Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”Understanding Equity,

Is key to understanding,

Egalitarianism.”

- Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism

The fourth Verse of the Book of Egalitarianism introduces a new concept, or rather gives a name to a concept most can understand if given moments to think. Equity.

Our Goddess expresses herself clearly in this Verse, that in order to understand her Value of Egalitarianism requires understanding Equity.

For those who do not already know, Equity is the idea that granting everyone identical benefits is not, in fact, fair. While this may seem odd, my Wife once explained it to me by noting that while I might need a stepstool to reach high shelves, it is unlikely a Maenad would need a stepstool under any common circumstance.

- Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

I kinda remember thinking about that back when I wrote this verse. Or when I wrote about Equity, at least. I’m not sure if I ever talked to Saffron about it, but then... She’s in my head. Twenty four seven, three sixty five, until the end of fuckin’ Time. Y’know, back in the day I’d have lost my shit about that. I had a problem with anybody looking at my phone if I wasn’t trolling them by playing porn of dubious legality and morality. Handing my phone over didn’t happen often. I’d say never, but I had a couple teachers who I trusted to leave it sitting on a shelf plugged into a charger. For the duration of a test, anyhow. The thought of both telling someone my current password and handing them the phone before changing it would have blown my mind.

I dunno. Maybe I’ve gone soft. Or maybe I’ve grown up. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve started to heal from some of the trauma I accrued way back in the day, and now that I have I can see how paranoia, while it might be a survival trait in some situations, is not a healthy way to live. And I want to. Be healthy, that is. Live in a healthy way. I mean, not for myself, or not mostly. Maybe the tiniest little bit. Shit, I think I’ve had to fool myself that living in a healthier way is entirely for my ladies and my kids, not for me. Because it is. Even if maybe it’s also for me, it’s still for them.

Probably the only reason I can keep doing it when my brain starts lying to me, telling me I might as well give up, that I don’t deserve it, that I don’t matter.

I’m glad I’ve kept at it, though. For Saffron. For Marie. For Siobhan and Tallulah. For Isnomi and Maze and Ria. For Lindsey and Daya and David. For Alex, the one who reminds me the most of me, maybe, back when I was still young enough to be embarrassed at not being girly enough, rather than completely without hope. For the women with us, for all the Clergy working at my Temples, not to mention all the volunteers.

Casey’s just the latest. Never really met anybody intersex before. Okay, nobody that I knew was. I’m sure I’ve met people who either identify as men or women, at least to people who aren’t gonna be seeing them naked, but have something other than the socially assumed binary in their pants. But seeing Casey’s whole everything light up when I just... accepted them. Shit, I’m still not sure what pronouns they use. Didn’t come up. Not something that does when you’re intimate with somebody, really. I mean, if somebody’s whole thing was being referred to in the second or third person, I guess I’d have to, but they didn’t want kink, physical or otherwise. Just acceptance. I think the desire totally blew their mind. By midway through, Worshipping definitely occurred. I think I may have a new member of my Clergy. Not sure, but I can’t say I’m upset.

So after getting to hold my Kitten as she took a much deserved after lunch nap, she spent the rest of afternoon coding. When she finished up for the night I carried her home, gathering everyone else as I did. Pizza night, which the girls loved and Tallulah looked a bit scandalized by. I realized just then that while she used flatbread as a kind of edible flatware, she didn’t really eat anything without any kind of utensils. I mean, I think she’d tried the paninis, but even sandwiches had her a little weirded out. Pizza, especially piping hot and maybe the tiniest bit over-sauced, which is how I like my pizza, so it’s how I make it, is both finger food and, when done right, gloriously messy.

I Co-Located over to where she was experimenting with the garlic pizza Ria had convinced her to try. ”You don’t like it?”

She grimaced. ”I’m actually uncertain. I’ve been unable to discern a method to consume it without...”

”Yeah, it’s a little messy. Lean into it?”

She blinked. ”You want me to lean on the pizza?”

