Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Y’know, it’s funny how some things that seemed so crucial back in the day are less important here and now. I mean, there’s stuff that’s the reverse of that too, obviously, like family. Okay, that’s not really fair. Family was hugely important to me back in the day in the sense that it had a huge impact on me. But that might have been why I denied it so much, because it was mostly a negative impact.

Okay, yeah, my mom worked herself to death for me. My sister signed all the papers to make it look like she was taking care of me, even if I was pretty much living as an emancipated minor. So it’s not like they overtly did anything to hurt me, at least not deliberately. But I wound up hurt anyway. Badly. I’m still recovering from it in some ways. Fuck, I’m not sure any of us ever fully recover from childhood traumas. It’s like those women from China from back in the day where they wrapped their feet so they couldn’t grow; it didn’t matter how much they did once they were adult, without some serious reconstructive surgery they weren’t ever walking normally again.

I guess maybe it’s because those are the ’formative years’, so no matter what else some part of us forms around that trauma. I mean, okay, yeah, if we’ve got a strong support structure and nothing constantly re-traumatizing us, maybe we can grow around it, wind up healthy, maybe even stronger because of it, but...

Fuck, I really hope that’s true. Because five... no seven of my kids are orphans who most likely saw their parents die, two of them died themselves and remember doing so, two of them got run through by that fuckin’ Spartan, although I’m really hoping Aoibh doesn’t remember that, and the newest one is a tiny teen bundle of trauma.

Huh. Somehow ’Juvenile’ got filed in my brain as ’Teen’, and she shows up as ’Juvenile’, not ’Child’. Not sure if that’s true or not, but it does seem to hint that Aisling’s journey is gonna be a lot closer to mine than Menace’s. Not sure how I feel about that, other than an even more intense need to do a protecc.

But none of that is exactly what I was thinking when I started this whole rant. Nah, I was thinking about, y’know, calendars. Other than birthdays, I don’t really pay much attention to them. Honestly, I think that’s part of why I forget them so much; I’m not paying attention to what month it is, let alone what day of that month.

I got reminded of that when the Captains were talking about varying reward rates depending on time of year. Apparently unlike the ports in Atlantis, the Thames isn’t great to sail out of during the coldest part of the winter. I think the compromise basically wound up that any Pirates running security for our hulls would get free food, docking, and maintenance at Alliance ports if they wound up not being able to get home because of winter weather.

That got me wondering, so after dinner in the Bath, i called Saffron over. ”Kitten?”

”Yes, Goof?”

I snickered. ”Funny you should call me that. I’ve got a Goofy request.”

”Oh?” she said, perking up.

”Yeah. Can we go over the names of the months? Like, in order, starting with New Year’s?”

She froze for a minute. Then chuckled a little, shaking her head. ”I looked it up, and even now I forget. Probably because I didn’t pay much attention after I figured out how many days after my birthday ’August First’ was.”

”Yeah. Um, so maybe we trade?”

She pouted. ”I don’t know what’s worse, that you’re going to tell me functionally useless trivia in exchange for critical information, or that we both know I’m going to do it.”

”Hey! I’ve gotten by just fine without knowing.”

”With the exception of forgetting our daughters’ birthdays on a regular basis.”

”Ouch.”

She put her arms around me. ”Oh, I know you don’t intend to, but I can’t think not knowing the calendar made things easier.”

”Kinda why I’m asking.”

She nodded. ”Fair point. Ready?”

”Hit me.”

”The first month after New Year’s Day is Fairin.”

”Fair In?”

She paused, shook her head, and somehow whispered into my brain, Fearn.

”Huh. Somehow that sounds the same, but...”

”You understand the spelling now?”

I chuckled. ”Yeah.”

So recite the rest like this?

I thought about that. ”Y’know what? First out loud, then in my head, just so I can maybe get it right?”

”As you wish.” I thought about Princess Bride for a moment, hugging her to me as she said, ”After Fearn, wherein our lovely Marie’s birthday is on the ninth, comes Sallyeh,” Saille, ”with Mazikeen’s birthday on the third.”

”This reminds me a little of when Ria recited all her sister’s birthdays.”

”Only now you’ll know the order of the months. After Saille comes Howah,” Huath, ”with Lindsey on the fourth, Aoibh on the ninth, and Ria on the sixteenth. After that is Door,” Duir, ”a month where we’ve no birthdays in the immediate family save myself on the twenty-sixth.” She got a little bit of a sad, faraway look at that.

”Who?” I whispered.

”Grandma and one of my brothers.”

I hugged her to me. ”I’m sorry, love.”

