Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Two steps forward, one step back. Progress isn’t linear, nor is it instant. For every day I get where I’m on point, where I’m solving the mysteries without hurting anybody who doesn’t deserve it, I’m gonna have one of those days where nothing goes fuckin’ right. In the end, I’m not sure any of those big dips and leaps matter, so long as every day when I’ve got the energy and executive function to move forward, I’m taking those steps.

Kinda reminds me of a poem one of my teachers had posted on his wall. I don’t remember most of it, but one of the lines spoke to me. ’Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.’ No matter what else, I gotta remember that. Some days are gonna be better than others. Some days I’ll do Hero shit and feel like a hero. Some days I’ll try my best and fuck it up. Some days I’ll do my best, not fuck anything up, and shit will still go wrong.

Then other days I’ll manage to walk that fine line of not fucking anything up by action or inaction, everything will turn out okay, and my fuckin’ brain will fixate on some normal everyday bullshit and use that as an excuse for why I feel like everyone around me would be happier if I were replaced by an equivalent mass of runny dogshit. Because when you spun the genetic wheel and came up neurospicy, then lost the birth lottery as hard as it’s possible to lose in a developed nation, and wound up with a brain layered in trauma, that shit takes a long fuckin’ time to work through, and random shit just makes you relapse.

Gotta keep telling myself, ’rest if you must, but don’t you quit’.

Y’know, after stealing a big map of the continental US the other day, maybe I’ll pick up some motivational posters or something. Yeah, they’re cheesy as shit, but I kinda miss one or two of the ones some of my teachers had.

So after we got buy in from Rabbit and Lily, the six of us hopped back to the Homestead. Saffron pled fatigue and snuggled in with the kids and our pregnant ladies. Karen said something about heading back to Muscogee, but when she yawned right in the middle of it Saffron overrode her and convinced her to join the fam in our big assed bed. Like, seriously, I have no idea how my clever Kitten managed to make a soft mattress that big, but she did. Honestly most of it sits empty most nights, but I couldn’t care less. Our bed is practically a room within a room, and it’s big enough that eight adults and seven kids did not in any way feel crowded. I think there were even some big open spaces.

Not entirely sure, because after Saffron and Karen fell asleep, Lily and Rabbit both were still awake. I lay there for like half an hour waiting, but eventually made an executive decision and scooped them up and hopped over to the Bedroom. Where the bed was more ’sized for enthusiastic, acrobatic foursomes’ than ’able to host an entire football team’.

”What’s up, ladies?”

Lily just shrugged, but Rabbit said, ”I can’t sleep. Too...”

I smiled at her as she trailed off. ”Too wired? Excited? Full of energy?” She nodded. ”Yeah, Worship will do that to you.”

Rabbit smirked at me. ”So, you bring us here to what, burn off some extra energy?”

I shrugged. ”Hey, if you want to. I’m kinda always up for that. But nah, I figured we’d shoot the shit about Muscogee.” They both winced, and I shook my head. ”No, seriously, the past week was great! If we could find a cheap way for people to travel down and back, your people could make a bundle doing the resort thing. Wouldn’t hurt Alliance-Muscogee relations, either. Nobody wants to invade a tourist trap. I mean, not in a violent way. Maybe in a ’go down, spend all our money, leave with a bunch of awesome memories we’ll never tell anybody about’ kind of way, but still.”

Lily looked utterly boggled. Rabbit did too at first, but then shook her head and said, ”pardon, but what is a ’resort’?”

So I spent all that night first explaining the idea of a resort, then brainstorming shit they could do to maybe give their little resort town a bit more capacity without fucking anybody over. In the morning, Marie and Karen joined us, and I Co-Located to watch the kids. I also wound up splitting off a couple more of me.

One to bodyguard Saffron at the Grand Council chambers as she pushed through her plan for the treaty with Muscogee. Like, not a vote or anything, but my Kitten is brilliant. She floated the idea to George and Mrs. Driver, who both confirmed that they were fine with what basically amounted to ’we don’t start shit with our biggest neighbor, and they don’t start shit with us’. Then she had Tallulah drop by and let Cailyn know how Rich Man’s Port was gonna vote. With that in mind, she presented the idea to Ophelia and Lenny, not as a ’are you gonna agree with this’, but instead basically telling them ’this is going through whether you like it or not, so I’d like your help making sure it’s as ironclad as possible, and no little shits down the road try to screw our friends before they decide to move in with us’. Also, apparently Lenny has nicer handwriting than anyone else on the Grand Council, so she likes it when he writes stuff up. Not gonna complain, that leaves her hands with more energy for after work.

