Rising Shards

“I mean, I don’t have to tell her right away,” Kalei said. “But I feel like with me figuring out, she’s gonna figure it out. It’s just…kinda freaky, you know?”

“Hmmm,” I said. “My coming outs to Stella went well, but my parents finding out I was dating a girl went really badly. So I understand it being scary.” 

“Yeah…” Kalei said. “God, I hope my mom doesn’t friggin’ react like your parents.”

I had to wrestle away the confusing, tangled up thoughts about my parents then, as it hit me once more how strange it was that they said nothing about me being trans, but were so clearly upset I was dating a girl. Mom said they’d been keeping tabs on me so they knew I had transitioned, but together it all made no sense and just made my heart ache. So I shook them away and tried to get back to helping Kalei.

“Your mom didn’t seem mad about Oka and I dating,” I said. “And you said she joked about you bringing a girlfriend home. So being gay isn’t an alien concept to her or anything I don’t think. And she’s not immediately disapproving. Your odds of telling her and having a good reaction are better than mine were when I told my parents. I don’t know if that odds thing makes any sense because I did tell my parents and it went bad but I’m very sleepy.”

“No, I get it like one hundred percent,” Kalei said. She tossed and tunred on the couch a bit. “I think I might tell her tomorrow.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “When we go home, or…?”

“Um,” Kalei said. “Right now, I think like. After breakfast but before lunch? If anyone has to head home it’s cool but…I was thinking I’d pull her to the side or something while we’re eating and just like say it…but…”

“So you want us there for it?” I asked.

“If one of you is there that’d be cool,” Kalei said. “Will you back me up if I actually work up the guts to tell her?”

“Of course.” I said.

“Splendid.”

While Kalei would definitely make fun of me if I ever said splendid, I couldn’t, especially not after she opened up to me like that.

“I’ll probably be up for a bit rehearsing it in my head—” Kalei started but was interrupted by horrendously loud snoring. “Oh my god. Is that Oka?”

I traced the source of the loud snoring.

“It’s…Lillia.” I said. “I’m too scared to wake her up to stop her.”

For a few minutes, we winced as Lillia’s snoring painfully filled the room. I wondered how I’d be able to sleep but she finally stopped.

“Oh thank god.” Kalei said. “But yeah…I think I’m finally falling asleep. So um, night, Zates.”

We didn’t usually say goodnight in our room in the dorms. But this night obviously was different than a normal one.

“Goodnight, Kalei,” I said.

“And thank you,” Kalei said. “For everything.”

* * *

I had weird pizza dreams that night. My dream of soaring on a magic carpet made of ham over a country made of pancake flavored blankets was interrupted by someone poking my shoulder. I blinked as the image of Oka sitting cross legged over me with her head resting in her hands became clearer.

“G’morning,” Oka whispered and kissed my forehead.

“What time is it?” I whispered.

“Uh, early,” Oka said. She checked her phone. “Well, huh. Eight in the morning, which is probably normal for class wake up, right?”

I yawned. “I think so. Is something up?”

“I just, um,” Oka said. ”You’re really pretty when you’re sleeping. Sorry. That’s weird.”

”No,” I yawned. ”That’s super sweet, thank you.”

Oka kissed my forehead again. “Sorry if you wanted to sleep more.”

“I’d rather do whatever we’re doing here.” I smiled. “You don’t think they’re going to wake up, do you?”

“Lillia told me she sleeps in on weekends sometimes, so this may be that rare occurrence. And Kalei’s definitely still out.”

“So we have some us time.” I said.

“Yeah.” Oka said. There was only a small window in the basement that let a bit of sunlight in, so Oka’s beaming smile did most of the work brightening the room for me.

“I feel like I might be dreaming this.” I whispered. “What’s something you wouldn’t say in a dream?”

“Hmm,” Oka said. “Maybe…sorry if I have morning breath? Would it be weird to sneak to the bathroom to brush my teeth right now?”

I giggled, then clamped my hands over my mouth. Oka got down beside me and hugged me close.

“It might be,” I said. “Could I come with you?”

I couldn’t see her expression as she buried her face in my sleeping bag as she hugged me tighter, but I got the sense she liked that idea just a bit.

“We might get caught here…but it’d be less conspicuous and stuff if we went there for um, for this,” I said. “The bathroom down here is pretty cozy. It has a like…fuzzy. Seat cover thing.”

Oka broke from the hug to look at the others, visibly calculating our odds of getting caught.

“How much longer do you think they’ll be asleep?” I asked.

“I’d bet like ten minutes?” Oka said. “Maybe a bit more, I dunno.”

“So now or never.” I said.

We both knew what the other’s answer would be. As quietly as I could, I got out of my sleeping bag. I took Oka’s hand and we rushed to the bathroom. We locked the door behind us. We both just froze with our shoulders a little up like the first Tower of Hate and love figure line that had way too big shoulders that were super awkward and didn’t pose well.

