Rising Shards

Through some weird void crap, I found myself face to face with my other self, my Downside form. Sitting in a hot tub talking to a monster wolf girl version of me was weird enough, but weirder still when she started talking for real instead of just making grunts, her voice identical to my own.

”So...I am not really sure where to start,” I said. ”Uh, hi I guess? Downside? Do you like that name?”

”It’s cool, yeah,” Downside said.

”Am I stuck with you forever?” I asked.

Downside played with the water. She really liked doing that for some reason. ”I dunno. I guess you’re stuck with yourself forever, and you’re me, so. Probably.”

”I meant more in the monster form thing,” I said. ”Think we’ll always be able to do that?”

”Or maybe you’ll get stuck like me forever,” Downside said.

The way we spoke, it was like my internal monologue turned to dialogue between two people. I could sense what Downside would say before she said it.

”Are you sure you’re me?” I asked. ”My theory was like alien symbiote that is also a cool girl that has my thoughts because you copied them from me or whatever.”

”I dunno, that doesn’t feel like what this is, I guess,” Downside said.

”Still, it’d be cool, right?” I asked.

”Maybe,” Downside said. ”I don’t know anything for sure, so gut feelings are all I have to go on.”

”That’s alright,” I said. ”If you are me, I should probably say. While we’re here, I’m not doing any freaky selfcest crap with you.”

”Oh my god, wow,” Downside said, burying her face in her hands.

”What? Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it,” I said.

”I mean, I was, but I wasn’t gonna say it,” Downside said.

”Because you’re a big monster girl, and you’re also me, so, kinda messed up, but also maybe enticing to you? But I’m still saying no because like, come on, that’s just—”

”Listen, do you want to debate the ethics of something that isn’t gonna happen, or do you wanna actually talk about something with substance?” Downside said.

”I mean, debating the ethics of selfcest could be something with substance, that’s technically a conversation that—”

Downside splashed me.

”Fine, fine,” I said. ”It’s weird to be so annoying I annoy myself.”

”Yet you managed to find a way,” Downside said. ”I’m sure I could annoy you if you give me enough time.”

”Heh, I’d like to see you try,” I said. ”I don’t even know what else to ask, though.”

”I got a few things I’d like to say,” Downside said.

”Go for it,” I said, bracing myself to get chewed out...by myself? ”If it’s about telling the others, I’m gonna.”

”I know,” Downside said. ”When we’re ready.”

”Yeah,” I said. ”So what’s your thing?”

Downside held up a clawed finger. ”One, sometime you gotta go to me when nothing’s going on and brush the fur, it’s gonna get matted, and yes, it will stay matted even when we’re shifting back and forth, I don’t know how it works but I can feel my fur getting tangled,” Downside said. ”Two, we should really find a teacher who can train us on doing this better. I know we’re keeping it a secret and all...”

”But yeah, it’d be good to find someone who can get this under control,” I said. ”Wait, oh my god, I have something to ask. Did you have more?”

”I think we’re gonna talk about the same thing,” Downside said.

”You being me and all,” I said. ”What do you want with Marms? Why’d you wanna scratch her so bad?”

Downside dipped into the water, and started making bubbles with her mouth. I did the same. We both rose back up in sync, scratching our heads.

”Like...you know.” We said at the same time.

”No, wait,” I said. ”Actually tell me. Is she gonna be like us now that we scratched her? Her arm was glowing. Now when I think about her too much, I go all...you style with the shifting. Are we linked now or some weird thing like that? Is it dangerous?”

”I mean, I think you know,” Downside said. ”I dunno if she’s gonna go full like us, but the scratch definitely put some of us in her, you know?”

”Heh, definitely put something in her,” We both laughed like idiots. ”But wait, no, seriously, not something bad, right? We didn’t poison her, did we?”

”Better not have,” Downside said. ”I think she’s alright though. More than alright.”

”Yeah, Marms is awesome,” I said.

”So then, you get it,” Downside said.

”Get what?” I asked.

