Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

I was only separated by the bulkhead blocking the large gate from the humans, yeah I’ve met some mutants capable of speech but that didn’t put them much above a rate in terms of me wanting to converse with them.

With that said I waited, I was passing the time by eavesdropping on the thoughts of the resident technophile in the meanwhile. Sure they had some Wards that reinforced realspace around them but the soul energy threads I used to probe them were entirely in realspace, I didn’t go through the warp to slip into the physical part of his mind.

I had a feeling he’d notice if I went into his ’mind’, the mind was a weird sort of in-between of the soul and the physical brain. I could sense it from the material side but knew that it was further into the immaterium than anything else.

Stuff like this has always been rather vague in WH lore as far as I knew, it was interesting though, figuring out the intricacies and tricks to it all. I couldn’t wait to pick apart the mind of a sanctioned psyker.

Speaking of picking apart minds, this cyborg dude had one weird-as-hell mind. Some surface thoughts were legible, like his note of the walls being grey and random shit like that but the rest was a mess. It was half unintelligible ramble while the other half was the chirp of beeps and boops, binary code.

Somehow this dude was encrypting his thoughts, impressive to be honest, even if a psyker like me could slip into his mind, without being also capable of decrypting his thoughts it’d still be useless. His image went up a notch in my mind, though it only made me all the more interested in the thick cables running down from his mechanical head like dreadlocks.

An MIU, a Mind Impulse Unit. A high-grade tech used even back during the Heresy that blended the mind with the machine. This was the epitome of a neural interface in the universe as far as I knew. Though I was sure the Tau had something similar.

I watched as the towering Magus came closer to the bulkhead, inserting cables into hidden ports on the wall. It only took him half a minute and I already felt the bulkhead stirring, it shook a bit and then it moved. The gate split in the middle and retreated into the walls on both sides.

All of them stiffened and rifles and guns were raised as my form was revealed with the screech of metal being dragged on metal. I held back a self-satisfied smirk at the moment, this was so cool, just like Darth Maul in the first Star Wars movie. All I would need now is to drop my cloak and light my double-bladed light-saber.

Unfortunately, those didn’t exist here, but there were some even better weapons so I wasn’t so disheartened. Power swords, Phaseblades, Ghostblades, Croneswords, Fractionblades. So many cool swords.

Speaking of which. My gaze was drawn to the wrist of the VIP lady who was staring at me with narrowed eyes, oh damn, is that what I think it is?

I raised my gaze, re-evaluating the woman. Not just anybody would have the sheer gall required to walk around with a weapon like that, a weapon that is one of the most deadly melee weapons in the galaxy. A Harlequin’s Kiss, a small wrist-mounted tool that was loaded with a mono-molecular wire was shot out when the small spike was stabbed into someone, rampaging through the body of the poor sod that was stabbed.

A good stab with that and she can take down a Carnifex, or anything really. I was sure even a Custodian would drop dead if all of his organs were liquified in a single moment. She’d need to stab one first though.

I grinned, the spec-ops dudes fingers drifted onto the triggers, getting ready to load me full of whatever those rifles shot out.

”A pleasure to meet you all,” I said, my voice filled with a tiny bit of soul energy which made it resound in the open space like an echo, ”Do come inside, I don’t bite.”

”RAISE YOUR HANDS AND IDENTIFY YOURSELF!” shouted the severe old man with half of his face burnt off, Arch-militant Orion based on my mental probes.

I just opened my satchel with a touch of TK (telekinesis) and floated my fake Rosette up and above my outstretched palm. My face went cold and I glared at the rude dude, despite wanting to just smirk at his suddenly pale face.

”I said I don’t bite, didn’t I?” I reiterated, ”No reason to be rude.”

With that, I turned and headed into the spire, no reason to waste soul energy on amplifying my voice when we could just talk in a place without howling wind. The Militant was only stiff for a moment, soon after issuing orders to his men to lower their weapons a bit but keep ready before the VIP lady stepped forward and waved them off.

Unlike most leaders, – ones who had working brains –, she walked at the front, seemingly unafraid of anything that could jump at her and rip her apart without any trouble. I wasn’t sure if it was confidence or arrogance as I didn’t probe her mind yet.

