Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

Oh Baal oh Baal, not sure if this is the right play but there is so much to be gained and the alternatives are far too inferior for my liking.

I could nab the genetic template of the Swarmlord, intact Astartes, and maybe even Guilliman’s or a Norn Emissary’s if my luck turns out to be stellar. Then there were the bunch of characters I could learn tricks from, I could copy the swordsmanship of millennia old space Marines or maybe even figure out how Mephiston does that time stop thing that makes him so fucking OP.

So much to gain and what are my alternatives? Go to the Tau empire or the Farsight Elclaves, why? Both would be good starting points for my future intergalactic empire, I just had to throw some Ethereals into the trash and that’d be it but I don’t want to do that yet, I’m still a small fly. Khorne could just shit out a Bloodthirster and I’d be toast along with my fledgling empire before it could even get off the shore.

Okay, maybe a Bloodthrister wouldn’t do it but a Lord of change that actually wanted to kill me? A Keeper of Secrets? I think a Great Unclean one could probably deal with me the easiest, some blood-melting bullshit virus thrown at me and I’d be a good little puddle until my bio-energy runs out.

Another option would be trying to get my hands on some Necron toys from under Imotekh’s nose but based on what a simple Gauss Flayer did to me I want to get stronger before attempting that, or at least figure out some trick to throw off those atomizing beams. My current running idea was to make several layers of separate symbiotic armors and have them cover me with layers of inorganic armor in between and based on my tests a single hit should only atomize a single layer of the armor.

Still, it was a shit method. There’d be millions of Necron infantry wielding Flayers and I couldn’t put on more tan maybe a hundred layers, I’d run out of armor before they run out of bullets since they didn’t even use bullets. So with a weary heart I decided to head into Imperial territory and if I’m doing that why not go to the place where I had the biggest chance for all the risks associated with the action paying off. So Baal it was.

Were there Custodians on Baal? I think there were but I’m not sure, still I might not be able to take them on yet, didn’t a single golden boy fuck up the Swarmlord?

Okay, if I see a golden bananaboy with far too oily abs I’m getting out of there.

”This’d be the place where we part ways if you didn’t want to stick to me like a hair-squig to an Orc.”

”Another atrocious metaphor. I didn’t think you could go lower after the last one,” Valenith said as his oh so graceful eyebrows twitched violently.

”I’m an artist at heart,” I smiled serenely.

”Your art’d make an Eldar artist weep.”

”You wound me,” I grabbed my heart as I looked at him with a betrayed expression.

”To return to our original topic,” he spoke, ”I feel it is my duty to educate you in the ways of the Warp, a being of your... potential without the education to harvest and control those powers could be disastrous for my people.”

”Mhmm,” I nodded, ”I’d be more tempted to believe you if I didn’t see your expression when you absorbed my energy.”

”...Can I open the gateway now?”

”Go ahead please,” I waved him forward as I turned to the other two people behind us.

”So,” I started, my gaze going from Selene to Zedev, ”I am going to Baal, and Selene wants to come along with me.”

”Understood,” Zedev’s voiced crackled to life, ”would you want me to accompany you or is this where I am eliminated for my knowledge?”

”Your expertise would certainly come in handy,” I said, I’ve been thinking much about what to do with the old Magos over the previous weeks, on one hand he knew far too much and his loyalty was dubious at best but on the other hand, he helped me a lot and I felt his knowledge would certainly come in handy in the future, ”I think we can come to an agreement that’d benefit us both.”

”Elaborate.”

”You want to live.” I stated clearly. ”I can keep you alive for as long as I want.”

”Tempting,” he said with a static voice, his fleshy eye glazed over as if blind, ”is that your offer?”

”No,” he’d be like a slave without any imperative to actually help me if I did that...aside from me keeping him alive, he’d be absorbed in finding a way to break free from those shackles, ”I could upgrade you,” I narrowed my eyes, ”I can change anything that lives, if you want I could put your mind into the body of a Lictor in a minute.”

