Roommates With Benefits [BL]

He glanced down at our linked fingers. ”I think we’re doing what we feel we have to do.”

That answer felt painfully like Damien.

Not a yes or a no.

Just enough truth to make everything messier and I looked around again, taking in the half-filled shelves and the open boxes that seemed to mock my efforts to stay grounded.

”Do you remember when I first moved in?” I mumbled.

”Yes.”

”You barely opened the door.”

”You and Joey were loud.” His mouth twitched.

”And then you said I couldn’t come in.” I laughed softly, the memory both distant and incredibly close. ”God, you were so annoying and mean, giving me that dumb rule list and shit.”

”Yet, you stayed.”

”That’s because I had nowhere else to go thanks to Joey.”

”Thanks to Joey.”

I looked at him. ”Yeah, thanks to Joey.”

Our eyes locked and the laughter faded.

I leaned my head on his shoulder, inhaling the familiar scent of his cologne still lingering on his shirt even though most of his stuff had already been packed.

”I never thought I’d end up falling for you...pfft, so embarrassing..”

Damien turned his head slightly a tiny smile on those pink lips of his. ”Neither did I.”

His fingers tightened around mine and I stayed against his shoulder for another minute before standing up again.

There was still packing left to do and somehow, doing something routine felt easier than sitting there and thinking about what lay ahead.

I moved over to the bookshelf, running my fingers along the spines like I used to when pretending not to watch him study.

”These?”

”Keep the blue ones.”

I looked at the books. ”But these are yours.”

”I know.”

”You want me to keep them?”

”For the year.”

I swallowed hard. ”Okay.”

I picked them up carefully, the spines softened in places from how often he’d handled them.

There was something oddly intimate about being trusted with his things while he was getting ready to leave.

I placed the books into one of the smaller boxes, adjusting them twice because leaving them crooked felt like failing in some personal way.

Then I spotted the mug.

Our mug.

Nothing fancy, just a white ceramic one, slightly chipped along the handle, sporting the ridiculous university logo. We’d bought it during one of those grocery trips that spiraled into buying unnecessary things.

We had shared it so often while drinking coffee that I couldn’t remember whose idea it was in the first place.

I picked it up. ”Who gets this?”

Damien looked over. ”The mug?”

”Yes.”

He stared at it, then back at me. ”You want it?”

”I asked you first.”

”I don’t care.”

”That’s a lie.”

”I genuinely don’t care about the mug.”

I held it against my chest like it might shatter if I didn’t show it enough affection.

”Then I’m keeping it.”

”Fine.”

I nodded..”Good.”

I placed it carefully in a box.

A couple of seconds later, Damien said, ”Wrap it.”

I turned around. ” I thought you don’t said you didn’t care about it.”

”I just don’t want you to break it.”

I gave him a look and he was completely serious and I couldn’t help but smile.

”You’re such a fucking liar.”

”I’ve never claimed otherwise.”

The room fell silent again.

I wandered toward the bathroom to grab some things.

That’s when I caught the faint smell of his cologne still lingering in the air.

His bottles were packed away.

The shelf was nearly empty.

But that scent remained, as stubborn as the man who’d left it behind.

I stood there longer than I needed to, staring at the bare space where his things used to be.

It felt ridiculous, how something as silly as a cologne bottle could make my chest ache.

I reached out and touched the empty shelf, tracing the outline where a familiar bottle once sat.

”So you’re really leaving, huh.” The words slipped out before I could stop them.

I heard Damien’s footsteps behind me.

He didn’t say anything, instead, he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

I leaned back against him, letting his solid warmth ease some of the restless energy coursing through me.

For a moment, we stood in silence.

”I’ll be back,” he murmured.

I closed my eyes.

”You better, or I’ll hunt you down and kick your ass.” I said as I turned in his embrace.

I rested my forehead against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat like it was the only reliable clock left in the room.

We lingered like that for a while, then returned to the task at hand, eventually, only a few items remained.

The last suitcase was nearly filled, the shelves stood bare.

The closet looked like it belonged to one person again.

The kitchen counter had only my things scattered across it.

I stood in the spot where we used to cook together, where Damien would annoy and tease me to no end to the point I almost cried myself to sleep trying to protect my dignity.

I glanced at the kitchen again, at the empty counter that used to hold two mugs and a chaotic mix of ingredients.

The afternoon light had shifted because Damien’s curtains had already been taken down.

Without them, sunlight filled the room differently, illuminating parts that had always been shaded.

I suddenly detested the light and I hated the boxes.

I hated the suitcase, I hated that everything happening around me had a perfectly reasonable explanation.

But none of it hurt any less.

Damien checked the last bag. ”That’s everything.”

I nodded.

Neither of us moved, then he stepped closer.

His hands settled gently on my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Our foreheads touched.

Don’t cry, don’t cry... Do not fucking cry!

For a few seconds, we just looked at each other, the kind of gaze that silently conveyed everything we were too careful to express in words.

”We’ll be okay,” he whispered while his thumb brushed against my cheek. ”I love you.”

My eyes fluttered shut. ”I love you too.”

He kissed me, slow and gentle, nothing like the frantic kisses we shared when we were scared of losing each other. This felt almost unbearably tender, like neither of us wanted to rush through the last moments we had together.

His grip around my waist tightened just a bit.

I held onto his shoulders.

When we finally pulled apart, we didn’t go far, our foreheads stayed close.

”I don’t want to forget this,” I murmured.

”You won’t.”

”How do you know?”

He offered me a small smile.

”Because I’ll make you remember.”

I smiled through the tears still sliding down my face, then he kissed them away, one by one.

When he finished, he rested his forehead against mine once more. ”Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

”I think it’s already tough.”

”You’re right.” I tightened my arms around him.

He pulled me closer.

We lingered that way, time becoming meaningless. All I knew was the rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my ear, his warmth against my back, and how the room around us was slowly becoming less and less ours.

Eventually, Damien picked up his bags.

And I watched him go.

He headed for the door, then he stopped as his hand rested on the doorknob.

He didn’t turn it, he just stood there and I looked at him confused until I realized he was waiting.

Not for permission, not because he’d forgotten something.

He was lingering because this was the last moment we could pretend we still had time and I stood in the center of Room 25 of Preston Hall, staring at him.

He looked back at me.

Neither of us said goodbye, neither of us had the courage to.

Because saying it would make everything too real, besides...this wasn’t a real goodbye to begin with.

Damien tightened his grip on the doorknob and I suddenly wanted to run to him.

I wanted to tell him to forget the whole plan, forget his parents, the inheritance, the mansion, and all the other crazy things that had brought us to this point.

That if Hawthorne kicked him out, I’d drop out too. That if he had to get a job, I’d get two more as well.

But I didn’t, because I loved him.

And sometimes, loving someone means trusting them enough to let them go, even when every selfish part of you screams to hold them tight.

So I stayed put and Damien opened the door.

The hallway light flooded into Room 25, slicing across the floor and illuminating the boxes that had once held pieces of our shared life.

He stepped halfway through and hen he looked back one last time.

His blue eyes caught mine as my heart ached.

The year hadn’t officially started yet.

But there in the shared space we’d known, watching Damien get ready to walk through that door, I felt like I was already living in it.

The door still stood open.

Somehow, that made everything worse.

”See you soon, sunshine.” He whispered but I caught it due to how bare and echoey the dorm had become.

”See you soon, asshole.” I said.

Damien chuckled, shaking his head and took a step through the door, and another.

Until he had left me.