The Forsaken Hero

I had turned away from Gayron as he spoke, but paused, looking back at the demonkin. He had his eyes fixed on the ground, his hands clenched at his sides. He looked entirely uncomfortable, down to his tail, which trembled with the effort of keeping it still. Gayron was not a man accustomed to apologizing.

”Sorry?” I asked, ”What are you even talking about? You’re healed, Gayron. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Just leave.”

His hands clenched tighter, digging into his palms. He raised his head, revealing a glare. ”Do you want me to beg, to get on my knees and kiss your feet?” he growled. ”Damn it, I don’t even know what I was thinking, apologizing like that.”

With a huff, he whirled around and stalked away, only to realize after a few steps that he had nowhere to go. There was nothing but the endless night sky around us, the stars small and cold, mirroring the chill that had settled over my heart. What use was there apologizing now, after everything he had done?

”Xiviyah,” Korra’s voice was soft but insistent as she laid a hand on my arm. I tried to pull away, hardly in the mood to be comforted, but she followed me.

”Gayron’s not who you think. I’ve seen him this past week–the real him. He’s arrogant and proud, more than a little rough around the edges, but there’s more to him. He’s taught us a lot about the demons and how they fight, things that have improved our entire army’s skills. You want to learn to trust people, right? Sometimes, that means forgiving them. I know he’s hurt you, but–”

”He tried to kill me, Korra!” I cried. ”Why is it that the people who want to be closest to me always try to hurt me?” I touched my scarred shoulder, tears welling up in my eyes. ”Soltair, Fyren, him... even...even...”

I bit my lip, turning my head away. I couldn’t say it, not after everything she had sacrificed for me. But the memory of her betrayal still haunted me, the despair I felt when she abandoned me to Alex, agreeing to let him violate me before selling me to a man who meant my death.

”Me?” Korra finished for me, her voice deathly quiet. ”Is that it? Do you still, somewhere in that hurt heart of yours, think I’m going to betray you? That we all will?”

My tail shuddered as she gestured to the Star Guard and my friends beyond. ”I...Korra, I didn’t mean–”

”I think you did. I thought you trusted us, trusted me. You try ”

I stared at her, tears glistening in my eyes, the stars of the gate all but invisible now. An oppressive air filled the gate, and the members of the Star Guard looked at each other, shifting uncomfortably. Fable growled softly, padding to curl around my back, his tail brushing protectively around my feet.

Korra glared at him, her aura rising around her, holding off the darkness that instinctively rose to suppress her. ”Back off, Fable. You know as well as I she needs to hear this. Or do you want her to end up like Luke?”

The name resonated in my heart, images of a sad, broken child rising unbidden in my mind. A single tear escaped, trickling down my cheek and glistening like the stars that now seemed so distant. Why weren’t they shining as brightly anymore? It made the realm feel so cold and lonely, and I shivered, my tail curling around my ankle.

”I see. So it does have something to do with him.”

It took me a few moments to register Korra’s voice. I sniffed and wiped the moisture from my eyes, struggling to focus on her again. Her face had softened considerably, and her eyes were clouded with worry.

”Xiviyah, this isn’t you. You’re kind and gentle, not vindictive. You want to trust people, remember?”

”I... I...” I stammered, my hands flying to my head in confusion and distress. Why did I harbor such intense hatred for Gayron? He’d hurt me repeatedly, but it had never affected me this deeply before. I was supposed to be hurt, expected it even, and though I knew that was a twisted way of thinking, it had been ingrained in me through years of anguish and abuse.

But now, the anger felt visceral. Why couldn’t I simply forgive him and move on? Why did a part of me crave to see him squirm, to hear him scream and beg for mercy? The darkness inside me had grown exponentially since...since...when? I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but its presence was undeniable, a throbbing pain that filled me with fear. I didn’t want this darkness, this hatred. Not when it made me fear Korra, who had done nothing but love me.

”I-I’m sorry!” I cried, a sob tearing from my throat. ”I... I don’t know what’s happening!”