One of me played seat cushion for Saffron. Been a little while, and I absolutely missed it. Lots of fun at lunch time. No sandwiches today though. Remembered a fish fry recipe my mom used to make, kinda like popcorn chicken, but fish nuggets instead of chicken. Showed up in my maid outfit, then absolutely did not let my Kitten pounce. Had her all roped up with tentacles, after all. Instead I reached around and fed her popcorn fish one nugget at a time while seeing how often I could distract her from chewing. I had two of me in the room, and maid uniform me didn’t have anything occupying my hands. Or mouth. Good times, and she seemed really ready to get back to work after lunch. I’d complain about lack of reciprocation, except that’s stupid so I’m not gonna. She’s adorable.

Obviously a bunch of me did Maid things for Murder Mittens. Mostly the scuttiest of scut work, but shit that needed to be done, shit she’d normally take care of. Weird thing, I really enjoyed doing that. It kinda kept me grounded, and a lot of it was stuff that had an immediate positive effect on the environment. Like, stripping nasty sheets off of a bed isn’t glamorous or fun, but when I left a room hauling all the nasty laundry, the room itself wound up smelling significantly better.

Lily and Rabbit and I spent all day just shooting the shit about ideas for the ’new and improved’ Muscogee. Like, not really ’improved’ in the sense of ’being a real City’, but improved in the sense of both being able to hold up to scrutiny better, as well as providing that combination of income, entertainment, and cultural exchange we all kinda wanted it to have. Saffron and Tallulah both popped in now and then, and at least once Marie dropped by to comment. Not on food, oddly enough, but on, y’know, the Maid end of things. Keeping shit clean and dry and pleasant for folks who had other stuff to pay attention to. Kinda funny, given that at least two of the jobs my mom held over the years amounted to ’housekeeping’, that I’d wind up married to somebody who is possibly one of here and now’s premier experts on the subject.

One of me stayed in the Infirmary, doing the stuff I used to help Grandma with. Nothing super difficult or complicated or anything, just taking down notes and handing them off to the scribe who came by in the afternoon to copy everything into the journals. Providing emergency palliative care to keep Cadets from hurting too much while they waited for one of Siobhan’s apprentices to get to them. Once, I had to recharge one of them, but that’s barely worth noting. Especially compared to why Siobhan herself wasn’t there to do it.

Because the last of me spent all day holding poor Siobhan’s hair back. Not, fortunately, literally. Not the whole day. I mean, I don’t know how many times, because I lost fuckin’ count. She spent all day either in bed miserable or in the bathroom puking. After like the second time, when I wound up having to clean puke off the floor, I started Translocating her straight to the toilet when she started moving that way.

She finally managed to keep down some of Marie’s spinach and liver bisque late in the afternoon. After which she fell right the fuck to sleep.

Spent a little bit of time soaking in the Bath, a little more putting the kids to bed, then... okay, look, I was down for either all of us going to bed, but first Marie straight up pounced on Lily, and that shit was well into brain meltingly distracting to watch. Saffron, proving she had far more brain than I had, what with enough remaining unmelted to lure Rabbit into some shenanigans right there on the end of the Bed. Diplomacy! The best kind of diplomacy!

Not long after, Tallulah showed up, at which point I realized Karen had been sitting on the divan next to me. ”Sorry, Karen.”

”Why?”

”I’m sure you’ve got better stuff to do?”

She chuckled. ”I’m sure I don’t. Besides, we’ll be discussing the treaty, and what with me being the ’official’ Ambassador to Muscogee at this point, I’d best be familiar with it.”

I looked at Tallulah, who shrugged and said, ”I only just finished hosting dinner at the Keep. I regret not returning in time to see Ria to sleep, but there will be other nights for that.” Meanwhile she absolutely looked me up and down like she was tryna do some 3D modeling for later pearl polishing purposes. I’d come straight from the Bath, and, y’know, Bedroom with nobody who hadn’t seen it all before.

”Uh...” I nodded toward the Bed. ”Did you wanna? I’m down if you are.”

She shook her head. ”Trying to decide if you would be the best possible sire for my fifth child.”

I laughed a brittle little laugh at that. ”Um, little late for that, isn’t it?”

At that point Saffron chuckled, Shapeshifting and turning his head just far enough to growl out, ”I think you forgot one key requirement of getting someone with child, Goof.”

Then he pulled Rabbit upright, so I could see her face over the top of his head. Rabbit’s eyes got a little bit frantic as she said, ”ah, regarding that, perhaps, um...”

”Should I stop?” he absolutely taunted her.

Good lord my Wife has got some excellent gremlin energy going on, not to mention the Skills to make it hit harder than anybody can resist. ”I... uh... please no. No, don’t... don’t stop, but...”

”But?”

”Child. No. Not...” that’s about all Rabbit got out before she went completely nonverbal, and I think she might have lost consciousness in that very Siobhan ’lights are on, but nobody’s home’ way when Saffron chuckled, Shapeshifted, and kissed her while finishing. My Wife has literally knocked me unconscious and woken me up that way. She’s a whole assed experience. Almost as fun... no, actually more fun to watch than to experience.

