I Got Isekai’d, Well Shyt!

When Rya came out of the storage room, she noticed Percy and Sir George were back with their backpacks and had set up a campfire.

’Hmm? It looks like they are cooking something. Wonder what they’re making?’ Rya thought to herself as she walked over to them. As she was walking, she couldn’t help but noticed her hips were swaying more than normal. All because of her transformation into a full-fledged female Dark Elf which gave her wider hips, and her larger breasts and butt which all jiggled with every step she took. 

’Goddess! You have to be kidding me! This is insane! My body is changing because of this stupid mana.’ Rya thought to herself as she stood next to the fire.

When Rya came into view, the two men turned their attention to her. Quinus was in shock and awe for a split second when seeing Rya’s new figure before him. He quickly regained his cool demeanor in hopes of not scaring her away from him. Percy’s eyes looked like they were trying to fall out of his head while he struggled to keep his jaw from hitting the ground. Sir George was too busy ignoring her to notice her changes as he focused on cooking up, some type of stew.

”Um... I see you’ve grown stronger from your mana rush, Lady Rya. That’s good too, see!” Quinus spoke nervously as he tried to get his mind back in order.

”Ha ha, yeah, I’m still not used to these growth spurts. Ha ha?” Rya replied nervously, not knowing the best way to respond to Quinus.

Upon hearing the Dark Elf speak to his lord, Sir George turned his attention towards Rya and did a double take as panic was written all over his face.

”As I told you, Percy! She means to seduce us ALL!” Sir George barked in disbelief at the sight of Rya’s new figure.

’Are you fucking serious?’ Rya thought as she stared at Sir George in disbelief. ’It’s like he hates women for some reason?’

”Erm... Erm...” Percy stammered out.

Prince Quinus quickly turned to Sir George with a face filled with irritation and embarrassment and spoke sternly to him.

”Sir George, You are turning into an embarrassment in all of the Fiafyr Kingdom!” Quinus spoke pointedly.

Sir George’s eyes became wide with a realization, and he looked down to hide his embarrassment.

”You’ve been acting like a fool ever since Lady Rya has been here! And I’ll not tolerate it any longer!” Prince Quinus said.

”My apologies, my Lord... You will not hear another insult coming from this mouth of mine towards Lady Rya.” Sir George said in defeat.

”I hope you’re being truthful with me, Sir George,” Quinus said sternly.

”I promise with the honor of my Knighthood on the line, my Lord!” Sir George spoke with a bowed head.

Rya just shook her head and sighed while finding a rock to take a seat on.

”I’m really, truly sorry for Sir George’s unwanted and unfounded accusations towards you, my Lady... I guarantee that this won’t happen again. With my honor as Crown Prince Quinus Meredydd, future ruler of Fiafyr Kingdom,” he said, bowing his head towards Rya.

Rya’s heart fluttered a bit when Quinus bowed towards her, but she didn’t trust Sir George, yet. She felt like he would try to accuse her of something else, sooner or later.

”I trust you, Quinus, but he needs to be more respectful.” Rya huffs out while crossing her arms over her chest, which accentuates her cleavage.

”Sorry, Lady Rya, Sir George has never been good around women,” Percy added as he recalled how he had taken some of Sir George’s advice on how to pick up women in the past.

”Percy! I cannot believe you would betray me like that! You’ve asked for my advice on attracting a fine lady, and I gave it to you. Only to have you not take my teachings to heart!” Sir George said this in shock.

’Oh! This is going to be good.’ Rya thought as she leaned forward in her seat and watched the two men argue. 

There’s nothing more entertaining than someone who thinks they’re an expert in a field that they are not. Especially when they think they are a player that has women swooning after them.

’I can’t wait to see this car wreck. Ha ha ha.’ Rya thought, as she hoped, that this conversation was going to go downhill fast.

”Sir George! Your advice ruined my chances with Bell!” Percy cries out in frustration.

”How could that be? I told you that if you followed my advice, you’d get the girl. You must have done it wrong.” Sir George said as he placed the blame on Percy.

”Well, your advice was wrong, and I’m never going to find a lady as good as Bell again,” cried out Percy.

’Oh, I need to know what Sir George’s bad advice is,’ Rya thought to herself, as she could barely contain her excitement.

”What was his advice?” Rya asked with a hint of curiosity.

”Lady Rya, I don’t think you-” Quinus was interrupted as Sir George started to monologue on the ways of picking up ladies for the group.

”Well, Lady Rya, I fear you might fall in love with me if I were to tell my secrets to you,” Sir George said in his defense.

”Oh, we’ll see about that. Now please do tell, Sir George; let me hear your wise advice.” Rya said in excitement as she leaned forward on her rock. She couldn’t wait to see how Sir George traps himself in a corner with his way of wooing the ladies.

”Oh no, here we go again,” Quinus whispered under his breath but he didn’t know Rya’s hearing had improved to the point that she could hear him.

