Lord Shadow

Chapter 1078: The things he felt (1)

The battle is not that important to Azief.

He had expected that the Heaven would try to reclaim back his domain of power from him. Since he had the eye of the Oracle, he notices that the premonition instinct that he had is getting stronger.

Before, when such premonition came, it is only his heart that would be affected.

He would feel uncomfortable when he had premonition of a problem. Or when there is some kind of fortuitous serendipity, his heart would feel calmer than usual

But since having the eye of the Oracle, this premonition is no longer just that. Sometimes, he had a glimpse of what will happen next.

Like he is seeing some kind of spoiler of some sorts.

When he felt the premonition of the Heaven Will getting stronger and is about to make its move, in that brief of moment that did not even last for a second, he saw a glimpse.

He saw the purple clouds and the blue clouds. But Azief quickly shut down the vision. Seeing too much of the future is not that good.

The act of seeing it might seal that future in place. This probably would take some time to get familiar with

He is also confident he could defeat the Heaven Will. The Heaven Will is still young. It had power but its consciousness is simple.

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Like a toddler.

The attack he did might look like a sword attack. But it is an attack of Laws.

The gap is like a vast sea that separated the domain between the authority that the Heaven Will wielded and the authority that he wielded.

As such, the rift of Voidless gash that he had created is like a barrier or a wall, preventing the Heaven Will trying to push his Will out of the Heaven Will.

But while it is easy, it did not mean that Azief did not expend any energy. After all, he had to acknowledge that the Heaven Will had gotten even stronger than before.

He brought his hand to forehead and he could feel sweat on his forehead

His hands are also trembling and he chuckles

‘It seems I should never underestimate it. And the burden on the mind…or soul when merging with the Will of the World is not a simple burden at all’

Azief felt the mystical experience of merging with the world, but he also felt like if he did not have an anchor to his own existence, then he would have truly merged with the Heavens and become one with everything without any of his feelings and desire

To Azief, that sound a lot like death

To become simply a force, a source of power without any consciousness, following the rules that is in place.

To lose what made you, you. To shred any individual desire and will. Like some kind of particles that floats all over space and time.

That is what he felt when he is in that state. And what anchors him to his existence? What made him not forget who he is?

It is his memories.

Of course, this memory did not refer to something that is in the mind. If that was the case, then those who had memory problems would surely be easily assimilated.

This memory comes from the soul. Like a s second backup.

A memory that look at everything with an objective view.

A soul is hard to explain because no one could objectively prove that it is there.

Emotions explained as the chemical reaction in the brain. Every feeling in science seem to be explained with biology or the neurons of the brain

The brain itself is the most complicated structure in the whole of human body. Even Azief who is now infinitely close to being a lifeform of pure energy has a brain

But his brain is unlike the brain of any humans before the Fall. If he were to be extinguished, the way he would regenerate itself is the same as a human fetus come into existence.

But what about the brain?

The brain structure of such a being would follow the neuron pathways and nerves just like the human brain before the Fall.

Regenerated but in essence still the same.

Even if he someday become a being of pure energy and it appears that he had no brain, it is simply because he had understood truly the pathways of neurons all over the nerves of the brain and could mimic and imitate those neurons

Brain……this could be explained. There is a solid form to it. But where is the soul? How could one explain things that one could not see but yet felt it?

Each time one felt the soul, the crying and screaming of it, they thought to themselves, this is the chemical reaction of my brain.

It could be controlled.

The deafening screams of the soul ignored.

But that is what anchor him to his existence. Memories that is inside his soul.

It is unlike the memories that is stored in the mind which could be distorted, could be changed and altered by the feeling and emotions of the wielder of that memory.

When one experiences trauma, certain memories changes.

It could be blocked by some subconscious reaction like how Azief had forgotten he had killed his family who had turned into zombie-like creature.

It could also be covered up by happy memories.

But that kind of memory is not enough.

In that moment of being everything and everywhere at the same time, feeling the vastness of creation, he must have a reason to want to come back.

To return to his own body, to return back to this limited vessel, he has to have a reason. To let go of that feeling of unity……something strong needs to pull him back from that.

To feel that you soar above the clouds and beyond it, to see the vastness of the Universe, to see through all of creation and feel the abundant life, this kind of feeling, it is hard to let go

For once, Azief wanted chains on his feet, grounding him to ground. If not he would be lost in that feeling and if he soars into the sky, he might not want to land back on the ground.

If he did not have such reason, he would be affected by that feeling of grandness and might chose to dissipate himself and become one with the Heaven and Earth

This is why there is a risk. This is why Azief who should not sweat, sweat.

His hand trembles like he had experience the most terrible ordeal and the fear in his heart is hard to explain.

He did not fear death, he only fears that he died not knowing who he is.

Not being himself.

But, at that moment, he remembers what he wanted to do. he wanted to save Katarina. And Katarina face appears in his soul.

He wanted to see her again. He wanted to talk to her. See her smile again. Hear her laugh.

He wanted to see Sofia and her face also appears.

All of his memories about her seems to flash by. He remembers the first day that he met her. Memories that he himself had forgotten.

And he sees more than he could have ever think of.

He sees that each meeting creates fate and destiny between them. Like a string that connected him and her

And with each memory, he remembers even more

He remembers her smile when she looks at him, feeling like the sun is shining towards him.

Remember her laugh when he would hug her from behind when it was morning and she was at the kitchen making some omelets and coffee.

It was so vividly remembered by him that he could see every wrinkle of a smile, every single gesture and movement.

The sensation of his touch and her sweet smelling scent and her warmth

He remembers every gentle touch.

He remembers every sweet kiss.

It is…beautiful in a way that Azief could not explain, in a word he could not describe. Words does not suffice to express what he is feeling right now

The closest thing and ye the farthest thing he could express this feeling is the word of happiness and warmth combine together yet still could not express this feeling he is experiencing.

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A feeling with no name.

If he wanted to describe this feeling, he had to name it, to term it. Yet, he felt that if he began naming this emotion, began defining it, he would instead limit this feeling.

This experience is unlike looking at a video of your greatest moment in life. No, it is nothing like that.

It is like you were back in that moment, only this time, you experience it all, deeper and more meaningful. You experience it all and cherish it all.

How could then, he terms this feeling when he himself does not know what this kind of feeling is?