The Forsaken Hero

”Xiviyah, I’m sorry. I was just teasing,” R’lissea said, grabbing my hand, eyes filled with worry. ”There’s no need to cry.”

I touched my cheek, and was surprised when my hand came away wet. I let it fall limply to my lap, not bothering when another tear seeped after the first.

”I don’t know,” I whispered, sniffling softly. ”I...I don’t think I can give him what he wants.”

”Who, Luke? What do you think that is?” she asked gently.

”I can’t even...kiss him. I just can’t do it.”

Her eyes widened, and I blushed, ducking my head. Even saying that had twisted my stomach in a knot.

”Is that a bad thing? Has he even asked for that?”

I looked up, eyes wide. ”What? But I...I...”

She smiled tenderly, caressing my hand with her thumb. ”I don’t understand much of you, only what you’ve shared. But from the sounds of it, isn’t it good that you feel safe with him without doing any of those things?”

My lips parted, but no sound came out. Soltair...I hadn’t truly wanted to sleep with him, not truly. But I felt like I had to. And it turned out that gut instinct was right, as soon after he rejected and abandoned me. But Luke...it had never even crossed my mind.

My sniffles grew harder, and I bit my lower lip to keep it from quivering. R’lissea took me in her arms, holding my head to her chest and stroking my hair. I should have protested that she was treating me as a child, but I couldn’t bear the thought of her stopping. I closed my eyes, listening to the soothing pulse of her heart.

”There’s no need to fear an end that hasn’t come,” she whispered, ”I don’t know what’s going to happen to you and Luke, or if any of us will even survive this war. You

might, after what you’ve seen, but it doesn’t really matter.””But what should I do? Why does it feel this way?”

She leaned back just enough to look me in the eyes, her expression earnest and gentle. ”Those are the questions you’re going to have to learn for yourself. But what I can tell you is that love isn’t forced or taken, and it certainly isn’t earned with a kiss.”

There was a long pause as we just sat together, broken when R’lissea let out a long breath.

”I know it won’t be easy, but if it makes any difference, I’m proud of you. I’ll be here if you ever need to talk about anything, or just need a hug.”

”Thanks. I...I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

”Probably just fine. I was a little put out; you guys managed to fend off those inquisitors without me. I wanted to break through so I could fight, but, ironically, that led to me being absent.”

”It was alright, Luke was there. They were really surprised to see him. You should have seen their faces when he used a curse,” I said, giggling.

She managed a smile. ”I can imagine. Curses are the last kind of magic I’d expect to come from you.”

”Maybe sun magic,” I admitted. ”I don’t like that either.”

Her face fell. ”Oh, that reminds me. Whatever artifact they used was extraordinarily powerful. It took me hours to cleanse Luke and Fyren of the Sunpurge, and you, well...” she hesitated, scratching her cheek.

My heart skipped a beat. ”What happened?”

”You see, when you absorbed all that raw sun magic into your soul, there were...consequences. Sunpurge normally corrupts from the outside in, while corruption is the opposite. But you exposed your soul to it first, and it did a lot of damage, like drinking acid. I did what I could, but it was super stubborn. But then,” she shrugged, giving me a helpless look. ”It just disappeared. There’s some scarring left behind, but all the foreign mana is gone. Unless one of your remnants can do something about it, you’re just going to have to live with it.”

I frowned, tilting my head. ”It just disappeared?”

I already had an acute sensitivity to sun magic, so nothing about that made sense. Did it have something to do with Adaptive resistance? Looking at my soul, I could see the scarring she referenced, but my abilities seemed the same as ever. Not that I would be able to tell anyway. Adaptive Resistance had always matched my level, so even if I had somehow absorbed enough mana to push it to ninth, I wouldn’t know until I broke through.

”This scarring,” I said, touching my chest lightly. ”You don’t think it will impact my spell casting at all, do you?”

”I couldn’t say. The only way you’ll figure that out is by trying it. But I don’t think that’s a good idea yet. You’re still weak from overexerting yourself. Given how long it normally takes you to recover, try not to cast spells for another week or so. Even the simple ones,” she said sternly.

