The Forsaken Hero

”What do you want?” I asked, gripping my skirt as I glared at Jessica. ”Does it really make you so happy to see me like this?”

”I couldn’t care less about that. But that Luke...damn, he really is dense.”

”How much did you hear?” I asked, anxiety tightening in my chest.

”I wonder.” She chuckled, sitting down cross-legged. She rested her chin on her elbow, a smile flickering across her face. ”Do you think if I transformed into you, wearing that provocative dress, I could get him to kiss me? He should notice the lack of aura, but if I swayed my hips a little, maybe let the strap fall off my shoulder...hmm, that could be fun.”

My tail went stiff, something like a growl scratching deep in my throat. ”Don’t you dare. I won’t forgive you.”

She shook her head, chuckling. ”You’re too easy. It doesn’t even feel fair. But are you angry?” she tilted her head. ”Never seen that reaction before.”

”I’m serious,” I said, staring at her.

”Serious about what? Luke?” She laughed, tossing her hair. ”If you’re going to try to lie to me, at least come up with something convincing.”

”Lying?” My fingers tightened, digging into my palms. ”What do I have to lie about? Leave Luke alone.”

”Like you?”

The retort stung like a slap.

”You keep too many secrets to be serious about Luke.” She shook her head with exaggerated disbelief. ”He actually believed you. Gods, I almost feel sorry for him. But I guess that just shows how little he knows you, doesn’t it? It would be easy to fool him, to put on your face and slip into his bed. He’d never see past your pretty face. I wouldn’t even have to try.”

My tail twitched. I gripped my skirt, but that didn’t stop my hands from shaking. ”I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I rasped, struggling to speak past the lump in my throat.

”Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” Her eyes narrowed, and I took an unconscious step back. ”Secrets are mine, Xiviyah, and I don’t like it when they’re disrespected. But that’s all that you two do. Lies and secrets. But why? If it were to manipulate each other, or vie for power, I could get behind that, but you’re not! You’re so selfishly...self-righteous. That’s not what they’re for! It’s sickening.”

I swallowed, my breath coming fast and ragged. ”That’s not...I’m not...!”

”Oh, right. That’s why you told him you wanted to fight beside him. Or rather, you wanted him to fight beside you.”

”That’s not true,” I whispered, looking away, blinking tears away.

”Emperor’s below.” She threw up her hands. ”No wonder your relationship is such a mess. Forget it. Even the best secrets are meaningless if no one listens when you tell them.”

Her cloak whirled as she turned, cutting the air sharp as a knife. Before she could even take a step, I reached out and grabbed her wrist, startling myself. Her dark eyes met mine, half-lidded and irritated.

”What?”

I bit my lip, my tail flicking anxiously, and when I spoke, the words came out in a whisper. ”He’s going to leave. I always knew that, but I thought...”

I squeezed my eyes shut. What was I saying? She already knew that.

”Yeah, obviously.” Her eye roll came as expected. ”What else would he do?”

”Um, Not?” I bit my lip, looking away. My hand fell from hers. ”Sorry, I didn’t mean–”

”Yeah, that’s true,” she said, rubbing her chin. The glitter in her eyes was back. ”But does he know that? Does he have a reason to?”

”But I thought, if I was...enough, then--”

”Yeah, you thought. But not once have you tried to say. That’s what makes your secrets so dirty. You think you’re doing the right thing. You think you’re protecting him. From whom, you? Himself? You think he can’t handle hearing what’s in your heart? If you think he’s so malleable, at least try to manipulate him a little!”

She spat on the ground, beginning to turn again, but paused. ”That’s why you don’t care about him. If you really cared, you’d do something about it.”

”I do care!”

”Enough to fight for him?” She waved her hand at the expanse of demon-infested land around us. ”This isn’t your war, but you’ll fight in it. You’ll put yourself in harm’s way, but you won’t say what’s in your heart? You’d rather face armies and heroes than admit that you want him to stay?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it, my lips tightening. What could I say?

