Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”Passion binds us together,

Share your Passions joyfully,

Snuff not another’s Passion.”

- Tabitha Diaz, Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Passion

In this Verse of the Book of Passion, Tabitha exposes another aspect of Passion, that of community. Whether we find our Passion in each other, or in some shared vocation or avocation, Passion helps us come together.

When we share our Passions, we become more than ourselves. We become part of a greater whole, and are not only made stronger by our union, but more able to appreciate and indulge in our Passions. Our lives become that much more Passionate, more joyful, better lives to live.

But Tabitha also reminds us in this Verse that just because we do not share another’s Passion, we ought not try to prevent them from indulging in it. Save that it brings unwilling harm to the Agency of another, there is no reason to do so, and every reason not to. Not only is a world filled with people living their most Passionate lives a better, more beautiful, more joyous world to live in, not only can the joy of another be infectious, and bring us joy, but we may even find ourselves drawn into the Passion of another, finding yet another Passion in ourselves.

- Priestess Most High Above All Others, Archmage Imperator Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Commentary on the Doctrine of Tabitha

Y’know, when I read these pages of the Commentary, the ones where Saffron is talking about my Values or the Domains I’m fully behind, I can almost think I’m not a waste of Worship and Glory. Maybe, in the best of all worlds, I could become an unmitigated force for good. I mean, I try to be that now, but any time I start to think that maybe that’s who I am, I remember the killing field outside Newark, where the bloody mud still squished for days. I remember climaxing from the feel of Ericson’s head collapsing, the raw hunger to hear my Kitten purr when I tasted the grit of his skull on her tongue when she kissed me. I remember teasing that poor bitch of a Dragon rather than just killing her and eating her.

I’ve come to realize that most of the most horrifying things I’ve done have either been in the heat of battle, done to horrible people, or both. But that doesn’t mean I had to enjoy some of it so much. Some part of me still thinks that if I were a better person, I wouldn’t. Enjoy it, that is. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that sometimes the only other choice I’ve got is to let my loved ones, my people, get hurt, and I will not let that happen.

I dunno. Maybe I need to train more. I’m not sure, but given the high I get from pushing myself in the Practice Yard, I might have some kind of Passion for physical exercise. Fuck, even running does it for me now, if I push myself to the point where I’m clearly bending a few laws of physics. Actually, I think that’s the thing I’m actually Passionate about. Not ’exercise’, but ’pushing myself’. That’s pretty clearly something I do whenever I get a chance, whether it’s pushing myself physically to do some wacky anime bullshit or pushing my boundaries to endure more, accept more, do more than I thought it possible for me to do.

Maybe if I train more, I’ll have more options when responding to people who piss me off.

Speaking of, as sunset approached yesterday, I found myself staring at a frankly stunningly pretty redheaded dude standing at the doors of my Temple. Honestly, if I hadn’t just had to grab yet another couple pieces of glassware to keep them from hitting the floor, I’d probably have been tryna see if he was looking to get his Temple of Love on. Disturbingly attractive motherfucker. Okay, I’m not sure if he was, in fact, a motherfucker, but since I’m a mother, I would have been down for making him one if he hadn’t just scared my kids.

Yeah, that last one took him straight from ’might be going into my mouth’ to ’might be getting dropped in my Maw’.

”Yeah, um, who the fuck are you, and why are you fuckin’ with my Temple’s glassware?”

He smirked at me, the kind of facial expression that told me he knew exactly the kind of effect he had on the nethers of boykissers looking at him. Then he flipped his hair back, folded his arms, and leaned on the edge of the Temple door he’d been hammering on. ”You tell me you do not recognize me?”

I rolled my eyes at him hard enough I wound up a little surprised I wasn’t lookin’ at the inside of my own skull. But while this guy had pissed me off, so far the sum total of his offenses included ’negligently threatening glassware’ and ’inadvertently scaring some kids’. That latter one was likely to wind up with him getting bruised up a bit, but I’d been tryna do things diplomatically. With that in mind, I thought about it. Fortunately, I’d spend a good chunk of the past week reviewing the information we had on Boltophsberg. Between that and him mentioning Danica, I took a guess.