”Come on,” Downside said. ”We’re dense, but we’re not that dense.”

”I...don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, laughing nervously. ”I guess we don’t have all the same thoughts, huh?”

”It’s a good cover,” Downside said.

”Cover for what?” I asked.

”Because you don’t want to get hurt again by getting your hopes up,” Downside said. ”So you cover up what we’re feeling. Deny it’s even happening. But again, we’re not that dense, are we?”

I grimaced. I didn’t want to say whether she was right or not, but it was hard to deny.

”I have a few more questions about you being me,” I said.

”Nice subject change,”

”Whatever, I just thought of another,” I said. 

”Another implies one question, you said a few questions,” Downside said.

”Ugh, annoying,” I said as Downside gave me a toothy grin, showing off all her sharp teeth. ”If you’re me, like...do you remember all of our pasts and stuff? Or did you only come to when I drank that stuff?”

”I remember like everything I think,” Downside said.

”Whoa, do you have super memory and you can like remember being a baby?”

”No? But I do remember doing somersaults on the concrete driveway,” Downside said.

”Oh yeah, when we were like three,” I said. ”Do you think if we like got split up, me just like regular me and you all Downside still, would that like mess us up?”

”I don’t think that’s a thing,” Downside said. ”Like...I’m you.”

”Well, just hypothetically,” I said.

”I mean...probably?” Downside said.

Something lurched beneath us, like a plug was pulled in a bathtub. The water began to drain the same way as that, slowly going downward.

”I think we’re gonna go back now,” Downside said. ”Think about what I said, alright?”

”Yeah,” I said. ”Can we talk again when we’re back?”

Downside shrugged. ”Maybe. Probably. Come look for me in our head, I’m somewhere in there, right?”

”Right,” I said. ”I’ll add finding a way to talk to you to my list of things to do.”

We both stood up.

”OK, don’t call this selfcest, this isn’t that, just...” Downside held her arms out. ”Quick hug before we go back?”

I had the widest grin I’d worn all day. ”Sure.”

Embracing my other half felt...super freaking cold, she was like hugging a snowman. But it was comforting, too.

”I’ll talk to you soon, OK?” I said.

”You better,” Downside said.

I barely felt it when things went back to normal. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I had my eyes closed, but suddenly being part of a big crowd walking was hard to miss visually. I wasn’t soaking wet like I expected, which was good because there was no chance I’d come up with an explanation for that.

”I think if they end up doing a party system this time, I’d love it if we could have more than six party members, I know they said they capped it there for graphics reasons for the last Tyrant game, but this time...” Marmalade was in the middle of a ramble about the next Tyrant Rangers.

Did Marms not end up in all that? She didn’t seem to notice anything was up. I looked around, half listening (any other time I would have been hanging on every word for Marmalade speculating about a future Tyrant Rangers game). I spotted Zates, Oka, Lillia...everyone seemed to be OK. Ovie and her clique were talking like they didn’t just kick my ass a bit ago. I felt at my gut where they kept stomping, and didn’t feel any pain. I was tempted to say all that was just a dream, but maybe this time they just blanked out everyone’s memories? I didn’t see Chickadee around, but maybe I could have some words with her that wouldn’t end with her ratting me out to Octa Kathron, just to find something out about what she was doing.

”Sounds pretty awesome...” I said.

”Focus, Kalei,” Mom said, bonking me on the head. ”If you space out like that, you’re never gonna pick a good tux.”

Maybe I was just adjusting to the shift, but a concern popped up. What if that part in the void was real, and this was a dream? Maybe Downside would want me back in the real place then, maybe? I tried to slyly press against the power blocker wristband I had on. If this was the void, that piece of junk was good for telling me that much, at least.

”Not in void,” the voice on my wristband said. ”Ping unnecessary.”

”What’d you do that for?” Mom asked.

”Accident,” I said.

I guess if they were OK, I could manage for now. The dreamlike feeling faded with that failed ping, and by the time I got to the space set up for the shopping spree, I felt like myself again.