Speaking of asses, I had to reach out and slap hers before she stopped shaking entirely. ”Oi! Please don’t screw up the negotiations!”

”Oh. She didn’t. Absolutely didn’t,” panted Rabbit, grinning from ear to ear. Then she nuzzled Saffron and said, ”thank you, that was very nice.”

Saffron just nodded, spun the two of them around until she sat on one of the sets of steps with Rabbit in her lap, and said, ”now, as soon as Marie... Marie! Wake her back up, please?”

Marie, grinning, sat up, pulled Lily into her lap, and showed off her own gremlin by shrugging and saying, ”No Stabilize.” I woke Lily gently, a single tentacle gently pouring Mana into her shoulders. Also tagged Marie not so gently in half a dozen spots Saffron and I had discovered back when we were first playing around with the Shape. Of course my Murder Mittens, she just looked at me, eyes glowing faintly, and said, ”Very Nice.”

We then spent the rest of the night with Saffron going over the treaty in progress with Lily and Rabbit. Lily reminded me of Ophelia minus the political acumen, at least while discussing the treaty. Rabbit... Rabbit wasn’t a politician, not like I thought of one, but she’s bright. By the middle of the night, when Saffron and Karen and even Tallulah were looking a little foxed, they’d picked out half a dozen points where the wording needed to be adjusted for it to fit with Muscogee cultural norms. Who knew that opening a whole assed negotiation with enough sex to low key make the air reek of it for the whole night somehow kept me focused enough to participate. Mostly by shutting the fuck up and nodding when I agreed, but still, I didn’t fidget once!

Of course, after the rest headed back to our big bed, Tallulah held me back, then spent like a solid quarter hour asking me to stand up and pose for her. Screw it, I’ve had weirder requests. When she eventually nodded, seemingly satisfied, I Shapeshifted, full boy mode, and said, ”uh, so, um?”

She chuckled, stood up, and kissed me. ”No, thank you.”

”Oh.” I tried not to feel some kinda way. ”Not up to your standards, I guess. I guess that’s how you have such cute kids?”

She nodded, as grave as she ever was. ”Of course. You’re incorrect, though. Should you still be willing and able, you will definitely be my choice to sire my next child.” As I stood there kind of gawping at her, she said, ”I was honest about timing, though.. It’s at least a year or two too soon.” Then her face kinda fell. ”Unless you’re not truly interested? I know you’re not impressed with my maternal skills and habits.”

I wasn’t sure what to think of that, but... Patron. Goddess. I put my arms around her. ”Hey. You do the best you can. You’re... not naturally touchy feely. Maybe you didn’t need that as a kid. Maybe you did, but you never got it, so you didn’t know to give it to your kids. Half of whom have turned out really fuckin’ good. All of whom were pretty fuckin’ pretty, which is apparently something you did have the skills and knowhow to ensure. You gave them what you knew how to give them. Looks, brains, food, shelter. Honestly?” I pulled her back just far enough that if she’d leaned in just a bit our lips would meet. ”You may not have known, or had the knack for giving them physical affection, but I’ve seen you with Ria and the other girls, here at the Homestead. You’re trying. You know what else?”

I waited until she said, ”no. I do not. What else?”

”You’re doin’ a pretty good job at that, now that you know the kids need it, and someone’s maybe shown you how a little.”

She just smiled that very serious Tallulah smile. ”Yes, our child will be as charismatic as I am not.” Then she kissed me. Tallulah’s at least as Shapeshifty as Saffron and I, and I am definitely as Bi as a guy as I am as a girl. Slept well.

Dreamt of my ladies pampering Siobhan as she floated on a big old Marie raft in the Maw. All except Tallulah, who the others kept sliding onto one of my tentacles like a kebab every time she showed up. Weird as fuck. Also tasty as fuck, even if marshmallows aren’t my favorite. Sticky tentacles. Sticky, sticky, sticky.

Today went a lot like yesterday. One of me playing with the kids at the Homestead, feeding Baby, grooming the Nightmares, and then doing both to Mister Slither. A dozen of me doing dirty work at the Academy. One of me bodyguarding Saffron as she worked on the next revision to the treaty. One of me nominally in charge of the Infirmary in Siobhan’s absence, who had to send a Cadet to the Men’s Infirmary for Doctor DeLeon to do some fancy Healing Shapes that neither I nor the apprentices knew. One of me playing seat cushion, enjoying holding my Kitten still at lunch again, loading her with calories, removing all her accumulated stress, and then setting her back to beating the laws of physics into submission with her beautiful brain. One of me running off into the woods on the Homestead, checking the local wildlife to see how much damage the Dire Bears had done.

One of me sitting by Siobhan where she lay on that surprisingly comfy cot in the bedroom closet bathroom, making sure she had fresh water to drink, little jerky nuggets to suck on, and an endless supply of hugs, hand holding, and hair holding.

Do not like that she needed that last one more than the others.