”Lemonkyenin?”

He bowed, kicking his leg back to make it fancy and grabbing for my hand. Unfortunately, he grabbed for the one holding the tumbler, and the only reason I didn’t drop it was deciding I wasn’t going along with his knuckle kissing shit. Instead he just kinda strained for a bit, then flounced back and leaned against the door again. ”So, you’d steal away my Danica and not even offer yourself as replacement?”

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then glared at him. ”No.” I reached out with a tentacle and pushed the door open. As he stumbled I stepped up to him and poked him in the chest with my left index finger. ”I’m not interested in ’stealing her away’ from you, because to quote somebody infinitely wiser than me, people aren’t property, mate.”

He snorted. ”An abolitionist Demigoddess? How novel.”

I have no idea why people haven’t gotten the memo. Okay, I do, kinda, but I don’t like thinking about how slow news travelled, even when Saffron and I were doing our best to clear that shit up. Fortunately, I thought I might have a bit of an edge here. ”Okay, Lemon... No, Lemon sounds stupid. Lemmy. You mind if I call you Lemmy?” He opened his mouth, and I drove right over him. ”Fuck it, I’m calling you Lemmy. Okay, Lemmy, you remember back just before Spring Equinox this year, some big dumbass bitch shouted ’mine’ in M-Space so loud I’m sure they heard it in Europa?”

Unfortunately when I paused to let him acknowledge my shouted claim to, y’know, everything, he chose stupidity. ”My name is not Lemon, nor Lemmy. It is Lemonkyenin.”

I sighed, held the tumbler up in front of his face. ”Okay, Lemonkyenin, I’ve got somewhere I gotta be tonight, so I gotta make this quick. See this glass?”

”What of it?” he snapped.

”It, along with a half dozen other pieces of really nice glassware, would have wound up shattered on the floor because of you pounding on my doors like some kind of bargain basement siege ram.”

He snorted, slipping back into his pretty boy persona. ”Is it not polite to knock, hereabouts?”

I blinked. Stared at him open mouthed for a second before stepping over to the door. ”Yeah. Knocking. Like this.” I rapped my knuckles against the door, and while it made a much louder sound than I thought it ought to, it was ’knocker with good acoustics’ loud, not ’shake the floors’ loud. ”See? No property damage. Just a polite notice that somebody’s here and wants in.”

He opened his mouth to reply, and I deliberately cut him off. ”Which is stupid in any case, what with the doors being perpetually open.” Do we close them in bad weather?

Karen had been paying attention, bless her. Not as of yet, although we’ve yet to weather a severe enough storm or face temperatures extreme enough to need to.

”It’s the height of rudeness for one Deity to trespass on another’s Holy Ground.”

I shook my head. ”Yeah, we do that a little differently around here, I guess. These seven,” I waved at the other six Temples, all in easy view from where we stood. ”Are multidenominational Temples.” At his clueless look, I explained. ”Means each of them has more than one Deity in.” I waved to the distant, imposing Temple of Wisdom. ”Like, that one over there is the Temple of Wisdom. Harvest Gods, Tricksters, all those folks you want around when the problem can’t be solved by punching.” Then I waved to the Temple of Storms. ”Temple of Storms. For the Deities you turn to when the problem can be solved by punching.” Finally I waved at the Temple of Kings in the middle of the grouping. ”Temple of Kings, for when you need more problems.”

Hey!

Sorry, Kitten. Guy’s got me pissed off.

She huffed in my brain. That’s no reason to take it out on me. This is definitely going on the Ledger.

Oh, no. Anyway. ”You get my point yet?”

He looked confused. Honestly like ’himbo presented with MC Escher drawing come to life’ confused. ”You’d allow me into your Temple?”

