Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.”

- George S. Patton

SURPRISE, LICHES!

So yesterday once everything wound down I pulled Saffron, Marie, and Sister Siobhan back to the Love Shack. Sister Siobhan looked around at the three of us, Marie and Saffron sitting on the divan, me on end of the bed, and squeaked out, ”so soon?”

I rolled my eyes. ”Does this look like a Date to you?”

The tiniest of grins curved her lips. ”It could be.”

I stood up and took a step to where she stood in the middle of the room. I hadn’t really thought about how I’d placed her in the middle like that. Or why. Although I’m not a complete idiot, and realized pretty fuckin’ immediately that she was, in fact, taking up a lot of our attention right at the moment. I wrapped one hand around the back of her neck, head bunted her, and said, ”yeah. Yeah, it could, and maybe someday we’ll invite you to a party purely as a favor. Fuck, no maybe about it, if you’re down for it I’ve even got just the perfect occasion. But that’s for fun and games. The first time, our first date, is gonna be as special as I can make it.” I paused, gave her a quick peck on the forehead, and said, ”y’know, after I fucked up by spoiling the whole dancing Kraken thing.”

She slipped her arms around me and lay her head on my chest. ”You did not spoil that, Hero. In truth I think some part of me considers that a date, even if you say it wasn’t.”

Too quietly for her to notice, Marie and Saffron got up and crept over to us. First Saffron, then Marie put their arms around us, until we surrounded Sister Siobhan in a gentle, supportive, inescapable embrace. ”Yeah, well. With all the fuckin’ Undead I didn’t have as much attention to spare to get your ever more imminent deflowering as perfect as I wanted.”

”Ever more imminent?” She tilted her head back to look up at me.

I smirked and nodded. ”Kinda why I brought you three here today. I need to be at my absolute best today.”

Saffron’s expression melded the absolute most hilarious parts of a gleeful grin and a frustrated frown. ”That would have been nice to know. Preparation and all.”

I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead as well. ”Sorry, Kitten. What’s the over-under on you preparing enough that the Master Lich noticed?”

She sighed, nodded, and said, ”point taken.” Then she turned to Marie and nodded again. ”If you would be so kind, darling Marie?”

With that Marie disentangled herself and me from the embrace, picking me up and setting me on the bed, rearranging my legs until I sat tailor fashion. While she did that, Saffron led Sister Siobhan up the steps onto the bed, settling her on her knees in one corner next to the headboard, then moving to the other corner and settling herself down. Marie knelt in front of the bed, although her eyes wound up almost level with mine. My Murder Mittens, she tall. ”Anything special I ought to be doing, ladies?”

From behind me and to the side, Saffron said, ”close your eyes and just... feel, love. Lights, zero.” The familiar tingle of Worship came in from each of them. It swirled around me, each of them amplifying the others. Then it hit some kind of critical mass and the whole thing ramped up. When I pulled Mana from Mimic, it always felt a little like burning myself for power. This... this felt like someone loading fuel into me. Liquid, solid, gas, even fire itself flowing into me in an orderly maelstrom focused on me. When I closed my eyes, darkness had enveloped me, but light gradually filled my vision.

At some point I slipped into a waking dream of Mimic. Her High Priestesses, all decked out in Glowing Midnight with Chef Hats and Jackets, walked widdershins around Mimic’s Maw, stirring it like a giant cauldron, while an endless stream of super-chibi sous chef beans spiraled in from every direction, pulling ghostly copies of my High Priestesses from within their skirts before leaping into the cauldron clutching them. It was... look, I don’t want to say ’orgasmic’, because it was absolutely not sexual, but... Holy fuckballs it was absolutely orgasmic. I now understood what people meant when they called a meal ’better than sex’.

Understood, not agreed.

As I felt the sun approaching the horizon, I stood, stretching each limb and my back as I lifted myself off the end of the bed. I opened my eyes to find each of my lovely ladies almost within touching distance. Okay, Marie was definitely within touching distance now that I’d stepped forward. Almost in kissing distance, really. So close that the glittering, gleaming light in the room showed how hard she had to strain to keep herself upright. I stepped into her, bending her neck forward and to the side even as she tried to remain upright. Gathering the skin and fur at the back of her neck, I Shaped a Stabilize, then took her scruff into my mouth and bit down. She tensed. I bit harder. Harder still, and she just collapsed, dangling from my jaws like an exhausted kitten. As slowly as I’d ever done lighting a fire with a Fire Bolt, I released the Stabilize into her, feeding it to her until the tips of her fur sparked and the ends of her hair flared outward from static. I let go of her scruff, then had to catch her by the shoulders when she lunged at me.