”You’re both so insufferable,” she muttered, shaking her head.

”Both?” I mumbled, looking up.

”Yeah, you think you’re special? You’re not the only one lying to themselves, pretending it’s for someone else’s good. You two really deserve each other. People like you should never have the opportunity to have a secret.”

The disgust in her voice made my tail curl. I hugged my arms across my stomach.

She sighed and looked back at me. ”Look, it’s not like I care. I just want to get this war on with already so I can go back to killing inquisitors. But I’ve had enough of listening to the two of you fumble around like this. It’s annoying, and frankly, insulting. So I’ll make you a deal.”

My ears twitched, and I looked up, tears in the corner of my eyes.

”You tell Luke your secret, I’ll give you one for free. There, can’t pass that up.” She grinned, holding out a hand.

”What kind of secret?”

”Who knows? I’ve got so many, it’s hard to keep track of them all. But I promise it’ll be worth it.”

I stared at her hand, my hand slowly uncurling from my sleeve. She rolled her eyes, reaching forward and snatching my hand. Her fingers were cold, squeezing my hand a little too tightly as she gave a dramatic shake.

”Done. Now I’ll be waiting for that secret. Just start with one. Don’t mess this up.”

She released my hand and vanished, a faint distortion of air her only remnant. Her mana faded, leaving me alone atop the peak with Fable. The Star Guard had been a small distance away, giving me privacy since my arrival, but they gathered as she vanished.

”What did she do to you?” Luxxa asked, her hand falling to her sword. ”I’ve never seen you so agitated before.”

”Yeah, that’s for sure,” Jenna said, glancing behind me. ”I think we’ve finally surpassed twitching. It’s positively lashing!”

”Jenna!” I grabbed my tail, scowling at her.

”Not in the mood? That’s a first,” she muttered, backing away with her hands raised defensively.

”Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just...agh, it’s nothing.”

”Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Luxxa said, her brow furrowed. She stepped forward, peering at me closely. I turned my head away, not wanting her to see the redness in my eyes. I hadn’t actually cried. I’d just...gotten close.

”She’s just... Jessia. It’s what she does.” I let out a heavy breath, dropping my tail. I almost grabbed it again when it went right back to lashing, but let it go. ”I’m going back to Haven.”

Luxxa nodded. ”Of course. We’ll be right here, guarding the gate. You wouldn’t mind leaving Fable, would you? I’m not sure our presence alone is enough to dissuade the demons from poking around.”

I started to protest, then shook my head, my heart dropping a little. Looks like cuddling my sorrows away wasn’t going to be an option.

I opened the gate but waited a few extra seconds before entering, taking deep breaths to calm myself. I’d rarely felt so angry before, not since seeing Elise under King Alverin’s thumb in Brithlite. I didn’t dare bring it into Haven for fear of destabilizing the realm again.

But it just wouldn’t leave.

I sank to my knees before the portal, gripping my staff tightly across my lap. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes again. It twisted my stomach, thick and nauseating. It was like someone had lit all my fear and anguish, everything I’d felt when lying to Luke, on fire.

No, not someone. Jessia.

But I wasn’t angry at her. I couldn’t, not when it all seemed so obvious. Luke and I...I thought I understood him. I should have. I knew his past almost as well as he knew mine. Our very souls had become entangled, bleeding into one.

How many times had we talked? How often have we promised to put aside our fear and truly love each other? But those were just words. No matter how hard I tried, I still couldn’t accept that he was leaving. I couldn’t forgive him for wanting to. And he...what did he think about me?

I shivered when I remembered Jessia’s sharp mockery, saying Luke didn’t recognize anything deeper than my face. I wasn’t sure I knew him, either. Was he more to me than someone to hug when I felt lost, alone, or scared? If I were just a pretty face, was he more than just warmth?

Luke and I...we didn’t have a relationship. I was beginning to think we didn’t even have love. All we had for sure were secrets.