World’s Cutest Alchemist

I stared in disbelief at the screen that appeared.

Did I…actually get the [Little Bomber] title?

I didn’t want it! I was joking! I was playing into the bit—but this has gone too far!

I know I’m your cutest and most favorite awakener, but, can you really just hand this out to me?!

Oh, tower! Your cutest and most beloved and favorite person requests a rainbow skill! Give me that instead! I don’t want this title! Take it back!

But, the tower didn’t respond. Like some sick joke, it actually opened my titles screen.

And lo and behold, a new title was added.

[Titles: Floor 1 Rank 8, Floor 2 Rank 5, Floor 3 Rank 6th, Floor 4 Rank 4th, Beginner Alchemist, Plant-Loving Alchemist, Solo Alchemist, Potion Setter, B-Grade Potion Maker, Little Bomber]

Ah…It’s over. There’s no going back…

The sounds around me became very muffled—in fact, I couldn’t hear them at all anymore. The crowd, hosts, arena, and even Luna vanished from my senses.

I stared blankly at the title screen as if I was gazing into the abyss.

It’s so over…I’m actually stuck with being known as the [Little Bomber]…

If you’re wondering why I just wouldn’t…Not equip it? To that I say, you have no sense! If I have it, I obviously have to use it!

“Bin!” A sudden noise and shake of the arm brought me out of the depths and back to reality.

Startled, I looked to my left and saw a silver-haired girl with imaginary whiskers and mouse ears staring at me with concern.

“Bin!” She repeated.

“A-ah…Mouse…” I let out, distraught.

“Bin! What’s wrong? Are you okay? Should we leave?” She asked hurriedly.

Sucking in a deep breath before sighing, I slowly shook my head,

“Mouse…Why…?” I asked.

“Why what? Are you seriously sure we don’t need to go home right now?”

I sniffled,

“Sniffle sniffle…Why did it actually give me the title…” I looked at her with sad eyes. I felt like crying.

“T-the title?” She repeated before seemingly coming to a realization, “Wait…Is this what that’s about? You’re like this because you got the [Little Bomber] title?” She asked.

“…How did you know? I haven’t equipped it…” Though I literally just mentioned something about a title, I aptly decided to ignore it. If I’m screwed anyways, I might as well play into the bit.

“Pfft!” She broke out laughing, “Haha! I’m so relieved, I thought it was about something serious.”

“…” I glared at her, “…This is serious. Now I’ll be forever known as the [Little Bomber]…”

“I mean, obviously! Haha!” She chuckled, “You dingus, you’re the one who requested the title in the first place. If you didn’t request it, you wouldn’t have gained it.”

“…I didn’t think it would actually give me it! What!? Does the tower just hand out titles to anyone who asks!?” I shot back with a mean pout.

“Yes! It does actually!” Luna retorted, trying to hide her amused expression.

“WHAT!?”

“As long as you meet the requirements, the tower will happily give away titles!”

“That’s dumb!”

“How else do you think famous people get their titles? Do you actually think the tower will look at someone and go ‘Ah, that person definitely deserves the [Sword Saint] title’!?”

“Well! I mean, yeah!”

“No!” Luna shook her head, “That’s even more dumb! In the tower’s eyes, that so-called [Sword Saint] is probably nothing more than an ant! Why would it give him such a prestigious title if it thought that?”

“Tsk!” I clicked my tongue, “Well! Then, what’re the requirements?”

“For one, you have to have a certain amount of fame. I don’t know the specifics or if it’s counted by follower count or not, but that’s the first requirement and one of the hardest!”

“Huh? Well, I am pretty famous.” I smugly nodded.

“Heh,” She snickered, “And two, you have to be known as the title you request by a large percentage of people.”

“W-what?” My smug look was wiped clean off my face as I looked at Luna with wide eyes.

“That’s right. Even before you gained that title, most people already knew you as the [Little Bomber]. So, it wouldn’t have mattered if you requested the title or not.”