”Not yet, Mittens. You’re my GOTH plan today. Along with shuttling people around when I need you to.” She pouted, and I consoled her with, ”oh, don’t be that way. After Sister Siobhan’s done with her, you get to give Karen her Trial.” That got a tiny bit of an upward lip quirk into the pout, so I stage whispered, ”not to mention having your way with Sister Siobhan once we’re done with her.”

Marie swiveled her head to stare right at Sister Siobhan, winked, and growled out, ”Soon.” Somehow Sister Siobhan’s nervous giggle made me think they were not talking about the same assignation I was talking about.

I reached out behind me, snagged Saffron under her arms, and pulled her over to me as I turned. She smirked up at me. ”So proficient with your tentacles now, love.”

”Thanks, Kitten. Some things I just prefer to do manually, though.” I gathered her into my arms, one slipping around her ass and the other hand sliding up behind her neck, tentacles twisting around behind her to support her sweaty, exhausted frame. I probably should have been as slow and careful at that point as I had been with Marie, but... Saffron. Always Saffron. I lunged, taking her mouth with my own, pouring Mana into her so fast that it spilled out of her lips no matter how fast she gulped it down. Her arms wrapped around me like a vine, and when she yanked at me I held strong, holding her down and pulling away, laughing with absolutely horny joy as I saw sparkling strands of Mana literally dripping from the corners of her mouth. ”Drooling’s only okay if you’re stupid or really, really hot, and you my love are not stupid in the slightest, and if we didn’t have shit to do I would so be doing you instead.” When she raised one hand to her mouth, I caught it by the wrist. ”Please. For me. Fix everything else if you want, but leave that as it is?”

She smiled up at me, the expression almost manic, and said, ”no hands, but I am doing this.” Then she slowly and deliberately ran her tongue over her lips, her eyes slipping closed as she swallowed.

”Uh... yeah. You... yeah. That’s good... great. Holy fucking shitballs we have shit to do today, Kitten.”

”I’m aware, and you’ll forgive me my little passive attempts to nudge myself onto that list?”

I shook my head, a convulsive twitch. ”Yeah, no, you are gonna pay in full for each and every one of those when I get around to it.”

”That makes it even better!”

Being so full of Mana that I lit the entire room up was like being full of life, of energy. Every emotion, every sensation, was that much more intense. Her little singsong left me panting, with a grin etched onto my face as I set her on her feet, where she immediately began setting herself to rights.

I turned to Sister Siobhan, only to find her kneeling right on the edge of the bed, eyes closed, head tilted back, mouth slightly open. Strands of her hair that had escaped her habit lay lank around her shoulders, sweat dripping into her cleavage, molding her thin robes to her breasts. Her hands were molding the rest of it to her as I watched. I caught her forearms, and she leaned toward me. Pulling both of her wrists together in my right hand, I held her face inches from mine before slowly, slowly pushing her back. ”Not yet, Sister. But your enthusiasm is noted, appreciated,” I reached up with my other hand and booped her nose with my left thumb, pouring Mana into her. Slower than I had into my Kitten. I didn’t want to corrupt her. Yet. ”And will be rewarded in due time.”

Her eyes slid open and she stared up at me. ”Soon?”

I tilted my head from side to side. ”I have a City to free. You have a Novice to train. When both of those are done, properly?” She practically bounced with anticipation and energy as the free stands of her hair flowed down, a cascade of snowy icicles. Okay, I assumed icicles, because something was definitely making her nips hard enough to cut plate steel. I growled out, ”You’re next.” I swear she looked so much like an eager puppy being told it gets walkies and treats both that it was all I could do not to give in right there.

But, as I’ve said before, even some times when, like now, I really wanted to kick my own ass for saying it, I am a Mature Woman who Does What She Has To Do. I stepped back, lifting one of her hands to brace her so she could step off the bed onto the floor. She did so as gracefully and smoothly as ever. Fuck it, even I have my limits. I turned to my partners and said, ”when the time comes, she’s not fully done until she can’t walk like that. Or, y’know, at all.”

Sister Siobhan’s mouth dropped open, but before she could protest the other two chorused, ”Agreed.”

