Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

I swear, I love that boy like I’m obligated to or something, but he does his dead level best to be a thorn in my side while remaining, at least from his perspective, a dutiful and doting son. What’s really both annoying and hilarious about it is that if I wasn’t just a big old mess of hang ups regarding my own intimate proclivities, I’d be more or less completely immune to his shenanigans. If I were actually able to take some kind of pride in my own flavor of freakiness, I’d be cheering him on every time he handed me some new toy or treat. Of course, the worst part is that I’m not sure if he’d stop at that point or keep going.

Oh, noes, if I mature to the point where I’m no longer embarrassed by sexuality, my adopted sociopathic son might stop making me sex toys and sex toy adjacent items. Fuckin’ first world problems.

So after trying not to choke on my spit, I explained, ”Not for my love life, you rascal. For your sister’s Nightmares.”

He raised an eyebrow. ”I assume that means you don’t want that type of harness for Mom or her assorted assistants?”

Before I could think my treacherous mouth spouted, ”I didn’t say that.” As he smiled, almost forming something like a normal human chuckle, I spluttered a little then said, ”but the priority is tack for the Nightmares Isnomi has tamed.”

His smile vanished. ”Oh, no, Mother Dearest. Please do not make that mistake. No Nightmare is ever truly tamed. But I suspect they have accepted her as their superior. They are quite intelligent. So long as their position in the hierarchy is clear, they will remain obedient, but they will not hesitate to take advantage of any weakness.” He shrugged. ”Although I suppose they’re also smart enough to avoid attacking those who feed and care for them, especially if they know their superior desires them to remain... polite.”

I snorted. ”They sound like cats.” When he raised an eyebrow again I said, ”dogs have masters, cats have servants.”

He nodded, smiling. ”That’s it exactly. Just make it clear who is staff, and who might be snacks, and they ought behave.”

”But you can make tack for them?”

”For my dearest sister, of course, Mother Dear. It might take a few days, and my supply of leather is low?”

I nodded. ”I’ll come around tonight after the kids are in bed.”

I’d have done it right then, but I’d been trying to remember how being in pain made me short tempered. Even when I didn’t take it out on the kids, they could still tell. When I’d gotten them all used to being loved and cherished to the very best of my ability, ’not abusing them’ fell kinda short of the mark I’d set for myself. So once I said my farewell to Conrad, I headed home for dinner and Bath time. Dinner was a stew I hadn’t had before, a little gamey, a little salty, the kind of thing I’d have loved back in the day, but Marie had spoiled me.

”What is this? I don’t recognize the meat.”

Saffron nodded as Siobhan fed her another bite. She’d enjoyed being pampered by our little blonde Healer, and none of us could bear to tell either of them no. After she swallowed, she took the spoon and fed Siobhan a bite. ”Unless I miss my guess, this is bear. Mostly from that big Dire Bear you slew.” Marie nodded as she fed me another bite, at which point I stole the spoon away to feed her in turn.

”It’s different. Then again, everybody seems to like it.”

”Vengeance is a powerfully tasty spice, love.”

Now that I knew what it was, I also realized why it tasted kinda salty, or at least maybe a little over-spiced. We’d set up some cool areas in the basement, and some of the safe areas of the mines were cool enough stuff would keep for a while, but we really didn’t have refrigerators, let alone freezers. Except maybe... ”Hey, Kitten?”

”Yes, love?”

”Are the fridges on the Black Dragon working?”

She frowned a second, mouthing ’fridges’ before nodding. ”You mean the refrigerators? Yes, they’re working more or less as designed. Your father provided the refrigerant we needed, as part of your Yule gift.”

”Oh, shit, there’s two days of Yule left, isn’t there?”

She laughed, then nodded at the fireplace, where the one big log still hadn’t quite burned away to ash. ”Thanks to my wife acquiring a Yule log for the ages, yes, love, there are two days of Yule left.”

”Cool! I gotta find something good for Mom and Dad.”

She tilted her head. ”What could you possibly get them this year?”

Marie ended the conversation in her unmistakable way. ”Grandchildren.”

I looked up into her mischievous eyes and said, ”I think even your magnificent baking skills might take a little longer than two days, Mittens.”

”All the more reason to get started then, don’t you think, love?”

I almost choked on the next spoonful of bear stew before I managed to blurt out, ”like, right now?”

That got everyone in the room laughing, even if the kids at the far end of the table seemed to be laughing more because the adults were laughing than really hearing or understanding what we were laughing about. When she settled down just a touch, Saffron said, ”so enthusiastic. It’s almost like you want to alter your plans of getting our fiancé with child on our wedding night in favor of her waddling to the altar already with child.” I sat there working my mouth, not sounds coming out, while everyone made amused noises. Finally Saffron took pity on me. ”Or did you mean we should choose our wedding day tonight?”

”Uh...” Yeah, soul of eloquence, thy name is Tabitha Diaz. ”Shit, yes? Yes, I’d like that.”

”So what day shall we wed our lovely Marie?”

This time, at least, I had a clue. Sort of. ”Marie? You’re gonna be the bride here. The one in the dress, anyhow. When do you want to get married?”

So cute, watching her blush. Eventually, when it died down a little, she whispered out, ”spring”

”A Spring wedding it is, then. Tabitha, could you make sure the venue will be ready? I’ll work with Mrs. Driver to arrange the catering.” The room went quiet, and Saffron looked around, uncharacteristically surprised. ”Truly, ladies? It wouldn’t be right for Marie to cater her own wedding feast, and I didn’t want to assume...”

Anna stood, not defiant, but definitely speaking for the women of our Homestead when she said, ”Marie came for many of us, when our Maenads left to save the children of Calverton. Came for us and saved us. Since that day she’s sheltered us, even fed us. How could we not want to be part of her wedding? And,” she paused, smiling at the Maenads in the room. ”I think her sisters would be quite put out if they weren’t part of the first wedding of one of them in quite some time.”

”Ever,” whispered a few of them.

Saffron nodded, her eyes shining. ”Well then. I suppose the wedding feast is in good hands.” She tapped at her teeth, humming. ”Now, who to officiate?”

I admit, I missed my cue. Then again, I think she played it perfectly when I said, ”I dunno, maybe Karen?”

”Karen would be an excellent choice, love. She is, after all, the Highest Priestess of Tabitha Diaz.” At that point I realized Siobhan’s hand had been dropping as slowly as her expression. ”On the other hand, I think there’s a far more appropriate choice far closer to hand.”

Siobhan perked up at that, but I couldn’t help but tease her a tiny bit. ”I dunno, that sounds like an awful lot of work for our little Ice Pop. Officiating all day, then Concubining all night for all three of us?”

That got her. She dropped the spoon, and as it clattered said, ”no, no, it’s quite all right! I can handle it! You! All of you! All of it! I...” At that point Saffron silenced her with a kiss.

When they came up for air amid the laughter of the women in the room, Saffron said, ”we would be honored to have Sister Siobhan Darling perform our wedding ceremony, wouldn’t we, Marie?”

Marie ended that conversation too, with a simple, ”Absolutely.”