I Stopped Simping and the Heroines Lost Their Minds

Thursday morning combat drills were loud, crowded, and miserable. The entire first-year cohort was scattered across the academy’s dirt fields, running through their final physical conditioning before the mid-term deployment.

Arthur stood by the weapon racks, testing the balance of a pair of blunted wooden daggers.

Chloe stepped up beside him and handed him a leather waterskin. She stayed quiet, standing inches from his elbow, watching the fields.

”Thanks,” Arthur said, taking a drink.

Chloe gave a short nod. ”Do you need anything else?”

”Yeah,” Arthur said, tossing the waterskin at Felix. It hit his chest with a dull thud. ”Tell our shield to get off the ground.”

Felix lay flat on his back in the dirt, using his heavy tower shield as a mattress.

”I’m conserving calories,” Felix groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes to block the sun. ”I calculated our stamina expenditure. If we run in that forest on Saturday, we die tired. I vote we walk.”

Emily hung upside down from a nearby pull-up bar. ”We aren’t walking, Felix. We’re blitzing. First squad to the shrine gets the highest score.”

”Actually, you’re both wrong.”

Alicia walked over from the adjacent sparring ring, holding a wooden practice sword.

”Vance,” Alicia called out. ”Are you free?”

Arthur turned, resting his hands on his hips. ”Depends on what you want.”

”A spar,” Alicia said, tossing her scabbard into the dirt.

Arthur smirked, spinning his wooden daggers. ”Don’t cry when your uniform gets dirty, Valentine.”

Alicia’s eyes narrowed in competitive anticipation. ”Try not to trip, Vance.”

They stepped into the ring. The moment the instructor called the start, Alicia stepped in.

Her wooden blade was a blur, executing a fast, precise combination that forced Arthur backward.

Crack. Crack. Crack.

Arthur parried a high strike, the heavy vibration jarring all the way up his arm. He ducked a horizontal sweep, the wind of the heavy wooden blade rushing past his ear. He couldn’t match her technique. If this were a clean fencing match, she would dismantle him in thirty seconds.

So, Arthur cheated.

As Alicia stepped in for a decisive thrust, Arthur didn’t retreat. He dropped his center of gravity, scraping the toe of his heavy boot violently through the loose dirt and kicking a massive cloud of dust directly into her face.

Alicia flinched, her eyes screwing shut for a fraction of a second.

It was all Arthur needed. He bypassed her blade entirely, closing the distance and slamming his shoulder directly into her chest. He grabbed the wrist of her sword arm, twisting it sharply to lock her joint, and hooked his boot behind her ankle.

Using her own forward momentum against her, Arthur swept her leg.

They both went down hard. Arthur twisted in mid-air, ensuring he landed on top, pinning her sword arm to the dirt while pressing his blunted dagger against her throat. But as the dust cleared, he felt the blunt, wooden tip of her blade pressed firmly against his ribs. She had contorted her wrist just enough to land a lethal counter as they fell.

They were tangled together in the dirt, chests heaving, both holding killing blows. They had slid entirely out of the chalk boundary of the sparring ring.

”Ring out,” the instructor called out. ”Draw.”

Arthur looked down at Alicia. Her uniform was covered in dust. She stared up at him for a second, then let out a breathless laugh.

”You have absolutely no knightly honor,” Alicia said, wiping dirt from her cheek. ”You fight like a street thug.”

”It worked,” Arthur said, rolling off her. He stood up and offered a hand.

Alicia took it. She dusted off her tunic, shaking her head.

”If you fight like that on Saturday, you are both going to die.”

Arthur and Alicia turned. Elara stood at the edge of the ring. She eyed their dust-covered uniforms.

”Excuse me?” Alicia frowned.

Elara pointed toward the heavy treeline at the edge of the academy grounds.

”You’re treating the forest like a dueling ring,” Elara stated bluntly. ”The Rotwood canopy is thick. The beasts there don’t charge you head-on. They drop from the branches. If you only watch what’s right in front of you, they will rip your throats out.”

Felix slowly sat up. ”She makes a good point.”

”Then teach us,” Arthur said, twirling his wooden dagger.

Elara walked past them, heading toward the trees. ”Follow me. I will not have my squad’s score dragged down because you don’t know how to look up.”

For the next hour, Elara ran Arthur, Emily, Felix, and Chloe through a practical forest survival drill. She showed them how to step on moss to muffle sound, how to track acidic scents, and how to spot tension in hanging vines.

”Your shoulders are too tense, Vance,” Elara said, stepping behind Arthur as he practiced a low-crouch tracking stance near a massive oak tree. ”You are bracing for a frontal impact. If a beast drops from above, your spine will snap.”

She reached out and placed her hands firmly on his shoulders, pushing his weight forward.

Arthur broke his stance. He stood up and turned around, stepping directly into her space, trapping her between his chest and the oak tree.

Elara froze, her hands hovering awkwardly.

”You know, Elara,” Arthur murmured, keeping his voice low so the others couldn’t hear. He reached out and brushed a stray leaf from her collar. ”For someone who complains about humans being vulgar, you are awfully hands-on today.”

Elara’s breath hitched. She stared up at him, her heart hammering.

”I am trying to keep you alive, Cadet,” Elara said, her voice tight.

Arthur’s gaze dropped to her dirt-smudged uniform. A slow smirk crossed his lips.

”I appreciate it,” Arthur whispered, leaning in a fraction closer. ”And for the record... you look significantly better covered in dirt than you do sitting in a palace.”

A deep flush rushed to the tips of Elara’s ears. She shoved her hands against his chest, pushing him back a step. Her fingers lingered on his tunic for a second.

”Focus on the roots, Vance,” Elara snapped, turning her head away to hide her red cheeks. ”Not on me.”

Arthur chuckled, stepping back into his tracking stance. ”Yes, Instructor.”

A few yards away, Alicia watched the exchange. She couldn’t hear what Arthur whispered, but she saw the unflappable Elven princess completely unravel.

Alicia gripped the hilt of her training sword. Arthur Vance fought dirty everywhere. And she was starting to realize exactly why it worked.