I Became a Witch in a World Full of Urban Legends

Jumeng’s legs were like roots that bound Lu Yibei’s legs together in the soil, and her knees were like rapidly growing poison ivy, shooting up towards the poor boy’s family jewels.

He had to lay on the sofa for about half an hour before he could even speak.

“Ack… I think you rigged our contract. I can’t feel my, ugh… And yet, my contract mark isn’t glowing.”

“Hmph, be grateful I went easy on you,” Jumeng huffed. “You’re lucky I didn’t castrate you—well, lucky for me because, ultimately, I didn’t hurt you.”

As she spoke, she glanced towards Yibei, clutching his family jewels.

‘He should be fine, right? I’ll tell him more about urban legends to make up for it.’

Of course, she wouldn’t say that out loud. A goddess has to maintain her own image, even if she is in the wrong.

“F-forget it…” Yibei panted. “I don’t blame you anyway, so let’s continue talking about the bamboo scrolls.”

“Well, first of all, we need to dispose of these scrolls; they are evil incarnate. By the way, you didn’t need to slap it out of my hand—they could never even scratch me even if I allowed it,” Jumeng explained.

“How about we burn it?” Yibei suggested.Yibei wanted to get rid of the bamboo scrolls as fast as possible, seeing how they directly caused the horrific events over the last few days. Jiangli was right in saying that knowing too much would put one in danger.

“What’s wrong with kids these days and playing with fire?” Jumeng frowned. “It’s not good to play with fire.”

“Well, that’s the only way I can think of disposing of it forever! Any other suggestions, O’ High Goddess?”

“You can’t burn something like this, boy,” Jumeng sighed. “My powers aren’t sufficient to destroy these either.”

“Listen to me. These things are like conduits for the gods’ ‘virus;’ the only thing capable of destroying relics like these are urban legends or even gods with abilities that dispel these viruses. However, having these powers means you are more susceptible to god’s own beliefs, which makes it easier to corrupt them.

“In my opinion? The best way to deal with cursed objects like these is to leave them be and let time do its work. When everybody forgets about it, they will gradually fade away too.”

“You know a lot about these things,” Yibei said, shivering. “This is a fellow god of yours, no?”

“They’re long gone,” Jumeng shrugged. “You can’t restore a corrupted idea.”

Hearing this, Yibei couldn’t help but feel slightly bad for her, and he found that she held similar views to him.

“Plus, I bet you don’t want to see a beautiful woman like me become a corrupted, ugly goddess, right?”

‘Beautiful is stretching it,’ Yibei pouted. ‘I can barely feel my…’

Yibei walked over to the discarded bamboo scroll and bent down to pick it up, but not without catching Jumeng distancing herself from him.

“Are you scared of this? I thought you said they couldn’t affect you.”

Jumeng bit her lip and said nothing.

“What are you hiding?” Yibei inwardly smiled as he waved the bamboo scrolls towards her. “If you’re quiet, I can only assume that you consent to…”

“I’m still a girl!” Jumeng yelled. “Just what do you think you’re doing? I’m not going to have sex with you!”

“I didn’t say anything about sex,” he coughed. “Like I was saying… I can only assume that you consent to help me translate these scrolls.”

“Oh.”

His arms were a little sore from resting his head on the table and listening to the goddess explain the contents of the scrolls.

She had a grave expression on her face before glaring at Yibei with resentment in her eyes.

“Humans have no conscience.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“The first texts you asked me to translate were all diary entries full of vulgar language, but the second half of them is full of ancient knowledge.”

“What do you mean?”

“Obscure knowledge, mysterious scriptures of unknown origin: These things are usually hidden and buried away, but if humans were to stumble upon them and offer them as offerings to the item’s respective god, they would acquire knowledge and power that ordinary humans cannot comprehend, making them a living god.”

Jumeng thought of her domain and her giant peach tree.

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“No, because when these people in the scrolls found the god in question, it was already dying.”

Lu Yibei’s eyes widened upon hearing it. This was what he wanted to ask from the very beginning.

And Jumeng indirectly confirmed it.

“Gods can die?”

“In some ways, yes. Even an ancient goddess like me will die; are we not urban legends in essence? Time governs all things; in time, we will fade away as people forget about us. From what I know, no urban legend has made it past five thousand years old.”

“How old are you?”

“Five thousand, three hundred and seventeen.”

“You’re joking. Are you playing with me right now?”

“Well, my situation is complicated, but I can’t explain it.”

She simply couldn’t tell her that she was just an ordinary peach tree that stood tall for about five thousand years, and she was realistically just about three hundred years old.

In comparison to other ancient gods, she was very young.

“There’s more interesting stuff in the scrolls—the soldiers who were responsible for searching for the god did not return after acquiring this forbidden knowledge. Instead, they remained in that dead, sacred place. Over the years, they started to worship the god as a snake god, and their descendants came to believe that they were all worshipping a snake god.”

“Wait, but didn’t you mention that these scrolls were written by just one person? How could that be? Wouldn’t that soldier be dead before he could even acquire all of this information?”

“Well, you see, he might still be alive.”

“What?” Yibei widened his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Didn’t I just tell you that they found a dying god? I don’t know much about the god, but they learnt that it travelled across the unending sea and pierced through the sky to come to these mountains to fade away, but it never expected ordinary humans to find it.”

“Then? What happened to the soldiers?”

“It gave those humans grace. Perhaps it was a final act of benevolence before it could fade away. However, when it tried to fade away, it couldn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“If the god dies, so do the forbidden knowledge and power bestowed on humans. The god found that it couldn’t will itself to fade away no matter what because…”

“Oh my god, because they tried to imprison it.”

“That’s right!” Jumeng nodded, but a gloomy look flashed over her eyes.

…

‘If one day I were to fall and I ran away to fade away peacefully, would my people let me or lock me up?’