The Shadow of Great Britain

226: Chapter 152 The East India Company’s Trade Secrets (4K7)_2 226: Chapter 152 The East India Company’s Trade Secrets (4K7)_2 Eld asked casually, “By the way, John, what do you do for work?

How can it be meaningless?”

Mil forced a smile and said, “I’m a clerk for the East India Company.”

Arthur, who had been drinking coffee, nearly couldn’t help but spit it out across the table at Robuck sitting opposite him.

While wiping his mouth with a napkin nearby, he said, “I think I understand now why you’re so melancholic.

The East India Company’s London office is a place where even Oxford and Cambridge students would break their heads to get in.”

Eld cried out in agony, “Damn!

How did you get in there?

Why don’t I have such luck?

Are they still hiring?

If they are, I’d immediately resign from the Royal Navy.”

Robuck, also holding a cup of coffee, nodded and said, “John, I’ve told you, you’re already doing quite well.

Don’t spend all day daydreaming about what-ifs, relax a bit.

If you spent your days lugging sacks on the docks, you wouldn’t have the time to feel so empty.”

Mil seemed accustomed to their reactions and responded with resignation, pursing his lips, “Getting into the East India Company isn’t as hard as you think.

As long as one can graduate smoothly from the company’s Haileybury College in London, you can easily take up a position in the company.”

Eld drummed excitedly on the table, “John, don’t you see?

Just being a clerk at the East India Company is already good luck, let alone being at the London office.

My God!

Do you know what that means?

It means you don’t have to cross the seas and still can enjoy a high salary.

And since you have time to feel empty, it must mean the work at the London office must be quite idle, right?”

Feeling cornered by Eld, Mil let slip some information, “It gets a bit busy during the shipping peak season.”

“And the off-season?”

Mil nervously picked up his coffee cup, “Trade secret.”

Seeing Eld’s emotions ready to explode, Mil quickly changed the subject, “But that’s not the issue we are discussing.

I feel empty because I’m thinking, ‘If all the goals in life were achieved, if all the desired changes in systems and concepts could immediately be fully realized, would that be your great happiness and joy?’”

Arthur, who had been silent until then, interjected unexpectedly, “Of course not.

Far from it.

If all your goals were achieved, you would be in great pain.

Because from that day on, you would be living just for the sake of living.

Even setting for yourself a very mediocre goal, like making a billion or something, is better than setting a goal that’s too easy to achieve.”

Upon hearing this, Mil’s eyes lit up, “Mr.

Hastings, you think so too.

At that time, I was in the state of having lost my goal.

Because I found the entire foundation on which my enthusiasm for life was built, had collapsed, and all my happiness had originally laid in the relentless pursuit of this goal.

And now, the original goal no longer holds any appeal, so how could I continue to be interested in the means of achieving the goal?

At that time, I was like described in “Dejection”—without sharp pain, empty, melancholic, dreary, tired, smothering, a passionless sadness that cannot be naturally expelled through words, sighs, or tears.

I felt no spirit in doing anything and lived my days in a daze.

I can hardly remember what I did during those years; it was as if I wasn’t living at all.

I tried to seek relief in my favorite books, but it was futile.

Those works that I once deemed magnificent were of no help; they had lost their charm of the past.

I also thought of seeking help from my father, but in the end, I couldn’t muster the courage because all signs showed that he completely didn’t understand the mental anguish I was suffering.

Even if I could make him understand, he wasn’t the doctor who could cure me.

As for my friends, as you can see, Robuck and the others cannot comprehend me.”

Arthur asked, “So how did you come out of it in the end?”

Mil smiled with a sigh, the temperature in the bright cafe wasn’t too high, but his forehead was covered in sweat.

“At the time, I was reading Marmontel’s ‘Memoirs,’ and I came across a section about the grief of his family when his father died.

Marmontel, still a young boy, experienced a revelation; he felt, and made his family feel, that he could be everything to them—replace everything they had lost.”

This scene profoundly moved me, and I’m embarrassed to say, moved me to tears.

Since that day, the weight I had been carrying felt lighter.

Gradually, I found that ordinary things in life could still bring me pleasure.

I could still find happiness in sunshine, in the sky, books, conversation, and public affairs, albeit not as intense, but enough to cheer me up.

And once more, I had a belief for which I felt the thrill of acting for the public good, the clouds above gradually cleared away, and I started to enjoy the pleasures of life again.”

Arthur, hearing this, couldn’t help but smile, “I thought you needed someone to lead you out, but you managed to come out on your own.

Living for the public good is indeed a sustainable goal, and you never have to worry that it will be achieved because there will always be things for you to do.”

Mr.

Mil, you should consider writing a book; it would surely help many who suffer the same symptoms as you.

I would especially like to recommend it to my friend Benjamin Disraeli; perhaps he could gain a lot from your book.”