The Forsaken Hero

”You don’t have to hold quite so tightly. I’m not going to drop you,” Luke murmured, a hint of amusement in his breath as it tickled my ear.

I was back in his arms, soaring through the night sky, clutching his neck in a death grip. I hadn’t had time to be embarrassed before, caught up in the swirling tempest of emotion that followed our kiss. But now, the full weight of that moment bore down on me, crushing me from the inside out. I hid my face against his chest, whimpering as my face burned, my tail curling and uncurling around his arm.

Luke had kissed me. He’d claimed what Soltair, Alex, and even Lord Byron had sought, breezing right through my defenses like they’d been nothing. Even worse, I’d wanted him to. I’d been disappointed when he’d pulled away. How could I face him, when the feel of his arms around me wasn’t enough? When I now yearned for more?

But beneath the embarrassment, the shame, was fear. I’d been kissed by hundreds of foul-breathed and vile men in my previous life. Luke wasn’t even that skilled; I was probably his first. And he...he was mine. The first in this life, and the first time I’d ever wanted someone to kiss me. The first time it ever felt...warm.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I barely noticed as we began descending, flying low over the canopy. The trees parted, and we landed in the Sunsinger Gardens, near the place I’d first confessed my feelings. I quickly looked away from that stand of trees, flushing crimson again.

”Are you going to let go?” he asked, looking down at me bemusedly.

I squeaked, hurriedly releasing him and stepping away. ”S-Sorry.”

Luke chuckled. ”It’s alright. I’m just teasing. I’d rather hold you than anything else.”

”Anything? Even...this...?” I rose on my tiptoes and, my courage failing, kissed his cheek. My lips barely brushed him, but he froze, mouth parting silently, and I immediately regretted my impulsiveness, shrinking back, my tail curling between my legs.

But before I could run, his hand snaked around my back, pulling me close. I squirmed in his grip, protesting weakly as he tilted my chin up. His thumb brushed across my cheekbone, and I waited for his lips to descend. But they didn’t. He just looked at me, brow creased, his tail twitching.

”But you...why...?” he asked.

”I don’t know,” I admitted, blushing furiously. ”Just...I didn’t think you believed me. I wanted to show you.”

He swallowed hard. ”I believe you, Xiviyah. You don’t have to force yourself.”

A small flash of annoyance cut through my embarrassment, an agitated flick to my tail. ”No, you don’t, else you wouldn’t have said that. So many people have taken things from me, but not you. That’s why I wanted to do it, too. To kiss someone, I mean. I’ve never actually done that.”

He smiled faintly. ”On the cheek? How convincing.”

My blush deepened, and I looked away. ”I...it’s a start, okay? I’m trying.”

”I hear you,” he murmured, kissing my forehead.

My stomach twisted into knots again, but this time, it was a good kind. My heart hammered against my ribs, but it wasn’t from fear. A small giggle escaped me, and I looked up, meeting his gaze. He was smiling, a real, genuine smile that reached his violet eyes and made them sparkle.

”What is it?” he asked, amused.

”I just...I’m not sure what to do anymore. This is...very new to me.”

His smile widened. ”It’s new to me, too. I’ve never...you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

”Oh,” I whispered.

He chuckled, tightening his embrace, and I relaxed against him, resting my head on his chest. His hand caressed up my back, smoothing over my hair and brushing my horn. Tingles raced across my horn and scalp, causing me to shiver.

”I should go,” I whispered, yet made no move to leave.

”Yeah,” he agreed, but also didn’t let go.

We remained like that for some time, lost in the quiet of the gardens, the distant sounds of the city serving as a gentle balance to the gentle rhythm of our hearts. Only when I felt a light tug on my soul, the sign of an approaching presence, did I finally pull away. But when I turned, it was just Fable, staring curiously at the two of us. I felt his probe and smiled, petting his head.

”Yes, I’m alright,” I reassured him. ”I know, I was scared for a little while, but it’s better now. Better than ever.”

He gazed inquiring at Luke, and I blushed, a small stream of memory and emotion slipping out of my grasp and entering his mind. His tail stiffened as he stared at me, his golden eyes swimming with disbelief. I cringed, warmth creeping up my neck, but it was too late now. Besides, if I couldn’t share this with Fable, what hope did I have of ever mentioning it to Korra?

”Is it so unbelievable?” I mumbled, avoiding his stare.

He gave a small huff and rubbed my chest with his massive head, nearly knocking me over. His tongue flicked out, dabbing my cheek. I took it with a smile, figuring that was the closest I’d get to approval.

