Back Then, I Adored You

Gu Yusheng got quieter. He did not look up until that line of the lyrics had repeated in his head for a long time. He looked at Qin Zhi’ai sitting across from him. “It’s not going to be as safe as being in China, especially being a girl. You’d better not go out in the evening.”

“Yeah.” Qin Zhi’ai looked up at Gu Yusheng and smiled. “I know.”

“Bancheng lived overseas for a long time when he was a teenager. He knows a lot of people. You should keep in touch with him. If you run into any trouble, he might be able to help you with his connections.”

“Okay,” Qin Zhi’ai responded.

Gu Yusheng also said “okay” before he went quiet.

For some reason, he suddenly remembered little troublemaker singing the song “The End” at the pedestrian street that night.

Back then, he had many issues and hadn’t understood her feelings.

He hadn’t understood it was another way for her to say goodbye that night when she had said so much to him, just like how he was giving her advice now. She had asked him to smoke and drink less.

No wonder when he had said they would have time to be together that night, she had kissed him on her tiptoes to stop him from talking.

She had known then that they would have no time together. They would only be apart.

That was why Gu Yusheng reached a new level of hurt; he knew the feeling he had now must be the same feeling she had felt the other night.

No wonder she looked sad on the way home that night.

Gu Yusheng stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray and asked, “Are you going to come back?”

“I am likely to come back…” Qin Zhi’ai hesitated for a second before saying, “But not back to Beijing.”

She was pregnant with his baby. They would not be able to avoid bumping into each other if they were in the same city, which would always keep them tied together. She’d already decided that she would not come back to Beijing even if she did return to China.

Gu Yusheng casually turned around to look at the city view out the window for a while before he replied to Qin Zhi’ai, “Do you have a plan on where you’d like to go?”

“Not yet. It’s still early,” Qin Zhi’ai said.

“You’re right.” Gu Yusheng paused for a second and then suddenly said, “You won’t be young anymore when you come back. You should give consideration to important things in life.”

Qin Zhi’ai knew that by “important things in life” Gu Yusheng was referring to marriage and children. She nodded and smiled. “I should.”

Gu Yusheng opened his mouth but a lump in his throat kept him from continuing the conversation with Qin Zhi’ai.

Qin Zhi’ai’s chest was tight, as if pressed by a huge stone. She quietly watched Gu Yusheng’s handsome face before she eventually curled up the corners of her mouth and said, “It’s getting late. I need to go now. I have to wake up early tomorrow morning.”

Gu Yusheng did not ask Qin Zhi’ai to stay longer. He responded to her with an “okay” before he stood up to take care of the check. As he started to walk, he stumbled into a chair, hurting his knee.

After walking out of the cafe, they stood under a streetlight by the curb. Gu Yusheng said, “Bye, Qin Zhi’ai.”

Qin Zhi’ai nodded. She didn’t say goodbye to Gu Yusheng. Instead, she hailed a taxi driving toward her.

They had been in each other’s life for the past 10 years, but this time they would not see each other again. They had reached a milestone that signaled the end of their relationship.