Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”Your Children ain’t part of you,

But they come from part of you,

Love what you have in common.”

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Children

Like, I get that there are gonna be kids who are just as ADHD as their parents, and there’s no controlling hyperfocus, so sometimes their thing is not gonna be their parent’s thing. But that doesn’t mean you can’t stop and listen to them passionately describe something you find to be like paint drying. Shit, you can’t control hyperfocus, but maybe you can bait it a little bit. Like when you realize you’ve got a new one, you toss it out toward them and see if they take the bait. No guarantee they’ll wind up with the same obsession, but then there’s not a whole lot that’s guaranteed in life. Hell, I assume that if Saffron’s injured and recovering at some point she’ll be too sore for sex. Same probably goes for Siobhan. Although given that ’literally dead’ to ’picture of health’ in a few minutes is apparently possible with Magical Healing, I don’t see it happening any time soon, what with me being able to do both of those things.

But my point about kids is that you’re gonna have stuff in common with them. It might not be stuff you can share directly, like if Menace turns out to be just as much of a horndog as me, I don’t care how hot the dude is, I just can’t get over the ew of sharing him. Like, at the same time. Maybe in serial, if separated by a shower and at least a few hours, but he’d have to be, like, Saffron boy mode hot. Like, Keanu hot. Okay, yeah, if she brought Keanu home and said, ’momma, you gotta try this’ and shoved me into a room with him, I think that might melt my resolve like butter under a blow torch.

On the other hand, I could totally see the two of us sitting on beach chairs watching dudes walk by, commenting on the ones that catch our eye, maybe playing wingman for each other. Y’know, girlfriend shit. Which I guess is what you try to do with your kids eventually, just be friends with them.

Thing is, I also guess why you can’t do that early on. When they’re little kids, they’re not even close to peers yet. The parent has all the power and all the responsibility. But even then you can set that whole eventual friendship deal up by not being a dick about that. By treating them like people, not like animals or toys. Okay, I’m pretty sure my sister played fetch with me when I was real little, and I loved that shit, but ’fetch’ is just ’catch’ for the athletically challenged.

Speaking of challenges, I think I’d discovered my greatest one. I’d heard all about the battles I’d fought. Armies, Champions, Undead, all of them were things that might have killed me, but I could have gone down fighting, or done what I did and toughed it out and killed them a whole bunch, but this... this was my nemesis.

Waiting.

Fortunately I had shit to do, or I might have started a war out of sheer intolerable boredom. Just a little one. Only a few thousand troops total. Mostly just me kicking the shit out of Fae and having my scaly bois gather up the pieces. But as I said, I had things I had to do, and I am a mature adult woman, so first I hopped up to the Alliance headquarters. Right into the Grand Council chamber, where I spotted a new desk in the group facing Kitten’s chair and her big rock. The Rich Man’s Port desk, clearly, what with Cailyn sitting behind it writing. I stepped up behind her and watched her write. She had incredible handwriting, all fancy, almost like calligraphy. Weirdest thing; I knew I was looking at something other than English, but I also knew what she was writing. Basically notes about today’s Grand Council discussions. Stuff about schools and plumbing.

She reached the end of the word she’d been writing, set her pen down carefully in what looked to be a dedicated pen holding slot on the desk, half turned to me and said, ”Champion. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

I kept by reply low. ”Your mom asked me to bring you back home for a visit with her great grandmother.”

I didn’t fail to notice how she froze for just a moment when I mentioned The Morrigan, even obliquely. She nodded and said, ”walk with me?”

I nodded, then wordlessly followed her to what turned out to be her rooms. Not a patch on our place back at Lancaster House, and way smaller than what we’d built at the Homestead, but she had a decent sized front room, a bedroom beyond that, and what looked to be a reasonably modern bathroom connected to both. Honestly, for a single person or even a couple, this would be a nice little apartment. No kitchen, but I’m pretty sure the Alliance HQ had a cafeteria or something. If this was where the Grand Councilors lived while at the Alliance Headquarters building, I could get behind it. Not ’lap of luxury’, what with the rooms being overall close to the size of our rooms at the Academy, but plenty comfortable. Even if somebody didn’t have a home address elsewhere, which I just couldn’t see for somebody with a title like ’Grand Councilor’.

”You didn’t seem real thrilled when I told you who’d come to visit.”

