Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman

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”Katharine, I’m heading out for a bit. If anything comes up, have BB call me.”

After dinner, Henry left the dishes to BB, the household robot, changed into casual clothes, and prepared to leave.

Katharine Hepburn was sitting in the living room, enjoying some music.

Hearing him, she looked up and asked,

”Going on a date, young man? I don’t mind if you bring a girl home, you know.”

Henry laughed.

”What kind of man would be brave enough to bring a girl back to a house with a grandmother living in it? Katharine, if you were that girl, would you still feel even a little romantic after being brought somewhere like this?”

”That’s true enough.”

Then she beckoned mysteriously.

”Come here. I have something I want to tell you in secret.”

”What is it?”

Henry stepped closer to her rocking chair.

The next moment, she grabbed his beard, yanked him down, and flicked him hard on the forehead.

”Ow!”

”The old lady is very unhappy about what you just said.”

Katharine put on an exaggerated expression of offense.

”Off you go. And if you still want to bring a girl home tonight, you’ll have to take care of things in the stairwell.”

Looking at her over-the-top performance, Henry wisely decided not to engage.

There was no point trying to appease her.

The longer he stayed, the more trouble she would invent.

”I’m going! I’m already late!”

He vanished in a flash.

Once inside an empty stairwell, Henry used his flight and phasing abilities to travel first to the Sheep Cave Valley Laboratory, where he changed into his Black Superman disguise.

Unfortunately, his current long hair and thick beard no longer fit beneath his old mask.

In the end, he settled for a black face covering that concealed most of his features.

Then he styled his hair into an outrageous afro and braided his beard.

The result looked incredibly stupid.

But he had no better option.

Once his disguise was complete, Black Superman arrived at the old battlefield in the blink of an eye.

The location itself was simply the area beneath an elevated railway bridge.

No roads passed through it, and it was far from any populated area.

The only reason anyone had been able to see during the battle years earlier was because the derailed train had caught fire, illuminating everything with burning wreckage.

Now the railway had long since been repaired.

Nature had begun reclaiming the area around the bridge supports.

Aside from the dim moonlight, almost nothing was visible.

Reaching the location would have been difficult for an ordinary person.

For someone who could fly, it was trivial.

Magneto was already waiting.

Fine grains of iron sand orbited around him, continuously shifting shape.

The motion resembled a computer simulation testing different machine designs and evaluating their feasibility.

The moment Black Superman appeared, the iron sand surged upward like a whirlwind around Magneto’s feet before settling once more.

Wearing his iconic telepathy-resistant helmet, Magneto turned toward the newcomer.

Though visibly aged, he looked far more vigorous than he had years ago when he had been effectively trapped on Genosha.

”Mr. Henry Brown,” Magneto said.

”I still find it difficult to believe that the reckless young man I met years ago managed to accomplish so much in Los Angeles.

”Can you imagine how surprised I was?”

”I’ll take that as a compliment, Mr. Magneto.”

Black Superman crossed his arms.

”But please call me Black Superman, not by my other name.

”And surely you didn’t invite me all the way out here just to flatter me and make me feel good about myself.”

”Black Superman?” Magneto raised an eyebrow.

”Not Clown Superman?”

”You want to meet Clown Superman?”

”No.”

Magneto answered immediately.

”Black Superman is fine.”

Though this appearance wasn’t much less ridiculous, Magneto genuinely couldn’t tolerate the endless nonsense that came out of Clown Superman’s mouth.

After a moment, he said,

”Come with me, child. I believe you can keep up.”

Magneto rose into the air and began flying toward a distant destination.

His speed wasn’t particularly extreme.

He never approached Mach speed.

Still, it was much faster and more flexible than driving.

Black Superman briefly considered asking for a ride.

Given Magneto’s control over magnetic fields, transporting someone else would have been effortless.

In the end, he simply followed, flying a step behind the older mutant.

A short while later, they arrived at a hidden base built into a coastal cliff.

There was no obvious entrance.

Magneto casually waved his hand.

A massive slab of iron-rich rock slid aside, revealing the concealed passage.

Following him inside, Black Superman entered one of the Brotherhood of Mutants’ secret bases.

There were quite a few mutants gathered within.

Many possessed visibly unusual physical traits.

Compared to some of them, Black Superman’s ridiculous hairstyle and beard braids weren’t particularly remarkable.

As Magneto entered, mutants stepped aside respectfully, lowering their heads in greeting.

Magneto walked among them like a confident leader, neither arrogant nor humble.

The respect he received contrasted sharply with the confusion directed toward the man following behind him.

Many stared at Black Superman’s afro and braided beard in bewilderment.

Why was this guy walking alongside their leader?

Had Magneto rescued another mutant from persecution?

That was certainly one of Magneto’s favorite activities.

Black Superman ignored the speculation and followed Magneto into what appeared to be a meeting room.

Mystique was already there.

In her natural blue-skinned form, she stood beside a circular window overlooking the ocean, sipping whiskey and staring at the moon.

She didn’t even glance toward the newcomers.

Black Superman tilted his head.

”What happened to her? Bad breakup?”

The instant the words left his mouth, a whiskey glass came flying at him.

”None of your damn business!” Mystique shouted.

Black Superman caught the glass.

At the same time, using super-speed, he gathered every drop of whiskey that had splashed into the air and neatly returned it to the glass.

His eyes widened in realization.

”Oh wow. It was a breakup.”

Furious, Mystique grabbed the bottle itself and prepared to throw that too.

”Enough!”

Magneto stepped between them.

”Both of you, control yourselves.”

Then he turned toward Black Superman.

”Beast could not accept our ideals, so he chose to leave.

”It is regrettable, but we respect his decision.”

”Hank’s a good man.”

Black Superman shrugged.

”And a smart one.

”If even he thinks your plan won’t work, you’re still going ahead with it?”

Magneto replied immediately.

”I admit Beast is cautious.

”If success isn’t reasonably assured, he prefers not to act.

”He often prepares for the worst possible outcome and tends toward pessimism.

”But some things are worth gambling on.

”Without the courage to overcome impossible odds, true success is impossible.

”Sadly, despite his intelligence, he lacks that particular kind of courage.

”He would rather search for another solution than support our cause.”

Black Superman looked around.

”So what does any of this have to do with me?

”Was it really worth dragging me out here for this?”

Mystique, who had been simmering ever since he arrived, finally exploded.

”How can you say it has nothing to do with you?

”Do you have any idea how much the things you’ve done in Los Angeles have worsened the opinions of those important people—”

She made exaggerated air quotes with both hands.

”—toward mutants?

”You hide behind your bulletproof powers and trample all over the law.

”You think everything’s fine just because nobody can prove anything?

”Mutants are in a worse position today because of people like you.

”If anyone bears responsibility, it’s you.”

Black Superman smiled.

”Oh, so now I’m a villain of history.”

He clicked his tongue dramatically.

”Imagine that.

”I never realized I was so important.

”Tell you what—I’ll apologize.

”From now on, whenever someone bullies me, I won’t fight back.

”When someone insults me, I won’t answer.

”I’ll just let people do whatever they want to me.

”Take whatever they want.

”Treat me however they please.

”Will that make everyone happy?”

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