”Well then. Ladies, you all know what you have to do?” They nodded. ”Ready?” They nodded again. ”Any last minute questions?”

Sister Siobhan frowned, a tiny little moue, and said, ”could one of you assist me in the classroom? I’m not sure I can handle that many Translocations at once.”

I smiled at her and waved Saffron down. ”I’ve got that one, Kitten. I want to make sure you three stay fully topped as long as possible.”

”Don’t you mean ’topped off’?” drawled Saffron.

”Oh. Yeah, right.” I turned to smile at her. ”That’s later.” We all giggled a little, recognizing that each and every one of us would rather be Reveling with the others, but knowing we had chores to complete first, while also being filled with almost as much anticipation as Mana. ”Okay then. Let’s do this.”

I stepped with Sister Siobhan to the Advanced Mana Shaping classroom. Doc Roberts’ eyes went wide when they saw us appear; trust good old Doc to recognize exactly how much Mana we were carrying. I let Sister Siobhan take the lead, in part because I wanted her to get used to maybe being a little more in charge, because I didn’t want everyone in the Alliance counting on me to do every blessed thing that needed to be done, in part because I wanted to hear her sweet, kind voice going all girl boss. ”Doctor Roberts, I regret to inform you that you and all Cadets in your class are requested and required to report for duty aboard the Black Dragon, there to remain until the Liberation of Calverton from the Undead Horde is complete.”

They looked to me, and I nodded once to agree with her, then nodded again at her as if to point out that she, not I, would be in charge of them for the time being.

I Co-Located to the Academy Suite, grabbed Vulcan’s case, slapping it shut as I did, then knocked on the door in the back of the armoire. It slid open wide enough for Conrad to smile through. ”Mother! How lovely to see... oh, is it time?”

”Yep. Is it ready?” He nodded, then handed me a bow. A beautiful thing made of metal and wood and horn all laminated and interwoven. Already strung and waiting by the door, with a quiver next to it. My boy wasn’t surprised in the slightest, but he put on a really good show. ”How’s Karen coming along?”

”Oh, was she supposed to be doing that?”

I laughed. ”Son, we both know the only reason you pay any attention at all to that is for aesthetic reasons.”

He laughed, the sound almost not creepy, almost humorous. ”Oh, I also try to keep abreast of my mothers’ hobbies, that my gifts might be better appreciated.”

I remembered something mostly irrelevant, but figured his part in the day was pretty much done at this point. ”Oh, hey, about that, we... I... kinda swallowed one of the fascina.”

He splayed one hand across his chest, eyes wide. ”Mother! You enjoyed it so much you ate it? I’m flattered!”

”Yeah, yeah, you and Maurice Sendak. Could you maybe make us a replacement?”

”Of course Mother. Oh, and... good hunting.”

”Thanks, son.”

I stepped to our suite back at Lancaster House, where Anna, Devorah, and Chloe were just finishing up with a reasonable approximation of our morning bath routine. ”Everybody dressed?” All eyes turned to me, and the three ladies in charge turned to the Maenads, who had maybe half a dozen yards of fabric between the lot of them, mostly halters. ”Okay, everybody join hands.” Menace leapt into action, grabbing two of the refugee girls by the hand and dragging them over to their moms. Maze and the rest of the kids did the same, and the Maenads followed suit. In less than a minute everybody stood in a loose circle. I took their hands, Co-Located a few of me around the circle, and stepped us all to the Dining Hall, where the Lancasters and other ROTCs had just stood up from breakfast. ”Hey, guys. Sorry to bother you, and I’ll be sending backup shortly, but I need you to keep the little ones safe today.” I looked at Menace, then shot a pointed look at Bonnie’s belly. ”All the little ones.”

Isnomi piped up, ”Ah gad dis, Mama. Go weck thuff.”

I smiled at her and stepped away to D’s Diner. ”D! Get your Avatars here, pronto.”

”How many?”

I looked around the room; the Maenads who’d moved to the old Aetos place stood, sat, crouched, and lay around the room nursing, watching, and playing with a fuckin’ day care center worth of kids. ”All of them. Ladies, I would feel a lot better if you and D’s Avatars could take these kids to the Academy for the day.” When a couple of them bristled, I said, ”my own kids are there, along with their friends. Specifically because that’s not where they’ve been for the past couple weeks. And it’s a fuckin’ fortress guarded by every Hero-in-training in the Alliance.”

