System Anomaly: The Sin of Greed[LitRPG/Prog Fem/Anti-Hero]

Night fell over the Arcane Greed Faction Headquarters with a fresh, tranquil breeze.

On the Bastion’s second floor, Diana had locked herself in her office to finalize raw amethyst transmutation calculations. Taking advantage of the Commander’s temporary absence, Rhea, Kael, and Aurelia-Elysia gathered around Seraphina on the living room sofa, wearing extremely serious and conspiratorial expressions.

Seraphina sat in the middle of the upholstery, clutching her new silver grimoire against her chest, looking from one to the other with suspicion from behind her round spectacle lenses.

“Why are you looking at me like that…?” Seraphina asked, shrinking her shoulders. “Do we have to clean the armory again?”

Rhea rested her elbows on her knees, her silver ears perked in a solemn tone.

“Seraphina.” Rhea began, her voice deep as a tribal elder’s. “Every new member who officially joins the Arcane Greed Faction must undergo the Commander’s Sacred Initiation Ritual.”

Seraphina’s eyes widened in immediate panic. “R-Ritual…?! Is it a blood duel?! Do I have to fight Kael without summons?!”

“Much worse!” Aurelia-Elysia said with a mischievous grin, leaning over the back of the sofa. “The ritual is as follows: everyone in the squad has to try hit on Commander Diana with a romantic pick-up line. And you, as the official rookie, have to drop your best flirt line too!”

Kael let out a muffled laugh, covering his mouth with his iron gauntlet. “The rule is seeing how long it takes her to think the pick-up line is an armor flaw or a blood poison spell.”

Seraphina turned red to the roots of her hair, her glasses nearly sliding off her nose. “WHAT?! I CAN’T FLIRT WITH THE COMMANDER! SHE’S A CANDIDATE FOR A DEADLY SIN!”

“That’s precisely why it’s fun!” Aurelia cheered. “Shh! She’s coming down!”

***

Diana’s calm steps echoed on the wooden staircase.

The Commander came down into the living room wearing comfortable black pants and a loose gray cotton shirt, without the heavy plates of her Dragon Chestplate. She carried a tray with a pitcher of red fruit tea and a plate of buttered sweet rolls she had bought at the plaza for a silver coin.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

[REST NIGHT EXPENSES]

- Noble Snacks and Fruit Tea: -1 Silver Coin (100 Bronze).

[CURRENT VAULT BALANCE: 314 SILVER COINS (31,400 Bronze / 31.4 GOLD COINS!)]

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Diana placed the tray onto the coffee table, sitting down in the individual armchair.

“I finished the ingot smelting calculations.” Diana said in a calm tone, pouring a cup of tea. “Tomorrow we can-”

She stopped mid-sentence.

Kael stood up from the sofa with a rigid posture, cleared his throat loudly, and walked up beside Diana’s armchair.

The Level 35 vanguard crossed his broad Strength 54 arms, puffed his nearly nine-hundred HP chest, and aimed at Diana with the most charming, gallant look he could improvise:

“You know, Commander Diana…” Kael said in a velvety voice, “…my shield has eight hundred seventy hit points to block any blow on the battlefield… but against the gleam of that sharp gaze of yours, my physical defense drops straight to zero.”

Diana froze with her tea cup two centimeters from her mouth.

She blinked her dark eyes three times in absolute silence.

Next, the Commander set her cup on the table with a crisp click, rose from the armchair with an expression of clinical alarm, and activated [Command Eye] directly on Kael’s chestplate.

“Your physical defense dropped to zero?!” Diana asked, her voice issuing fast and stern. “Did the Amethyst Emperor’s impact cause internal micro-fractures in the volcanic steel alloy?! Kael, strip your shirt off now! I need to inspect the metal temper before the plate shatters in combat!”

Kael covered his face with his iron gauntlet, shaking his head in pure defeat while Aurelia-Elysia and Rhea bit their lips to keep from bursting into laughter.

“It’s not the armor, Commander… never mind…” Kael grumbled, returning to the sofa with his head down.

***

Aurelia-Elysia nudged Seraphina with her elbow and rose with grace.

The priestess rounded Diana’s armchair, leaning gently over the leather backrest behind the Commander, tilting her face close to Diana’s ear, speaking with a sweet, whispered melody:

“Diana…” Aurelia murmured, blinking her lilac eyes with feigned innocence, “…my pool of nearly eight hundred mana points is utterly useless if it isn’t connected to your command… don’t you want to perform a direct fusion of our spiritual channels tonight in your room?”