“OK, um,” I whispered, just barely louder than before now that we had some privacy. “I, er…”

“I don’t wanna say let’s waste our ten minutes brushing our teeth,” Oka said. “But I’m pretty sure I have rancid morning breath. That pizza had a lot of toppings.”

“We could brush right by each other, like a married couple or something…” I said.

“Frick, that’s good.” Oka said. She grabbed my elbow. “C’mere, we’re starting with that.”

We realized we hadn’t brought our toothbrushes in the bathroom yet and had to make a stealthy trip back to our bags to grab them first. But then the tooth brushing was actually really nice. We were absolutely both picturing us as a married couple and kept sneaking glances confirming that the other was on the same imagination train. This bathroom sink wasn’t built for two people, so we bumped elbows a lot, but even that had us excited.

“So…about seven minutes left?” I said once our teeth were clean and our morning breath was properly vanquished.

“Yeah, so.” Oka said. “What do you…”

At the same time, we both glanced at the shower and turned as red as that first line of Tower of Hate and Love action figures, which in addition to their weird shoulders were also bizarrely entirely made of red plastic.

“That might be…we’d probably get caught.” I said. If we somehow worked up the nerve to shower together, it’d be absolutely amazing, but I didn’t think I was ready for that yet, and I didn’t know if Oka was. And getting caught by the others doing that would be a lot. “But…”

“But?” Oka said.

“I mean…maybe someday?” I said.

“How about definitely someday,” Oka said. “Please?”

“Definitely someday then,” I smiled.

Making the decision for us about where to go next, Oka sat on the toilet’s fuzzy seat cover and gave me a crooked smile.

We both stared at each other as my heart pounded. The night prior was a long one, but this alone could make up for all the bad things and then some even if we turned it around for the most part. Without overthinking (somehow), I sat on Oka’s lap with my legs straddling her. I desperately wanted to kiss her cute, crooked grin. Before my lips met hers, I brushed my hands through her hair. I loved how she wore her hair up, but it felt like a treat to see her with her hair down even if I had seen her like that tons of times when we were roommates. I wanted to cherish this precious moment before the urge to make out with her took me over. In addition to just really wanting to make out with her, I also wanted to try and quell any lingering worries Oka had that I wanted to break up with her. It was definitely a good call on the tooth brushing deal because rancid breath could have really ruined the moment as our tongues met immediately in the kiss. My hands gripped Oka’s hair tighter, and I let out a slight gasp as I felt her hands on my back move lower.

“That’s my butt,” I whispered between kisses. I had never had my butt squeezed before, and I was very glad Oka got the honors of being the first to achieve this feat. I felt immediately embarrassed, thinking maybe Oka was just humoring me. Surely my butt wasn’t impressive enough for Oka to want to feel it. ”Do you...really like it?”

“Yeah,” Oka said, squeezing tighter. “It’s right below your tail, and I love your tail. The two compliment each other nicely, I feel. I really like it.”

“I really like you.” I said.

“Good, because I really, really, really like you.” Oka said. “And your butt. Genuinely, the only thing that could really smack the scary thoughts away for a second this week was me vowing I’d squeeze your butt at this sleepover.”

“And here we are.” I said. “You really are squeezing it.”

My embarrassment eroded as it became clear that Oka really did like my butt, and I let myself enjoy the attention from my girlfriend, a nice bonus to our kissing. Once Oka had satisfactorily squeezed me enough, she leaned back. When our lips split from each other, a trail of saliva still connected our mouths. The trail lingered for a moment before splitting. Oka wiped her mouth, biting her lower lip for a second before grinning.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Just,” Oka said. “That was kinda gay.”

I laughed so hard that if the others were up, they would definitely hear us. “Well after all that talk about gay business last night, it wouldn’t be fair if we didn’t get to put what we talked about into practice, you know?”

“I like that,” Oka said. “A good breakfast will really determine this, but I think this is the best morning of my life—” 

I jolted when we heard a slight noise outside the bathroom. Oka peeked out first. I was prepared to hide in the shower, but she gave the all clear. We quietly rushed back to our sleeping bags, holding back laughter.

“That was awesome,” I whispered.

“Really really awesome!” Oka whispered back.

We snuck in some cuddling and a few light kisses before Kalei started stirring. Oka and I moved apart to try and avoid all suspicions.

Kalei yawned loudly as she stretched. Lillia was still asleep. I pretended to act groggier than I was as I sat up, and Oka did the same. After Marshy hopped off of the couch and trotted upstairs, Kalei got up as well.

“I’m thinking I’m gonna shower, but if one of you guys want to go first let me know.” Kalei said.

“Nah,” Oka yawned. “I need a few more minutes before I get up.”