Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Still, it’s nice knowing I’ve got family who’s got my back, y’know?

So the Yule party was pretty good. It got a little wild when it came time for gift-giving. I mean, Saffron and I hadn’t really had time to get anything for anybody, Loki and Sigyn can’t really go anywhere, and Isnomi, Marie, and Grandma don’t really have any cash on hand to speak of. Which just left ’Conrad’. It’s gonna be a while until I’m used to that one. Apparently Saffron gave him that name, which came out after Sigyn and Loki opened up his gift to them. I suppose wine and bourbon are both pretty solid Yuletide presents for, y’know, Gods. If they want something, they can just will it into being. Apparently, especially for food and drink, that can wind up getting a little boring, as whatever you make winds up being exactly what you expect it to be. So it’s not like, bad or anything. Just boring.

Which oak-aged bourbon and wine definitely aren’t. I’d always heard that really good, aged whiskey and wine tasted better. Never got to try any, because the places where I could score liquor? Not big on selling top shelf shit.

Apparently ’barrel proof’ is important, too. Everybody got a glass of wine with dinner. It kinda weirded me out that, when he pulled out wine glasses in appropriate sizes for everyone, Conrad had included an itty bitty Isnomi sized one.

You sure that’s good for her?

It’s Yule, and it’s a tiny glass. Besides, with four other Deities and two High Priestesses in the room, I think we can fix anything that goes wrong.

I sighed. Fair point.

The wine didn’t taste like grape juice, the way I kinda expected it to. It didn’t not taste like grape juice, either. Thing is, apparently if you age alcohol long enough, it loses the bitter aftertaste I associated with booze.

What, you think I knew where to get cheap booze back in Camden and didn’t avail myself? You must have had a boring childhood.

So the wine was a nice addition to dinner. I didn’t really feel the need to pack it in, so I had more or less normal servings of everything. At the same time, Marie had brought enough pie for each of us to have two to ourselves, so I definitely tried at least one slice of each. I would have had more chocolate cake, but after getting one bite, Saffron baited the rest of mine away with smoky eyes and suggestive looks.

When like half the table had raised the white flag on dessert, Conrad produced appropriate sized tumblers for everyone. Before he broached the Bourbon cask, I grabbed up the littlest tumbler and turned to Saffron. ”I think you’re supposed to have whiskey over ice, right?”

I turned to Loki when he chuckled. I met his eyes, and he snapped his fingers. A perfect sphere of ice filled most of the little tumbler, as well as the tumbler in front of me. When I raised an eyebrow, he winked at me and said, ”I am the son of Ymir, after all.”

So Isnomi got a tumbler too, with about a bottle cap’s worth of whiskey surrounding that sphere of ice.

”My mom never let me have whiskey,” I grumped.

”Not even when you were teething?” asked Saffron.

Grandma chimed in, ”not putting whiskey on a poor tot’s gums when they’re teething.” She shook her head. ”Child abuse, that is.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, especially when Saffron, Sigyn, and Marie all nodded sagely. I thought about why Marie was nodding along, then took a long pull of my own whiskey.

”Holy crap that’s some good shit right there,” blurted out of my mouth before I could think. ”Smooth as a baby’s ass.”

Conrad just smiled and nodded. ”Thank you, Mother. I’ve aged it for decades, in hopes of just such an occasion.”

The rest of the night we spent talking about things our kids had done. Well, grandkids in the case of Grandma Aetos, prompting many a screech of ’MA!’ from Saffron. I snuggled her every time she did, whispering, ”you were so cute!” into her ear, then nibbling on it a little. Saffron and I told stories about Isnomi, which she loved; every time we talked about her doing something, she grinned and soaked up being the center of attention. Loki and Sigyn smiled through all of it, but their smiles held as much sorrow as joy. I gripped Loki’s hand at one point, and thought, I’m still working on it, Boss.

I have every faith in you, My Champion... Tabitha. It still hurts, though.

I know, Boss. I just don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten, or I didn’t mean it, or some shit like that.