They looked at each other, then at me, and nodded as heavy boots hit the ground outside the door. D moved to gather kids up, but I lay a hand on his arm. He flinched just a little, but only said, ”what shall I be doing then?”

”Loading,” I said as I handed Vulcan’s case to him.

Back at the Academy, Doc Roberts looked around the Advanced Mana Shaping classroom. ”Everyone is here except Cadet Smith.”

I tried not to look too guilty as I said, ”I’ve got her doing something else today.”

I turned to Sister Siobhan, and she looked around the room. ”Everyone join hands, please.” I stepped around the room, three of me backing her up, and nodded to her. She stepped forward, and a moment later we all stood on the rear deck of the Black Dragon. Saffron stood there waiting for us, Grinning at me with lines of Mana still bracketing her chin. ”Oh, Archmage. Will you be leading us then?”

Saffron shook her head, then stepped up to Sister Siobhan as I collapsed into myself, stepping away as I did. ”I have another task I must focus on, Sister. I am simply here to provide additional Mana as needed. Although I can help you and Doctor Roberts set up the initial Shape if you need it. Lead the way.” She nodded toward the nearest entrance to the lower decks.

”I... ah... don’t know exactly where?”

Saffron looked at me, rolled her eyes, and laughed. ”Well then. I suppose it’s good I’m here then.” She took Sister Siobhan by the hand and led her off, the rest of the class trailing behind.

Doc Roberts hung back, and I stepped close to him. ”Everything okay, Doc?”

They smiled at me, obviously shaky. ”I’m... I’m not a brave person, Tabitha. I want to do my part, want to help, but...”

I took them by the shoulders. ”You’re braver than you know, Doc. Your hands might shake, you might tell everybody who can hear it how you’ve got no courage, but...” I waited until curiosity sparked behind their eyes to say, ”but I remember who stood up to defend me in court that day, Doc. Stood up to the Mountain that Walks Like a Hero for me.” I shot them a lopsided grin. ”All that said? You’re gonna be in one of the two safest places in the Alliance today. I need you managing a Mana Network, keeping it feeding a very steady flow of Mana into a Shape. It is absolutely critical to the Liberation of Calverton, and you can do it behind an armored hull that makes the Academy walls look like eggshells.”

I waited, and their face firmed up. ”I can do that.”

I smiled at them. ”I knew you could.” Then I spun them around and gave them a gentle push between the shoulders. ”Hurry up, your class is getting away from you.”

As they ran off to catch up with the class, I stepped to the external hatch of a bridge midway up the superstructure. Stepping in, I nodded to Orla. ”Your guys ready?”

She nodded, her hands idly toying with the binoculars dangling from her neck. Then she shook her head, her hair sweeping her shoulders where it stuck out from her close fitting helmet. ”Why are you trusting us with this?”

”Should I not be?”

She just stood there staring at me for a long moment. ”My Lord Ares instructs that enemies are to be slain or enslaved.”

”Yeah. He’s that kind of asshole.” She flinched, frowning. ”Hey, look, I’m not gonna lie and say I like him. But so far I’ve met two of his High Priests, and both of them were untrustworthy shits. If that’s his idea of who he has representing him?” I waited until I had her attention. ”He doesn’t deserve you.” Then, quieter, I asked, ”has he taken you back yet?” She shook her head. ”If you really want him to? I’ll talk to him.”

”Talk?”

”I’ll talk him right into the ground if that’s what it takes.”

She blinked at that. ”You’re arrogant.”

I snorted. ”He’s sent eight High Priests at me. I watched my sworn man execute one in a duel, my Concubine tore half a dozen apart with her bare claws, and I left the last one alive because I wanted him to suffer. After making sure he wasn’t capable of anything complicated or dangerous like ’feeding himself’ or ’wiping his own ass’. Because I didn’t need to kill him to neutralize him. Like I said, you deserve better.”

A lopsided smile curved her lips. ”And who do you think would be a better fit for a former lay Priestess of Ares?”

I shrugged, smiling. ”Loki’s smart, and everyone in his Pantheon has some War in them. Odin’s a dick, but he’s better than Ares. Dionysus isn’t really militant, but he’s fun at parties.” I waited a second. ”Don’t think Tyr or Thor are taking applicants, but there are a whole bunch of Clergy looking for new Priestesses throughout the Alliance. Fuck, I think even Domnu might have herself a High Priest by this point?” She shuddered, and I said, ”getting your Divine Sponsorship deal back can wait for after Calverton is free though, right?”

