Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

On the one hand, I get where Saffron is coming from, that I need to get my shit straight before I go haring off to interact with anybody else in the Alliance. Seriously, whether or not I ultimately decide that my Domain and my Unique Title and the Story that got dropped on me make me the Ultimate Sealed Evil In A Can that’s been Unsealed, There is not a single thing anyone could to to convince me that I’m not a Wide Load at this point. I’m not talking about being actually or Metaphorically fat, either. More that if the world is a China shop, I am in fact a bull, and need to watch where I put my fuckin’ horns. I need to move carefully, because even if I’m generally making the world a better place, I could easily fuck all that up with a single moment of inattention.

On the other hand, that level of hypervigilance is not sustainable. Yeah, maybe if I only go out in public on special occasions, I could keep it up then, but I think some part of me would like to eventually just be able to go out and, I dunno, bum around on South Street, or visit my friends, or maybe just wander around the Alliance meeting people. Like normal everyday people who make the world run instead of the governmental or military types I normally get to talk to. Fuck, even spending some time with the rank and file Troops, drinking and telling war stories and, I think more importantly, listening to their perspective on all the shit that has gone down. I think that might be good for me. But I don’t think I could safely do any of that, maybe especially mingling with the Troops, without having my own shit straightened out.

That might sound a little weird, but apparently kids don’t set off any of my alarm bells. My ladies don’t either. But I think actual Troops might, whether they’re Volunteers or Levies or Soldiers or Sailors or whatever. I guess maybe I don’t have that kind of PTSD or something. Then again, I’m not sure I’ve ever really felt threatened by being in danger. My kids, my ladies, my ever more extended family being in danger, oh, yeah, that shit sets me off, but me being in danger seems more likely to wind up with me in desperate need of somebody riding my face like a bicycle seat while one or more of my ladies make me lose control with the unrestricted access to my nether regions.

On the gripping hand, it seems like doing the stuff I’ve done during my down time really helps me feel centered. Makes me feel like I’m not about to kill somebody or worse, rewrite them on some fundamental level by accident. So maybe once I’ve reconnected with all my kids and ladies, I need to get back to doing everything I’ve done on the regular. Bodyguarding Saffron and Tallulah, cooking and cleaning at the Academy, maybe teaching full time, either at the Academy or at the Temple.

But for today, when I leaned in and asked Saffron, ”who am I with today?”

She answered, ”why don’t you spend some time with your mother and Marie in the kitchen?”

So all day yesterday that’s what I did. I learned how she did the savory gravy for those little meatballs, and I helped her make mashed root stuff, like Yams and Carrots, for the base under them. I also showed her how to make eggy grilled cheese for our little Sidhe girl, and handled a kind of cobb salad for Lindsey and the other girls who preferred salad with dinner.

Kinda funny how at the end of the day, after a dinner where the kids descended on everything like a swarm of locusts, up in the Bath Loki pulled them all over to one side and started telling them more stories. This time a mix of his own take on his own stories, a few stories about him wooing Sigyn, and his take on some of my old war stories.

Meanwhile Sigyn and I watched from the ’adult’ side of the Bath. ”I don’t remember that story of him wooing you like that.”

She sighed, looking a little melancholy. ”Not every one of my dear husband’s stories are true.”

”Then how’s he telling it?”

She smiled. ”He tells the tale of what he wished he could have done.”

”So, I’ve heard a couple different stories, but how did the two of you get together?”

She shrugged, but kept smiling. ”An arranged marriage. After spending so long with Jotnar, Odin felt my dear husband ought renew his ties to Asgard. So we were wed.”

”Damn. No wooing at all, then?”

She shot me a lopsided smile. ”Oh, he wooed me, but only as a mix of obligation and style. It wasn’t until after I’d watched over him for so long that he fell in love with me.”

I thought about that while we soaked for a while. ”Y’know, I’m not sure that’s true.”

”Excuse me?”

I shook my head. ”Nah, you saw how he broke down over Angrboda, right?” She nodded. ”So she was an arranged marriage too, right?”

”So he came to love her as well, you’re saying?”

”Not exactly. I think...” It took me a bit to put it in words, during which we floated there, watching the subject of our discussion tell stories to his grandchildren. ”He loves easily, but not lightly. All that edge lord stuff is just a cover.” When she raised an eyebrow, I explained, ”he doesn’t feel safe showing how much he loves his partners, his kids, so he acts like he doesn’t care.”

She slid over and pulled me into a side hug. ”Thank you, Daughter.”

I hugged her back. ”Just telling you what I think.”

”Oh, not for that.”

”What for then?”

