Who Let Him Play Yugioh? (Re-Upload)

Kirk took a deep breath.

”My turn, draw!”

With Rivalry of Warlords and Ojama Trio in play, he couldn’t summon any monsters, and his Life Points were down to 1300. If things continued, he’d probably be finished next turn by the White Rabbit’s direct attack and some burning effect.

He glanced at the card he drew, squinting.

No choice—he’d have to rely on this draw to turn things around.

”I set a card,” Kirk said, playing the card he just drew. ”Then I activate this card—

—Spell Card, ’Card of Sanctity’!

Both players draw until they have six cards in hand!” (anime effect)

Kira raised an eyebrow.

As expected of a DM-era character—back then, Card of Sanctity was the equivalent of Pot of Greed in GX: everyone used it.

”Here we go!”

Drawing up to a full six cards did seem to give him a chance. Kirk laughed and slapped down a card.

”Spell Card, ’Dark Hole’! Destroy all monsters on the field!”

Fine black lines stretched across the void, like a tear opening up, and in an instant, a destructive celestial body was born. The expanding rift became a miniature black hole, like a ghostly flame or a demon’s eye, swallowing everything on the field with overwhelming gravitational force, grinding them to dust.

”All monsters on the field are destroyed—now the summon lock is lifted!” Kirk shouted.

With the Ojama Tokens gone, he could freely summon monsters again. As long as he summoned a Machine-Type, Rivalry of Warlords would restrict him to only Machines—which was fine, since his entire deck was Machines anyway.

”At this moment, the Ojama Token’s effect also activates,” Kira reminded. ”When an Ojama Token is destroyed, its controller takes 300 damage.”

”NANI!?”

Kirk’s expression changed again. The departed clown trio reappeared as transparent ghosts, shouting ”Underwear Attack!” as they charged at his face, butts first. (LOL)

”Uwaaah!”

[Kirk, LP 1300 → LP 400]

He wiped cold sweat from his brow.

Damn, these disgusting things even had a hidden trap—if he’d had 400 less LP, he’d have self-destructed right there.

But at least he’d finally broken out of the lockdown.

”With the summon lock gone, I can summon monsters again! I activate ’Machina Fortress’ in the Graveyard!

By discarding Machine-Type monsters from my hand with total levels of eight or more, I Special Summon Fortress from the Graveyard!

I discard the Level 8 ’Machina Megaform’ from my hand—now, arise in an even stronger form—

—Machina Fortress, revive!”

The heavy fortress crawled out of the vortex in the Graveyard, guns aimed once again at Kira’s empty field.

”Fortress can revive as many times as I want!” Kirk shouted. ”Feel the overwhelming firepower of my Machinas!

Machina Fortress, direct attack!”

The fortress’s turret rotated, barrel locked on target. The energy core inside hummed, glowing red-hot.

A cannon blast—an angry fire dragon shooting across the field, leaving a trail of light.

”Now I activate my set card,” Kira said, raising his hand.

”Trap Card—Dimension Barrier!

When your opponent declares an attack, the battle damage is inflicted on them instead!”

”Another trap!?”

Kirk’s eyes narrowed, and he shouted through gritted teeth.

”But muda! Counter Trap—Trap Jammer! It negates and destroys a Trap Card activated during the Battle Phase!

Dimension Barrier’s activation is negated!”

The newly formed dimensional barrier shattered, and the fortress’s firepower continued unimpeded. Kira took the full brunt of the blast, stumbling back, his virtual body flickering like a rippling stream.

[Kira, LP 3200 → LP 700]

But he quickly steadied himself, glancing at his data-streamed right hand.

”I see. It can simulate real sensation—so even as data consciousness you can feel the impact, just like the real thing?”

”Exactly,” Mokuba said. ”In the Link System, we strive to recreate the most realistic, top-tier dueling experience.”

Kira thought for a moment.

So even if it’s just data consciousness, a Shadow Game in this virtual space should be possible. That’s only natural.

Shadow Games are a basic law of this world, transcending time and space. Even as early as episode 2 of the DM anime, Pegasus managed to duel Yugi in a Shadow Game via videotape.

And that was before the Internet—even just a videotape broadcast on TV could do it.

So, pulling off a Shadow Game in an online game should be even easier.

”It’s not over yet!” Kirk said coldly. ”I haven’t forgotten that you still have that dangerous ’Inaba White Rabbit’. Next turn, if you attack directly with it, I’m finished.

So, I activate the Spell Card ’Card Destruction’ from my hand! Both players discard all cards in hand, then draw the same number!”

”Very cautious,” Kira nodded, discarding Inaba White Rabbit and drawing new cards.

”My turn ends,” Kirk laughed. ”Your lock is broken—my Machina firepower proved unstoppable in the end! Just a little more, and I’ll finish you next turn!”

Looks like the poor guy was stressed out. No wonder—Kira knew from experience that being locked down and taunted like that could drive anyone mad.

”My turn, draw,” Kira said calmly. ”Quick-Play Spell, ’Emergency Provisions’—I send the Continuous Trap ’Rivalry of Warlords’ to the Graveyard, and recover 1000 Life Points.”