Diana whipped her neck around instantly, pulling an arcane diagnostic prism from her belt pouch with eyes wide in concern:

“Unregulated fusion of mana channels?!” Diana scolded, her voice filled with medical urgency. “Aurelia, you are a Level 35 priestess! Attempting to fuse magic circuits without a rune containment circle causes mana reflux and instant cerebral hemorrhage! Drink two glasses of water and go to bed immediately!”

Aurelia-Elysia let out a dramatic groan of frustration, flopping backward onto the living room carpet: “My God… she is incorrigible!”

***

It was Rhea’s turn.

The hybrid girl used no metaphors or beaten-around-the-bush words. She used her Agility 103.

In a millisecond of invisible movement, Rhea crossed the room without making the slightest wind sound and sat directly on Diana’s lap inside the leather armchair.

The wolf girl wrapped both arms around Diana’s neck, resting her chin affectionately on her friend’s collarbone curve, her silver ears brushing the Commander’s cheek as she purred softly:

“Diana…” Rhea whispered in the sweetest, most coy voice in the world, locking onto her dark eyes two centimeters away, “…you said that everything belonging to your faction has to be the most perfect treasure in Hell. So lock me in your vault forever… and tell me I’m your favorite possession.”

Diana paralyzed completely.

The Commander of Arcane Greed, the woman who had faced a Level 40 monster without blinking, turned so absurdly red in the face she looked like a glowing ember pulled from Volkan’s forge.

“R-Rhea!” Diana stammered, her hands raised in midair not knowing where to place them, her heart racing in pure brain short-circuit. “G-Get off my lap! Your Agility one hundred and three generates excessive body-heat kinetic friction! This is… this is an unacceptable ergonomic inefficiency for blood circulation!”

—HAHAHAHAHA!

The System interface exploded in midair in black gold, flashing with gigantic letters of pure mockery:

—’KINETIC FRICTION’?! THAT WAS THE GREATEST LOGICAL ATROCITY I HAVE SEEN IN TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF EXISTENCE! YOU LOOK LIKE A BOILED PEPPER, DIANA!

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHIT SYSTEM!” Diana growled mentally, unable to push away Rhea, who was laughing heartily with her face hidden in her neck.

***

Aurelia and Kael pointed at Seraphina, shoving the young summoner off the sofa: “Your turn, rookie! Complete the ritual!”

Seraphina was shaking like a leaf, her face redder than the purple robe she wore. She walked with stiff steps to the front of the armchair, clutching her new silver grimoire against her chest like an emergency shield.

She shut her eyes tight, took a deep breath, and blurted out the clumsiest, most academic pick-up line in Second Circle history:

“C-Commander Diana!” Seraphina squeaked in a shrill tone, nearly tripping over her own feet. “Y-You are like a Level One Hundred ancestral elemental spirit! You made an eternal pact with the core of my heart… and I want to be your perpetual summon with no daily mana cost!”

The silence that followed in the room lasted five full seconds.

Diana stared wide-eyed at Seraphina, with Rhea still on her lap.

Next, Diana extended her left hand and touched Seraphina’s forehead with the back of her fingers in profound seriousness:

“The resonance of the Level 36 Imperial Core on your book’s spine caused a magic fever overload in your frontal lobe.” Diana diagnosed with total medical conviction. “Kael, bring a wet towel. Seraphina is delirious from mana excess.”

The entire room collapsed into a deafening roar of laughter.

Kael wiped tears of laughter on his gauntlet, Aurelia-Elysia rolled on the carpet holding her belly, Seraphina buried her face in her silver grimoire wishing to vanish from the face of Hell, and Rhea stayed wrapped around Diana’s neck, laughing with her tail wagging in pure happiness.

Diana took a sip of her tea with a hand shaking from embarrassment, grumbling that this squad lacked a single drop of military discipline.

But as her team’s laughter echoed off the Bastion’s stone walls beneath the Second Circle night, a sweet, unbreakable warmth filled the Commander’s chest.

The ritual was complete. The family was whole. And the path toward Level 50 would continue the following day with the strength of five inseparable souls.

Final Notes:

Heheheh, I LOVE these comedy-focused chapters :3