enough.”

Qiu Luoye glanced at him and thought that the explanation made sense.

After standing there for a moment, he strode over and stamped on the pile of mangled flesh. ”Damn it! I even said that the bastard was handsome. Who the hell sent him to kill us?”

Li Banfeng’s heart jumped.

Easy there, Big Bro Qiu. That muskmelon body is fragile. Don’t stomp it into pieces...

Still, after seeing how Qiu Luoye was doing, Li Banfeng finally relaxed.

They passed the first trial!

1. Double meaning ☜