Korra’s arms were around me in an instant, her embrace warm and comforting. I hadn’t even seen her move, but I melted into her, sobbing against her shoulder, the bite of the sunpurge overwhelmed by her presence as our bodies intertwined. ”Shhh, it’s alright. I’ve got you. Just breathe.”

For a moment, everything else dissolved into nothingness. The anxious gazes of the Star Guard, the lingering tension with Gayron, and even the starlight realm’s ethereal beauty vanished from my awareness. There was only me, Korra, and the foreign darkness that gnawed at me, urging me to reject her comfort. I trembled in her arms as it warred against everything I’d struggled to achieve, against my love and trust for my friends.

Vengeance. That was the name for this all-consuming feeling. It was the same rage I’d felt when holding Sari’s lifeless body in my arms, the same burning fury that had summoned Fate’s Ally to destroy High Valley. It wasn’t mine, but it was persistent, struggling to taint my heart with a cry for blood and revenge.

Putting a name to it seemed to give me a modicum of control, and the darkness within me began to recede. I clung to Korra, weeping quietly against her shoulder. She stroked my head with one hand and held me tight against her with the other. Gradually, my sobs subsided, my tears dried, and I took a long, deep breath, feeling a semblance of calm returning to my troubled spirit.

”Better?” She asked.

I nodded, but continued to cling to her, finding solace in her embrace. Suddenly, a sharp cough startled us both. I hid my face against Korra, flushing with shame, my tail twitching agitatedly.

”Would someone tell me what the hell is going on?” Gayron asked.

I squirmed, clinging tighter to Korra, my entire body prickling with awareness of his gaze. Had he been watching the whole time? While the darkness within me had receded, I felt no affection towards him, and the thought of him witnessing one of my most vulnerable moments sent a wave of unease through me, my tail twitching agitatedly.

Korra glared at him, her hand on my head coming to a rest, holding me close against her shoulder. ”Would it have killed you to shut up for once?”

”I gave it long enough. If you girls want to go cry somewhere, at least let me out of this place first. It’s kind of depressing, to be honest.”

Depressing? Tentatively, I raised my head and looked over Korra’s shoulder at the vast realm of night. The stars twinkled brightly, dancing like raindrops in the wind. It was serene and beautiful, filling me with hope and ease, almost enough to look at Gayron.

”I think it’s kind of nice. Reminds me of Xiviyah,” Jena said offhandedly.

”No one asked you, human,” Gayron said with a snort.

”Jena. It’s Jena, remember?” She let out an exaggerated sigh, ”No wonder you’re so unpopular with the ladies. Don’t you know using a girl’s name is the best way to make her comfortable around you?”

I loosened my grip on Korra ever so slightly, my tail gradually calming. Somehow, their banter was...friendly? I looked up at Korra, and she smiled at me, eyes bright.

”Thank you,” I whispered. Tears filled my eyes, but this time in relief. Finally, the darkness was gone.

She squeezed me one final time and released me. ”Sorry for holding you for so long,” she said with a gentle smile. ”It must have stung a bit, but I...well, you needed it.”

I rubbed my side, my fingers brushing just shy of the sunpurge. ”Thank you for being there and believing in me. And I trust you, Korra, I really do. I don’t know why I couldn’t back there, it was so dark and lonely, and I’m sorry. I think it had something to do with Luke. Our souls got a little entangled, and I can still feel him–”

She laughed, holding up her hand and stopping my ramble mid-sentence. ”It’s alright, Xiviyah, that’s what friends are for. Now, I think Gayron had a point. If we’re all taken care of here, why don’t we return to Enusia? I think I heard your stomach rumble a second ago.”

I froze, touching my stomach self-consciously, a blush warming my cheeks. ”I-it did?”

”Well, not yet,” she admitted with a mischievous grin. ”But let’s hit the mess hall before it does!”

She skipped away with a laugh, leaving me staring after her, mortified. Jena giggled, and even Luxxa cracked a rare smile.

Gayron just shook his head and grumbled, ”I can too get girls.”