[Kira, LP 700 → LP 1700]

”Next, I activate ’Ojamandala’—pay 1000 LP to revive ’Ojama Green’, ’Ojama Black’, and ’Ojama Yellow’ from the Graveyard!”

[Kira, LP 1700 → LP 700]

The green, yellow, and black trio bounced out of the Graveyard once again.

Just seeing them made Kirk furious: ”Not these disgusting things again…!”

But this time, they were on Kira’s side—he could vent his rage on them.

”Spell Card, ’Polymerization’! I fuse ’Ojama Black’, ’Ojama Green’, and ’Ojama Yellow’ on the field!”

Kirk: ”!”

These clowns can fuse!?

”The triple fusion of the Ojama Trio! The crystallization of brotherly power—behold—

—Ojama King, Fusion Summon!”

In a triple fusion vortex, dazzling light burst forth. Out stepped a huge figure with red briefs on the outside, a cape, and a burly build. It was a super—

—a super-sized Ojama.

Though the entrance effect was flashy, he still looked like a classic gag character: big white head, huge mouth, and a not-so-bright smile.

[Ojama King, ATK 0]

Kirk: ”?”

What’s with a Fusion boss monster with 0 attack? Is this a joke?

”Next, I activate the Field Spell ’Ojama Country’!” Kira declared. ”As long as there’s an ’Ojama’ monster on the field, all monsters’ original ATK and DEF are swapped!”

Kirk: ”Attack and defense switched!?”

[Ojama King, ATK 0 → ATK 3000]

[Machina Fortress, ATK 2500 → ATK 1600]

Stats reversed!

”’Ojama King’, attack ’Machina Fortress’!” Kira ordered.

Ojama King flexed his biceps, then soared superhero-style across the field, slamming a fist into Machina Fortress.

Kirk’s face darkened.

Are you kidding me?

I’m going to lose to a gag monster like this!?

If this punch lands, it’s not just high damage—it’s massively humiliating.

He couldn’t accept it!

”Activate set card! Trap Card—’Malevolent Catastrophe’! When a monster declares an attack, destroy all monsters on the field!!!” (anime effect)

This is the same trap Marik used back in the day—though the real card was changed to ”destroy all Spells and Traps when your opponent attacks.”

”Say goodbye, Ojama King!”

A massive vortex erupted from the trap, sweeping across the field. Both the iron fortress and the charging Ojama King were swallowed up.

Field wiped!

”At this moment, ’Machina Megaform’ in my Graveyard activates!” Kirk laughed. ”When ’Machina Fortress’ I control is sent to the Graveyard, I can banish Fortress to Special Summon Megaform from the Graveyard!

Come forth! Machina Megaform!!!”

The just-defeated Fortress reappeared, armor plates shifting and assembling into a giant robot—the iron war god.

[Machina Megaform, ATK 2600]

Mokuba’s expression turned serious: ”To break out of that kind of lockdown and still turn the tables… As expected of a legendary Card Professor.”

Kira: ”I’ll set two cards face down and end my turn.”

”Heh, out of tricks at last?” Kirk sneered. ”Then, my turn.”

Kirk drew, then smirked.

”Well, for a student, your performance was quite surprising.

But it can’t be helped—I’m just too strong. Against my invincible Machinas—”

”Activate set card: Trap Card ’Ojama Trio.’

Special Summon three Ojama Tokens to your opponent’s field.”

[Ojama Token, DEF 1000 → DEF 0] x3

The tokens are also affected by ’Ojama Country’ and have their stats swapped.

The yellow, green, and black tokens leaped onto Kirk’s field, immediately lounging around as usual.

Token Yellow: ”Long time no see!”

Token Green: ”Sorry to bother you again~”

Token Black: ”Zzz… Zzz…”

It’s us three again.jpg. (XD)

Veins bulged on Kirk’s forehead.

You guys again?

But he quickly calmed down: ”Even if you summon tokens now, it doesn’t matter! Your lockdown’s broken—these scrubs can’t stop my invincible Machinas…”

”Activate another set card,” Kira snapped his fingers. ”Trap Card—Torrential Tribute!

When a monster is successfully summoned, destroy all monsters on the field!”

Kirk was shocked again.

Using Ojama Trio to summon monsters just to trigger Torrential Tribute and wipe his own ’Megaform’?

No, wait!

A flash of realization hit him.

It’s not that simple!

Those disgusting Ojama Tokens’ effect is:

”When an Ojama Token is destroyed, its controller takes 300 damage!!!”

Kirk’s mind went blank.

An endless torrent erupted from the trap, sweeping away his giant iron Machina and the three tokens.

Then the ghostly Ojama brothers popped out again.

”No—don’t—!!”

Kirk instinctively backed away as the three red-briefed clowns transformed into monsters in his eyes.

”Stay away—don’t come any closer, don’t—!”

But the trio charged at him, butts first.

The damage was high—the humiliation even higher.

”Nooooooo!!!!”

[Kirk, LP 400 → LP 0]

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