’Huh? I can hear him from here? I-I guess I truly am a Dark Elf now... That can wait. Now, Sir George, lay it on me. You casanova, you!’ Rya thought as she couldn’t wait to hear his advice.

”Alright. I will give you my wisdom on how to pick up any woman that your heart desires!” Sir George spoke in his typical pompous tone.

”...”

”One must know what a lady wants—what all ladies want. And that is being the man of their dreams. And that is only possible if you know what they desire.” Sir George said in his deep voice, ”And since you’re a lady, albeit a Dark Elf, you have a predisposition to the female condition, Lady Rya.”

”And what is my female condition, Sir George?” Rya asked as she looked at the older knight with an amused smile.

”Oh, just like any other woman would want, they need the perfect man, and there are the three pillars of being that perfect man that make it impossible for her to resist you.” Sir George said this to her in his usual self-important manner.

”Ooh, so there are the pillars of being a perfect man,” Rya spoke with interest as she leaned forward. Rya didn’t realize she was showing off her cleavage to the group as three sets of eyes started to drift to the alluring site in front of them. Sir George shook his head to regain his composure.

”Ahem, yes, the three pillars to become the perfect man that no fine lady can deny. First, he has to appear mysterious to catch his target’s attention. No woman can resist a mystery.” Sir George spoke with a serious tone.

”Second, you have to be disinterested. Show no affection for your target. A woman wants what she can’t get... And lastly, you have to have riches. A woman wants to be financially secure so she doesn’t have to lift a finger for the rest of her life. And if a man can achieve these three pillars, he will find true happiness! Oh yes indeed!” Sir George said it with a chuckle.

”So how long have you been in a relationship, Sir George?” Rya asked curiously.

”Oh! Um, I-I have never had the time. Y-Yes! I-I’ve been too busy protecting the realm.” Sir George said it with a blush.

”...”

”...”

Rya couldn’t help herself as she burst out laughing.

”That’s some of the lamest advice I’ve ever heard, Sir George!” Rya said as she let out a full belly laugh.

”You’re just a Dark Elf! What would you know, Lady Rya?” Sir George said with a glare.

”Hahaha! Ah.. Hoo. That gave me a good laugh. Well, let me take a wild guess on how your love life has gone with your advice,” Rya said as she held back tears of laughter.

”Tch, like you could know,” Sir George said in a huff.

”So you used your Three pillars, and it worked; you got yourself a lady. But after about, let’s say, three months or so, Your relationship started to fall apart?” Rya asked as she leaned back on the rock.

”H-How did you!... I-I mean? Go on,” Sir George said with a flustered face.

”And the reason why she left you is because of that fake persona you constructed for her. It’s impossible to maintain over so much time, and then she learned about the REAL you. That’s not a person who would make her happy in the first place.”

Sir George blushed in embarrassment and looked away when Rya called out exactly every one of his failed relationships to a T. ”T-That’s impossible? H-How did you know all this?”

”I can just tell... How many relationships have you gone through?” Rya says it with a smile.

”Um... Two?” Sir George stammers.

”Just, Two?” Rya asks with a raised eyebrow. She didn’t believe him and he knew she was on to him.

Percy was also interested in what Sir George’s real answer was as well. After a minute of awkward silence, Sir George caved.

”FINE! I’ve gone through Five of them. They all dumped me after they found out that I’m a Knight and not some lord or wealthy noble!” Sir George said it with a huff.

”FIVE!? YOU’VE GONE THROUGH FIVE FAILED RELATIONSHIPS!? You gave me failed advice, for my Bell! And you call yourself a love sage? I BELIEVED YOU!” Percy shouted in anger.

”Well, it’s not my fault you came to me for romance advice!” Sir George said with a glare.

”Hey! I was only looking for some good tips on how to get Bell to like me!” Percy said it with a pout. ”She said I was rude before I even had the chance to date her! Now she’s going around telling everyone that I’m just some jerk who tried to take advantage of her!”

”Oh, I see, so she didn’t like you after all? She must have been using you for the money and to gain the attention of other nobles,” Sir George said with a shrug.

”I’m going to kill you, George!” Percy said as he jumped at the knight, trying to tackle him to the ground. But Percy’s approach was halted when George placed the palm of his hand on Percy’s forehead, and all he could do was flail his arms around, just barely missing George’s body, like a little brother bickering with his older brother.

”Calm down, Percy. I’m sorry my advice didn’t help you with Bell. Here is some stew. It’s ready,” Sir George said as he handed over a bowl filled with steaming hot beef stew to Percy.

”You know, if this is supposed to make me feel better, it really isn’t,” Percy muttered as he took a sip from his bowl.

’Jeez. I feel bad for the kid. I’ll help him out if I can. He deserves it,’ Rya thought as she was seated across from Percy and George.