Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”Parents don’t come full bloom at the birth of the first baby. In fact parenting is about growing. It’s about our own growing as much as it is about our children’s growing and that kind of growing happens little by little.”

- Fred Rogers

I have absolutely no complaints about my healthcare here at Phileo City Heroic Academy. Not only is it free and quite literally bordering on miraculous in terms of what it can not only sorta fix, but bring back up to full function, but the view is pretty nice while it’s happening, too.

Some part of me really worries about that. Not, like, me finding Sister Siobhan cute. That’s all of me except the Mimic part worrying, and not just about finding her cute, but also about exactly how literal Mimic’s nom impulses are. Just to be clear, I have no idea how literal they are, and that’s what worries me. If our date night ends up with all Tabitha can eat at Sister Siobhan’s clam bar, I’ll maybe feel guilty, but more ’oh, shit, I Just Happened to another one!’ guilt, not ’oh, god, what have I done’ guilty, the way I would if there’s nothing left of her but her habit and sandals.

Considering the only reason you have for guilt is your existing relationships, and both of the other parties there are fully supportive of your seduction of Miss Darling, I don’t see any reason for you to feel guilty should something of the sort happen.

Yeah, you’re forgetting about the entire part where I’m pretty sure she’s completely innocent in every way that matters, and every impulse I’ve got says to lay waste to every bit of that innocence. Possibly addict her to Pumpkin Spice while I’m at it. Not that emotions are really prone to listening to logic anyhow.

No, no they are not. However, they are sometimes swayed by the opinions of those we look up to.

Yeah, Dad, you’re not as subtle as you think. So what’s your opinion, then?

That if your Sister Siobhan is so taken with your Heroic exploits that she wishes for her innocence itself to be yet another of your rewards for your Heroism, the only remaining possible source of guilt is if you do less than ’addict her to Pumpkin Spice’ over the course of the evening.

Okay, okay, I get it, Dad. Not sure if that’ll help with the whole Saffron thing, but if Just Happening happens, I’ll do my best not to let the side down.

That’s my Daughter. Simply be the best you can be, and I shall ever be proud of you.

Thanks, Boss. You’re the best.

I know.

So yeah, the medical care here at the Academy is awesome, but apparently I’m enough of a self-destructive dumbass that I push well past where miracles can fix everything. Even after an extended Healing session with Sister Siobhan and Saffron, followed by Saffron doing a masterfully Skilled job of kissing it and making it better, my hips and lower back still ached when I woke up. Okay, I spent most of the previous day perched on a stool that I’m not sure was meant for perching on all day, and I’m sure wasn’t intended for people convalescing from a shattered crotch, but I got a full night’s sleep, so that ought to fix everything, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, my core competency is fucking shit up, and apparently that includes myself.

Mimic Dreams included an introductory cameo by Chibi-chef Saffron, which made me a little suspicious that she hadn’t, in fact, gone to sleep after collapsing back to the bedroom with me, but screw it, she’s a big girl, she can stay up a little late if she wants. I’m really trying to avoid thinking about both how fervently she threw herself into my maw, as well as how visceral the soup dumpling sensations were.

Woke up to achy in the nethers, and not of the kind that getting busy is likely to fix. I mean, I’m me, so I sure as shit had me and Marie down in the Love Shack trying that shit anyway moments after waking, but it did not, in fact, make anything better. I think I made some groaning sounds in the bedroom as everything tensed up, because Saffron started her boot up sequence just then. Marie and I collapsed into ourselves to watch, because as I never tire of saying, that shit is adorable as fuck. I dunno if it’s my whole terrible memory acting up, or if I really do notice something new every time I watch, but today’s boot up her scrunched up little sniffy nose caught my attention. Caught it so hard that her eyes slid open to me holding the tip of her nose in my teeth, licking at it.

”That is excessively strange. Possibly even for you, Goof.”

I closed my lips, nipped a little, sucked hard, then snickered as I pulled away. The snicker got even snickerier when I saw evidence of successful mild hickey application on the tip of her nose. ”Too cute. Gonna eat you all up eventually.”

She raised an eyebrow. ”Not all at once right now? Who are you and what have you done with Tabitha?”

I stuck my tongue out at her, then Co-Located the pair of us to the Love Shack and made good use of it. Back in the bedroom I said, ”Hey, Menace is right there on top of Marie, and you know she’ll wake up if we do anything. Here. Besides,” I waggled my eyebrows and licked my lips, totally hamming it up. ”You don’t eat a snack like you all at once.”

The Saffron down in the Love Shack may or may not have said something like, ”devour me.” Not sure, my ears were a little bit covered up.

Right about then Isnomi started stirring, and we all focused on her for a bit. I mean, I had to kind of do some things on autopilot, but I’ve got my priorities straight; watching Isnomi’s boot up is, if anything, cuter than Saffron’s. Maybe it’s the whole purity of it, maybe it’s her still being little kid little and cute rather than petite adult cute like Saffron, but whatever made it cuter, it was, in fact, objectively cuter. There’s a scale now. It measures all the components of cuteness, and Isnomi is the standard for all of them. I decided.