Her face firming up, she nodded. ”As you say, Champion. My Soldiers and I are ready when you are.”

”You’ve got that little bit of Divination Skilled up and ready to use?”

She smiled back at me. ”I knew that one before we’d even heard of the Plague, Champion. Your issues with him aside, Ares does recognize the utility of siege weapons.”

”I’m aware,” I growled. She opened her mouth, maybe to apologize, but I held up a hand. ”Not your fault. Stand ready, Hero.”

She nodded, and I stepped out the hatch, stepped to the top of the mast. Marie and Saffron stood there waiting. ”You ready, Kitten?”

”At your command, love.”

I hunched my shoulders the tiniest bit. ”I’m not sure I want to use you like this.”

She smiled up at me, laying a palm on my cheek. ”This was your plan, was it not?”

”Yeah, but... I could do it.”

”You could not, love. Any who see you see you as a threat.”

I sighed. ”Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I still don’t like it.”

She smirked at me, plans far more complicated than mine spinning into being behind her eyes. ”So... a compact then. You use me like this, and I use you later.”

I snorted. ”Like I wouldn’t let you do that anyway.”

She tapped her teeth with one fingernail. ”Oh, when I call in this marker I will need every advantage I can lay hands on, I think. Still, I am ready.”

I nodded, then Co-Located one of me to Swanson’s headquarters. ”ALERT! WARNING! IMMINENT ATTACK! WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Everybody stared at me for half a second, then people sprang into action.

Hargreaves leapt to the table and barked out, ”where are the Undead attacking from?”

”They’re gonna be coming at both bridges. Do not advance further than the midpoint of the bridges.”

”But our plan to...”

”Did I stutter?” I barked out. ”Midpoint. No further.”

”As you say it, so shall it be done, Majesty.” Swanson glared Hargreaves into silence until the latter started barking orders to the semaphore runners. ”When will the Undead be attacking?”

”As soon as the Imperator and I goad them into it. Oh, get a unit of Heroes on the north and south walls, ready to advance at a dead run.”

I think he said, ”Advance?” but I’d already stepped away to M-Space. My tentacles, the big ones, writhed as I used them to start Shaping.

The me atop the mast watched as Saffron stepped first to M-Space, where she slid one hand up one of Mimic’s monstrous tentacles, growing as she did. Then she stepped back into the River between the districts, as Kaiju large as she had been at the Battle of the Walls.

”ATTENTION, UNDEAD OF CALVERTON!” The water of the Bay itself vibrated to her shout. We might need to do some Healing later, but fuck it, shit gonna get loud today. ”I am Saffron Aetos-Diaz, Imperator of the Inter-City Alliance. This is your final offer of redemption, and your final warning! Any who overcome their craving for the Mana of the living and prostrate themselves before me will be restored to life! Any who do not will be destroyed!” She stepped forward, shrinking and splitting herself in three as she did so. One of her stepped onto each of the bridges, with the central one stepping right to the shore, Jotnar large, but still made small by distance and the scale of the City. All three of her Shaped, continuing to pour Mana into it as it took form. The Shapes sang out, a song of life and Mana I could feel from M-Space. Every Undead I could see leaned toward her. Zombies crawled out into the flattened no man’s land, stumbling her way.

”DO NOT BE SWAYED BY THE HARLOT’S LIES!” A rasping voice screamed out from the Undead held section of Calverton. ”Hold your minions! Do not allow the aggressors from Phileo to defile our fair City one step further! We will have our vengeance!” I scanned the rooftops from the Black Dragon. None of the Liches stood out, and each of them shot tendrils of hyper violet Miasma into the Undead surrounding them, all of whom stopped in their tracks. Some Liches connected to others. A few, ones with darker clouds of Miasma around them, all had thick cables of Miasma trailing from them, linking them back to a central building.

One of me leaned into the Black Dragon’s Fire Control Bridge, before I could say anything, Orla spoke, calmly. ”I see it.”

I collapsed that me back to the top of the mast, then grabbed Mittens and Co-Located one of us each to the north and south walls. Some Undead manned them, but in the narrow confines of the wall’s top, they couldn’t really swarm. The two of us leapt forward, sword-staves spinning. I heard battle cries dopplering away behind us, trying and failing to keep up.