”The psychological side-effects would make the effort worthless.”

”I could add a buffer,” I tilted my head, ”a sub-brain if you will, that’d handle the translation of information and feelings from the alien body to your human brain.”

”I am unwilling to part with my cybernetics,” he stated, ”the only thing I am unsatisfied with is my mind.”

”I could add another type of sub-bran that’d act like an external computation organ or memory storage, or anything of that sort.”

”Could you change my brain into something more effective?”

”Yes,” I nodded, ”though I don’t know if your memories would survive that or your personality.”

”I see,” he said, ”would that change in the future?”

”Perhaps,” I shrugged, ”I am working on a way to extract memories from the dead or the living in a non-psychic way, I could develop a way to transfer memories if I manage it.”

”Then that is my price,” his red eye flickered, ”I want my mind to be the best it can be without compromising my faculties or form.”

”A fully organic body’d solve that,” I shrugged, ”It’d be easy to add in an organ that automatically revitalized your fragile brain and kept it in top condition along with a slew of mental enhancements.”

”My mind is made up,” he spoke in the same emotionless voice, ”but your advice has been noted, I’ll calculate the benefits and detriments of both options.”

”All I ask for return is your loyalty and service,” I said, ”I don’t think that is too much to ask.”

”...Indeed,” I saw unfamiliar emotions in his aura but none resembled the dangerous hues of resentment or regret, ”I’d prefer if my services wouldn’t result in the loss of knowledge or the downfall of humanity.”

”You have an awful lot of wants for a man with one leg in the grave,” crossed my arms under my chest, looking unimpressed by his demands.

”Knowledge is the only thing of value in this galaxy,” he spoke lifelessly, ”If I destroy it, the continuation of my life would be meaningless.”

”I do want to preserve knowledge,” I said, ”and uncover new ones, are you willing to throw away the ways of your faith for this? I do not believe that all that can be known has already been uncovered.”

”You make demands that make my own feel weightless,” a mechanical snort came from him, ”but that is agreeable, even if it is a fools errand.”

”And while I think my future plans will be overall beneficial to humanity I couldn’t say the same about the Imperium.”

”You ask me to betray the Omnissiah?”

”Yes,” I nodded slowly, ”If you follow me you will understand that it isn’t much of a loss on your part.”

The silence stretched on as Zedev stood still and Valenith worked on the gate in the background while Selene fidgeted behind me.

”I cannot throw away my faith,” he said finally, ”but I can make your word be of higher worth to me than any others if that satisfies you.”

”That should do for now,” I shrugged, ”but know that I will only make certain upgrades on you once I know you loyalty is true.”

”Understood.”

I clapped with a smile as I turned around again, leaving the Magos to brood over his decisions. Of course I wouldn’t just trust his words but whether he kept it would be a test on its own, I already had microscopic tendrils crawling around in his cranium so my paranoia was suppressed to an inconsequential level.

”Do we know where this gate will get us?”

”It should be somewhere in the subsector in which Baal is located,” Val said as he worked his space elf magic on the gate.

”How will we get from there to Baal though?” I wondered.

”Can’t you just make them give you a ship?” Selene said with a tilt of her head, ”you should be good enough at Telepathy to do that, no?”

”Yeah,” I shrugged, ”but what if they don’t have voidships, or even a population?”

”You will figure something out,” Selene shrugged lazily, ”I hardly have experience in not having a voidship.”

”Hmmm,” I rubbed my chin in a sagely manner, what’d it feel like to caress my beard as I thought? ”I could be the voidship!”

Selene just raised a single eyebrow at me as she crossed her arms to match my pose and what an expressive eyebrow it was. It clearly communicated her interest, doubt and humor at my words.

”What?” I raised an eyebrow of my own, ”You don’t want to ride me?”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she groaned.

My flirting skills are without equal, I nodded to myself in satisfaction as the Gate came to life next to us.

Time to see where we’ll end up.