Reality Programming Association

Chapter 28: Chapter 12: Veteran Otaku and Magical Tomato Spaghetti

The gourmand next to them, Shi Zuozhou, pointed at the menu. ”This one, this one, and this one. Oh, and make sure they’re the magical versions!”

The maid blinked. ”Okay, mew. Please wait a moment, Master, mew.”

Her twin tails bobbing, she floated away, and the atmosphere at the table returned to its subtle awkwardness.

”Um... actually, I invited you all here today for two reasons. First, to talk about all things otaku, and second, because I wanted you guys to... let me practice on you.”

Shao Yiyi cleared her throat, her smile looking a little stiff.

”Practice?”

”Didn’t I tell you guys before that I have a master? I’ve been learning a bit of fortune-telling from him recently—Iron Plate Divine Number. I haven’t quite gotten the hang of it yet, so I was hoping to practice on you all...”

Shao Yiyi pulled a velvet bag out of nowhere, something clinking inside.

She emptied the bag onto the table, revealing several metal plates and a small, black-lacquered abacus.

”Alright!” Shi Zuozhou was more than happy to play along, plopping his arm on the table. ”Go on, Master, do me first! See if I can finally get a girlfriend this semester.”

”Hey! I’m doing a divination, not taking your blood pressure. Move your arm.”

Shao Yiyi took out a small notebook and had the two guys give her their birth dates and times. She scribbled in the notebook, asked a few questions, and then started clacking away nonstop on the abacus.

After about two minutes, Shao Yiyi had jotted down several strings of numbers in her notebook, leaving Yu Xian and Shi Zuozhou completely baffled.

”What does this mean?”

”With the Iron Plate Divine Number, the final calculation always gives you a five-digit number like this. Each number corresponds to a line of poetry in the book, and once you match them up, you get the result!”

She paused before adding,

”But I haven’t memorized the book yet, and I didn’t bring it with me because it’s too heavy. I’ll look them up in the reference chart when I get back and tell you guys then...”

”Tch—” Shi Zuozhou sounded disappointed. ”So you’re really just a half-baked amateur!”

”I told you I was still a novice...”

”Sorry to keep you waiting, meeeew—!”

An energetic shout interrupted them as the twin-tailed maid approached, carrying a huge tray.

”Your Magically-Made-More-Delicious Tomato Pasta is here, mew!”

The maid set the dish in the middle of the table, pulled four cat-ear headbands from behind her back, and looked at the group expectantly.

”And now, mew, I must ask my Masters to turn into kitties and cast the make-it-yummy spell with me, mew! Meow meow!”

The air went deathly silent.

Wen Xiao buried her face in the collar of her hoodie. Shao Yiyi ducked her head and started packing up her fortune-telling props. Yu Xian’s eye twitched, his expression darkening with exasperation.

Only Shi Zuozhou, with a look of pure excitement, took a headband, put it on, and adjusted the angle with practiced ease.

Shi Zuozhou glanced at his three unresponsive companions, his expression one of profound disappointment.

He grabbed a headband with white fur and pink lining, shoved it into Yu Xian’s hand, and whispered, ”This is part of the service that came with the meal. We already paid for it. Old Yu, you gotta take the lead.”

Yu Xian sighed, and, resigned to his fate, placed the headband on his head. The small golden bells attached to it tinkled by his ear.

The maid held the remaining two headbands out toward the two girls, her eyes sparkling, as if threatening to hold them there until the end of time if they didn’t cooperate.

Wen Xiao and Shao Yiyi looked at Yu Xian, who now wore cat ears with an expression of someone who had lost the will to live. The corners of their mouths twitched, but in the end, they accepted the headbands with equally hopeless expressions.

Four sets of cat ears were finally in position, one at each corner of the table.

”Yay, mew! Everyone’s a kitty now, mew! Okay, mew, I need all my cute kitties to make kitty-paws with me, mew!”

The maid was clearly pleased with the result. She formed her hands into cat paws in front of her chest and watched as three of them stiffly raised their fists, while the fourth struck the pose with gusto.

Waving her paws, she shouted with boundless energy:

”Recite the spell with me now! Se no uri uri! Saka saka! Mui mui! Chu chu! Meow meow!”

Wen Xiao’s voice was as faint as a buzzing mosquito. Shao Yiyi remained expressionless, her tone as stiff and robotic as could be. Yu Xian merely moved his lips, not making a sound.

Only Shi Zuozhou held his hands by his cheeks in a perfect cat-paw pose, his voice booming and full of passion:

”Se no uri uri! Saka saka! Mui mui! Chu chu! Meow meow!”