”Hey, um, Luke?” I said, summoning my staff and opening a gate to Haven. ”I’m going to Haven for a bit. I left Sari and Nithalee there today so that they might be--”

I squeal of excitement broke the night as Sari tumbled out of the starry swirls, the gate not even fully formed. She picked herself up, adjusting her skirts as she ran up to me, clutching a tome excitedly.

”Xiviyah! I’ve been waiting forever for you to come. I think I figured it out!” she cried.

”Whoa, slow down,” I said, holding up my hands. ”Figured what out?”

She plopped to her knees, opening the book. My chest tightened as I recognized it as the research on the Soul Binder, but I sat beside her, legs neatly tucked to the side. Luke stood nearby, arms folded, watching on with interest.

”You’ve really been reading this?” I asked.

She nodded. ”I had a feeling, and...I was right. See?”

Sari presented the book, open to the back where Nithalee had left a few blank pages. Sari had written her own notes; her handwriting was surprisingly elegant and neat, reminding me of Elise. Had she been tutoring her?

But the contents, on the other hand, were near gibberish.

”Reinforce the soul? Binding agent? What is all this?” I asked.

”I talked with Emlica, and she said it might work,” she said proudly.

”Slow down there,” Luke said, eyes lighting up. ”You’re saying you found a solution? And the remnants approved?”

”You too?” I asked, frowning at him. ”You’re involved in this, too?”

Sari took a deep breath, smoothing the fur down her wagging tail with both hands. When she released it, it sprang back into motion, but she’d composed her excitement.

”I had the idea that we might be able to use something in this book to reinforce your soul, because of the curse. Like a crutch! Then it wouldn’t hurt anymore when you used your mana.”

”I’m not sure I follow,” I said, staring at her notes, still incomprehensible to my eyes.

”I don’t fully understand it, but both Emlica and Nithalee said they might be able to use the soul binder to stabilize your soul,” she said.

”No.”

Sari blinked, cocking her head. ”No? But it might--”

”No, Sari. It can’t do that. It can’t...I couldn’t...” I shivered, clenching my hands in my lap. ”Just no.”

”Xiviyah, wait,” Luke said gently, kneeling behind me. He placed a hand on my shoulder, and I flinched. ”Listen, Sari came to me a few weeks ago, after you gave her the book. I told her how hard it is for you that you can’t use high-level magic. Just look at her; she’s worked really hard to try and help you.”

”But I...Luke, it’s a soul binder. Do you have any idea what it did to me? How much it hurt me? I can’t,” I whispered, blinking away tears.

”You think I want to hurt you?” Sari whispered, eyes wide. The hurt in her voice made my heart ache.

”No, but I...oh, Sari, you don’t understand.”

”Are you sure? It seems like she’s the only one who might. You haven’t even allowed her to share what she’s found, yet,” Luke said gently but firmly. ”Was it really so terrible you won’t at least hear her out?”

”Yes,” I nodded feverishly, shivering uncontrollably.

”Starlight...”

Sari reached out a small, hesitant hand. When I didn’t flinch away, she took mine, lacing our fingers together. Her hand was so warm in my trembling one.

”You can trust me,” she whispered, staring at me with an unwavering earnestness. ”I’m not lying to you about this. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

She knew. How else could she know to say that? I broke into a sob, a tear running down my cheek.

”I...think I’m missing something,” Luke murmured, pulling me into his arms, brushing my tears away with his thumb, frowning at the two of us.

I shook my head, burying my face in his chest. Sari reached out, putting an uncertain hand on my knee.

”The soul binder could only be given to a willing soul,” she whispered, causing me to shudder again.

Luke gasped. ”You mean...?”

”I asked for it,” I whispered hoarsely. ”I let them chain me...”

”No, you were deceived,” Sari said. ”He told you it would ease your suffering, that it would save your life. You were in so much pain...it wasn’t your fault you believed him.”

I sobbed into Luke’s tunic, clinging to him as the old shame and guilt washed over me. To think, I’d never told him. Had never told anyone.

”He’s right, Xiviyah. I would never have guessed,” Luke whispered, kissing my forehead again and again, his arms tightening around me as if he could shield me from my own memories. ”He took advantage of you. That doesn’t mean Sari will. Let her speak.”

”Okay.” I nodded weakly, taking a deep, shuddering breath, and looked up at Sari. ”I...I’ll listen to you. But I won’t let anyone chain me again. I won’t.”