“Ah…So it was doomed from the start.” My hollow voice rang out.

“Obviously.” She smiled devilishly.

“…Would it have given me the title eventually? Even if I didn’t request it?”

“Who knows.” Luna shrugged, “Titles are just cosmetic anyways. They really only matter for famous people so that others can recognize them at a glance. Like, when you think of the [Sword Saint] you know who I’m talking about.”

“…Who’s that?” I asked.

“Huh? You don’t know?”

“Why would I know? It’s probably some old man wearing a suit.” I spat out, “I’d rather spend time brewing potions than throw my attention at some random person I’ll never meet.”

“…” Luna stared at me in silence for a moment.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing…” She shook her head, “You just sounded like a true production class now. Especially an alchemist—those guys care about nothing other than their work.”

“I mean! I am an alchemist!” I smugly lifted my chin with pride.

“Yeah, yeah…An alchemist who’s currently putting all their attention on knitting.” She retorted.

I froze.

Ah, wait, I was supposed to be knitting today, I forgot. I even brought a backpack full of yarn…

“Hmph, do you want me to knit? I forgot about it since I was enjoying spending time with you, but if you want me to just knit instead, I’ll just knit.” I pouted.

“Ah! No, no!” She quickly shook her head, “I’m sorry~ Just spend time with me instead~” She said. Did she mean to make her voice sound so coquettish…?

“Fine, hehe.” I withdrew my pout and put on a smile, “Ah, speaking of.” I turned my attention to the screen with the hosts on it.

“Ah, let me…” Luna snapped her finger and the translucent barrier surrounding us shattered. When did she put up the sound barrier? Was it when I was acting crazy?

Sound returned and I could hear the cheers of the crowd and the host’s commentary.

“What an exhilarating fight!” Jenny exclaimed, “With that, everyone has completed the 10th round! The current lead on round 16 is, as you may have guessed, the rank 1, Anonymous! And just behind him are a few other rankers you may know!”

A screen showing the current top 10 appeared next to the main one.

[#1: Anonymous - Round 16]

[#2: Sword Saint - Round 16]

[#3: Witch of Flame - Round 15]

[#4: God’s Chosen - Round 15]

[#5: Flash Emperor - Round 15]

[#6: Almighty Buddha - Round 15]

[#7: Lord of Dead - Round 15]

[#8: Sage - Round 15]

[#9: Fist King - Round 15]

[#10: Sword Princess - Round 14]

“As it turns out, second place, the [Sword Saint] is just about to begin their round! Let’s see him in action!” Jenny excitedly exclaimed.

The arena below showed an old gentleman wearing a sharp navy blue suit. He had neat gray hair and a trimmed gray beard. In one hand he held a long, thin sword.

I stared at the grandpa in shock…My gaze flickered between him and Luna.

She shot me a knowing smile.

“He’s…He’s actually an old man in a suit!?” I shouted.

“Yep.” Luna simply answered.

The grandpa—no, the Sword Saint, calmly waited for the timer to count down. When it hit 0, a large group of monsters spawned.

But, it was no longer the weak rats, goblins, or hogs.

Instead, multiple orcs wielding large clubs spawned in. Their big bellies jiggled as they moved.

Calmly, the old man walked forth without a hint of hesitation in his eyes.

As the orcs charged at Gramps, he readied his blade.

Just as he swung, he vanished from sight, appearing just behind the group of 5 orcs. Sheathing his blade, Gramps showed no emotion as the orc’s heads fell to the ground.

“Woo!”

“Wooooo!”

Cheers echoed from around me. I stared in shock with a wide mouth.

In an instant…They all died?

Is this even human level? No-wait, shouldn’t his knees be hurting by now!? How did he just appear behind them!?

As these questions lingered in my mind, the arena switched to showing a new person.

They also swiftly killed the spawned monsters.

…The gap between production classes and combat classes is just too big…

I gently tugged on Luna’s sleeve,

“Hey, hey, can you do that?” I asked.

