Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

Kastor Dross was a man who’d been fighting an uphill battle against a system that failed him and so many others all his life. He’d been a simple carpenter once upon a time, worrying only about his craft and making the connections he needed to sell his work. 

He missed the times when his greatest worry was putting enough money on the table to feed his beautiful wife and their little princess. 

His wife Elena stirred behind him, groaning as the strange lightbulb on the ceiling lit up, her arm reaching drowsily for his side of the bed. She found only the warm spot where he’d slept. 

“Kastor?” Elena mumbled, cracking open an eye as she shielded her face from the bright light. “Blasted lights.”

“Good morning, love,” Kastor said, turning around as he fixed his clothes. “Slept well?”

“Would have,” Elena grumbled, glaring up at the light through squinted eyes. “Has anything happened?”

“I’m just about to find out,” Kastor said, taking a deep breath as he turned towards the door leading outside. “You should stay here … just in case. I can hear people are getting rowdy out there.”

“You could stay too,” Elena said, now fully awake as she hopped out of bed and wrapped a silky smooth night robe around herself. “It’s not your job to micromanage them. I’m sure our … hosts will handle anything that comes up.”

“I was the one who convinced them to come,” Kastor said resolutely, though his wife’s worried look made him second-guess himself for a fleeting moment of weakness. “I must go.”

“Be careful?” Elena said with a sigh, knowing better than to try changing his mind. 

“Of course,” Kastor said with a loving smile, stepping over to his wife and wrapping his arms around her waist. He gave her a chaste goodbye kiss. “Take care of Kiara, she’s too curious for her own good.”

“I know, and I will,” Elena said, glancing towards the closed door leading to their daughter’s room. “Go, and try not to get lynched.”

“I’ll do my best.” Kastor grinned. “Being a politician has become a dangerous trade lately, but I’m reasonably sure I’m more liked than most of my competition.”

“The Eternal Queen was well liked too, Kastor.”

That wiped the grin off his face, his mood turning sombre. 

“True enough,” he said softly. “I’ll be careful.”

Kastor stepped through the eerily familiar door. He’d crafted similar ones with his own two hands in his time as a carpenter, and there were things he saw there that he could almost recognise. Shapes, types of wood and techniques. 

But it was just … wrong. Fake. 

Like how someone would try to copy it after only seeing it once, and without having access to the materials or knowing any of the techniques that went into it. 

The carpenter in him was fascinated by it, but the politician was worried by its implications. Why was it here, how did it get here, and what were their ‘hosts’ trying to achieve by placing them here?

Aliens. Kastor just couldn’t get a grip on them, even with his decades in politics honing his intuition for such things into a finely calibrated weapon.

They came to his planet, utterly annihilated their sovereign, eradicated maniacal cultists they hadn’t even known of and then offered them a way off the planet. 

Why? Kastor had asked himself hundreds of times over the course of the last few days. He’d long learned that predicting his opponent’s moves and actions was only possible when their intent was known. Their wants, needs and goals. The woman in the broadcast looked human enough … but that could have been fabricated.

In the end, Kastor knew the worry was worthless, so he discarded it. He’d long known of the rot and corruption plaguing his planet’s government and bureaucracy. Still, if the aliens came around back then, and offered a way off the planet without doing anything else, he wouldn’t have stepped forward.

This was the only way to escape the chaos. Kastor thought. He’d seen the rising tensions, the warlords and the lowlives taking advantage of the central power being gone. He’d made an educated guess — a wish, really — that if the aliens cared enough to eradicate the murderous cultists and keep the rising warlords in check during their stay, then they would not allow such lawlessness in their own backyards either.

It was the safest route to take for his family, and for those of his voters who trusted his judgement.

The hallway outside was a long tunnel with the same pearly white walls and floor, all the rooms had. Those strange fluorescent bulbs hung from the ceiling, giving light to the otherwise lifeless tunnel.

Hundreds of doors lined each side, and Kastor examined them as he went, walking towards the loud argument echoing through the hallway.

Kastor heard muffled sounds behind some, while others had their doors wide open, letting him catch glimpses of a bare interior. Some people thought the doors would never open again once closed and decided to sleep out in the communal hall/mess hall at the end of the hallway.

Kastor stepped out into the open, the once distant argument now more of a shouting match than anything else. 

Someone noticed him and in moments dozens of eyes landed on him, whispers and murmurs spread through the crowd as a sudden hush fell over the room.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Kastor said, back straight and posture poised as it should be. His expression was affable enough to make him welcoming but aloof enough to project confidence and competence. “Good morning. I would like to have my morning meal before anything else, but it seems there might be some urgent concerns that need to be addressed?”

Confidence and calm were just about the extent of what he could give to these scared men and women. He knew as well as they all did that there was no way to contact those warriors clad in white armour, for they all disappeared after making that strange gateway appear that transported them all here.