Of course, the moment she finished her boot up and realized we were all staring at her, she leapt at us, hollering, ”Ma! Mama! Mawa! Fye! Fye today!”

I went to sit up to catch her to prevent her headlong rush from causing cranial impact, because cute or not our crazy little mini-bitch loved bonking heads at velocity. I gotta figure out which Bag have like, sheep horns, because sure as shit that’s the kind of Bag that impregnated my Saffron back in the day.

Hell, ’back in the day’. She’s not even a year and a half old yet. Best guess, Kitten had her successfully impregnating one night stand like two years ago now. If the dude didn’t die of the Plague or Volunteer misadventure, he’s probably still out there doing his thing. Which... is fine, I guess? Just so long as he doesn’t do my thing. Well, Saffron’s thing. Shit, if he’s as cute as she is, there’s a non-zero chance I’d Just Happen to him if he showed up.

Why am I like this?

At any rate, catching Isnomi let me know on no uncertain terms that my general hip region was in no shape to do anything as energetic as watching someone else fly today. I snuggled her in for a hug and said, ”I’m sorry, Menace, but Momma’s not really up to being ground crew today. I think I need your grandpa to do some work on my hips to keep them healing right.”

Her lip shot out. ”But... fye!”

I brushed my lips across her forehead. ”I know. I want to watch you. Hell, I kinda envy you, and want to see if I can find a way to join you up there. But for now? I’m not in any kind of shape to do either.”

She folded her arms across her chest. ”Fye!”

Saffron intervened at that point, scooching around until she put her arms around Isnomi from behind, enveloping her in a hug that Marie added a second layer to a moment later. ”My girl, do you really want to hurt Momma?”

Menace’s eyes shot wide. ”No!”

”Do you want to keep her from healing like she should?”

”No!”

”Well then, do you want to keep her in pain longer than she absolutely has to be?”

By now Isnomi’s eyes watered a little, and she unfolded her arms to put her little hands on my cheeks. ”I sowwy, Mama. I no fye.”

I took that opportunity to head bunt her a little. ”It’s okay, scamp. You flew with Marie yesterday, right?”

”Yeth?”

”Maybe if you’re especially cute you can convince Sigyn to take you flying today?”

Her brows drew down. ”But... wan Mama fye.”

I sighed. ”Today’s a bad day for it, and I might be too out of it tomorrow too, but how about the day after that?”

Saffron nudged me. ”Isn’t that the day of the assault on Calverton, love?”

”If they need me for more than ten minutes for more than cheerleading I’ll be shocked. The Trolls are especially full of piss and vinegar after getting their asses kicked last time they tried.”

She frowned. ”It’s those ten minutes I’d worry about, love.”

I rolled my eyes. ”Marie, can you come with us flying on Wednesday?”

She glowered down at Menace, who put on her best puppy dog eyes and said, ”pweeze?”

Marie tried to keep up the glowering, even added a little growl, but then she broke down laughing. ”Yes. Scamp.”

”Thanks, Marie.”

”Welcome.”

With the Menace Meltdown averted, we all got up and got dressed. Okay, the three of them got up and got dressed while I took advantage of the Menace clothing delivery service and had her bring me The Dress. I decided to go without boots today, because even just the thought of pushing my femurs up into my crotch sounded excruciating.

”Oh, shit!”

”What’s wrong, love?”

”I... shit fuck dammit, it’s supposed to be a surprise.”

She smiled at me as she pulled Glowing Midnight’s gloves on. ”Did you send me a gift?”

”Yeah.”

”They’re lovely.”

I snorted. ”That’s normally what you expect to hear when you bring flowers. Not femurs.”

She shrugged, focusing on getting her gloves just so. ”I have refined tastes.”

”So you don’t want flowers then?”

Suddenly I had a face full of Saffron. ”My name is Saffron. What do you think?”

I paused, putting an arm around her waist as I did. She waited, glowering impatiently, while I waved Marie and Menace over. A moment later we sat in Loki’s cave. Well, I sat on the edge of his bed, Saffron crouched in front of me staring into my eyes, Marie stood next to us, and Isnomi scampered off to Mister Slither, shrieking, ”Vai!” right up until the moment she glomped him.

”I think you’ve gotten far too many poorly thought out bouquets, and desperately want enough well thought out ones to wipe the crappy ones out of your memory.”

A few minutes later a thick finger poked me in the shoulder. ”Your devout worship of my wife notwithstanding, I would rather you waited until I was no longer chained to my bed before the two of you engage in the time honored tradition of fornicating on their parents’ bed.”

I grinned up at him as Saffron rubbed her cheek against mine, purring all the while. ”I thought fornicating was when you do it before you’re married?”

”And I thought ’fornicating’ sounded classier than ’fucking’.”

