I AM A MAGE BUT WITH MILF SYSTEM

Chapter 864: A reflection

Julian did not press at once. He simply remained beside her, letting silence stretch in a way that felt natural rather than suffocating. After a time, Vanessa’s gaze drifted toward the distant lights of the outer walls.

“Do you remember,” she said suddenly, “when we were children and used to sneak into the old garden behind the east wing?”

Julian did not remember. Those memories belonged to the original Kraven, not to him. Still, he turned his head slightly toward her and answered in a calm tone.

“The one with the broken fountain.”

A faint, almost nostalgic smile touched Vanessa’s lips.

“Yes. You always insisted we could repair it if we just stacked enough stones in the right place. We never could, of course. The water still leaked everywhere. Mother was furious when she found us soaked and wet.”

She spoke slowly, as if each detail were something she had not taken out in a long time.

Julian listened and nodded when it was appropriate, offering small responses that allowed her to continue.

“You were unbearable back then,” she went on. “Always dragging me into some scheme, then looking perfectly innocent when we were caught. And yet… those days felt lighter. Even when we were scolded, it never felt like the whole world was resting on the next decision.”

Her fingers tightened briefly on the railing.

“Now everything is different.”

Julian remained quiet. After another stretch of silence, Vanessa’s voice lowered.

“Tomorrow the Crown Prince will arrive with His Majesty,” she said. “Everyone already looks at me as if the marriage is completely necessary for the duchy’s future. In many ways, it is.”

She paused, her eyes still fixed on the dark courtyard.

“I do not dislike him,” she continued carefully. “He is composed. Intelligent. He understands the weight of his position, and he has never treated me badly.”

Her next words came more slowly.

“But affection is a different matter. Sometimes I wonder whether what we have is truly ours, or is it something shaped by duty until we are forced to accept it. When we speak, it is always measured. When we appear together, it is always for an audience. I know what is expected of me. I have known for years. And still, on a night like this, I cannot help but ask myself if this is the life I would have chosen if I was given more choices.”

She finally glanced at Julian and he could see a complicated mixture emotions playing in her face.

“I am not saying I will turn away from it,” she said. “I will do what the family requires. I only… needed a moment to stand still before tomorrow begins.”

Julian met her gaze.

For a moment, no matter how much he tried, nothing escaped his lips.

What could he possibly say to her?

Vanessa looked at him for a second longer, then a small chuckle left her.

“You must think I am a child, right? Ranting like this.”

Julian’s gaze remained on her face. When he finally spoke, his voice was strained a little.

“No. Everyone carries something they hide deep within themselves. Most of the time it never comes out at all. Honestly… it is more noble that you admitted it.”

Vanessa seemed surprised by the reply. She studied him for a moment, then stepped closer and nudged him lightly with her elbow.

“Look at you, playing with words. If someone were to hear this, they would say you are the older one.”

Julian smiled faintly.

“Well, I definitely look older than you.”

The lightness of the exchange lingered only for a breath before Vanessa’s expression grew more serious again. She looked at him deeply.

“Do you have something like that in your heart as well? Something you hide from others?”

The question caught Julian off guard.

Something he hid in his heart?

He had never truly thought about it. Instinctively his mind turned inward, sorting through memories that spanned far more than a single lifetime and single body.

Desire, ambition, loss, victory, attachment…. he examined them one by one.

And the longer he searched, the more a strange conclusion formed.

There was nothing.

No matter how carefully he looked, he could not find any buried longing or unspoken wound.

From a young age he had moved through the world with a rare kind of freedom. When he wanted something, he pursued it. When he desired someone, he reached for them. Wealth, status, relationships, love, pleasure, even dreams that most people only carried in secret; again and again, he had obtained them.

He for sure faced challenges, battles, and moments of genuine danger, but those were just obstacles. Putting those struggles aside, there are very little, almost nothing that Julian had ever truly wanted and not gotten it.

However, standing beside Vanessa now and listening to the weight in her voice, that realization felt suddenly open and more revealing.

He was blessed.

He lived his life with a completeness that most beings never approached. Even if he searched across multiple worlds, lives like his would be rare. Most people were shaped by the things they could not have. Their characters were carved by hesitation, by longing, by the grief of paths that could never be theirs.

Julian’s life, however, was shaped by the opposite.

He looked at Vanessa again.

She was still watching him, waiting for an answer. The difference between them felt almost absurd. She stood there bound by duty, marriage, and the expectations of an entire duchy. He stood beside her carrying the level of freedom, that was almost comical to say it out loud.

Julian’s voice, when it finally came, was quieter than before.

“If I am honest… no.”

Vanessa’s brows lifted slightly.

“I have wanted many things,” he continued. “And I was able to take them. Wealth. Power. People. Even the kind of dreams most others only protect in silence. When I look for something I have hidden away because I could never have it… I cannot find it.”

He turned his gaze toward the dark courtyard below.

“Standing here, listening to you, I am realizing how rare that must be. Most lives are shaped by the weight of what they cannot reach. Mine was shaped by the opposite. And only now does that feel as strange as it should.”

The words were not boastful. It was a reflection, the one that he had never gotten a chance to.

Vanessa remained silent for a few seconds, absorbing what he had said. The playful edge from earlier had faded, replaced by something strange.