Legend of Hogwarts (Harry Potter x League of Legends)

There’s a famous quote from a certain yellow sponge in pants:

”Patrick, let’s go jellyfishing.”

From that line, one might reasonably conclude: jellyfishing must be a wholesome and invigorating activity.

Unfortunately for Allen and company, they weren’t the ones catching the jellyfish, they were the jellyfish.

Not so fun now, is it?

But these weren’t your average jellyfish, they were the kind with poisonous stingers. Think the kind that supposedly turned some poor Australian coast guard officers into dress-wearing eccentrics. Terrifying stuff.

”Oh, damn this sunlight, look, we vampires may not burst into flames the moment we’re exposed, but that doesn’t mean we enjoy this cursed brightness,” grumbled the vampire leader as he started yet another round of brainwashing aimed at Allen.

To prove his point, the vampire even stood under the sunlight for a moment to show that he wasn’t exaggerating.

Terrifying indeed.

Even as his face began to blister and twist, the guy kept up his dramatic demonstration. If Allen hadn’t studied this stuff ahead of time, he might’ve actually believed it.

A weaker vampire under sunlight does suffer as if set on fire, burns, blisters, and pain, all the way.

Not wanting to see this overly enthusiastic vampire suffer any further, Allen gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

A shimmering purple barrier rose up around the vampire, though this time, it wasn’t just pure purple.

It shimmered with streaks of gold, like the filling in a sandwich cookie.

Just as the shield fully activated, there was a scream, a half-scream, really.

Because by the time the first half left his lips, the vampire had already turned to ash. The rest of the scream never got the chance to exist.

This, my friends, is what we call the darkness beneath the lamp, a case where the one doing the talking forgets to protect themselves, and their allies forget to react in time to the danger.

By the time the other vampires realized their commander hadn’t committed a dramatic sunlit suicide but was actually murdered, Allen was already shaking his head.

”Tsk tsk, see? When you’re out of your league, just admit it. I’ve said it before, showboating’s only cool when you can back it up. Just like in games, overplaying your hand only gets you wiped out. Why bother pretending at your age?”

Not that the now-deceased vampire could hear him, if he did, he’d probably cough up a mouthful of blood from sheer anger.

But at least the remaining vampires had now caught on: Allen was the culprit.

Surprisingly, instead of drawing their wands or fleeing, they charged straight at him, like moths to a flame.

Unlike wizards who lean on long-range spells, vampires were more like magical warriors, built for melee combat. Even without transformation, they were still deadly up close. And after witnessing a comrade fall, they were out for blood.

Unfortunately for them, their noble charge was met with a mocking smirk.

They didn’t even get to ask why he was smiling before a golden light erupted from Allen.

Dawn Goddess, Solar Shield: Eclipse.

As the vampires disintegrated into ashes before him, Allen couldn’t help but mutter:

”Yep. Practice really is the only true measure of truth.”

Whether it was channeling concentrated sunlight into their bodies or blowing them up with the Eclipse Shield, the magic consumption was laughably low.

Honestly, if he dropped one of these things on a regular Auror, it might not even do as much damage as a single Stunning Spell.

The only catch? The time from buying the item to using it had been way too short, he hadn’t even tested it properly yet.

Still, he had to admit, this stuff was amazing. Practically tailor-made to obliterate vampires.

Allen was seriously considering a career pivot to full-time vampire hunter.

Low risk. Fast results. Cheap costs.

And the best part? Huge payouts!

Just imagine: he finds a vampire lair, the idiots all charge at him like lunatics, he tags them with a solar flare, then boom, the Eclipse goes off.

The bounty money would flow like he’d just activated cheat codes in a video game.

Allen looked at the ashes scattered across the ground and sighed, giving up his daydream.

For most hunters, the hard part was fighting vampires.

For him, the real challenge was finding them.

Bats really lived up to their legend, just rats that OD’d on salt and evolved.

These vampires? Hide deeper than sewer rats.

As he bent to retrieve his wand, the system suddenly pinged with a new notification:

”Vampire Ash Required.”

Are you kidding me?

All the vampires he’d killed before, and now the system decides it needs vampire ash?!

”System, don’t test me. I will throw hands.”

And this vampire wasn’t even your run-of-the-mill bloodsucker

This was Vladimir, the Crimson Reaper, not some squeaky batman knockoff, but a practitioner of blood magic!

This makes no scientific sense!

Still, while Allen kept grumbling, his hands didn’t stop moving, he efficiently collected the vampire ash for the system.

And then, utter confusion.

[Fragment Acquired: Crimson Reaper Vladimir 0.23 / 3]

[Fragment Acquired: Serpent Empress Cassiopeia 0.23 / 3]

Wait, what?

Buy one, get one free?

Now that’s suspicious. Since when has the system been this generous?

Then it hit him.

Right. Not all vampires are made equal.

These ones? They were the blood descendants of a certain Lord William, who, as it happens, was a descendant of Salazar Slytherin!

Holy hell.

Allen stared at the screen, dumbfounded.

So that’s the kind of system you are, huh?

Regular vampires aren’t even worth your time. You only want the designer brand ones!

Sure, Slytherin spoke Parseltongue, but this? This was insane.

Also... kind of awesome.

Buy-one-get-one-free definitely made collecting fragments more exciting.

And if Allen guessed right, the stronger the vampire, the rarer the fragments.

In that case... weren’t all these dead vampires basically walking gold coins?

The more he thought about it, the more excited he got.

Just as he was figuring out how to turn these ”gold coins” into loot, a spell slammed into the ground next to him with a thunderous BOOM, leaving a massive crater.

Luckily, Allen hadn’t yet entered full treasure-gremlin mode and dodged it just in time.

When he looked toward the source of the spell, one dreadful thought emerged in his mind:

”Shit... I might actually get killed by money this time.”

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