Take Me Away, Dark Lord!

The assistant looked.

”The strawberry mille-feuille?”

”No.”

”The strawberry tart?”

”No.”

”The strawberry cream choux?”

”No.”

”The strawberry shortcake?”

”No.”

Kaelus’s eyes narrowed.

”The tart beside it.”

The assistant looked again.

”Oh!”

She immediately retrieved it.

Kaelus examined it with the solemnity of a military commander inspecting a battlefield.

He picked up the box.

Turned it slightly.

Checked the glaze.

Inspected the cream.

Looked at the strawberry placement.

Then nodded.

”Acceptable.”

The assistant nearly cried from relief.

Alistair leaned against the counter.

”Thank the gods.”

Kaelus looked at him.

”What?”

”You have been evaluating a pastry for four minutes.”

”Seraphina deserves quality.”

Alistair stared at him.

Then slowly looked toward the heavens.

”I miss the days when you only terrified ministers.”

Kaelus did not merely buy a cake.

He executed a hostile takeover of the bakery’s inventory.

He purchased three massive, multi-tiered strawberry cakes.

He purchased six dozen fruit tarts.

He bought an entire tray of candied spun-sugar roses.

He then marched directly next door to the exclusive children’s boutique.

A delicate gold sign hung above the entrance.

Maison des Rêves.

A luxury toy shop.

Alistair stopped walking.

”No.”

Kaelus continued.

”Your Grace.”

No response.

”Your Grace, absolutely not.”

Kaelus entered.

Alistair stood outside for approximately three seconds.

Then sighed and followed.

Inside, the atmosphere was completely different.

The shop was filled with plush animals, enchanted dolls, miniature tea sets, painted wooden toys, magical music boxes, and tiny furniture designed for children.

Several wealthy mothers were browsing the shelves.

They all stopped when the Northern Reaper entered.

A little girl sitting near the toy section looked up.

She saw Kaelus.

Her eyes widened.

Then she pointed.

”Mama.”

”Yes, darling?”

”Why is the scary man buying dolls?”

Her mother immediately covered her daughter’s mouth.

”Don’t point!”

Kaelus ignored them.

He had already spotted the bear section.

His expression became intensely focused.

Alistair followed his gaze.

There were perhaps thirty plush bears.

Kaelus walked toward them.

He picked up one.

Too firm.

Rejected.

Another.

Too fluffy.

Rejected.

A third.

Its ears were uneven.

Rejected.

Fourth.

Its stuffing density was inconsistent.

Rejected.

Fifth.

Its fur was slightly coarse.

Rejected.

Alistair stared in disbelief.

”You cannot possibly be serious.”

Kaelus continued inspecting bears.

”The one Boris bought is structurally inadequate.”

”It’s a stuffed bear.”

”It is too firm.”

”It’s supposed to be a toy.”

”Seraphina sleeps with it.”

Alistair paused.

”...Ah.”

Kaelus picked up another bear.

This one was enormous.

It was nearly as tall as Seraphina.

Its fur was soft.

Its belly was round.

Its ears were perfectly symmetrical.

Kaelus squeezed it.

The bear made a tiny—

Squeak.

Kaelus froze.

He looked down at it.

The bear squeaked again.

Squeak.

Alistair watched his master’s expression change.

It was subtle.

Almost imperceptible.

But there was warmth in Kaelus’s violet eyes.

”This one.”

The shopkeeper hurried over.

”An excellent choice, Your Grace! That is our Grand Imperial Bear. It is filled with enchanted cloud-wool from the Eastern Highlands.”

”How soft?”

The shopkeeper blinked.

”Excuse me?”

”How soft is it?”

”Very soft, Your Grace.”

”Compared to this?”

Kaelus picked up another bear.

”Ah...”

The shopkeeper looked between the two.

”The Imperial Bear is approximately thirty percent softer.”

”Then this one.”

”Excellent choice.”

Kaelus nodded.

Then he noticed another shelf.

His eyes narrowed.

”What’s that?”

The shopkeeper followed his gaze.

”Those are our enchanted bedtime companions.”

There were several small plush animals.

A rabbit.

A fox.

A wolf.

A duck.

Kaelus stopped.

He picked up the duck.

It was tiny.

Round.

Yellow.

Ridiculously adorable.

Alistair saw the exact moment something catastrophic happened inside the Archduke’s brain.

”Your Grace.”

Kaelus looked at the duck.

Then at the bear.

Then at the duck again.

”She likes ducks.”

Alistair sighed.

”Of course she does.”

”Take all of them.”

The shopkeeper’s eyes widened.

”All... the ducks?”

”Yes.”

”How many?”

Kaelus looked at the shelf.

”Every duck in the store.”

Alistair closed his eyes.

”Of course.”

Fifteen minutes later, Kaelus emerged from the boutique.

The visual was absolutely absurd.

The Archduke of the North, a man wreathed in dark, freezing mana, was marching down the street. In his left arm, he carried three stacked, bright pink pastry boxes tied with massive silk ribbons.

He was carrying one enormous plush bear under his arm.

Two shopping bags hung from his left hand.

Another three hung from his right.

A box of strawberry pastries rested carefully against his chest.

And tucked beneath his arm was a tiny yellow duck.

Alistair followed behind him carrying the remaining packages.

Trailing behind him was Alistair, the most beautiful man in the Capital, currently carrying five more pastry boxes and a bouquet of enchanted, glowing lollipops, looking as though he actively wanted to step into oncoming traffic.

His beautiful face had the exhausted expression of a man who had just witnessed the collapse of civilization.

”This,” Alistair muttered, ”will be my resignation letter.”

Kaelus ignored him.

They returned to the carriage.

The driver looked at the mountain of purchases.

He looked at Kaelus.

Then at Alistair.

Then back at Kaelus.

”...Your Grace?”

”Drive.”

”Yes, Your Grace.”

The carriage began moving.

Kaelus sat comfortably inside.

He carefully checked the pastry boxes.

Then the bear.

Then the duck.

Everything was intact.

Only after confirming this did he finally lean back.

Alistair sat opposite him.

His long blonde hair had become slightly disheveled.

He looked exhausted.

”Your Grace.”

”Hm?”

”May I ask one question?”

”Ask.”

”You threatened to annex a minister’s territory this morning.”

”Yes.”

”You destroyed the Imperial Council chamber doors.”

”Yes.”

”You walked out of a forty-eight-hour political negotiation.”

”Yes.”

”You then stood in line for half an hour...”

Kaelus said nothing.

”...to buy pastries.”

Silence.

”And afterward you purchased an entire army of stuffed ducks.”

Kaelus looked down at the tiny yellow duck sitting on his knee.

He gently adjusted its little bowtie.

”Seraphina will like them.”

Alistair stared at him.

There was absolutely nothing he could say to that.

So he leaned back, and closed his eyes.

And accepted that the North’s most feared warlord had been defeated.