Back in the now almost empty Diner, I slipped one hand into D’s big paw, threaded another through Artemis’ fingers, and stepped them both to the top of the Black Dragon’s mast. I opened Vulcan’s case, pulled him out, and strung him, whispering, ”no property damage, you ammosexual nerd. Undead only, got it?” I swear to fuck his cable thrummed with laughter. I made sure D watched as I pumped Vulcan’s lever until he was cocked, then laid a bolt in. Handing Vulcan over to him, I said, ”he’s for when she,” I nodded to Artemis, ”needs to take out a hardened target, like one of their Death Knights.”

”What do you wish of me, Mistress?” I handed her the bow Conrad gave me earlier. When her hands touched the grip, all that remained of my cane, she gasped. ”Is this?”

”Yeah. This is your new bow.” She inhaled, but nodded. I reached up and slipped her blindfold down until it lay around her neck like a bandanna. ”Do you see those Undead on the rooftops?” While she lifted one hand to shade her brow, I slipped the quiver onto her belt and shoved the first bundle of arrows into it. With a nod, I pointed out the rest to D.

”I do, mistress.”

”They offend me. Remove them.”

The bow that was Apollo sang. Greased bearings groaned into unaccustomed motion, went silent, thunder rolled across the bay, and fire lanced out.

Going silent till sunset. Good luck, and rack ’em up.

From M-Space, I finished the other Shape Saffron had worked out for this. Well, Mimic’s tentacles, with every bit of Mana she had available to pump into it, did. One great tentacle slammed down in the middle of M-Space Calverton, releasing the Shape.

From the mast of the Black Dragon, I watched through my binocs as every one of those fuckin’ tendrils winked out. A moment later the blast wave of the Shape hit every me in the City, which was every me except the one in M-Space, and all of me staggered. My brain scrambled worse than usual as I was simultaneously every me in the City. Saffron, with way more brain cells to share across the four of her, managed to plant her feet and stay upright. The mes on the walls charged forward with Marie by my side, pureeing every Undead that stood against us. A Lich fell, an arrow piercing each eye socket and extinguishing its hyper violet Miasma glow. Then another, and two more. The bow that was Apollo screamed, and they fell like rain in the spring, each and every one silenced by a pair of Cold Iron arrowheads through its brain.

A single shell, made almost invisible by distance, slashed into the building where the big tendrils had come from. Half a second later, the building flew apart in a gout of flame and smoke. I ran my hand along the mast. ”Good Girl.”

Then thirty thousand Zombies crawled out into no-man’s-land, headed for my wife.

”Here they come!” I called out, loud enough for Orla to hear me on the bridge.

”Switching to high capacity. Firing for effect.”

At that point I noticed the troops on the bridges pushing forward. I leapt in front of them, interference tearing me apart inside as I did, as I Co-Located one of me to each bridge, my swordstaves spinning, forcing them backward as I danced back and forth. ”BACK UP, YOU DUMB SHITS! DANGER FUCKING CLOSE!”

On one bridge, the officer nearest the front said, ”but the Imperator!”

”Can keep herself safe, but not if she has to protect you!”

On the other bridge, the idiot in charge asked, ”danger close?”

Right then nine sixteen inch high capacity shells wrapped in Cold Iron fragmentation casings raced in at Mach Fuck You, three spread across each of the approaches to each of my Kittens playing bait. Shrapnel flew, and I winced when a bit of it caught me in the shoulder from hundreds of feet away. Mana based defenses didn’t do a whole fuckin’ lot against Cold Iron. ”Yes, danger fucking close.” I reached around, yanked the hunk of metal out of my shoulder, and flung it in his stupid face. ”Now back the fuck up!”

A moment later thunder rolled in off the bay, the echo of all nine of the Black Dragon’s guns roaring out their argument against the Undead domination of Calverton.

Stupid macho fuckers. Almost as stupid as the Undead. Still, I now had two front row seats to the Undead getting themselves torn apart as they ran directly into some of the most powerful artillery pieces of the world of my birth. I couldn’t help but smile when the first Death Knight leapt to the ground, headed for the bridges. A moment after it did, a blue glow slammed into and through its breastplate. It froze, and a moment later the entire surface of its armor exploded outward, scything down the Undead around it.