She turned a smile on me so warm I could see how she’d come by the name ’Solsdotter’, ”for making him feel safe enough to show how he feels.”

Yeah, that made me feel good enough to ask, ”Mom? Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

She pursed her lips. ”How so?”

I chuckled a little. ”I notice you didn’t say ’no’. Nah, I’m talking about, uh, intimate activities.”

”The ones with your ladies, the ones with your Worshippers, or the ones all of the former and some small number of the latter engage in while they sleep?”

I took a deep breath. ”The one where I crushed Tallulah’s skull like a melon ’cause I didn’t hold back while riding her face.”

Mom blinked. Coughed a little. Then nodded. ”That would be somewhat extreme. I take it the Spell she’s bound to restored her?”

”Like, fast enough that I was still shuddering when she flipped me over and cleaned me off.”

Sigyn just rolled her eyes at me. ”I’d say I don’t need to know all the details, but the details are what’s bothering you, and you are my daughter.”

I snorted. ”Not like you’ve done anything like that with Dad.” She just stared at me. ”C’mon, you haven’t crushed his skull. I think I’d have noticed.”

”I do not believe I have the ability to, daughter mine. Did I, his skull would have shattered long since.”

”Ma!”

She smiled and shrugged. ”What? It’s not like he can be on top, with his feet bound as they are.”

I blew a breath out my nose. ”Yeah, I’m working on that.”

She nodded, serious for a moment, then grinned again. ”Take your time. It’s good exercise. Keeps me limber.”

”Ma!”

”What? He’s got a large...” She let that trail off, and right before I spluttered said, ”head. Not to mention an enormous...” This time I just glared at her until she chuckled and said, ”waist.”

”You know he’s sent me imagery of you two going at it, just to mess with me, right?”

She just gave me an arch look and said, ”really? I wonder who gave him that idea?”

”No.” She grinned at me. ”Mom, I thought you loved me.”

That got a laugh and a hug out of her. ”I do, daughter. I very much do. For all you’ve done, for all you intend to do, for all you’ve become, for all you are.”

That got me a full on case of weepies. ”Thanks, Mom.”

”What else are mother’s for, other than supporting and scandalizing our daughters?”

I smiled a little at that, then sighed. ”Still doesn’t make me feel any better about Tallulah. Or, y’know, Sparagmos with Marie.”

”Those are two very different things, daughter. The latter is an intimate holy sacrament, one your Wife asked you to be part of. You should have no guilt regarding that.”

”Shouldn’t have enjoyed her reaction so much.”

Mom squeezed me a little. ”I’m sure she enjoyed the act more than you enjoyed her reaction.”

”How do you know that?”

”I’ve spoken with her, and with a few other Maenads.” When I looked confused, she said, ”The pair your friend Laurence employs as wet nurses and bodyguards.”

”Stheno and Euryale?”

”The very same.”

That made an odd sort of sense. When she wasn’t attached to Dad at the hip, Mom tended to do classic ’womanly’ things, not unlike Marie. Not sure if it was something she enjoyed, something she thought she should do, or something else, but she’d spent the last two days cooking and didn’t seem put out. Honestly, she’d seemed kinda stoked to cook with me yesterday. At first I thought she’d just enjoyed cooking with Master Chef Marie, but she spent most of the day showing me stuff. Like, Marie was there too, and she’d definitely picked up what Sigyn was putting down, but...

Holy shit, she’d been showing me ’old family recipes’. Which I guess she’d shown to Marie the day before, but what with Marie definitely being the Wifiest Wife to ever Wife, I can totally get behind that.

Strange, overnight my ladies were subdued. Not avoiding the Maw or anything, just chillin’ and floating around, maybe socializing, maybe dissolving the way I imagined I was doing every time I climbed into the Bath when the water got particularly hot.

In the morning, Kitten kissed me and said, ”I can’t wait to see what the three of you come up with for dinner tonight.”

”Looking for anything in particular?”

She shrugged. ”You know what I like.”

I snorted and said, ”yeah, but we’ve got kids, so you can’t eat that at the dinner table.”

She kissed me again, then pulled me down to put her mouth next to my ear and whisper, ”that’s for dessert, once the little ones are in bed.”

Today in the kitchen I wound up totally stoked. Not just with learning old recipes from Sigyn, working up new ones with her and Marie, but planning out a whole Saffron stuffing menu.

I could get all worked up about how I’ve forked myself, what with ’complete success’ on the Saffron stuffing front meaning less likelihood of after dinner Saffron stuffing, but, and I’ve said this before, first world problems. Also, I like to think that I’ve learned something from my Tiny Tyrant.

After all, either way this goes, I win!