By that time everyone except Isnomi had at least two glasses of Whiskey in them, and Conrad of all people told a story about kids he’d had. He looked nearly as maudlin as Loki and Sigyn at that point. I didn’t ask then, but decided to ask him about him at some point in the future. Then Marie stood up and, one word at a time, accompanied by some hilariously inappropriate mime, told a story about Dionysus when he wasn’t much bigger than Isnomi. That ended with her more or less lying down on the floor and falling asleep. Conrad stood at that point and said, ”the evening has been lovely, but I’ve some projects which need oversight, so I really should be going.”

He went around the table exchanging hugs, starting with Isnomi, who giggled and glomped him, then Saffron, then me, then Loki, Sigyn, and finally Grandma, who stood as well, asked Conrad if he could take her home, and made the rounds herself. I suppose it kind of made Conrad feel like less of a sociopath waiting to kill all of us and more an actual member of the family. Leave it to no-chill Grandma to handle the problem child.

Loki and I wound up the last two upright; Saffron didn’t quite faceplant into her final slice of pie, but mostly because I caught her and lowered her head gently to my lap. She snuggled into me and started snoring quietly. At that point Isnomi climbed onto the table and started in on the leftover bits of pie, starting with Saffron’s. After making one circuit of the table sniffing out leftovers and doing away with them, she hopped down, curled up on top of Marie, and went to sleep herself. Shortly after that, Sigyn stood up, swayed sideways a step, then plonked that amazing ass down on Loki’s lap. She leaned against him, murmured something into his chest while walking her fingers up his chest to his neck, then back down to his waist. Then she too started snoring.

I lifted the latest tumbler to my mouth and took a long swallow, because I shit you not, this was the smoothest liquor I’d ever tasted. I glanced at Sigyn, then looked up at Loki and said, ”no unrespect intention, but why...” I stopped, thought about that half sentence, shook my head to clear it, and then when the room stopped spinning said, ”how’d I Goddess outdrink? I mean, how’d I outdrink a Goddess?”

Loki chuckled. ”And here I thought you’d realized at least half of that already.” He nodded behind me, and I looked over my shoulder. My shadow covered a wedge of the room between me and the wall with fuzzy darkness. I turned back to him, thought about it for a bit. ”Body mass?”

He nodded sagely. ”Not to mention the resistance given ascending levels of Deities in the land of the Gods?”

I blinked at that. ”So why’d I get so fucked up drinking with Dionysus?”

He snorted. ”Did you miss the ’in the Land of the Gods” part of that?”

”Izzat the same thing as... uh... Metabolic... no. Metasticic... no. Uh, M-Space? Conrad says that.”

Loki shrugged. ”I suppose it might be. At some point you and I need to sit down and have a talk about the rights and responsibilities of Godhood, you realize.”

I thought about that for a length of time, then replied, ”Monday?”

He nodded far less sagely, now that he’d emptied another tumbler. ”Moonday indeed.”

”Think I ought to be heading home?”

He put one hand to his chest with a shocked expression, ”leaving all the cleanup to me?”

”And the rest of that barrel,” I said as I hefted Saffron into a princess carry.

”A fair point, my most Glorious Champion, my Priestess High above all others, and my daughter in spirit, a fair point indeed. Until Moonday.” He lifted his glass in a final toast.

I flopped down on my ass next to Marie, draped one arm over her to lay a hand on Isnomi, then rolled us over to home. I’d thought about things like getting undressed, or washing up, or anything else, but decided that was way too much work and just fell the fuck asleep.

Dreamed of vibing on the shore. Figured there was something about that I’d be able to make sense of if I weren’t asleep, or drunk, or both.

Woke up with my head not knowing if it wanted to split open or not. Did Loki’s ’instant clean’ trick on The Dress and Saffron’s Dress of Glowing Midnight, since both were a little rumpled and a lot sweaty, then did the same for Marie and Isnomi, because I didn’t want to know if the menace had messed her uniform, and if I was gonna do it for her not doing it for Marie seemed a little unfair.

I got to my feet, realized that I wasn’t hungover because I hadn’t completely sobered up yet, and carefully squatted down to shake Saffron’s shoulder gently.

”Mmrrgpphh... Sleepy.” Then her eyes popped open, and she shuddered. ”Cold!”

”Yeah. Sorry. I’ve got to get Doc to help me fix that at some point.”

