Legend of Hogwarts (Harry Potter x League of Legends)

”Ugh, ”

Allen retched violently, even throwing up the clear water he’d just drank. Beside him, Annie quickly handed him a freshly dried towel, courtesy of fire magic so precise it would make most other wizards question their own skills.

And why was he throwing up, you ask?

No, this wasn’t one of those wild stories inspired by Journey to the West where men mysteriously get pregnant, this was just good old-fashioned seasickness.

Allen was completely and miserably seasick.

He wasn’t sure whether the old man had done this on purpose or if sneaking out of the country always meant stowing away, but either way, the boat they were on was such a piece of junk it felt like the only part not rattling was the broken foghorn. It sounded and shook so much you’d think it was some kind of child’s wooden model of a ship, great for educational purposes, awful for actual travel.

The best place to hide a drop of water? In the ocean.

By the same logic, the best way to smuggle two wizards? Hide them in a pile of magically enchanted cargo.

Thanks to an invisibility charm, they passed through the wizard-run customs without even a basic check, turns out this route was part of the old man’s smuggling network.

They crouched on the side and watched the show as the old geezer handed over a crate of booze and a pouch of coins, instantly earning a pass through inspection, definitely a local kingpin if there ever was one.

At the time, Allen hadn’t really believed the old guy when he said there was no information in the area he couldn’t get. In fact, Allen had even tried to bluff him into a corner, which had left the old man so mad he nearly popped a vein.

Ivan, meanwhile, had stayed behind without hesitation, and Allen wasn’t about to stop him, after all, the changes in the mundane world had nothing to do with the magical one, and Allen had no clue how things would turn out there anyway. Presumably, Ivan’s side would win. Best of luck to him.

At first, Allen still had the energy to curse the old man’s stinginess, the way he crammed the limited space so full that they could barely move. But now? Ugh. He just gagged in misery.

The old man’s supplies were managed by three intimidating-looking wizards, but Allen insisted he could beat them all with one hand. Ugh, well, maybe after they got off the boat.

There were no exciting pirate attacks, no mermaids offering deals, no sudden storms, none of the dramatic ocean scenes one might hope for. But of course not. This was a regular smuggling route. If the crew couldn’t even handle that, the old man would’ve starved to death ages ago.

The real job of those three wizards was to manage a few clueless sailors and handle shady deals with patrols along the route. After all, if everyone eats together, no one’s going to break the bowl, right?

Their destination? Naturally, the biggest magic potion market in all of Europe, Britain. So when they arrived and pulled out a special key to access the exchange point, Allen was thrilled to see a familiar face.

The owner of the black market bookstore lit up like a Christmas tree, greeting him in an accent so thick it almost made Allen laugh:

”добро, товарищ!” (”Alright, comrade!”)

And then Allen saw a face that surprised him even more, a young wizard he’d done a few shady deals with before, one he remembered very clearly.

Allen flashed him a friendly smile, Ah, weren’t you the kid who tried to undercut me before?

Well, guess what? Now I know where you get your stock. How’s that for a surprise twist?

No more middlemen taking a cut, Allen had bought stuff from the old man for dirt cheap.

”Yo, kid, looking sharp. Did you strike gold this time?” the shopkeeper said, wearing the same calm, neutral expression as always, which honestly disappointed Allen a little.

But that wasn’t the main issue here.

What was going on at Hogwarts?

”Oh, right,” the shopkeeper suddenly remembered. ”Isn’t it still term time? What’re you doing out here sneaking around?”

Then his expression changed. He squinted at Allen and slowly pointed a finger. ”Wait... weren’t there reports a while ago that three Hogwarts students had gone missing? Don’t tell me that was you two?”

Bingo. Congratulations, you guessed it. No prize, though.

”Well, if I were you, I’d hurry back,” the shopkeeper said, lighting a cigarette and staring at them like a disapproving parent. ”I heard the school was going crazy when it happened.”

Hey, hey, what’s that supposed to mean?

We’re model students! Go ask Hufflepuff, who’s gonna say I’m a troublemaker? Do I look like the rule-breaking type?

...Okay, fine, maybe that one time we snuck out for a deal and broke, like, fifteen school rules. But c’mon, doesn’t everyone have their rebellious phase?

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After a quick farewell, Allen immediately contacted the school. Moments later, with two crisp cracking sounds, two figures appeared in the fireplace of Diagon Alley’s Floo Network chamber, thankfully, they’d left the black-market shop already. Wouldn’t want to expose the drop-off point.

Unfortunately, one of the people who arrived was someone Allen really didn’t want to see, Professor Snape.

Being a decent person and being liked are two entirely separate things. Most people would choose to say, ”Sorry, you’re a good person and all, but I’d rather not hang out.”

Snape had drawn the ”good person” card from Lily Potter, which meant he was now a good guy... but also still thoroughly hated.

Still, that wasn’t why he was here.

He was here to drag them back.

If a middle school teacher finds out their student has missed a week, or more, of class, they’d usually call the parents. But Allen didn’t really have anyone they could call, so... the teacher came in person.

”So, what I’m hearing is: Mr. Robint has managed to outshine even Mr. Potter?” Snape said coldly. ”While Potter runs around trying to make headlines, our Mr. Robint goes the extra mile, dragging another student into this stunt and skipping class for how long, exactly?”

Luckily, Allen wasn’t entirely without backup, his own Head of House was here too.

”Severus, please. Allen is a Hufflepuff student, you should worry about your own house first,” said Professor Sprout, gently addressing Annie, ”Annie, dear, can you explain why you’ve both been missing for so long?”

Then she turned to Allen, her expression shifting into that of an angry tiger.

”Allen. Please keep quiet.”

Allen: ...

Damn this shallow, judgmental society!

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