I still winced every few minutes, when one of the Black Dragon’s salvos landed. Saffron had Menace’s tiara and sash, and one of her was still ensconced within the armored belly of the Black Dragon, pouring Mana to the Shape feeding bottled lightning into her electric system. That made absolutely no fucking difference every time I saw her wince, stagger, or brush away some bit of burning shrapnel. Other than that she stood there, hands folded behind her, regally ignoring the oncoming horde as it tried and failed to advance through the incoming fire.

Thirty five thousand Undead is a lot. Even with them swarming, uncontrolled, toward the lures Saffron maintained, they kept coming at us all day. Within an hour of the first artillery strike, somebody in the Army got smart, and the first Crossbow volleys arced out over the horde, thinning it still further when they hit. Our siege weapon equipped sailboats opened fire maybe an hour before lunch. Some time before lunch the first Zombie got almost to Saffron, only for the Kraken lurking behind her to sweep them all back, away, and under the water. None of the ones who submerged came back up.

As the sun neared the horizon, and the interference I’d thrown up settled down to where I could hear myself think, I’d almost decided to call for a general advance when the me atop the mast saw a tight grouping of Undead surrounding a single Lich who towered over them. Thick hyper violet ropes of Miasma bound them all to it, and it strode forward as if it feared nothing. ”Artemis? Can you take that thing out?”

A few sparks flew out from it. ”I am sorry, Mistress. I... I have no more arrows tipped with Cold Iron. Forgive me, please.”

”Not your fault. Arti. You’ve done work today. Still, we gotta stomp that cockroach now that it’s come out of hiding. Follow me.”

Ignoring the tearing pain from the remaining interference, I collapsed all of me down to one who landed in front of the dozens of Zombies leashed to the Master Lich. ”Time to put you down, Wish Dot Com Warlock!” I spun my sword staff, but froze when I got a good look at the Zombies around it. It wasn’t any kind of giant. They were all kids.

Then the fucking waste of Mana and Miasma both sent my brain into a sliding stop and almost off the rails. ”I SURRENDER!” Its creaking voice echoed across the no man’s land. ”I SURRENDER, RESTORE ME AS YOU SAID YOU WOULD!” The kids tethered to it lay down face first on the ground, and then the Master itself did the same. Seething, I stalked forward, alone, through the moaning Undead kids lying on the ground around me. I got to it, and it wheezed out, ”so, ’Hero’, will you keep your word and restore me to life? Or will you show everyone exactly what a traitorous, unworthy whore you are?”

I didn’t trust myself. I flung my sword staff at the nearest vertical structure, where it sank half the length of its blade into stone. ”Hold. Fucking. Still.” I leaned over the Master Lich and, not bothering to be gentle, ripped its fucking Soul out of its fucking body. My hands burned at the touch of it, draining me even as I poured Mana into a Smite big enough to burn her Soul back to Mortality. I smiled openly as her Soul screamed in agony, inverting as the Smite burned through her. The sun rested on the horizon when she finally went silent. Gathering all the Mana I had left, I shoved her Soul back into her body. ”Revive.”

She stood, stretching and smiling a shit eating grin at me. ”So. You’re as stupid as I had hoped. I’ll take my leave now, ’Hero’.”

I slid a razor thin Mana Blade out of my wrist, hoping she wasn’t any smarter or braver than Humperdink. ”No. Now you follow me back and stand trial for willingly leading an army of fucking Undead. Asshole.”

She frowned, then smiled. ”I think not. I’ve improved on, altered a Spell of yours, too, you see.” I staggered backward into an exhausted crouch as Mana poured from her hands, twisting into a Shape. A Shape almost identical to one I’d gotten so good at casting I could recognize it despite its differences. A Shape that wasn’t aimed at me. ”Mass. Smite.”

Exhaustion ripping from me, I tried to step to her, tried to leap around her, tried to do anything, but I had nothing left. I staggered, went to a knee, trying to shelter even just one of the kids surrounding her.

Then a fucking house-sized brown boulder of muscle and claws crashed through her Smite, absorbing and shattering it. Then through her, doing much the same.

I pushed myself to my feet, staggered through the gathering gloom to where the dump truck sized She-Bear continued stomping the Master Lich’s remains to paste. I glanced into M-Space, spotted her Soul still standing shocked where she had been before her sudden demise. When I got within reach, I grabbed her Soul by the hair, pulled her ear next to my mouth, and whispered. ”Death by Drop Bear. Bitch.”