Harry Potter: Most Annoying System Ever

Dressing for an interrogation was an art form that Orion took with the utmost seriousness.

He did not wear his standard school robes, nor did he opt for the stiff, heavy formal wear of a Wizengamot gala. He chose a high-collared, double-breasted coat of midnight-black wool, tailored to fit with razor-sharp precision, cinched with dark silver clasps. Beneath it was a high-necked charcoal waistcoat and polished dragon-hide boots that struck the stone floor with a sharp, resonant snap. It was an ensemble designed to project cold, untouchable authority—the aesthetic of an inquisitor who had already decided the verdict before asking the first question.

While Orion fastened his cuffs, Bellatrix was standing on the other side of his bedroom, running her long, pale fingers over the intricate, gold-leaf runes etched into the frame of the Vanishing Cabinet. Her dark eyes glittered with manic fascination.

”So you are telling me,” Bellatrix purred, looking over her shoulder, ”that this royal little wardrobe is tethered directly to another inside your school trunk? And that it bypasses Dumbledore’s ancient wards entirely?”

”It does,” Orion replied, checking his reflection in the mirror, satisfied with the severe, aristocratic lines of his coat. ”A localized spatial bridge. I spent months repairing the sympathetic alignment so I could conduct personal forays without the Headmaster monitoring my transit.”

Bellatrix’s face practically lit up with fanatical, predatory ecstasy. A breathless, breathless laugh tore from her lips.

”Orion, this is pure gold!” she gasped, clutching the wood as if it were a weapon. ”We could launch an assault! We could march a strike team of Death Eaters straight through the cabinet, bypass the gates, and take Hogwarts from the inside before the old fool even realizes the perimeter was breached!”

Orion stopped adjusting his collar. He turned around slowly, leveling a flat, deeply unimpressed stare at his godmother.

”Aunt Bella,” Orion sighed, shaking his head. ”You could attack Hogwarts through the front wrought-iron gates in broad daylight, and Dumbledore wouldn’t realize it until you had already crossed the threshold anyway. The external wards only alert him once hostile magic discharges. An assault is completely pointless.”

Bellatrix blinked, her grin faltering slightly. ”Pointless? To strike at the heart of his power?”

”You might manage to seize a single wing of the castle,” Orion dismantled the fantasy with clinical, brutal logic. ”You might terrify a few second-years. And then what? Dumbledore descends from his tower, and he blasts you and whatever strike team you brought straight into non-being. Furthermore, the castle is currently crawling with veteran Aurors on high alert following the Hogsmeade incident.”

He stepped toward her, his voice dropping into a harsh, instructional cadence.

”And frankly... I have never understood the bizarre, obsessive fixation you and the Dark Lord possess with conquering Hogwarts. Strip away the fact that Albus Dumbledore sleeps there, and what is it? It is a boarding school for children.”

Orion sneered slightly, crossing his arms.

”Conquering a school does not grant you sovereignty over the realm. The Ministry of Magic does not capitulate just because you are sitting in the Transfiguration classroom. The Wizengamot will not hand you the keys to the treasury. And worse? If you mount an assault on a school and fail—which you inevitably would against Dumbledore on his home turf—you become the laughingstock of the magical world. A dark army beaten back by a headmaster and a gaggle of teenagers.”

He gestured to himself, his indigo eyes burning with terrifying ambition.

”I have aspirations of controlling this entire world, Aunt Bella. I intend to reshape society from the shadows. Throwing bodies at an ancient castle for the hollow, theatrical victory of sitting in the Great Hall is a monumental waste of time, gold, and blood.”

He tapped the frame of the cabinet.

”And worst of all? If you stage an assault through this portal, Dumbledore investigates the breach, locates my cabinet, and dismantles it. I lose my private transit network. A catastrophic net loss for zero strategic gain.”

Bellatrix stared at him. The madness in her eyes retreated, replaced by an expression of profound, almost religious awe. To hear a thirteen-year-old dismiss the legendary fortress of light as an irrelevant boarding school, while articulating grander, colder ambitions than her master, completely overwhelmed her.

”This cabinet is my personal asset,” Orion laid down the law, his voice dropping into an unyielding command. ”I intend to use it exclusively for my own clandestine operations. I do not want anyone else to know of its existence. A secret is only ever a secret when fewer people know the truth. Currently, only Mother, you, and I possess this knowledge.”

He fixed her with a piercing, possessive gaze.

”And I need you to remain completely, utterly silent about it. You do not speak of this cabinet to anyone. Not to the others, and not to the Dark Lord. Remember his mental tether with Potter. We cannot risk the information bleeding into the boy’s mind.”

