Rising Shards

I tried closing my eyes and staying still, but as soon as I did Kalei started whispering.

“Pssst,” Kalei said. “Zates, you still up?”

“Yeah,” I whispered back.

“Oka? Lillia? You up?” Kalei asked.

No answer. Oka did say she’d fall asleep from her progressive muscle relaxation.

“I’m surprised we’re the last ones awake.” I said.

“That root beer might have caffeine in it, sorry.” Kalei said.

“It’s OK,” I said. “Well, if you wanna ask me the real late-night questions, now would be a good time…”

“Scoot closer to me, I can barely hear you.” Kalei said.

I moved my sleeping bag a tad closer.

“I think if we talk low, they won’t wake up.” Kalei said.

I nodded. “So if you have any you’re too embarrassed to tell them, but are fine telling me, go for it.”

“You wanna send me that picture you found with the two chicks making out on the boat?” Kalei asked.

I snorted. “No. I dunno if I could find that again…”

“Well, if you do, send it to me.” Kalei said.

“Will do…” I said. I hadn’t thought much about that picture recently. I couldn’t imagine myself sending it to Kalei, that I decided would have to be handled like a loaded grenade with some kind of message saying to never speak of this if I did send it.

“Hey, is it weird in gym?” Kalei asked.

“Is what weird?” I asked.

“Like I’ve been like, I dunno, thinking about it for myself when I’m ’in the moment’ after practice.” Kalei said.

”You’re gonna have to give me some more details here.” I said.

”Did you ever sneak a peek at Oka in the locker room? Or anyone else?” Kalei asked.

“No,” I said. “I mean, I’ve thought about looking at Oka. But it’s kinda creepy in the locker room, you know? I’m too self-conscious just thinking about changing clothes myself to really want to see her there. Plus, we all change really far apart anyways. And what do you mean by anyone else?”

“I dunno, like there’s a lot of girls in our class obviously, and you’re into girls, so.” Kalei said.

“Like, there are a lot of cute girls at our school, but none are like my type, you know? Just Oka for me.” I said.

“Do you ever check her out in general?” Kalei asked. “Away from the dreaded locker room.”

“Yeah, I stare,” I admitted. “One of the things Oka was worried about today was cuz I was looking at her boobs at school and she thought I was having some deep sad thoughts or something.”

“Zeta checkin’ out them hongas fononguses.” Kalei said.

I snorted again. “Shut up, you’re gonna make me wake them up.”

“I’d be pissed if you didn’t check her out, not gonna lie.” Kalei said. “That’d be one of those things where like I’d be worried you both were screwing it up already by being all shy about things you don’t have to be shy about.”

Normally I might have gotten a bit testy at Kalei worrying Oka and I would ‘screw up our relationship already,’ but in my mix of sleepy and wired from root beer I could look past that and just be happy Kalei wanted what’s best for us.

“Have you guys done it yet?” Kalei asked.

“Kalei!”

“You said I could ask anything!”

I was mentally prepped for a lot of questions, but this one was still tough for me to talk about out loud.

“We haven’t,” I said. “But I’d like to someday.”

“You didn’t with Jeans, did you?” Kalei asked.

“No,” I said.

“Good, I was kinda worried when Oka said she asked you about that. Not that she asked you, that’s hilarious.” Kalei said.

“Jeans was a really bad kisser, so I think she’d be even worse at the er, passionate behaviors beyond that.” I said.

I really liked that everyone close to me that knew about Jeans was like, super protective with me about it. It made me feel supported and did a number on all the thoughts Jeans basically implanted in me to make me think everything was my fault.

“With Oka and I, I like to think we’re still working our way up to…yeah. I still haven’t even. There’s a lot of stuff I want to…that, you know, like—”

“Don’t blow a fuse there.” Kalei said.

I don’t know why I kept talking here, but I did. Maybe I just had to verbalize thoughts rattling around that could only be spoken in the safe zone of late night. “I haven’t seen her…you knows…yet…and I, you know…wanna.”

Kalei giggled. “Wow, Zates is a real horndog. I thought you only got that way about Raina Starlight’s thighs.”

”Well, I get that way about Oka’s thighs too,” I said matter-of-factly, then realized what I just said. “Wait, shut up about the Raina’s thighs thing!”

“I can goof on the thigh thing because it happened more than once.”

“I already explained that! Friendliest has a really confusing save post feature, they make it sound like save post is the same as share!” I sat up a little in my sleeping bag, propping myself up with one hand on the carpeted floor.

“You think you’d be more careful after the first time.”

“Shut uuuup.”

Lillia stirred in her sleeping bag, making Kalei and I both freeze. She was just turning in her sleep, though.

“Kay, think we’re good,” Kalei said. “Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable with the sex questions.”

“No, you’re fine.” I said. “Do you have it on the mind lately or something?”

“Kinda, yeah.” Kalei said. She sounded like she had a lot more to say about it, so I gave my best guess how to help.

“Do you need me to explain…how?” I asked. “Because I’ve read enough fanfic to—”

“No, I mean I figured that out,” Kalei said. “Got me banned from the library for a month but the knowledge was worth it, you know?”

“Oh, was that why you got banned?” I asked. “And you were making fun of me for my browser history?”

“Now it’s your turn to shut up.” Kalei said.

“Nah, I’m good.” I said.

Kalei adjusted on her couch and sighed. “I’m just wondering that if I saw Nikki and like things went really good like, would I do that?” She said. “And there’s part of me that’s immediately like ‘oh hell yeah’ in this sleazy voice in my head. It kind of rules.”

“Yeah, you’re not faking it.” I said.

“Good,” Kalei said. “I’m glad you think so. Since you’re like super gay it like. Makes me feel validated about it, so thanks, Zates.”

“You’re welcome.” I said.

“You think anyone in our class has done it yet?” Kalei asked.

“I dunno. I don’t really think about it.” I said.

“Well, now I got you thinking about it,” Kalei said. “If you had to guess someone who had, who’d you pick?”