A younger man, somewhere in his late twenties, stepped forward, pushing his way through the crowd to stand before Kastor. He puffed himself up, all bluster and confidence. “Mayor Dross, just the man we’ve been ta-“

A blaring sound silenced the man, a deep reverberating echo that shook the entire building — or ‘voidship’, if those alabaster warriors were to be believed — they were in. Kastor looked around with a frown, trying to locate its source, but he couldn’t find any single direction it seemed to be coming from.

“Attention to all passengers,” the same voice he’d heard from the armoured warriors spoke, loud and authoritative. “We have arrived at our destination. The voidship is now orbiting around the first moon of the planet Vallia, which will be your new home. In five minutes, portals will open up, leading you to one of fifty arcologies spread out across the moon. The portals will stay open for the next two hours, anyone remaining behind on the ship after their closure will be transported manually, whether they are prepared or not. Further information will be made available to you upon your arrival.”

With a hiss that Kastor could feel in his bones, a ‘portal’ came into being just before him. On the other side of it he could see a grand open square with towering buildings on all sides. 

Kastor only had a single thought in his mind. I need to fetch Elena and Kiara.

“We should all go and gather whatever belongings we have,” Kastor announced. “I’ll be doing just that. See you all later.”

Then he spun about and set off in a brisk walk, just shy of a jog. A jog, or worse yet a run, would have projected hurry, thus fear or excitement. None of which would have been particularly helpful.

Twenty minutes later, Kastor returned with a heavy backpack weighing on his shoulders and his fingers intertwined with his nervous wife’s. Little Kiara was the exact opposite of his wife, a youthful curiosity burning in her eyes as she stared at the portal. Kastor was sure the girl would have ran right up to the arcane contraption to poke and prod at it had Elena not been gripping her shoulder to hold her back.

Kastor glanced through the portal. Some had already gone through the mysterious ‘portal’ and he could see them sniffing around on the other side, while many others still just stared apprehensively at the mysterious gate while muttering to each other.

“There is no going back now,” Kastor said, mostly to himself as he puffed out his chest and steeled his heart. He’d put all his heart, blood and sweat into being a carpenter earlier in his life, and he’d seen no reason to do any less for his new vocation. Some might see politicians only as backstabbing liars only interested in filling their own pockets, but Kastor had a more … archaic picture of the vocation. 

He had been voted in because people wanted him to lead them. They agreed with his ideas and felt they could bring about the changes they wanted through him. So he raised his voice and set off towards the portal with slow, yet assured steps. “I suppose this is where we see whether our gamble has paid off. If it didn’t, I’d prefer to get lynched as humanely as possible.”

His attempt at levity struck home, chuckles and wry smiles answering Kastor’s sardonic grin. Dark humour always worked best in the darkest situations, strange as that was. He could almost feel a sliver of the suspenseful air of dread hanging above them dissipate. 

The change was obvious the moment he stepped through. He once again felt gravity weighing him down with the intensity he’d grown used to back home and not with the weaker counterpart he’d experienced on the ‘voidship’. 

The air was … alive.

It was humid, filled with scents and flowing with the fresh breeze. 

Kastor heaved a sigh of relief as the space around him opened up. He was not claustrophobic; he didn’t think so at least, but the small rooms, thin hallways and the packed mess hall without a single window in sight had been grating on him in some way he couldn’t quite name.

The new square he found himself in was spacious, if nothing else. Old cobblestone lined the ground, placed to draw dozens of metres wide circles and shapes. A nice artistic touch, an echo of humanity he found relieving. 

He turned his face up at the sky, seeing the blue sky and … the … 

The sky was wrong. It was blue for one, not the familiar shade of light purple he’d grown up under and worse yet, it was … fake?

Kastor squinted, unable to shake the impression that the sky didn’t quite reach beyond the horizon but instead touched the ground just beyond the towering skyscrapers surrounding the square on all sides. 

It’s like … those buildings are holding up the sky. No! That’s impossible. Kastor shook his head, resolved to find something to give him a clue. 

As he watched fluffy white clouds swim across the blue expanse, his wife guided him out of the way while other braver souls followed him through. Some even went so far as to head to one of the skyscrapers, a colossal structure seemingly made of only glass and some pearly white material.

Sometime later they returned, excited and maybe a bit fearful as they retold their findings.

“There was this strange lady there,” one of the young men — a teen at best, on second glance — said, a dopey smile on his face. “She said she was the caretaker of that building until one of us stepped up and relieved her of the position.”

“She also said every building would have her … ‘sisters’ acting in a similar manner?” Another teen said, though this one sounded weirded out. 

“You learned what is inside the buildings?” One of the older men who stayed behind, warily sticking close to the portal, asked. His words dripped with suspicion.

“The one we went to was a … what did she call it?”

“A recreational centre,” said the other teen, rolling his eyes at his obviously love-struck friend. 

“What could they be recreating there?” The old man frowned.