”C’mon, Dad. You know it’ll be way too nasty to count as ’classy’ when we finally get around to doing that.”

He laughed, and I turned to Saffron, lacing my fingers through her hair and forcibly extricating my lips a few moments later. ”Hey, Kitten? I’m all for you exploring my upper digestive tract with your tongue and all, but I really do need some realignment down south while we’re here.”

”Well, that rather puts paid to me exploring your lower digestive tract too, doesn’t it?”

I shook my head. ”Nope. That’s...”

”Sixth. Directly after any piercings I give you in the future.”

I blinked. ”Holy shit, you remember that?”

She just grinned at me. ”I remember everything, love. Maybe not all at once, and I might need some prompting on unimportant things, but I remember all of it.”

”So my sexual preferences rate as ’important things’ now?” She just stared at me. Then, achingly slowly, ran the tip of her tongue across her lips. ”Holy shit. I think I’m in danger.”

She stood, smiling, putting on her best ’pious Priestess’ expression. ”Only of being too exhausted to move, my love.” Then she spoiled it perfectly with a Grin. ”Oh, wait, that’s something that happens to people other than my Glorious Goof. Now hold still.” Before Loki or I could say anything, she proved that her mind was not, in fact, further in the gutter than ours when she put one arm under my knees, one around my back under my armpits, and ever so carefully lifted me without putting any weight on my poor abused hips. ”Marie? Be a dear?”

A few moments later she lay me down gently on the table. ”What have you done to yourself this time, child?”

”You weren’t watching when I summoned up the Black Dragon?”

He nodded, ”not a true summoning, but I was indeed watching.”

”Yeah. So you saw... uh... yeah, I probably shouldn’t have straddled the guns.”

Sighing, he rolled me over and pushed The Dress out of the way, his fingers beginning to prod at bits of me that weren’t quite in the same space as the rest of us. ”Oh, no. You absolutely should have. Mortals will speak of that as long as the descendants of Norfolk walk the Earth.”

”Pfft. Yeah. Speak of me slowly rotating until I dropped off onto my head.”

A smile teased at the edges of his mouth as he gently rearranged bits of me. ”And of three of you slamming directly into the deck after kicking yourself in the skull hard enough to shatter it.”

”Uh...”

”Not to mention the one that faceplanted into the gun barrel hard enough that her limbs popped off.”

”Gah.”

”Of course, my favorite was probably the one who somehow balanced perfectly, yet still wound up bisecting herself messily.”

He paused long enough for my cranky to form words. ”How can you have a ’favorite’ of me killing myself in what sounds like an exemplar of ’welter of gore’?”

At that one of his hands lay across my shoulders, his pinky brushing the back of my head. ”Because, Daughter, as everyone else there saw, you not only walked away snarking at your own Admiral, you managed to do all that to yourself and still, and still left your opponent in a state where any one of you could truthfully say, ’but you should have seen the other guy’.”

I settled my head down on my arms. ”Heh. Yeah. Totally worth.” The ghost of a frown drifted across my lips as my eyes slid shut. ”Still. Kinda wanted to get off on those big bad bastards of hers.” When that got no response other than some humming as he worked, I muttered, ”what, no commentary on me being a voracious hosebeast?”

He chuckled, then quietly said, ”oh Daughter of my heart, whyever would I have bribed the builder when there was such a more entertaining way to prevent him from completing his task?”

”Ow. Ow. Ow.” I couldn’t stop giggling, but each giggle made my gut twitch, which hurt exactly where he was working.

Then Saffron was there, hands on my cheeks, gazing into my eyes, her lips on mine until I went still. ”Hush, love. Let your father work. There will be plenty of time for laughter later.” She draped herself over me, and while part of me thought something about how that couldn’t be comfortable, the rest of me just drifted off in muffled darkness.

Time flows oddly in Loki’s cave. Hours, minutes, days, seconds of drifting in Saffron’s embrace later he slapped my ass like the trunk of a car and said, ”well, that’s about all I can do. The rest will require rest, but not overly much, I don’t think. Do try to stay out of melee for at least a few days?”

”Can I Smite shit?”

”I don’t see why not.”

”Got it. Smite yes, smack no. Thanks, Dad, you’re the best.”

He scooped me up into a hug, bringing Saffron along. ”I know.” He set us back on our feet, and Marie carried a sleeping Isnomi back from where she and Sigyn had sat with the Menace and Mister Slither. Moments later, we stood in the office, with the setting sun painting the sky outside our window blue-black, speckled with stars. Marie took pity on me and carried me to bed, stripping me and laying me down with my head pillowed on her thigh. Within minutes, she and Saffron had themselves and Isnomi sorted and in bed.

Damn.

What’s wrong, Goof?

Had a whole plan about devouring you bit by bit tonight, but my fuckin’ jaw won’t even move to talk.

A kiss drifted feather light across my eyelids. Worry not, Goof. We have tomorrow night, and the next, and the next, and every night from now until the end of time for that.