I had to laugh. ”No, not that. Lean into the messy.”

She looked down at her clothing. ”I’d rather not make more laundry for you.”

I looked around the room. Only a couple older women guesting with us tonight. I looked back at her, grinned, and banished her blouse and shift to the laundry. ”There. No extra laundry. Unless you think you’re gonna spill it in your lap?”

She sat there kinda flabbergasted until she realized, just like I had, that everybody in the room had seen everything there before in the Bath. At that point she raised an eyebrow. ”And if I do?”

”You really think that’s likely?” She maintained eye contact and nodded. I banished the rest of her outfit. ”There you go. Get as messy as you like.”

While I’m not really super upset, because her grin as she tore into the pizza like it owed her money, utterly unconcerned about the grease and sauce going down her chin and subsequently down her front, was absolutely to die for, I did kinda fuck up.

”Dath beddah dan thmockth!” Menace’s shout of sudden enlightenment was the only warning I got before the girls all abandoned propriety and clothing to eat their pizza dinner in the nude. Okay, not all of them. Lindsey kept her shift and panties on. Ria remained fully dressed and managed to avoid getting any pizza on her even so. Meanwhile the rest of them followed Isnomi’s example. I am, as noted, an idiot. Of course, Maze’s smirk as she shucked off her clothes told me she absolutely knew I would catch hell for this rather than them.

Sorry, ladies. I didn’t think that through.

So, will Pizza nights be clothing optional from now on? Saffron thought back, smirking at me with her mouth full.

I shook my head. Screw it. Up to you guys. Certainly will make laundry easier the day after though.

Will it really? Tallulah asked, at which point I realized that the younger girls had absolutely lost any inhibitions about spilling food, and while they weren’t exactly making a food fight out of it, they weren’t worried about spilling onto their clothes, which they’d more or less dropped right under their chairs.

I closed my eyes, collapsed back into myself, and slumped. Okay. Yeah. I’m just an idiot.

You meant well, love. Any harm done is something you yourself will have to correct at any rate. In the end, this too shall pass. Then my Kitten banished my impending depression along with her own clothes, swiveling around to kiss me with her mouth tasting of tomato sauce, sausage, and cheese.

Bath time wound up having longer showers than normal, because the girls had left the tomato sauce on themselves long enough to give themselves little temporary red splotch tattoos.

I guess, at the end of the day, if they wind up utterly unashamed of their bodies, it’ll be that much better for them. I mean, yeah, it’ll be that much more harrowing for yours truly when they hit their teen years, but if I have to choose between my daughters’ mental health and my own? I’m gonna jump in front of that bullet each and every time. That’s just the kind of mom I am, I guess.

Dreamt of my ladies very pointedly out of their chibi dresses and uniforms and everything. Yeeting each other at each other until they burst or shattered or whatever and rained down into my Maw, over and over and over, laughing the whole while.

Another calm day. After the lunch time pit stop, I remembered something and asked, ”hey Kitten, what’s up with the Marshall?”

She paused, or really just slowed down her coding, hands moving slowly while she half turned to me. ”He’s still in Boltophsberg. Still being treated as an honored guest. The Black Dragon remains on station off the coast, should he need it.” She actually paused for a second right then. ”Now that I think about it, I begin to have concerns that could be a reason for their continued stalling.”

”Huh?”

She smiled and scooched back into me. ”It’s possible they’re aware of the Black Dragon’s presence, and are gaining some concession from those who would like it to remain where it is.”

”I do not like that, Kitten.”

She nodded. ”Nor do I.” She took a deep breath, her hands completely still. ”Do we prioritize completion of the new Inspect, or Boltophsberg?”

I didn’t even need to think about that very long. ”Inspect. That way it’s not noodling around in the back of your head, and they’ll know that the more combat oriented of the Alliance’s two Archmagi is fully focused on them, should they decide to get stupid.”

Saffron nodded, smiled, and went back to work. ”Let it be so.”