Cailyn froze again, just that momentary pause to reassess and move on. ”She’s here? I far more than half expected to be visiting the Celtic Isles.” By her tone she definitely was not happy about the news.

”Is that odd?”

”I’m surprised she came in person, what with, you know...” She waggled her fingers in an obvious impression of tentacles.

”Oh, yeah, she came by ship.” Cailyn froze again. ”Whole little fleet, seven ships in Rich Man’s Port’s harbor. Well, one at the docks, the others anchored... what’s wrong?”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ”What you originally told me made me suspect she intended to choose a new High Priestess to represent her in Atlantis.”

”What happened to the old one?”

While we spoke, Cailyn pulled a dress out of a handy little walk in closet in the bedroom. ”She disavowed Mother the evening before your Ambassador arrived in Rich Man’s Port.” Fuck. That wasn’t good. ”Well, at least Mairéad isn’t here.”

”Uh...”

Cailyn froze yet again. Just to be clear, none of these were huge ’reboot moment’ things, just... normally she moved with such smooth, fluid grace that even the tiniest hiccup stood out. ”Shit.”

That was also very not-Cailyn. ”Do I even wanna know?”

Cailyn carefully folded a few dresses, including one very nice one, into a fancy clothing bag. ”I suppose it can’t hurt if you do. The Alliance has been nothing but helpful to our family, although I guess if we lose Rich Man’s Port, that will end. Mairéad has always been jealous of Mother’s position in Rich Man’s Port. Envious as well.”

”No offense, but she doesn’t seem like the nautical type.”

”She’s not. She only wants it because Mother has it.”

I nodded my understanding. ”Uh, how attached to Mairéad are you.” I held up my hand. ”Wait, no. How attached to Mairéad is Ria.”

Cailyn tilted her head. ”She doesn’t know the woman. Mother loathes Mairéad, and other than being The Morrigan’s favored useless toady, Mairéad holds no official position Ria needed to memorize.”

I nodded. ”Cool. So if she’s not in the picture any more?”

Cailyn blinked. ”Are you suggesting assassinating my great aunt in cold blood?”

”Nah.” I smiled at her. ”But that kind of bitch can’t resist trying to pull shit, and I can assure you, given the situation I am fine with any finding out she receives upon fucking around will invalidate her for the position of High Priestess in Atlantis.”

”Dare I ask?”

I shrugged. ”I could just yeet her back to Europa. I mean, my aim’s not all that great, she might not hit the Celtic Isles, but Europa’s a big place. I’m sure I won’t land her in Africa or Asia.”

”And how would she survive landing?”

I smiled at her again. ”You ask me that like it’s my problem.”

”You would do this for my family?”

I shrugged. ”I’d do it to keep my kid from being upset at her mom losing her home. Oh, and, y’know, Alliance supporting House Crow and Rich Man’s Port. All that good stuff.”

She sighed, slumped a little from her normal graceful bearing. ”Well. At least we’re not alone. Your support is appreciated.”

I nodded, waited for her to pick up her satchel, and stepped her back to the Crow’s private dining room in the Overlord’s Keep.

Then I had to head home and do the hard part. At least for this one I’d have backup. Of course, the biggest backup turned out to me MIA. Kitten?

I’m a touch busy at the moment with a project, love. Can you ask Siobhan to fill in for me this evening at bath time?

Sure. I worried in silence for a second. You gonna be with us tomorrow in Rich Man’s Port? Or at least available?

I very much hope so, love. I would be with you right now, but my current project requires my physical presence as well as most of my attention.

Oh. Um...

She stayed silent for a second, then sighed. Very well. If you must know, I’m working on your Yule present.

Shit! I haven’t gotten yours yet!

Her laughter filled my head. If it’s anything near as incredible as my birthday gifts, I can’t wait to see it.

Cool! Okay, Kitten. I hope to see you tomorrow, but if you’re still busy, just remember I love you.

I love you more than life itself, my beautiful Goof. I always will. No matter what else. Never forget that.

Okay. G’night.

Good night, my Goof. Now go, the children are waiting.

She was right, they were. I got a slightly flustered Siobhan to fill in for Saffron, and wound up with visions of your girl Tabitha in a short stack sandwich when Ice Pop shapeshifted into the spitting image of my Kitten before anybody else realized Saffron couldn’t make it. I didn’t have the heart to remind her that Menace could somehow sniff out shapeshifters. She did a surprisingly good Saffron impression, too, although it was definitely ’nurturing mom Saffron’ and not ’tyrant Imperator Saffron’.