She shook her head. ”Nonsense, love. My brother is avenged, and my Grandmother...” She glanced at Anise, then shook her head, sighing. ”After Duir comes Chinnuh,” Tinneh, ”where we have half the kits on the tenth, the other half on the eleventh, Cailyn on the fifteenth, and then you on the twenty-second.”

”Busy month.”

”It would be were it only the kits, even. Do you think we should do something for Cailyn next year?”

”Yeah. Yeah, let’s definitely do that. Maybe a nice dinner for the adults next year. Like, get Mom and Dad or maybe Karen and the terrible trio to sit for us, and the rest of us all going to the Temple Restaurant or something.”

”Terrible trio?”

”What I’d mentally taken to calling Vickerson, Hildegarde, and Citron.”

Saffron chuckled and nodded. ”Apt. Also, those four ought to be enough to keep our little ones mostly wrangled. Especially since Karen can call in your other High Clergy if needed.”

”Well...”

”Including Furtim Cauda.”

”Okay, point taken.”

She just nodded, because Saffron equals right is Just Science, then continued. ”After Tinneh comes Coal,” Coll, ”a month where we’ve no birthdays whatsoever. After Coll comes Mooin,” Muin, ”seventh month of the year, the end of summer, with David’s birthday on the seventh of the month.”

”Davey.”

She tilted her head a little. ”That does suit her better. Even if in official circumstances she might still want to use David, much like Papina or Mazikeen use their full names then.”

I shrugged. ”So long as she doesn’t feel some kinda way about that. Otherwise we can do whatever it takes to officially change it. Y’know, like Brat did.”

She snorted at that, then got back to listing months. ”After Muin comes Goert,” Gort, ”where again we’ve no birthdays to celebrate. Next comes Nyettle,” Negetal, ”where we’ve Alex on the twenty-first and Daya right near the end of the month on the twenty-sixth. Which might prove diplomatically complicated at times.”

”Huh?”

”Lucas’ birthday is also on the twenty-sixth of Negetal, love.”

I thought about that, then shrugged. ”Worst case we do like we do with the kits. If they’re not doing some big ’Heir to the Heir’ thing at Lancaster House.”

”Point. At any rate, after Negetal comes Rooesh,” Ruish, ”another month without birthdays, followed by Beh,” Beth, ”where the only birthday as of yet is Adrienne on the final day of the month.”

”Which is?”

She shot me the weirdest look. ”The twenty-eighth? Like every month?” Then her eyes got a little wild. ”Wait, how many months were there in your old calendar?”

”Twelve.”

She blinked. ”So... Thirty days each, with... Five days to for seasonal breaks?”

I laughed. ”Oh, hell no. That’s way to much sense making. Four of them had thirty, one had twenty-eight, and the rest all had thirty-one.”

She just stared at me. Eventually she said, ”how did you mark leap years?”

”We added a day to the one with twenty-eight.”

Eventually she shook her head. ”It’s a testament to their oratory, I guess.”

”Huh?”

”That such a devout devotee of Dionysus in his aspects of Madness and Inebriation managed to get such a calendar approved.”

Yeah, we both laughed at that for a little, then said, ”may I continue?”

”Wait, I think I know, but how many months?”

”Thirteen, each with twenty-eight days, plus one day for New Year’s, which is when our Darling was gifted to the world in general and us in particular.”

I grinned at Siobhan when she reacted to her name, then smiled at Saffron’s description of her as a gift. ”Okay. Cool. Go on.”

”After Beth is Loush,” Luis,” the first month when Thames Pirates might access Alliance ports if they’re escorting our ships.”

”I mean, they might start stopping by other than that, too.”

She nodded. ”Especially if they can get some of our new innovations installed and maintained here, and not along the Thames. Also, not for free other than Luis and Knee-un,” Nion. ”Also, lest she remind us she’s swimming under us and bite us for forgetting, our little Menace’s birthday is Luis twenty-third.”

I nodded, poking Isnomi with a tentacle to get her to vacate the space beneath us. No idea what she’d been planning, but probably some kind of prank. ”So... Fearn, Saille, Huath, Duir, Tinne, Coll, Muin, Gort, Negetal, Ruish, Beth, Luis, and Nion?”

”That’s it exactly, love.”

I snorted. ”Now we’ll see if I can remember when Davey’s birthday rolls around.”

She just snuggled against me. ”I have faith in you, love.”

Yeah. That definitely made me feel warm and fuzzy. Also reminded me how she’d been using me as a virtual stenographer. Not that I minded, really, even if it surprised me more than me teaching Math.

Both things I did all day today.