I nodded, absently curling my fingers against my skin. Was it going to hurt whenever I cast a spell? Would the pain be similar to sunpurge, or would it be closer to before I healed it? Curiosity got the better of me, and I reached for my mana, only to jump as R’lissea grabbed my hand.

”I mean it, Xiviyah.”

”Ah, right,” I said, ducking my head and blushing. ”I’ll be careful. I promise.”

She held my gaze a moment longer, then let go of me with a sigh.

”Are you feeling up to moving?” she asked,

I patted my cheeks, waiting for my blush to fade, and answered, ”Maybe? I’d like to walk a little, maybe get some fresh air.”

”Alright, I’ll call some maids. Luxxa?”

She stood, tapping a ring on her finger as the knight stuck her head through the door.

”Yes, Lady R’lissea?”

”I’m going to speak with the cooks and find something suitable for her stomach. Once she’s dressed, you can let her out on the balcony.”

”I’m not a pet,” I protested, tail twitching. ”I can take care of myself.’

They both gave me long, skeptical looks. I cringed, dropping my gaze.

”I really can,” I mumbled.

But there was no defying R’lissea. She was even sterner than Elinore, the Last Light Company’s head healer.

The days crawled by slowly after that, with my strength returning bit by bit. Luke was incessant, visiting as often as R’lissea let him. On the third day, I convinced her to let me walk in the garden. No sooner had I set foot on the grass than he materialized beside me, falling casually into step.

”I never thought she’d let you free of that cursed room,” he said, offering me his arm.

I rested my hand on the crook of his arm, grateful for the support as we strolled down the garden path, admiring the summer blossoms. For some reason, they seemed particularly large and vibrant, though perhaps that was just because I was used to the gloom of indoors. The air, too, smelled fresh and sweet, breathing life into my body.

”She can be a little much, but she means well. And she did heal you, remember?”

”I suppose that’s true. But damned did that sunpurge hurt. I got nipped by it before, but those inquisitors gave us a full dose. Even Fyren complained a bit.”

”He did? I’ve never seen him react to anything!”

”I know! He’s practically a statue. A cold, heartless one at that.”

”He is not!” I protested. ”He’s strong, and brave, and...”

My indignation faltered as I looked up and saw Luke wearing a teasing grin. Our eyes met, and my cheeks colored. I looked away quickly.

A low cough behind us caused me to jump, my hand darting away from Luke and hiding behind my back.

”E-Elise!” I squeaked, overly conscious of the audible swish of my tail. ”You scared me.”

Elise smiled as I edged away from Luke, avoiding her gaze. She had an accompaniment of fifth-level soldiers escorting her, who blended seamlessly with the Star Guard, forming a perimeter around us. After the inquisitor’s attack, everyone of my friends, and the other nobles of House Sunsinger aside, weren’t allowed anywhere without a guard detail.

”I heard you were allowed up into the garden. I wanted to invite you to tea, but it seems I was too late,” she said, eyes flicking to Luke. Her voice was carefully neutral, but her shoulders sagged, and she gripped the hem of her sleeves.

”You’re not,” I said, stepping before her, hand held to my chest anxiously. ”I’m feeling tired and wanted to sit down. Could we all have tea together?”

Her eyes brightened. ”Really? I wouldn’t be, um...” Again, she glanced at Luke.

”Of course not,” he said smoothly, offering her a smile. ”We would love your company. I was getting curious about how your affairs were going, anyway. You are my appointed ambassador, after all.”

”Right, of course. Eskla,” she said, glancing at a female soldier. ”Would you call for maids? We’ll take tea and pastries at the gazebo under the shadow of the aspen grove.”

”Right away, my Lady,” the soldier said, giving a salute.

Elise led the way to a small pavilion with white marble pillars and a high, shaded roof. Luke offered me his hand, helping me up the stone steps and guiding me to one of the cushioned seats surrounding a glass table. He sat beside me, refusing to let go of my hand, holding it under the table. Elise took the seat across from us, leaning forward. My tail curled bashfully around the chair leg, but she didn’t seem to notice Luke’s grip.

”First up,” she said excitedly, ”You’ve noticed it, right? What do you think of Selena’s Arboreal World?”