When Ria’s turn to be toweled down arrived, I leaned in and said, ”your mother wants you back to visit with your great grandmother tomorrow night.”

She looked a little confused for a moment, then her eyes shot open. ”The Morrigan?” she squeaked loud enough to get everyone’s attention. I did not fail to notice Menace’s not at all subtle drift toward Ria the moment she heard that.

”Yeah.” She trembled in my arms while trying to keep her emotions in check, and I pulled her in for a hug. ”Don’t worry, kiddo. You’re my kid too now. I’ll be there with you, I’ll keep your mom safe.”

Right then Isnomi’s arms wrapped around Ria from behind. ”Yeth, thith. We be theweh to keep you thafe.”

I shot Isnomi an absolute mother lode of hairy eyeball at that. ”No you will not, Isnomi Aetos-Diaz. Your mother would tan my hide if I let you go into a situation like that. Hell, I wouldn’t take Ria except her mother specifically said she needs her there.” I looked back at Ria. ”Your sister thinks your great grandmother may be picking a new High Priestess for Atlantis. She wants to see you two, so maybe she’s gonna pick one of you. Wouldn’t that be neat?”

With that solemn serious look she did so well, Ria nodded. ”That would be quite neat. She might also be there to execute our entire family to clear the way for her chosen Priestess.”

”Yeah, no. Not happening, little corvid. She lays a hand on you, she won’t be needing a new High Priestess so much as a new hand.”

Ria looked at me, wide eyed. ”You... you’re very confident.”

”Yeth. Mama bad donkey.”

I snorted. ”I think you mean badass.”

”An now Mama gwounded.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed out loud at that. I pulled them both into a hug, and eventually Isnomi and my laughter managed to infect even solemn little Ria. ”Okay, you two. Menace, can you help your sister pack? I’m sure she’ll want a nice dress for meeting her great grandmother in, and she’ll want something to wear for the trip in the morning.”

”Yeth!” With that they scampered off to Marie, I guess to get her help with packing.

The rest of bath time went pretty normally. Even Devorah seemed kind of subdued, although she did play around a little in the tub, trying to get my attention as I dried Chloe off.

Didn’t get to dream, because I had to go back to my watch on the Questing Tentacle. Plans to meet peacefully or not, I trusted the Europan Fae and The Morrigan no further than I could throw them. Fortunately, I guess they decided they didn’t like the look of the massive built in crossbows on the Questing Tentacle. Either that or they were a little intimidated by the sheer amount of Cold Iron in her construction and on her crew.

Definitely needed to reward Siobhan for Concubining above and beyond the call of duty, because when I looked through Marie’s eyes, I saw she’d spent the night shapeshifted into me, I guess to make the kids feel better.

In the morning, after I sent Karen to get some rest and let the day shift take over, I stepped back to help Ria get ready. Mostly I just helped her with the toilet though, what with Marie being there to help her get dressed. I had to shut my face down when I realized what Marie’d dressed her in. Alex’s armor onesie; maybe a little baggy on her, but Alex herself pulled the hood up and gave her a hug. The rest of the kids glomped her as well, and I saw Maze slip her our copy of Wee Free Men. Fuck it, I don’t know where I got the ones I got, but I figured I’d figure out how to get more if something happened to it.

One particular someone was very conspicuously missing. ”Where’s Isnomi?”

Ria bowed her head. Looking at the floor she said, ”she was very angry about not being allowed to come with me. I haven’t seen her since last night.”

I sighed and picked her up. She had a little backpack, I guess for whatever nice dress she’d decided to bring along. It made her a little clumsy to lift; she was so light even a fancy dress weighed a solid percentage of what she did. I snuggled her and tried to comfort her with, ”you know it’s cause she cares about you, right?”

She nodded, solemn as ever. ”Yes.”

I stepped us to her rooms in the Overlord’s Keep. ”You want me to help you get dressed up?”

She shook her head. ”I can dress myself.”

”It’s no problem.” She shook her head. Stubborn little kid. Probably why she fit in so well with the rest of our little horde. ”Okay then. You want me to send Marie to help?” She thought about that for a second, then shook her head. ”Okay then. I gotta go watch and make sure your great aunt and great grandmother don’t do anything sus before dusk, but I’ll be back before she gets here, okay?”