“Hm? Could I kill orcs?” She repeated, “Yeah, it’d take longer than those guys, but I could.”

“Ah…” I stiffed, coming to the realization that the cute mouse next to me was actually a very deadly and strong mouse, “Ahem,” I cleared my throat and looked up at her pitifully, “I-I’m sorry for anything I said that may have upset you.” I pushed out my lips.

“Pfft!” A bright smile appeared on Luna’s face as she ruffled my hair, “Are you feeling my true power now?” She teased.

Mm…Her hand feels kind of nice—No, I mean, why’s she patting me like I’m a child?

“That was one of the most chuunibyou things you’ve said. Hikikomori and now a chuunibyou, what’s next?” I asked.

In response, I received a knock to the top of my head and a sharp glare from a mouse. Hehe, worth it.

“Anyways,” She changed the topic, “I think your dynokali potions could deal with the orcs more efficiently than I can. It’d take multiple of them, but it’d probably be a little faster than my thunder.”

“Mm…” I thought about it then came to one conclusion: I should make stronger dynokali potions.

Next to me, Luna suddenly shivered and hugged her arms,

“Why did I just get chills?” She looked a little confused but quickly shook off whatever feeling it was.

…

The event went on for over a dozen more rounds. More and more people dropped out of the event and the monsters got stronger and stronger.

Soon, I was seeing monsters I didn’t even know existed. Like a giant spider the size of a school bus, or a wolf that could assimilate into shadows. Some of the stuff was pure nightmare fuel.

“We’re down to less than 1% of players remaining!” Jenny exclaimed, “Most people are now on round 25 or above, with the lowest being—huh? What the?” Her voice sounded extremely confused.

“This guy’s still kicking?” She said, bemused.

The arena changed to show a familiar man with a dirty robe and old iron sword. It was I Will Become Heavenly, he was on round 14—a full 10 rounds below the next lowest.

Heavenly was fighting one on one against an orc. He rolled on the ground to dodge the slow club swings and chipped away at the orc by slashing its body when he could.

“This guy’s persistent!” Jenny exclaimed, starting to commentate the fight excitedly. “He rolls out of the way, barely dodging the deadly swing!”

“Oh! His sword chipped!”

“Woah! He’s hit! He’s hit! But he’s not out! Heavenly has gritted his teeth, ignoring the pain to stand again!”

“The sword! It breaks! What will he do now!?”

“Oh my God!! He leaps up and plunges the remainder of his sword into the neck of the orc! Ah! But the orc tosses him down in response! Oh my god! He barely stands up in time and rolls away from the orc!”

“Just what will happen! Will the orc die of blood lost before Heavenly gets eliminated!?”

“He’s staggering! It seems like he’s moving on pure instinct to dodge the club! The orc’s swings are getting slower and slower!”

“Oh no!!! Heavenly trips! The orc raises his club high and-!” Jenny audibly gulped as everyone stared at the arena in anticipation.

Heavenly looked up at the orc and gritted his teeth so hard they could break. He tried to move, but his body wouldn’t oblige. Was this it? Is this how far he could go?

Looking at the raised club, he didn’t close his eyes, but tried to force his body to move. It didn’t listen.

Clenching his fist, he waited for the inevitable. But…It never came.

The orc’s club hit the ground as the orc toppled over. A cloud of dust rose in the air.

[Round Complete]

[2:00 Until Next Round]

He had won.

“WOAAHH!!!” Jenny shouted. The crowd followed, everyone cheering for the man’s victory.

Even Luna was cheering.

I stared down at the arena, replaying the fight in my mind.

He wasn’t strong. That man was struggling from the beginning, yet, through sheer perseverance and will, he became one of the last remaining participants.

It’s really…respectable.

With a deep breath, I reaffirmed my desire to clear the 5th floor and started to cheer along.

Yes, I’ll complete my mana manipulation training, and defeat the hobgoblin.