Data-Driven Daoist

“No need to be alarmed,” the Senior Brother said. “This isn’t blood.”

He held the door ajar, his deep voice muffled by his helmet.

“Come in, I’ll get you up to speed. Or do you want to start already?” The Senior Brother raised his arm, bringing the hatchet up to his own neck, then seemed to realise he was holding it. He set it down, then scratched his neck.

“Y-Yu Han.” Huang Niuniu pinched his sleeve.

Yu Han gulped, then took a step inside the courtyard.

There was a clothesline in the yard. The skinned remains of small, monkey-like creatures were drying.

“We haven’t had new recruits in five intakes,” the Senior Brother said. “I’ll wash up quick. Don’t touch anything. We’re gonna have so much fun, the three of us.” He laughed, then walked off.

“Did that sound high-pitched to you?” Yu Han asked.

No reply came, so he poked Huang Niuniu’s arm.

“Huh?” The girl snapped out of a reverie. “Are those babies?” “Watch your mouth, woman,” Yu Han snapped. “Some things you can’t say out loud.”

“Stormy Reef Sect is an age-old, traditional Sect,” Huang Niuniu said, as if to convince herself. “It’s not one of the few orthodox, but not demonic either.”

“I made you wait,” a voice boomed.

A man in his late twenties stepped out from the inner house. He had the Sect’s azure-white robes on. Short hair, a messy stubble, brown eyes set in a large square face. He grinned, showing two missing teeth. “I’m Wen Liujie, the eldest disciple of the Night Alchemists.”

“Why’re you drying baby skins?” Huang Niuniu shouted, pointing at him.

“Don’t be rude,” Yu Han said, wishing he could hide.

“You mean these?” Wen Liujie’s eyes widened. He walked to the clothesline and unclipped one of the skins. “These aren’t babies, Junior Sister.”

Huang Niuniu sighed in relief.

“They’re fully grown.”

“I think I’ll be a porter.” The girl would have run off if it wasn’t for Yu Han holding her hand like an immovable statue. “Let me go, you brute!”

“You suggested this job, and now you want to leave me here alone? In your dreams!” Yu Han whisper-shouted into her ear.

Wen Liujie closed the courtyard door. With a click, he locked it.

“We Night Alchemists get some worksite perks too,” Wen Liujie said, rubbing his hands. “You’re going to love this job. Trust me. Don’t listen to all the nasty rumours.”

“There are nasty rumours?” Huang Niuniu asked with a trembling voice.

“Of course there aren’t. Ignore that. The Coverall was too stuffy. Made my brain dizzy so I spouted nonsense.” Wen Liujie pushed them both into the inner house. “You’ll both receive Coveralls too. They’re like Elite Grade Artefacts. Haven’t started the job yet, and you already got good perks.”

“You mean the armour?” Yu Han asked. “Why do we need armour to shovel poop?”

“It isn’t armour,” Wen Liujie said. “Just work robes. They protect your normal clothes so they won’t get dirty.”

He took them by the hand and nearly dragged them both into a room, locking every door behind them.

They arrived in a changing room. From the wall, two more Coveralls hung.

“They’re yours,” Wen Liujie said. “Can protect against fangs and claws, swords and arrows. You’d need around two thousand Spirit Stones to buy one.”

Yu Han touched various parts of the Coveralls.

Huang Niuniu’s back was pressed against the door. She kicked it a few times, but it wouldn’t budge. “Are there dangers in this job?”

“Danger?” Wen Liujie looked angry. “Who said that? Was it those bastards at the Mission Hall? I’ll have a word with them.”

Yu Han quivered.

“No danger? Then I’ll leave,” Huang Niuniu said. “I thought I could practise my Martial Art. I like danger. It’s my first and last name. I’ll be a porter.” ᚱ

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

What are you saying, you crazy cow? Yu Han had a plethora of curses ready to go.

“Wait! Don’t be hasty, Junior Sister,” Wen Liujie said. Suddenly, he was in front of the door, shoving the Coveralls into her hands.

“This job is perilous and rewarding. You’ll be the unsung heroes of the Sect. It’s no less dangerous than warring with another Sect,” Wen Liujie said. “Hurry, put on your Coveralls. The night is young; tonight you’ll have your first.”

“First what?” Yu Han asked.

“Taste.”

“Of?”

“Heroism.” Wen Liujie nodded. He stood firmly in front of the door.

“I lied. I don’t like danger.” Huang Niuniu was crying. Big pearls of tears dripped out like a faucet.

“Junior Sister, this brother was just joking,” Wen Liujie said. “Of course there’s no danger.” He then added, “You both already signed the job at the Mission Hall, right?” His gaze shifted away as he asked.

They nodded reluctantly.

Wen Liujie gave them a thumbs up. His smile was radiant, as if a huge weight had lifted off his shoulders.

“Then why bother complaining? Accept reality,” he said. “It’s too late to back down. Not that you want to, right?”

He slapped his forehead. “I misspoke. Why would you even want to leave? Of course you don’t. This is a highly rewarding job with many perks.” He placed one palm on Yu Han’s shoulder, the other on Huang Niuniu’s. “Without us, the Sect can’t function.”

His eyes quivered, an unsounded scream echoing in every word he said.

