A Weapon’s Serenade

Nirrti had sat down with Beatrice for a late breakfast in what the librarians called the restaurant, essentially their overly fancy staff lounge.

“This is delicious, thank you.”

Nirrti returned a warm smile. “It’s nothing fancy but I’m glad you enjoy it.”

“How can you all be so kind…”

“For us demons, it’s in our nature. For your human friends it’s following their desires. It is human nature to reject, to be ignorant, but Melody, Anne and many others want to be better, they want to live in a better world and that requires caring. You don’t have to make that choice every time, it will eventually become like a muscle memory, not what you do by nature but what you are used to doing. You are training your caring over the past years. I can read minds, so I can see how far you have come.”

“It’s so hard to be kind. I try not to hold grudges or shoot back when someone talks shit but it’s so damn hard.”

“To care does not mean that you will not hold a grudge, it does not mean you forego every snippy remark. It means you think about the consequences, the meaning and impact of your actions and consider others in what you do. You are getting used to caring. If I may pull an example that you are almost screaming out in your thoughts, the flood protection you helped coordinate in the past months is a project that only exists because someone cared. And you found yourself caring for what happens to people you will likely never meet again. You want it all to work out and for people to be safe despite it having no impact on you directly. That means you care. That means you are better than the most basic human nature.”

Beatrice stared into her cup of tea. “But what about the fact that I want to beat some sense into my brother? That’s a violent thought, it’s unkind.”

“Is it? Is wanting him to be better unkind? It may be violent but sometimes violence is necessary. Not everyone is nudged by words. The fact that you react to his words and deeds so harshly is not just out of fear for yourself but also out of love for him, for who he used to be.”

“I suppose you are right. Three years and I am still not used to this. I was so scared I would lose everything when I rang that doorbell. That Kuria would go through with the threat that she would not help me and that asking for her help would void our agreement.”

Nirrti shook her head. “I understand that fear, but Kuria told you that she will not help you become a better person. How can you improve if you are killed? Making sure you stay safe is not the same as helping you in becoming a good person. She cares about you, that’s why she offered you that deal in the first place. And I must admit that forcing you to better yourself on your own was the correct choice. I had my doubts, but you seem to have grown a lot from what Kuria told me and how you see yourself.”

Beatrice took a sip of tea and paused mid sip. She slowly put her cup back down. “What was that about ignorance being human nature?”

“Mortality demands that you are selective in what you care about, you simply don’t have the time to care about everything. The consequence of this inability to care about certain things depends on the person. For some it is simple ignorance, others begin to reject what they cannot care about. That rejection can turn to hatred very quickly. Even if it doesn’t, rejection and ignorance can skew how you act and make you delve even deeper into them, rejecting more things, becoming more ignorant because it is comfortable.”

“Essentially what I did. My father sold my future and it felt like I was rejected by him, so I rejected others, started bullying them.”

“That rejection can be preyed upon and be turned into any direction a bad actor wants.”

“Is that what happened to my brother? He confessed that he envied me and someone preyed on that, turning him against me and against the people I was helping.”

“That is very likely, yes.”

“But who would do that?”

“There are many who would jump at that chance. It may be because of your connection to the Hand, it may be nothing personal at all, it may be something even deeper, it is impossible to know until your brother is confronted about it.”

“Then I should do that.”

“Not alone. After everything you told me he did, you need someone to protect you.”

“I don’t want to ask Kuria.”

“Who said anything about Kuria? You have a library full of combat trained demons, beside me and Amaterasu, who you can just ask.”

“Are you sure they would help?”

Nirrti nodded. “Absolutely.”

Discordia’s image flickered into existence beside high inquisitor Azazel who was looking out the large window of the Discordia’s observation lounge.

“The cloaking enchantment is working, high inquisitor. We have been passed by multiple small human aircraft which have been successfully diverted around us.”

“Very good, but that isn’t why you came to talk, is it?”

Discordia shook her head. “It is not, no. I want to voice my concern.”

“About our mission.”

“Yes. If Ara’s information is correct, we are on our way to face an entity we cannot reason with nor defeat in any meaningful way. I am not comfortable relying on your or Jolene’s powers to face this entity.”

“I understand and honestly? I am not comfortable with that either. Using those powers is…” Azazel sighed. “It is not just draining, it is traumatizing. I stop feeling real, I lose my grasp on… myself for a while. The last time I used those powers to erase an angel, Sariel had to stay with me and ground me for a long time. I have only used that connection beyond the real less than a handful of times and I am deeply scared of it. The last thing I want is to face an adversary that forces me to use that part of me.”

“I do not know if I can fully understand that fear emotionally but I can rationally. But I must ask why we are pursuing this entity then?”

“Because if we don’t, this confrontation will become inevitable and it won’t be on our terms. If we seek it out, we can control how we face it.”

Discordia folded her hands behind her back and turned to look out the window at the mountain range on the horizon. “How can one face the coalescence of a fact?”

Azazel closed her eyes. “One cannot. But I do not believe it is the coalescence of a fact. It is the coalescence of something but it is new, younger than finality, too young to be fact and law.”

Discordia’s eyes darted around. “I have a hypothesis.”

“Let’s hear it, I am always open to those.”

“You have taught me that mortals suffer from the inability to care about everything. They do not possess the time to do so. As such they are ignorant of things that they are not required to immediately care about. You told me this apathetic ignorance can become wilful ignorance and eventually rejection. You postulated that this is a defence mechanism of the human mind to not have to redirect energy from caring about one thing to caring about other things. I must disagree. It is my hypothesis that rejection is not a direct escalation of wilful ignorance but a product of the dissonance caused by it.”

Azazel slowly turned to face the projected image beside her. “The dissonance between having to care enough to make a conscious decision and the conscious need to not care.”

“That is correct. To be wilfully ignorant one must be aware of the subject of one’s ignorance. This awareness causes the subconscious intake of additional information about this subject. Human scientific literature I have recently studied has noted what they call the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, in which humans recognize a subject occurring more often after they have recently learned of it, despite this being statistically untrue. When one becomes wilfully ignorant of something, I hypothesize this phenomenon is occurring as well. The ignorant person notices the subject of their ignorance more frequently, which gives the illusion of caring more about it. The dissonance between the desire for ignorance and said ignorance having the seemingly opposite effect leads to active rejection of the subject.”

“And this requires a degree of sapience, the ability to choose. Sapience only developed a while after this universe began, a while after Ara began to exist. You believe that this entity is a coalescence of rejection?”

“Potentially. Mortality is a direct consequence of finality, which is a coalesced fact in Ara. If a feature of existence, for a lack of a better term, becomes prevalent enough, it will coalesce. Ara has also claimed that this is a highly destructive influence and that it is not prevalent enough to have formed a mind. It is possible that her assessment that this is her sibling of sort is not entirely accurate, this is more of an offspring, a consequence of finality even if it is removed by a few steps.”

“Hm. I want to disagree because this is an option that scares me even more, but right now I can’t see any flaws in that logic.”

“I hope to be wrong, high inquisitor. If this is coalesced rejection, this entity will be unremovable without eradicating all sapient mortals.”

“I hate that you’re right about that.” Azazel turned back to look out the window.

“My deductions are based on several assumptions. It is very possible that I am proven wrong, which would be the best outcome. As my full attention is currently not required for chariot operations, I will dedicate time to analysing the information we have and seeking solutions.”

“I appreciate that, Discordia, but please also take time for yourself and things you enjoy. Life is more than just work.”

“Of course, high inquisitor.”