Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Back in the day I thought about signing up for one of those medical testing jobs, where you essentially rent yourself out as a lab rat; I’m not exceptionally unhappy I didn’t do that.

Two reasons for that, really. The first one is the obvious one; after having the entire class poke and prod at the whole hole I punched through myself, I realized that shit is actively painful, in a variety of not-fun ways. Folks poking at a barely healed wound, folks poking at an entirely unhealed wound, and if we’re talking about renting yourself out for medical science testing, folks poking holes in you specifically to see how you react. I mean, I get it, that last one is probably illegal, but you gotta remember where I’m from. If Camden never got the same reputation as Tuskegee, the folks in Camden are pretty sure it’s because that kind of shit happened a few noteworthy times in Tuskegee, whereas it’s just business as fuckin’ usual in Camden.

Do I have any proof? No. Would I have kept any proof had I found any? Not if destroying the proof came with a paycheck, because atrocity is easy to find in Camden. Paychecks not so much.

Thing is, in the here and now, I know of at least two places that have gotten the same general kind of treatment as Camden back in the world of Eastside, which to me says that it’s not so much an anomaly as something that happens every time the Gods or whoever can make it happen. If Zeus were the only head honcho, even with Ares as his second in command, I’d say it’s just them being brutal rapey fucks, but then... Odin. Much like his mortal suck up Lancaster, I’ve got to remember that while he may be a gaslighting evil fuck, he’s not a stupid gaslighting evil fuck. In short, if something is happening on the regular in the here and now, it’s probably happening because he wants it that way for some reason.

Which makes the situation in Norfolk, where he has way more influence than, say, Sparta, that much more concerning. Well, former situation. Since I’ve gone and made it my business to rectify shit. Even if I did just send my most loyal followers in Norfolk to be the beachhead in Calverton. Seriously, I think if I’d told them to split up in penny packets and kill anybody I defined as a ’rapist’, that shit would end yesterday, but... I realized something last night, and I think I’d realized it before, just not consciously.

Last night after I got home from Norfolk and snuggled into bed with Marie and the Menace, what with Saffron begging off for a bit to finish up some coding, sleep washed over me pretty quick. Mimic wound up getting a duet from chibi chef Saffron and chibi chef Marie, with full backup by the sous chef squad. Shrimp be flying everywhere, with Mimic going after it not unlike what I imagine Menace would be like at a hibachi place when the chef started flinging shrimp for people to catch.

Man, that makes me feel some kinda way. I wanna take the fam to someplace like that. A nice restaurant with fun dumb shit to do. The kind of thing where everybody’s laughing when they eat, and nobody goes away less than stuffed to passing out, and everybody smiles and remembers it fondly, even after you lose the obligatory polaroid. I mean, I get it, I do, the important part of that is the family, and I’ve got that. Yule was awesome. The mornings at Lancaster House, where ’family’ got extended to include Menace’s posse and Marie’s Horde Hoard? Some of the touchstone moments that remind me not every warm fuzzy moment in the here and now has been one of butchery and gore. Hell, waking up together every morning is nice.

I even know those moments are special because they’re so random and spontaneous, and that means making one happen is gonna be chancy at best, but back where I came from there were places whose whole business was based on creating them. No, they didn’t always work, but neither do anti-depressants or birth control. Sometimes you need something bad enough to stack the deck, roll the dice, and hope, y’know?

So yeah, the ’feed Mimic and keep her amused squad’, which is reminding me of something from that old Mythology book, but I can’t remember what, did a really good job of distracting me from the ’ram shit pyramid up Mimic’s ass for maximum fecal distribution’ legion. It almost distracted me enough to miss the fact that the whole fuckin’ legion had headed west. Just like I’d told them to.

What the fuck am I supposed to do when, to the best I can figure, an entire sapient species wants me, maybe even needs me, to be something I really don’t want to be? Worse, I get the feel that they’re not even worshipping Mimic. They’re worshipping me. Tabitha Diaz. The woman who slaughtered an army, who stared down Apollo and didn’t just kill Ares’ chosen, I tore him to pieces and left him alive, twice. Who took apart the Champions of the City that’s enslaved them for god knows how fucking long with no bigger personal consequence than ’kinky new hole’ and ’egregious lady boner’. At least Mimic has the excuse of being brain dead.

Deep breaths. Not a villain. Not a murderess. Not the Big Bad, even if that’s what the Trolls are looking for. What they see me as. Rapturously. So strongly I feel like they’re impacting me as much as the Cults my Kitten started in the Alliance Cities. I dunno why I don’t call them ’churches’ or ’temples’. Cults just... feels right. Hell, the Lizard Bois might be the biggest, most devout group of worshippers I’ve got, and they definitely feel like a Cult. My big challenge at the moment is somehow convincing myself that I didn’t send my most devout followers on a suicide mission to prove I’m not a villain.

Yeah, that sounds pretty fucked up levels of stupid when I think it with my own brain.

Which means I’m just stupid enough that if I had sold my body to science while still alive, I’m pretty sure the lab coated sadists would have fully realized about and gotten themselves off on my masochistic tendencies long before I realized why I was keeping the job long after I no longer needed the money.