”Doctor DeLeon or Doctor Roberts?”

”Yeah, one of them.”

She glared daggers up at me, then blinked and shook her head. ”Oh, that was a mistake.”

”I’m thinking we should both get down to breakfast.”

She grimaced. ”How can you think of food at a time like this?”

I shook my head. ”Ooh, I see what you mean about that being a bad idea.” When the room stopped spinning, I said, ”I was thinking about endless pitchers of water to head off the hangover.”

”Does that work?”

”Did when I managed to score some hooch back in Camden.”

She held up a hand, and I helped her up. She gestured to Isnomi and Marie. ”What about them?”

”They don’t have to play diplomat and thug at a treaty conference today.”

”Point. Lead on, I’m going to keep my eyes closed, because I’m already getting a bit of a headache.”

I scooped her up and said, ”I’ll do you one better if you get the door.”

She wobbled in my arms, and we stood outside the door. ”Done.”

At breakfast we got a few comments about our outfits. None from the ROTC table, who’d seen both before, but the tables were near empty. Even the ROTC table was missing everyone except Raven. ”Where is everybody?”

Saffron chugged another stein of water and said, ”Winter Solstice Break.”

Both of us went light on breakfast, but availed ourselves of as much water as the Maids would bring us. When Saffron said, ”no more, or I’ll have to piss all day.”

I nodded, stood up, and walked around the table to help her to her feet. ”You good to get us there?”

She took a step, and we stood in the command tent. The Marshall and the General stood beside the table, each finishing off a standard ration meal. Saffron smiled at them and said, ”good morning, gentlemen. Are we ready for another day of negotiations?”

They nodded, and the Marshall said, ”we’d better be. You two and I need to be back in Phileo by tomorrow afternoon.”

”Not that I mind putting a time limit on things, but why?” I asked.

”Moving up ceremony. Even if you two don’t technically need to be there, I really ought to,” the Marshall answered.

”So let’s keep that in mind then,” Saffron said, shuffling through the documents from the day before Yule, setting some aside, pulling others together, and beginning to write.

I waved the Marshall over and quietly asked him, ”do any of the other Cadets here in the field need to be back there tomorrow night?”

He shrugged and didn’t answer.

Shortly after that, Ophelia and her entourage arrived with George following along behind like the world’s most unassuming caboose.

Could you be a dear and bring the Drivers?

I nodded, stepped to Drivers’, and after an obligatory slice of cake which I wolfed down in record time, I took both of their hands and stepped back to the negotiating table. Technically Mrs. Driver was the official ’representative’ from Camden Yards, but Mr. Driver had come along to provide moral support to her, and low key do the same for George. I don’t care how much subservience you’ve had beaten into you over the years, you feel a little more confident when you have three hundred odd cubic feet of muscle backing you up.

Thus began the most difficult trial of my existence; watching half a dozen people hammer out stupid minutiae regarding the formation of the inter-city Council. I mean, objectively I knew this kind of shit was important, but subjectively it felt like an eternity of boring bickering. Every now and then Saffron prompted me mentally to look irritated, which I didn’t have to fake. Mostly, though, I stood there and tried not to fall asleep.

By the end of the day, everybody in the tent looked... well, they looked like they’d been in a tent arguing over bullshit all day long. Saffron looked around the table, said, ”So, I think we’ve covered all the major points we need to for now. Shall we meet tomorrow morning to sign the final document?”

Everybody except Ophelia nodded agreement. I looked at her and frowned without any prompting. I might have even growled a little bit. She blanched and said, ”excellent idea. Let’s wrap this up tomorrow morning when we’re all fresh.”

With that Ophelia and George left, both with an escort of Phileo Volunteers and Heroes. Saffron and I stepped over to the Drivers, and before we left Marshall duBois said, ”mind if I hitch a ride back with you two?”

So Saffron hopped the five of us back to Drivers’, then the Marshall and Saffron took my hands and I stepped back to the Practice Yard, where the Marshall stared up at the huge tree right in the middle of the Yard, shaking his head, then at the pile of ash and smoking logs about halfway between the tree and the wall of the Yard.

”At least they had the sense to have the bonfire downwind this time.”