Gun of Ashes

What was the original wish...?

Lorenzo thought hard, but with the passage of time, that period had become so insignificant that if it weren’t for Lorenzo’s words, he would’ve forgotten it completely.

Weary, he took a step forward, pondering what it was.

The moment that changed his life.

Gradually, Lorenzo seemed to recall that day. From the moment he could remember, he had lived under the oppressive steel sky, wishing many times to leave, to see the world outside, to witness the existence described in books.

But those Secret Keepers who seemed like monsters stopped him, warning him that the outside world was already destroyed, with only ruins and debris remaining.

It was a desolate, broken world, nothing worth exploring or discovering. All Lorenzo needed to do was, alongside the Secret Keepers, maintain this vast library, record humanity’s various achievements, and hold onto these glories as he dies in silence.

Back then, Lorenzo felt great fear, not because he was worried he’d become a monstrous non-human like the Secret Keepers, but the thought of spending the rest of his life there filled him with melancholy.

Until...

Until one day, that tightly shut door was opened.

”It’s been so long, hasn’t it?”

Lorenzo paused, muttering softly.

His gaze appeared somewhat bewildered; half of his face had completely cracked open, where beneath the peeling skin wasn’t crimson flesh, but rather deep darkness, as if his flesh, bones, and even organs had been consumed by darkness at some point, leaving behind merely a shell, a clay puppet.

The tiny cracks multiplied rapidly, and as the gaps widened, the darkness within seemed to gain substance, constantly leaking, clearly showing black particles moving, slowly diffusing like smoke.

In this unsettling depth, tranquil snores echoed, occasionally crimson lines opening into scarlet hundreds of eyes.

”When did I become like this?”

Lorenzo’s thoughts gradually stiffened, looking around at the corpses and ruins everywhere, the fortifications of the Mechanical Institute were easily breached, the vast industrial area filled with fallen metal remains.

There were large abandoned machines; and recently fallen Armor of Original Sin.

The thundering of cannons still shook the air, yet most sounds didn’t reach Lorenzo’s ears. As if strolling, he thought while advancing, then thousands of soldiers raced past him, Demons clawing, crushing corpses, rolling over iron, rushing toward the blazing Mechanical Institute.

”Is this what I want to do? Or is it a choice made under the influence of The Inexpressible?”

Lorenzo pondered deeply, yet no matter how hard he thought, he couldn’t find an answer.

He no longer had any remaining choices; even if a completely different answer existed, Lorenzo wouldn’t abandon everything either.

Perhaps due to his own reasons, or perhaps unknowingly controlled by The Inexpressible...

”Anyway, I can’t stop anymore, Edlun.”

Lorenzo murmured to himself.

Fire scattered through the air, Demons advanced like waves, engulfing the guarded Armor of Original Sin and the soldiers one by one, defenses continually collapsing, each explosion raising masses of corpses, yet with each death, there were always more Demons filling the void, continuing forward.

Cracks, small and numerous, spread across Lorenzo’s face like a shattered mask, fragments falling faster and faster, darkness progressively consumed most of his face, leaving only a bewildered left eye, tiredly gazing at the water’s surface.

He watched himself.

”Perhaps what you said is right.”

This felt like self-confession or repentance, but Lorenzo couldn’t clearly distinguish it anymore; he just felt his thoughts growing heavier, yet corresponding to that, his strength also surged.

The last time Lorenzo felt this strong was before entering the Well of Ascension, and ever since then, everything changed.

”I am a pathetic idealist, unwilling to yield to cruel reality, yet incapable of utterly changing it, unable to find the perfect solution. I became increasingly radical and frenzied, stubbornly holding onto an answer whose correctness was unknown.”

Lorenzo couldn’t stop anymore; he had paid too much in cost, made too many sacrifices, killed so many people. He had no reason to halt or time for self-reflection.

He didn’t even dare to entertain those thoughts, as doing so would undoubtedly deny himself, denying all the deaths and anguish he caused over the years.

Then what am I?

All he could do was continue moving forward, blindly believing in his path until being utterly destroyed on it.

”We’ll meet again at the end of the road, Edlun.”

The last fragments fell completely, pure darkness consumed all of Lorenzo.

Dazed, he recalled Edlun’s judgment on him, saying he was a coward. Back then, Lorenzo didn’t understand why he was told so, angrily refuting.

Now it seems, Lorenzo somewhat understood.

He indeed is a coward, capable only of blind stubbornness, afraid of change, even afraid to think about it.

Abandoning all thought, like a walking corpse.