“No clue.”

*****

“Going well so far,” I muttered, my mind stretched thin between hundreds of different tasks. “Think my luck will hold?”

The two of us were still in the cozy little grove with the spring, the now clothed and refreshed after a short nap. I’d gotten back to work some time ago and Selene busied herself by launching herself back into training with renewed vigor. 

“I am astonished it held this far,” Selene said helpfully, blowing a lock of unruly hair out of her face. She was training her telekinesis, focusing on fine control and splitting her attention to apply movement vectors to more than one object. “Especially with that latest idea of yours. How is it going anyway? Any of them got corrupted yet? Trying to revolt?”

“Of course they are not doing either,” I said rolling my eyes. “They are autonomous drones I’ve let loose, true, but I still programmed them down to the cellular level. … I am also running surveillance on them, so should anything happen, I can stop it in time.”

Those autonomous drones were barely above baseline humans in physical ability. What they excelled in was only the mental part, since I’d given each and every one of them enhanced cognition and memory, along with a Water Caste Tau sub-brain to help them. The last of which I’d loaded up with memories I thought would be useful for their tasks.

I couldn’t do everything myself and I’d decided that letting the humans loose on the empty arcologies without any guidance would have been irresponsible. So I made those drones to fill that role. They’ll be my public servants for now until real humans could take over.

Selene might have had a bit of ingrained bias against clones and AI of all kinds, but her paranoia was the result of the tough life she’s led in this galaxy. I couldn’t fault her for it, not when I practically stumbled my way into being an eldritch demigoddess on my first day in this universe. 

I knew very well I had little actual idea what it took to not only survive in this galaxy, but to thrive for a regular human.

[Notification! Probes have reached the system’s star, begin energy farming and self-propagation?]

Set the maximum satellite number orbiting the star to one thousand for now and keep their size under a thousand cubic metres. Confirm restriction parameters.

[Confirmed]

[Maximum unit quantity for Dyson Swarm Satellites set at 1000.]

[Maximum volume for a single Dyson Swarm Satellite set at 1000 cubic metres]

[Requesting permission to proceed with energy farming and self propagation protocols?]

Granted.

While that little side project was handling itself — under the watchful eyes of a few mind-cores of course — I stretched my mind to check the progress of my other probe satellites.

Only a third of the way there. I mused, but shrugged instead of getting grumpy. I could have Blinked all of them to where I wanted them to be out in the asteroid cloud surrounding the system. However, I didn’t want to waste the energy and also feared the teleportation could be tracked by a skilled Farseer.

Those probes out in the asteroid cloud would be my early warning system. They had the best sensors I had on hand along with my most advanced stealth capabilities built into them. Secrecy and stealth would be paramount. I couldn’t allow my impatience to put into jeopardy. 

I was also kinda giddy about the idea of sending out probes and satellites without breaking physics or cheating with space magic to do so. It just had a different feel to it. 

“Want me to do the speech again?” Selene asked, and I considered it for a moment. 

“Do you want to do it in the future?” I asked, staring at her with a deep look. “Do you want to be the voice of the mighty ruler I’m going to portray myself as? I’m not asking whether you’ll do it if I ask you to, but if you would enjoy being in that role.”

Selene stopped her practice for a second, the dozens of rocks orbiting around her in complicated patterns freezing in place as she bit her lips. “Not … really? I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I said, smiling at her gently. “I’ll handle it myself. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I appreciate that,” Selene said, sounding a bit relieved. Which I took a bit of offence to, if I was being honest. When had I ever forced her to do anything she clearly stated she didn’t want to do? “I’d much rather be your Hand, than your Voice. I’ve spent far too much of my life till now staring at paperwork and managing idiots and far too little doing this.”

The rocks resumed their orbit, speeding up even as Selene slowly floated off the ground and to her place at the centre of her own mock star system. 

“Whatever makes you happy, love,” I said with an affectionate smile, which shifted into a teasing one a moment later. “I might even consider naming you the court jester if you can do tricks like that.”

A rock slammed into my forehead with enough power to go through a brick wall. It just bounced off my skin though, only doing enough to push my head back a bit. 

“That wasn’t very court jesterly,” I admonished in faux seriousness. “Do you even know how to juggle rock properly?”

My only answer was another dozen rocks peppering me from all sides, which I only started evading after they started getting creative and struck my butt. Those stung.

“It seems I need to teach my jester some manners.” I cackled like an evil witch right out of the story books.

Selene just gave me a challenging grin before another pebble struck me right in the left boob. I could have dodged it, but where was the fun in that?

“Oh, it’s on!”

Selene fled into the forest with a tittering laugh, hopping through the foliage with feline grace and superhuman agility. 

I followed behind her, matching my Avatar’s speed and abilities to hers.

The citizens were busy getting used to the arcologies, there were still two hours until my time limit when the portals would close. That was more than enough time to chase down my naughty lover.