Bellatrix didn’t hesitate. She offered a soft, breathless smile, stepping closer and resting a manicured hand over her heart.

”Fine,” Bellatrix murmured, her voice dripping with absolute, unwavering devotion. ”I won’t tell him. Even if there were no connection to Potter... I wouldn’t tell him if you asked me not to, Orion. You must have your reasons. My little star always does.”

Orion blinked, a flicker of genuine surprise crossing his features before melting into a slow, satisfied smirk.

The familiar bond is far more absolute than I anticipated, Orion realized. She is actively choosing my secrets over her master’s.

”Appreciated, Aunt Bella,” Orion murmured, lightly patting her hand. ”Now, remain here at the Manor. Go to the drawing room and spend some time with Mother. She will never admit it aloud, but I am certain she will thoroughly enjoy having someone to viciously rant about Father’s spineless politics with. Usually, I am her sounding board, but she would undoubtedly appreciate a change of pace.”

Bellatrix let out a short, wicked bark of laughter. ”Oh, Cissy and I have plenty to say about Lucius’s spine. I shall go torment her with tea.”

”Enjoy,” Orion nodded.

With Bellatrix safely diverted to the East Wing, Orion turned to the Vanishing Cabinet. He pulled the heavy mahogany door open, stepped into the dark interior, and closed it behind him.

He raised his Hawthorn wand and tapped the primary runic glyph on the doorframe.

The azure light flared, the weightless, spatial inversion swept over his senses, and three seconds later, the transit concluded.

Orion pushed the door open, stepping out into the quiet, familiar study of his expanded trunk beneath the dormitory bed at Hogwarts.

Dobby was already waiting by the ladder, practically vibrating with excitement. ”Master Orion! Everything is prepared! Dobby did exactly as told!”

”Good,” Orion said, adjusting the lapels of his black coat. ”Side-along to the Chamber. Main hall.”

Dobby grabbed his hand. CRACK.

The spatial compression squeezed them through the plumbing wards, depositing them instantly onto the damp, ancient flagstones of the Chamber of Secrets.

The atmosphere was breathtakingly grim. The green-tinged water of the underground canal reflected the flickering light of a few conjured sconces. Massive, coiled stone serpents towered into the darkness, their hollow eyes watching the floor. Dominating the far end of the cavern was the colossal, carved stone face of Salazar Slytherin, its mouth still yawning open where the Basilisk had once slept.

In the center of the vast stone walkway, right beneath the shadow of the Founder’s statue, sat a sturdy wooden table.

On either side of the table was a high-backed chair.

Tied securely to the far chair, bound in thick, magically reinforced hemp ropes, was Dolores Umbridge. She was still wearing her garish, filthy pink cardigan, currently slumped forward, unconscious, her toad-like mouth slightly open, snoring softly.

Orion surveyed the psychological staging with immense satisfaction. It looked like an executioner’s chamber.

”Dobby,” Orion whispered, not taking his eyes off the unconscious bureaucrat. ”Move behind her chair, cast Ennervate to wake her, and then vanish immediately back to the trunk. Do not let her see you.”

”Yes, Master Orion,” Dobby squeaked. The elf slipped silently into the shadows behind the chair.

Orion drew himself up to his full height. He smoothed down his midnight-black coat, clasping his hands loosely behind his back.

A faint spark of red light struck the back of Umbridge’s head, followed by the quiet pop of Dobby Apparating away.

Umbridge gasped, a sudden, choking inhalation as the magical slumber broke. Her head jerked upright, her small, pouchy eyes fluttering open, blinking against the dim light, disorientation clouding her features.

At that exact, calculated microsecond, Orion began to walk forward.

His dragon-hide boots struck the wet stone with a slow, rhythmic, agonizingly deliberate CLACK... CLACK... CLACK.

He emerged from the gloom of the pillars, gliding forward like an apparition of pure, aristocratic vengeance. His dark hair was immaculately styled, his indigo eyes cold and bottomless, his posture radiating the absolute, crushing weight of authority.

Umbridge’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. She looked at the colossal snake statues. She looked at the terrifying face of Salazar Slytherin towering above her.

And then, her gaze locked onto the thirteen-year-old boy walking calmly toward her in the dark.

Orion reached the table, pulled out the opposite chair with a slow, scraping sound that set her teeth on edge, and sat down. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the wood, lacing his fingers together beneath his chin.

He didn’t speak. He simply smiled—a slow, terrifying, razor-sharp expression that promised absolute ruin.