I sighed, reached back inside with a tentacle and set the tumbler on the bar alongside the other rescued glassware. Once I was sure Karen had the kids and would take them home, I turned back to Lemmy. ”Look, Lemmy, I’m not real happy with you right now, but in the spirit of diplomacy and because Danica doesn’t deserve to have her Patron showing up on milk cartons, why don’t you come along to my Calverton Revel tonight. As a guest and observer.”

”So you’d not have me in your Temple then?”

I shook my head, held out my hand, and when he took it stepped us both to the Altar in Calverton, dropping my Blend and my uniform as I did. ”I’ve got more than one.”

He looked a little whelmed. ”That... That voice.”

I nodded to a couple Priestesses and gave Lemmy a gentle shove backwards. Gentle enough that he didn’t hurt either of them when the three of them flopped back onto a bench with him more or less on their laps. Funny, I still hadn’t seen the outside of my Temple in Calverton. I mean, I probably had, maybe, while visiting for some other purpose. Although I’m not sure if I’d visited Calverton for anything but Revels since I got Blessed doing Search and Rescue work there. Maybe I needed to, I dunno, take a couple of the ladies and walk the streets a little. Okay, that sounded bad. Also, it’s not like we need the money, but it could be funny and fun.

At any rate, I bent at the waist, feet together, leaning forward with my hands behind me, maintaining eye contact with Lemmy the whole time. ”Just sit back and enjoy the show.”

Said show started with Oliver. Calverton Temple Volunteer Oliver, who is the only one who matters any more. Young man wanted to experiment. I gave him all the ’good boy’ points and headpats for being brave and doing so right in front of Goddess and everybody, especially when he tried that Siobhan ’show everybody everything’ position as his grand finale of the night. Made a mess on the floor, but fuck it, messes fit right into my own finale plans for tonight.

Willow came next, albeit not as often as some others. Flexible as fuck, even while fucking, but not so much with the Endurance. Still, she got to show off just how flexible she could be, and loved doing it. Right about then I realized that along with her enduring legacy of physical fitness in my Calverton Worshippers, Orla may have maybe encouraged showing off the results of all that physical fitness. Which, to be clear, I’m all for. Body positivity for the win, whether they’re brick houses like Orla herself, super thin like Willow, or even one foot in the grave old.

Archibald definitely fit that last description. Peering into that secret space inside him, because unlike the younger crowd he couldn’t bring himself to say it, or show off quite so much, I saw what he wanted. I held him, massaged away his pain, and looked deep into his eyes as I stole his consciousness away with the happiest of endings. Well, ending for the night, anyway, because like a lot of old dudes, he was tough as old leather. Supple and smooth as well by the time I was done with him.

Of course, not everything I ever do in my Temples is completely joyous, even as I try to make it so. Crystal couldn’t make it to the Altar; Madeline carried her there. ”Goddess?”

I leaned in, careful not to put any weight on any part of her, while still holding myself against her, warming her, letting her know I was there. ”You there, Crystal?”

”Not...” each word took effort. ”Long.”

I stroked her hair back, kissed her gently on the forehead. ”Last Revel before Helheim, then?”

”Hades?”

I nodded. ”I can do that. So. A lullaby? Or...?”

She chuckled. Somehow knowing I was there, knowing I’d take care of her, loosened things up. ”Don’t think... I’ve got more in me.”

I grinned at her. ”Is that a challenge?” Before she could reply, I whispered, ”this is for you. What do you want, Crystal?”

I looked inside that quiet place, and... So little there. Just memories and a desire for release. I leaned in, called up the memories of my ladies dissolving into my Maw as my lips brushed across hers. Those flavors ignited something in her, and she whispered back, ”come and...”

My tentacles writhed around her, feather light, lifting her up, caressing her as her nerves failed. When pain tried to take over, I reached in, instinct guiding me, and disconnected it, pouring one last burst through the pleasure centers of her failing brain.

I looked around at the congregation as I lay her body gently on the Altar. ”Be right back.” Then I stepped to M-Space and held out my hand. ”Time to go.”