Yu Han accepted his fate.

We’re fucked.

The Coveralls had an official name: Night Repelling Coveralls. The hard bits looked wooden, but it was actually thick leather.

In YouTube videos, putting on armour was time-consuming. Yu Han hoped that in this case, magic would take over. Especially after having to drip their blood over the centre plate of the Coveralls. They had to bind it; it was an artefact, at the end of the day.

Wen Liujie guided them through how to clasp and unclasp every belt, hook, and chain. Best practices, things to avoid. He left them in the changing room.

Huang Niuniu went to a smaller room at the side. “I’ll poke your eyes out if you peek.”

They changed into their Coveralls. After about an hour, they were on a donkey cart going towards the marketplace. The two of them didn’t have their helmets on. Yu Han’s was held under his arm, while Huang Niuniu placed hers on her lap.

“You’ve gotta get used to the stuffiness,” Wen Liujie said, back in his Coveralls. “What if you get ambushed and a stray arrow hits you?”

“Who would ambush Night Soil Collectors?”

“Just theorising.”

They rounded back to the Old Banyan Tree of Wang’s Wife. From there, they took another path that led to the back of the Outer Sect Marketplace. There was another residential area there.

“It looks tight,” Huang Niuniu complained.

“Did you clasp it too much?” Wen Liujie sat at the driver’s bench.

“It isn’t tight, just looks like it.” Huang Niuniu covered the mound at her chest. “This was the loosest I could make it.”

On Wen Liujie, the Coveralls looked heroic.

The one Huang Niuniu wore outlined her curves faithfully, like an exoskeleton suit from a sci-fi anime. Since it was new, the leather also shined. When she’d climbed onto the cart, Yu Han had wished he had his helmet on. He could’ve stared without being judged.

“It looks good.” Yu Han didn’t know what to say, so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“That’s not something I want to hear.” Huang Niuniu pouted. She squirmed uncomfortably in place.

But it’s true though. Girls always liked it when Johan praised their body. Did his compliments come out as harassment because he was fat?

He was reminded of a popular meme. His mood fell.

“I’m surprised you had one my size. What’ll you do if I get thinner?” Yu Han asked.

“Junior Brother is ambitious.” Wen Liujie gave him a thumbs up. “I’ll give it to the Crafting Hall. They’ll probably remove a few plates to refit.”

The donkey made a sneezing sound. It then farted.

Huang Niuniu looked like she was about to cry again. Her face was illuminated by the lantern hanging from a pole by the driver’s bench. Above, the starlight shone, but not outshining the moon.

She hugged her knees, burying her face in them. As the cart moved, she rocked along with it. They were sitting on a large piece of tarp on the cart.

No other places to sit. In this job, they couldn’t avoid getting dirty.

If you’re going to hate it so much, why did you choose this job? Yu Han felt a tingling sensation. For me? Or for you?

“Midnight cometh,” Wen Liujie said. He rang a bell and the soft chime was carried by the cold wind.

“The helmet keeps the stink out. It’s stuffy, but necessary. Works for rain too.” Wen Liujie rang the bell again.

Huang Niuniu raised her head, then rubbed her eyes. She put the helmet on. Yu Han followed suit.

After half an hour, they arrived at a stone structure. They were at the base of the mountain now, downhill from most buildings.

The stone structure had a cylindrical base with a tightly shut stone hatch on one side. A set of stairs rose to its top, where there was a well-like protrusion with a pulley system. The well had a stone lid over it too.

“They paved the ground?” Yu Han said as he stepped onto stone slabs. It was like an arena.

Wen Liujie crouched before a small stone with some characters carved onto it. He hummed a sutra and clapped thrice, then seven times.

It was a shrine. It depicted an earthworm coiling around itself like a sleeping snake.

“Pray to the God of Underground Spaces,” Wen Liujie said. The playful tone was gone.

They both followed suit.

“Stand here.” Wen Liujie tapped a stone square in the “arena” with his boot. It was about twenty metres away from the stone hatch. “Weapons out.”

Huang Niuniu held her ribbon-whips. Yu Han removed the leather sheath from the halberd blade.

“I’m going to open the door. Initial Step Level 1 will be more than enough to handle them.” Wen Liujie held up a token and pointed it at the stone hatch.

“What are we fighting?” Yu Han asked. After all the shifty denials and excuses, it was obvious that this job wasn’t merely shovelling poop. Part of him felt deceived, but another part felt excited. Who would want to shovel shit in a fantasy world?

“Expect the unexpected,” Wen Liujie said. He jumped away, out of the arena. “Let me see your strengths! Don’t worry. If it looks bad, the shrine will buy you some time. Otherwise, I’ll step in.”

“Bastard!” Yu Han cursed.

The stone hatch opened, a cloud of dust rising as it slid sideways. An intense stench that even the mask-like helmet couldn’t block assaulted Yu Han’s nose.

A dark entrance. Do we go in?

“Eek!” Huang Niuniu took a step back.

Something chittered. Multiple somethings. Then there was the noise of hard objects tapping on stone in rapid succession.

“It’s coming!” she said, losing her breath. The tips of her hair turned blue.

A pair of eyes glowed in the dark hole, accompanied by the wet sound of tearing flesh.