She nodded, then leapt forward and hugged me. I held her until she pulled away, then ruffled her hair and stepped back to the ship.

More waiting. I hate fuckin’ waiting. The low, leaden clouds covering the sky from horizon to horizon didn’t help either.

Maybe an hour before dusk, the side of the Fae ship slid open. This time the ramp had to be at least three times wider; three of those Nightmares walked down the ramp side by side by side carrying a Fae Knight each. Then Mairéad followed between two more, then another robed woman between two more Knights, then three more Knights. I watched, hunkered down in the prow of the Questing Tentacle, until they passed the row of inns, at which point I stepped directly to Lady Crow’s throne room.

The place was eerily empty. Lady Crow stood to the left of her throne, her bodyguards behind her, flanked by Lindsey and Cailyn, with Karen in her Cadet uniform on Cailyn’s far side. Ria stood just beyond Karen, and I chuckled a little as I realized she’d changed into a nicer dress than she’d been wearing to paint and mess around at the Homestead with the kids, but she still had her little backpack on. Lindsey looked insufferably smug, as always. I guess when you’re the one guy in such an obviously matriarchal family, you got to just be an asshole bystander to dynastic shit like this. Really glad we got to cement the political relationship by fostering Ria instead of maybe having to take Lindsey as a boy toy or some shit like that. Ew.

I stepped up to Lady Crow and held out a hand. ”She’ll be here shortly.”

Tallulah took my hand, squeezed it, and said, ”it will be good to have a Goddess stand with us, if only to ensure we are allowed to leave in good health.”

I looked her straight in the eye and said, ”hey, The Alliance stands with House Crow. Yeah, we’ll defend Rich Man’s Port, but we’re doing that because of you and your kids. She wants you out, she better have a damn good reason, or she’ll waddle home with an ass full of find out.”

Tallulah blinked. ”She... But you...” She sighed. ”I suppose she’s not the only one with other Deities supporting her now, is she?”

”She is not.” I nodded, then stepped over to stand next to Ria, who looked sorta nervous. ”Hey kiddo. You okay?” She nodded. ”We’re with you.”

”I know.” She hitched her backpack up where it had slipped down a little, then did that little thing where she tried to grab for the stick she didn’t have with her.

”Hey, when we’re done here, you want maybe we could go find you a new stick?”

”Spear.”

”Spear? Okay. I think I might know where to get you a nice one.” She just nodded at that, and I thought, Kitten? You gonna make it here today?

I’m on the way, love, but I’m afraid I’m not in a position to Translocate to you.

That confused me a little, but I kept my face straight, stifled my shrug, and thought, okay. Looking forward to seeing you again tonight then.

And I you, love.

Right about then those big doors at the far end of the hall swung open. Six Knights on their Nightmares rode in in two ranks, who then split off three to a side at the far end of the hall. Two more nightmares walked forward carrying the two women, who stopped as their last two Knights came even with the first six. They dismounted, then strode forward, pushing their cloaks back as they did. Mairéad strode to the right and a step behind the tall woman leading her. The Morrigan definitely looked like family to both Mairéad and the Crows, although where the Crows could be cousins, Mairéad looked like a daughter, or even a sister. Weird thing, I couldn’t quite focus on The Morrigan’s features. They blurred, almost like they shifted slightly from moment to moment. Unfortunately, that old brick of a mythology textbook hadn’t had much about The Morrigan except, y’know, Death Goddess with Ravens.

The Morrigan strode right up without acknowledging any of us, spun around, and sat her ass in the throne. Yo, Kitten, you seeing this?

I got the impression of an annoyed shrug, and a couple notes of oddly familiar music I couldn’t quite place. Yes. It appears Lady Crow has chosen to acknowledge her subordination to the Queen of the Sidhe. Queen outranks Overlord, as does Goddess. If the Morrigan has any sense of decorum, that ought to play in her favor, since that means she ought to be protecting her vassal.

Wish you were here.

Keep an eye on those Knights. I worry that The Morrigan might intend to test the Overlord’s mundane defenses, or Mairéad may be up to something underhanded.

You got it. Let me know when you’re just about here?

Oh, you’ll know. I got the mental image of a cryptic smile, then she cut the connection.