Crystal stood, years falling away, smiling at me as she took my hand. ”Before we do?” I went still, and she pulled herself up to kiss me. When she finished, she dangled from me, her arms around my neck. ”Take me where you will, Goddess.”

I couldn’t resist. When we finished, I smiled at her, lifted her into a princess carry, and said, ”Hades?”

She nodded. ”My family awaits me there.”

I stepped us there, feeling around me until I tasted someone Crystal-like, then stepping to the Souls that resonated with her. A small gathering of folks with obvious family resemblance greeted her, and I left her in their care.

I stepped back to my Altar in Calverton, Crystal’s body already gone. I reached out, and Madeline took my hand. The sun rose, as did both of us, buoyed by my power and her dress. When we settled, smiles on both our faces, I stepped away. ”See you tomorrow night.”

I knew I’d got it right when she smiled at me. I stepped over to Lemmy, held out a hand, and he brought it to his lips as he stood. I rolled my eyes, tolerating it right up until he stepped around and started trying to tug me toward the Altar. He got a booger look when I didn’t so much move as pretend to be a statue.

”Sorry, Lem. Revel’s over.” I looked at where he’d been sitting. The ladies he’d sat with had been cleaned up by Madeline’s Holy Garb at dawn, but they still looked... rough. Not hurt, and I’d looked that rough at the end of some very satisfactory nights, so that wasn’t absolutely a mark against him.

Of course the very next thing he did was tug, frowning, and say, ”you would deny a guest?”

I took a deep breath and mentally counted to ten while surreptitiously checking my Priestesses pulses with some Blended tentacles. Their continued respiration, not to mention radiated satiation, earned him continued existence. Of course, I wasn’t about to give in to pretty boy just because pretty, so after a moment’s thought, I stepped us both to that endless field of tentacles.

”Yeah, look Lem. You’re pretty.” I stared a bit, then took a breath. ”Disturbingly pretty. But I’ve got plenty of pretty at home.” I smiled as I thought about my ladies. ”Pretty, hot, curvy, svelte, you name it, I’ve got ladies with it.”

He sneered, ”those could be rem...”

Determination to be calm and diplomatic or not, that was a step too far. Mister ’women exist to fuck me and eat me sandwiches’ got a knuckle sandwich delivered straight to his mouth. He flew backward, a spray of blood fountaining from his no longer perfect lips, to land rolling, then leaping back to his feet, one fist up, one hand reaching for the dagger at his hip.

”Ground rules, Lem.” I took a step toward him. ”You don’t talk about my ladies.” I took another step, and he gripped his dagger hilt. ”Do you see a Blade in my hand?” He blinked at that, but a grin stretched across his bloody lip, and he brought his other fist up. ”You don’t threaten any of my people. You have a problem with me? You bring it to me.”

He wiped one thumb across his lip. It came away as bright red as his hair. ”You... you injured me!”

I couldn’t help it. I head tilted. ”Uh. Yeah. That shit happens in a fistfight.”

”Have at you then!” He came at me. I gotta say, he wasn’t slow, or weak, or clumsy. We fought back and forth, fists flying, thunder rolling with every impact. By midday I’d completely lost track of where we were.

Having fun, love?

At that point I’d managed to snag him and twist his arm around, and I pounded him in the face with each word, this fucker won’t stay down.

Well, don’t be late for dinner.

Lemmy twisted out of my grasp, spat out something red and white, and came back swinging. ”Bitch!”

I took the hits on my forearms, which stung, then returned the favor. ”You got someplace to be tonight?”

He blinked, his guard dropping momentarily. ”What?”

I popped him in the mouth again. ”Figured I’d take you home to meet the family, feed you dinner before dropping you off at home.”

He shook his head, spraying blood. Then his fist rocketed out and caught me in the mouth. ”You are a very strange woman.”

I smiled through the taste of blood in my mouth. ”Yeah. I get that a lot.”