Woke to sleeping Saffron squished against me. I’m pretty sure one of her arms would either be asleep, reek of Marie, or maybe both, since she’d laid it directly above our heads where our full time twenty four seven Marie bodyguard sat to let us use her thighs as pillows. The other one lay atop Marie’s foot, which lay on my hip, which pretty much meant I would have to wake both of them up to get away. Okay, wake Saffron, what with the Marie in question being the one who didn’t sleep. That poked my curious button, so I whispered, ”Hey, Marie?”

”Yes?”

”Do you swap out which one of you plays bodyguard pillow?”

She stared for a while, almost like she didn’t understand the question. Then I realized, she wasn’t sure I’d understand the answer. More likely she couldn’t put it in a short enough sentence for her to actually get it out before she ran out of words. Not that she had an abstract limit, but it couldn’t be easy talking with a mouth not designed for it. So I thought about it for a bit, then asked, ”they’re all you?”

Her whole face brightened. ”Yes!”

”But you can multitask.” She nodded. ”Isn’t that how Avatars work?” She frowned. ”Wait, D’s Avatar, the one that went dancing with us, kinda identified himself as different to D Actual, didn’t he?”

”Yes.”

”So an Avatar would be like, you, but a different parallel you, while Co-Locating is just you, but in multiple places at once, and because you’re a Demigoddess you can kinda pay attention to more than one at a time?”

She smiled down at me, nodded, then proved exactly how flexible she could be by leaning down and kissing me. She kept doing that until Saffron woke up a few minutes later. We watched without breaking lip lock, although our oral gymnastics died down to the equivalent of skipping back and forth and, I dunno, doing somersaults or basic handstands, shit gymnasts can do to stay warmed up and limber while watching someone else. Saffron’s boot up sequence absolutely captivated both of us enough for that, and when her eyelids slipped open she gave us a look. ”I can’t tell if you’re taunting me, waiting so I can watch you, waiting for me to join in, or some other fourth thing I haven’t thought of.”

At the sound of her voice, Menace stirred, and Saffron Co-Located the three of us to the Love Shack. ”Let’s explore that.”

Back in the room, Marie and I wrapped up our extended good morning kiss, then took turns doing the same with Saffron. By the time we finished, Menace stood on our hips, reaching for Marie. ”Up! Up!”

”Adorable as that is, you really need to learn some basic manners, my girl.”

Menace rolled her eyes, then looked at Marie imploringly. ”Up, please?”

Marie scooped her up, nuzzling her and purring. I had a momentary spike of blinding envy, then a sudden rush of brains to the head. I Mimicked the Menace, held my hands up, and said, ”up, please?”

For a moment I stood there, disappointment growing, as Marie slit one eye open to look at me as she continued to nuzzle a giggling Menace. I’d forgotten entirely about the Marie behind me, who scooped me up and nuzzled me until every bit of disappointment leaked out of me in the form of laughter and giggles. When I finally wheezed my way to stillness draped over one of Marie’s shoulders, I had no idea which Marie had me, which one had Menace Saffron, and which one had OG Menace, because all three of us were fuzzy and panting. Then I spotted a twinkle in the eyes of the one I realized at that moment was OG Menace. Before she could do anything, I held up one fuzzy paw. ”Stop!”

I Co-Located up to our classroom, shifting back to myself as I did, tossing on a Uniform for propriety’s sake as well. ”Hey, Profs?”

The four of them paused the pre-class discussion they’d been having, and Doc Z said, ”yes, Tabitha?”

”I think we’re gonna be a little late to class today. Menace thing.” At the silent chorus of dismayed faces, I laughed and said, ”nothing bad! Just gonna be a bit before we’re all ready to come up. But we’ll see you then?”

They all nodded, and Doc DeLeon said, ”thank you for letting us know.”

I collapsed back into my Menace atop Marie’s shoulder form and said, ”Go!”

The most raucous game of chase, tag, hide, seek, pounce, and wrestle I’ve ever been part of ensued. When Saffron and Menace teamed up to poke at me and run in two directions, I split myself into two chasing them, and a moment later Saffron did the same thing. When she realized what we’d done, Menace froze, wide eyed, squeeing at a pitch and volume that definitely ensured there were no living bats in the Academy attic. Then she pounced on me, and the game got even crazier. At one point I chased a Menace into the armoire for the third time, only to find the back door open, and the game spread into the Workshop.

I don’t think I can properly describe the glee on OG Menace’s face as she stood in the middle of the Workshop, surrounded by running, pouncing, jumping, gleefully chaotic Menaces and Maries, when Conrad came stomping out from one of the recesses of his workshop. He looked straight at one of me and whined, ”Mother!”

On the one hand, it wasn’t fair to use his workshop as our playroom. On the other hand, I’m not sure I could stop the other three if I wanted to, which I really didn’t. So instead I hopped up onto his shoulder and whispered into his ear a bit. He turned to me, raised an eyebrow, and said, ”really?”

At my nod, I swear he did the Platonic Ideal of the Mad Scientist Cackle, one that froze the rest of the game of Menace chase in place for a moment before it exploded back into motion. After his laughter, Conrad actually scooped me into a hug of all things, set me down, and said, ”back in a bit,” then he looked around at the rest of us doing like a horde of Dee Dees in Dexter’s Lab, calling out, ”and you will rue the day!”

Which is how, not half an hour later, he entered the fray with here and now’s first ever nerf gun.

I mean, belt fed nerf Gatling gun, but, y’know, Conrad.