The Morrigan had settled herself on the throne, and while Mairéad gave Tallulah an absolute booger look, she didn’t say anything as she wound up on The Morrigan’s left side instead of her right. ”Overlord.” I tensed a little, but The Morrigan nodded toward Tallulah.

”My Queen. My... Goddess.” Tallulah turned and knelt before The Morrigan, and I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined the little stutter in her voice as she referred to The Morrigan as ’her Goddess’. Which might not be the case, what with the whole ’disavowed’ thing. ”Greatmother, you honor my Keep with your presence.”

”I do.” Her gaze tracked from face to face along what I realized was a receiving line as Tallulah stood up and returned to her spot. Then The Morrigan swiveled her head the other way, past Tallulah, and looked at Lindsey. ”Great grandson. So nice to see you in person.”

Lindsey stepped forward, almost but not quite jostling his mother aside, and knelt before The Morrigan, bowing his head. ”My Goddess.”

The Morrigan lay her hand atop Lindsey’s head, a clear benediction. ”My... Priest. Such an odd thing for me to have. I think, should I find a suitable High Priestess this evening, that I shall take you with me when I return to Europa.”

”I am honored.” She removed her hand, and he stood, moving to flank Mairéad when he did. Smarmy motherfucker.

The Morrigan’s gaze tracked to Cailyn. ”This would be Cailyn?”

Cailyn stepped forward and knelt in front of the throne. ”I am, Majesty.”

”Stand up. Let me look on you.” Cailyn complied, and The Morrigan stared at her, raking her gaze from her forehead to her feet and back. ”Not entirely unacceptable, I suppose.” Then she waved her back to the line. As Cailyn stepped back, The Morrigan looked at Karen and said, ”Adrienne?”

Karen stepped forward, shaking her head. ”No, Majesty. I am Cadet Karen Smith, Ambassador of the Inter-City Alliance to Rich Man’s Port. Lady Crow requested I attend.”

”This... Alliance. They support Rich Man’s Port?”

Karen nodded. ”And House Crow.”

The Morrigan had a decent poker face, but that last bit did not fill her with joy. Then again, it absolutely put the boogeriest of booger looks on Máiréad’s face. ”I see. Well, I suppose it’s good to know that my great grandchildren will have a place, should House Crow no longer rule Rich Man’s Port.” She sighed, pure theater. ”Pity, you seem quite suited for the role of High Priestess.” She waved Karen back, and my High Priestess returned to flanking Ria’s other side.

The Morrigan turned to face Ria, only to have her gaze drawn to my own, almost as if she couldn’t help herself. ”Who is this?”

I nodded to her and gave her my best friendly smile. ”Tabitha Diaz. Champion of the Alliance. Oh, and Patron Goddess of the Alliance too.” I maybe smiled a little wider and said, ”Ooh, can’t forget that I’m the Imperator’s Attack Dog.” Almost on the edge of hearing, the sounds of swords loosening in sheathes whispered from the far end of the room.

”And why, exactly, is there an Attack Dog in my Court?”

”Oh, shit, sorry. I’m also Foster-Mother to Ria Crow, here to take her home once this is all done.” I patted Ria on the shoulder, trying to convey to her that the moment we could leave, I’d get her ass out of here. Shit, if we needed to keep the scare up, I could have Karen take her home, really.

The Morrigan did not seem totally sanguine with that answer, but other than pursing her lips and staring at me like she’d rather I knelt, or better yet crawled, or best of all just died, she didn’t say anything more to me. After a minute of us just staring at one another, she turned her gaze to Ria. ”And you would be my youngest great grandchild, Ria?”

Ria stepped forward, kneeling without moving her hands from the straps of her backpack. I noticed right then that she’d left the top undone. I guess maybe she’d been more nervous than she let on. ”Yes, Majesty.”

The Morrigan waved for her to stand, and after Ria did, looked her up and down like she had with Karen and Cailyn. When she finished, she shook her head, an honest sigh leaking out of her. ”I take it you are the ultimate cause of the recent unpleasantness?”

”Yes, Majesty.”

The Morrigan nodded, her rueful smile somehow seeming both artificial and sincere. ”You, child, would make an incredible High Priestess. Such talent in one so young.”

She paused, almost like she was trying to bait some kind of response out of the kid, but Ria followed rule number one when dealing with authorities; shut the fuck up.

”It’s truly a shame, but you die. Now.”