The woman wasn’t a psyker but just barely, if she was just a bit further on the psychic scale she’d be a Psyker, though a week one. With how amateurish I must still be I didn’t want to risk her noticing my probing.

I felt Orion’s trepidation at the casual show of m psychic powers along with emotions further towards fear from the rest of his men but all of them were even more terrified of my little trinket. That’s what ten thousand years of conditioning did to people.

”Now then,” I said once they all swarmed into a rather large hangar where the wind was only background noise, ”Let’s Start with introductions.”

This was still less than a comfortable setting for civilized discussion but I don’t think they’d want to walk much further based on how stiff all of them were. Aside from the Magos of course, the cyborg dude was staring at me with a mechanical eye glowing an angry red color, it didn’t blink but then again I didn’t think it could blink.

I straightened my spine and looked as imperious as I could while coating myself in psychic energy, I hoped it’d give me an otherworldly feel if nothing else.

”From His Majesty’s Most Holy Inquisition,” my voice resounded throughout the hall, ”Inquisitor Echidna of the Ordo Xenos.”

I kept my face neutral during the introduction, there were many different Inquisitors with even more varying personalities but the one thing that tied them all together was their utter devotion to the Emperor. That devotion took many forms but I should never say His name lightly while acting as an Inquisitor.

I kept my telepathy working in the meantime, gauging their reactions and evaluating whether they had any doubts about me. The mind-rape option was still valid, even if I didn’t want to do it. This was my first chance to talk with people since waking up here and I didn’t want to turn them into knock-off genestealers if I could help it.

Arch-Militant Orion glanced at the severe-looking woman, making her stop forward and bow her head ever so slightly. It was more of a nod really but I felt like it was respectful and so did her men so that’d have to do.

”I am Selene from the House of Voss,” the woman stated matter of factually, ”I’m the Captain of The Wanderer and a Rogue Trader by the grace of His Majesty.”

Well, that’s unexpected but then again, not really. Who else would come to a random abandoned rock?

What followed was a rather awkward staring contest, I held her gaze with a small smile while trying to pierce together from the others’ thoughts about whether she was being rude. Turns out she wasn’t and was just deferring to me to lead the conversation.

”What brought you to this abandoned rock?” I asked, keeping my curiosity in check while motioning towards one of the rooms further back, ”This place is a bit worn but I think we could at least sit down over there, much more comfortable than standing here, hmm?”

”Indeed,” she nodded, motioning for her men to go forward and scout I assumed, ”We were traveling through the warp when a shockwave hit our ship and damaged our Geller Field so we had to disengage it before it failed and this is where we ended up.”

”What a coincidence,” I said, glancing at the stiff woman now walking at my side as all the black-clad guys spread out. The towering priest was by now distracted by the scars of the battle left on the building and Orion was busy ordering all of his men around but he still kept me in his vision at all times.

”Now then,” I sat down in a rather comfy armchair, it only had one of its armrests blown off, ”Don’t be so stiff, I’m neither on a mission nor do I concern myself with humans.”

”Understood,” she nodded, sitting opposite me on a half-burned couch with Orion looming behind her, I guessed this was once the office of the dude that managed the comings and goings of this landing pad.

”You see,” I started, swinging my right leg over the left, ”I found myself in a bit of a situation, so I’d like to request your assistance if you don’t mind?”

I tilted my head with a well-practiced smile, channeling all of the overbearing authoritative energy I could. She probably understood that I wasn’t actually asking her and she nodded quickly.

”I’ll see what I can do,” said Selene, ”though our ship and most of our equipment need repairs before we can leave this planet, everything is rather damaged right now.”

”Understandable,” I leaned back with a satisfied smile, ”I’m sure the prior residents wouldn’t mind you taking some of the stuff here to repair your ship and equipment.”

”Why is the planet so empty?” she asked, ”If you don’t mind me asking of course,” she added quickly, oh she is not used to not being the most important person in the room.

”Not too sure to be honest,” I shrugged, ”it was like this by the time the Warp decided to spit me out here but I assume it involved some rather heretical stuff that the Ordo Malleus would go nuts over.”

”What?” her eyes were wide, not sure why she is surprised, I didn’t even talk about the splinter-fleet probably on its way to eat us.

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